• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Dating a Married Man

Asforme&myhouse said:
I have listened to pastors twist them selves up like a pretzel to try to get the polygyny out of the song of Solomon. If it wasn’t Bible twisting it would be pretty hilarious.
Click to expand...

Well why not. They've long engaged in trying to get sex out of it as well and that's even more ridiculous.
 
eye4them said:
I am thinking that a way around having a potential-wife run off at the idea of dating a married man, is to in a social setting where the husband is with his wife, *they* befriend her, and over the course of a number of meetings, they show her that they're kind, sane, and Godly. If it can be arranged for her to meet the children and see them interact with them, and that they're well behaved and well adjusted; so much the better. At some point, the *wife* could drop some poly-positive related hint, either in a bible discussion or pop culture reference via Sister Wives or the like. The point of the wife doing it is to eliminate any idea that the husband is some sort of sex maniac, or going behind his wife's back, or he is the one pushing for it. It also serves to draw the woman into the idea via herd mentality seeing a peer (the wife) interested. She could drop a hint like this; in a dreamy sort of way, comment how that it sounds so nice to have a close friend like that right there in the house.

Be very careful with the hint that is dropped so that if she is utterly repulsed by the idea, you've not revealed too much and then she report you for committing a thought-crime. If she seems not repulsed, but casually supposes it wrong (...but isn't polygamy wrong?), you can matter-of-factly/casually comment how heroes of faith did it, the witness God bore of Abimelech in Gen 20, and the witness God bore of the law-abidingness of Abraham the polygynist in Gen 26:5, and that polygynists go to heaven (Luk 13:28), and that nowhere is poly spoken against, and how it was an important social construct to see that women were cared for. Note how that even today in Ukraine, the women outnumber men roughly 5:4, so 20% of the women have not a warm body to marry, let alone one who can be a good husband. Other hints that could be dropped to explore her psyche are things related to patriarchy, submission, and anti-feminism. It seems good to proceed in such a away as to not make an enemy if it turns out that she seems not compatible.

Concerning bible discussion and submission, I am a big fan of the idea of the husband leading bible studies with the family in the home on Shabbat. With that in mind, he might casually start a bible discussion which was pre-thought-out to lead over top of some poly in the bible. Then, the wife make a pre-thought-out poly-positive remark. As for the aforementioned submission, the frame here is the husband leading the family, and the women following along; even the potential sister wife. I believe that God ordered things this way, and for women to be content and thrive in such a environment, and so presenting the God-ordained situation to her, her innate nature might kick in and cause her to be more amenable to the process. I like the idea of "Begin as you mean to go on"; so as much as is socially acceptable, treat her as a wife/sisterwife right from the start, and see if she settles into that role.

Having the wife along and this showing that another woman is interested in him, and this giving him preselection points (proven quality) with a potential wife, is a very interesting thing. Yeshua commented "everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance" (Mat 25:29). Early on I couldn't make sense of that, but now I see it as a comment on how the world works. We see it with women being attracted to a preselected man. So in that way, attracting a second wife can be easier than attracting a first wife. I see it in my own life, it's the snowball effect. As I gather more resources, I can do more things, more effectively, and faster; and this allows me to gather even more resources, and the process accelerates.

Now for the sobriety..
I think a significant component here is charisma and leadership from the husband. Women tend to be very leadable, and are sadly oft led into all kinds of troublesome things by charismatic men doing things they ought not. I think that strong leadership on the husband's part can lead her in the way of Godliness and away from worldly filth (monogamy only). Though, I see a power struggle, an authority contest; who ultimately holds more sway over her? Can she stay stepped out of the world when and if her friends and family pressure and forsake her? If not, trying to build a poly relationship with her seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Even if he holds more sway over her than those pressuring her in the world, it is still likely to be a source of stress for her, and thus the family. It might eventually wear her down, and then disaster. So unless she can disregard their pressurings, or they support her; it seems very risky to pursue a poly relationship with her.
Click to expand...

I would love to follow this, but unfortunately my wife is dead-set against polygamy. I sense that I might have to do this in reverse somehow. My wife might be more willing to share her husband, if she saw the tangible benefits of doing so. It's almost a Catch-22.

Andrew offered to have lunch with me and my wife, and I would love to do this, but it would have to be some sort of after church lunch thing, if he cared to pay our church a visit, or maybe Chris and his wife might be willing to pay our church a visit. If either of you do so, come sit in the balcony on the north side of the sanctuary. We always go up there after we are done with the music, and there are not very many people that sit in that section; just a bunch of teenagers and a few other couples. It would be nice to introduce her to some people who are not close minded when it comes to this issue.
 
cnystrom said:
What woman could resist a Dwight stare!?!?
Click to expand...
Just be amazing! A few weeks ago, I was talking to a fellow trombone player about a mission trip I went on 20 years ago, where God did amazing things, and we saw 2,051 professions of faith in one week. I highly recommend E3 Partners, the ones who invented the Evangecube, for anyone interested in serving God for a week and seeing lost people get saved. The young female trombone player that recently joined our orchestra had stepped out for a few minutes, so I figured I could keep the conversation going long enough to mention some of what happened, loud enough for her to overhear when she got back.

Go on three or four mission trips, and be a good ambassador for BF while you are at it. It doesn't hurt to make an impact on a Christian ministry that really cannot just send you off, when you are in the middle of sharing your faith in a foreign country. Don't be overtly pursuing the young ladies that accompany you on the trip, but work hard for the Kingdom of God, and when you get back to your church, and are able to share what God did, not only are you setting yourself up for rewards in heaven, but you will set yourself apart from the average church member, who shows up on Sundays, but has done little else for the Lord.
 
steve said:
He wasn’t the kinsman redeemer.
Naomi skipped the one that was, presumably because she knew that it was a lost cause.
Boaz chose to follow protocol and become the kr by giving the rightful one first right of refusal. I don’t think that Naomi expected this because Ruth was a Moabite and therefore not qualified for consideration under the Law. The true kr obviously didn’t think that she was, or he would have already stepped up.
Click to expand...
Perhaps his reason for saying it would "mar his inheritance".
 
steve said:
And I classify 75-80 in our day as being equivalent to the 60 of their day.
But with government support, most single women are semi-married to the State.
Click to expand...
I submit that is a choice they make or chose not to make. I, for one, have chosen not to make. There's no one ounce of my being that ever desires to be dependent upon the state government in any way shape or form, if I can help it.
 
steve said:
I am not sure where permission is needed or given.
The passage is actually about receiving permission to be cared for by the church.
Click to expand...
Given what we're now seeing in "the church" it would be a toss up as to which is worse--having to be dependent upon the church or the government, because I can tell you, "the church" as it now stands is becoming as ruthless as the government!
 
rejoicinghandmaid said:
Given what we're now seeing in "the church" it would be a toss up as to which is worse--having to be dependent upon the church or the government, because I can tell you, "the church" as it now stands is becoming as ruthless as the government!
Click to expand...
Are we doing any better?
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
Are we doing any better?
Click to expand...
Don't know that I can say "yes" to the brick and mortar as most people experience church today. In most cases, it's as politically driven and motivated as is the government. The hierarchy and bureacracy which quite easily and quickly becomes established even in fledglng brick and mortar escalates exponentiallywith growth as the pastor/pope authoritatively positions and secures himself and a circle of "yes" men to ensure his own "kingdom" building efforts.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top