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Dating a Married Man

FollowingHim said:
Paul is NOT GIVING PERMISSION. He doesn't need to. All widows are already permitted to marry, have always been, this is never forbidden anywhere in scripture.

As Steve said, there is no such consensus, I have never heard such an argument before. Who teaches this?
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I've heard it batted around in different circles. Generally, the public seems more open to older widows remarrying than does the church.
 
steve said:
Well, we derailed the dadgum daylights outta this thread. But we did stick close to the title. :D

Good discussion, y’all.
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Hmmm--Dating a Married Man---we've gone around the barn a few times but generally it keeps coming back to the same questions and issues, I think. Agreed-- the dialogue and interaction has been healthy and helpful in many ways.
 
rejoicinghandmaid said:
I've heard it batted around in different circles. Generally, the public seems more open to older widows remarrying than does the church.
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The church is obsessed with sex and drugs. They think they aren't - but that's because their obsession is that everything involving sex or drugs is considered dirty and to be held with suspicion. They'll automatically assume "no" to anything unless scripture very very clearly says "yes" and their parents and pastor and society all agree.

So I can see how some people in the church could find older widows remarrying "weird" for some reason, and then finding a scriptural-sounding argument to justify their personal bias. Possibly started because the idea of Grandma sleeping with anyone other than dear old Grandad who died 2 years ago is just so weird that scripture must ban it, surely...

The same sort of people teach that certain sex positions are evil, that masturbation is evil, that marijuana is evil, that alcohol is evil, that tobacco is evil... Some of this may be good advice, there may even be some scripture to justify bits of it - but the emotions attached to this stuff show they are an obsession.

So although I've never heard this argument before, I can see why someone might start thinking that. But it's not valid thinking. Just ignore them.
 
rejoicinghandmaid said:
Problem is--wise women soon learn to identify those "pick up lines" which usually makes them disgustingly quaint and trite. You're in for a ride fella if she decides to have some fun at your expense because you thought pick up lines were the best way to get a fish on the hook. :(
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I was mostly giving Andrew a hard time.

Pick up lines are fun with both parties have a sense of humor and everyone realizes that it is just play.

I actually have not given away the main secret. The main secret is to be the chasee not the chaser. ;)
 
rejoicinghandmaid said:
I've heard it batted around in different circles. Generally, the public seems more open to older widows remarrying than does the church.
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It may depend on what circle you are a part of. I have been around the church my whole life and have never heard of any problem with older widows remarrying. From my understanding windows (of all ages) are the very ones that should be remarrying because they do not have a living husband (1 Cor 7).
 
steve said:
That is the interesting part of polygyny, women can make choices.
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Not in any sense binding but interesting sociologically: The Mormons have a lot more experience with polygamy that modern evangelical Christians. If you have seen the National Geograpic special "Polygamy USA" it is the young ladies who pick thier own husbands (whether he is married or not). The ladies listen for the voice of God and when they hear a prompting they notify the elder who then makes the arrangement. The men simply prepare themselves and wait to be called.

If the ladies would like to be married, but do not have a specific vision they can go to the elders and seek their counsel about who they should marry. Bascially it is always Sadie Hawkins day there. Well worth watching.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrdvQdTzmcI1jqxPzC8iRmw
 
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rejoicinghandmaid said:
FollowingHim said:
I would go so far as to say that this is what a woman SHOULD do - find the man who'd make the best husband for you and approach him, regardless of how many wives he's already got.

The problem is that all women in our society have been taught that they are not allowed to approach a married man. The "good" women will generally follow this rule carefully. The women who are happy to ignore this rule are also generally those who ignore plenty of other social rules and are as a result not the sort of women you'd actually be interested in marrying. The difficulty is finding a good woman who knows that this one point of "morality" is wrong but all the other stuff is still actually correct...

So:
  • If she approaches you, there's a good chance she's unsuitable.
  • If she is suitable and you approach her, there's a good chance she'll never speak to you again and when the story spreads you'll be run out of church and every other social structure you're involved in
You've summarized a principled female believer's dilemma quite succintly! The system of navigation is still at ground zero leaving the whole process to be left in the hands of the Lord and the female waiting upon the Lord's timing and praying for wisdom and guidance while the male prays and waits upon the same Lord asking for wisdom and guidance and courage to step forward and initiate. Am I seeing this all wrong?!?
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That is precisely why I recommend using body language. You don't have to approach her directly. Let her read your body language. She will know that you like her, and she may avoid you, but she won't run off, because you haven't actually told her that you want to marry her. The desires women have for married men, cause them to ultimately rationalize what they believe to be wrong, or in practice what they know to be wrong, in that they eventually run the first wife off. All we are doing, is making it clear that we will never abandon any of our wives. "Well sir, how many wives do you have?" "Right now I only have one." "Oh! OhhhhKay." See there. No commitment asked, but at least she knows where you stand. "How many wives do you want to have?" "I guess that is up to God." Once again, not putting yourself out there, but if you have already sort of won her over, she then gets to work all of this out in her own mind. If women will go to great lengths to rationalize what they know to be wrong, how much more likely are they work things out in order to accept what they cannot definitively say is wrong?
 
cnystrom said:
I was mostly giving Andrew a hard time.

Pick up lines are fun with both parties have a sense of humor and everyone realizes that it is just play.

I actually have not given away the main secret. The main secret is to be the chasee not the chaser. ;)
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Okay, then I'll laugh with you and not at you. :) Obviously I didn't realize you had tongue in cheek. Hope no offense was taken.
 
Kevin said:
Sally from the Abilene Indoor Gun Range watches your videos. We talked for a couple of hours. She didn't beleive me at first when I said I knew you. After the Torah live broadcast where you mentioned me by name she called me and apologized for not beleiving me. She's been giving me her employee discount on amo every time since.
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Really!? I mean I want to believe you but I'm afraid you're kidding and I'll look foolish when I get all giddy. And how big of a discount? I buy ammo too you know...

Okay, I'll ask...is she hot? Is she single? Does she like AR-15s? Answer the last question first. It's the most important. And please tell me she's not a Glock girl! We can't be unequally yoked.
 
ZecAustin said:
Really!? I mean I want to believe you but I'm afraid you're kidding and I'll look foolish when I get all giddy. And how big of a discount? I buy ammo too you know...
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Yes and a 15% when I go in to use the range.

She's all about the AR platform. She is a Glock girl. She's cute and has a crazy exboyfriend who doesn't like her talking to me, or any man with a beard. From splotchy fuzz he has its a simple case of beard envy.
 
ZecAustin said:
Really!? I mean I want to believe you but I'm afraid you're kidding and I'll look foolish when I get all giddy. And how big of a discount? I buy ammo too you know...

Okay, I'll ask...is she hot? Is she single? Does she like AR-15s? Answer the last question first. It's the most important. And please tell me she's not a Glock girl! We can't be unequally yoked.
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Lol!!! Such a hoot! It's good for the soul to laugh, but really, Zec, I think you might be standing in line
 
cnystrom said:
That is easy: cool sunglasses.

https://www.google.com/search?hl=en.....0.3.139...0i7i30k1j0i8i7i30k1.0.SOYOWXUCz1Y
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Cool sunglasses just let you look sideways at a gal you're oogling without turning your head or tipping your hand. I totally agree that being the chasee is an excellent strategie ...if you can pull it off. Kinda like using a decoy dog to bait a coyote into gun range....wait that doesn't sound right....:cool:.... I think I'm giving away the secrets of the women with "wicked wiles" (to quote Grumpy from Snow White) Lol

Maybe I'd rather quote my gramps. "Good business is when both parties think they got the best end of the deal" ....or maybe when each partner thinks they slylee caught the chasee? :)
 
I had a Muslim flatmate from the Maldives years ago. He said the rich Western tourists went there and wandered around topless on the cruise ships, the ultra-conservative Muslim authorities didn't stop it because it was offshore and profitable. And the staff didn't mind - one of his relatives worked on the cruise ships and wore dark glasses so he could ogle all he liked...
 
Kevin said:
Yes and a 15% when I go in to use the range.

She's all about the AR platform. She is a Glock girl. She's cute and has a crazy exboyfriend who doesn't like her talking to me, or any man with a beard. From splotchy fuzz he has its a simple case of beard envy.
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Rehehehehehe-eeeeellllllllllllllllllllly? Let me know if don't "pull the trigger." I think I could convert her from Glock.
 
FollowingHim said:
No, the main secret is how to BECOME the chasee not the chaser. And that is a secret I don't have much insight into unfortunately. :)
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Seriously man! Stare at the woman you are interested in, until she turns her head in your direction. Then, suddenly look away. Do this a few times, and she will get the hint. It is uncanny how it works! It is like saying, I hope you didn't catch me staring at you while you were looking the other way. Women love attention. They just don't want you to be some sort of creep. By turning away suddenly, you are acknowledging that you know that you shouldn't stare, but it is like saying, "Man! I know I shouldn't be staring at you, but you are so unbelievably smoking hot, that I just can't help myself."

Either that, or you can try to become a CEO. Of course if you become a CEO of a major corporation, there is an added benefit, in that no church will kick you out, no matter how many wives you have.
 
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