• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

The futility of on-line dating (my little rant which may help you gain perspective)

Sol said:
How interesting. Would you mind sharing the details of the forum ?
Click to expand...
Hi Sol. If you do a search for Christian forums, you will find there are several and people post comments and questions, much like the BF forum. One day I read a question from a woman asking about differences between certain denominations. The answers were so bad (and I mean really bad!) I decided I had to post a response. Well long story short, out of all the answers, she appreciated the biblically sound one I wrote and asked a few (zillion) more questions. One of those questions eventually was in response to a comment she read in a study Bible that said polygamy was sin, blah, blah, blah. I had to (for the first time in my life) study out the issue and could find no reason according to God's word to call polygamy a sin. We learned a lot about what God says marriage is and about adultery as we discussed this subject, along with many other biblical topics. Well, God saved this woman and she wanted a godly husband and since polygamy wasn't a sin, .... . So, I have two wives. ;):)

I don't post on any of those forums any more and haven't for a few years. BF is the only forum I have time for so I have no idea what is out there; probably much the same as it was but only worse.
 
The sisterwives site seems to be the one that does work the best. I have meet several from there. Mostly younger crowd and a lot of non believers, but there is a community there. Yes, more couples then singles, as usual, but the singles do pop up. They even have a forum there. I have always wondered if BF members could make a bigger presents there how that would change things. Also, wondered if there may be a way for BF members to get some kind of discount if they bring 'verified' people to their site.
 
Cap said:
The sisterwives site seems to be the one that does work the best. I have meet several from there. Mostly younger crowd and a lot of non believers, but there is a community there. Yes, more couples then singles, as usual, but the singles do pop up. They even have a forum there. I have always wondered if BF members could make a bigger presents there how that would change things. Also, wondered if there may be a way for BF members to get some kind of discount if they bring 'verified' people to their site.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the advice. I note that most of the profiles are American. Very few Europeans regrettably
 
frederick said:
Hi Sol. If you do a search for Christian forums, you will find there are several and people post comments and questions, much like the BF forum. One day I read a question from a woman asking about differences between certain denominations. The answers were so bad (and I mean really bad!) I decided I had to post a response. Well long story short, out of all the answers, she appreciated the biblically sound one I wrote and asked a few (zillion) more questions. One of those questions eventually was in response to a comment she read in a study Bible that said polygamy was sin, blah, blah, blah. I had to (for the first time in my life) study out the issue and could find no reason according to God's word to call polygamy a sin. We learned a lot about what God says marriage is and about adultery as we discussed this subject, along with many other biblical topics. Well, God saved this woman and she wanted a godly husband and since polygamy wasn't a sin, .... . So, I have two wives. ;):)

I don't post on any of those forums any more and haven't for a few years. BF is the only forum I have time for so I have no idea what is out there; probably much the same as it was but only worse.
Click to expand...

You are a lucky man in deed !
 
Cap said:
There is so much to learn in actually meeting someone I think it is well worth the effort to try and see what's out there. And not just one time, keep trying. Even though dating sites are pretty bad, they still are very good training area to learn more about the emotions inside yourself. There is a lesson in the pain that you can't learn if you don't at least try.
Click to expand...
That is an interesting perspective and I definitely see your points.
It wasn’t for us, but one size does not fit all. Personal growth is obviously a theme for all of us.
 
From what I have observed and heard from others online dating website are pretty much only good for hookups. And the guys who are just looking for hookups (and good at getting them) have gone from loving online dating to hating it. Results have gone down hill the last couple of years.

The current best practice for success from a worldly perspective is to use them to sleep with lots of women and then sort from there to form short or long term relationships. Which is problematic from a Christian perspective. But women today (Christian or not) are looking for sex first; maybe a relationship or marriage later.
 
rockfox said:
From what I have observed and heard from others online dating website are pretty much only good for hookups. And the guys who are just looking for hookups (and good at getting them) have gone from loving online dating to hating it. Results have gone down hill the last couple of years.

The current best practice for success from a worldly perspective is to use them to sleep with lots of women and then sort from there to form short or long term relationships. Which is problematic from a Christian perspective. But women today (Christian or not) are looking for sex first; maybe a relationship or marriage later.
Click to expand...
I agree with your deductions, but that places you squarely in the realm of polyamory or extra marital affair if you are already married. The problem is that such relationships offer no structure or natural path of progression other than to end badly at some point. I believe that PM demands partners to have the end in sight. I understand that not everyone may agree with my views.
 
Sol said:
Dear fellow members,

I’ve recently found this website and after reading several posts, I felt a less alone in the world. My wife and I have been married for eleven and a half years and made the decision to look for another wife about a year ago. We are based in the south of England and I’d like to mention that we are Christians.

We boldly set out to create profiles on just about every dating platform out there and followed sensible practices in limiting the information presented in the profile to be minimalistic, intriguing and honest as to our purpose in meeting a lady for a long term relationship. We are well kept people and I’d say our photos are attractive.

Responses to our profiles on these various sites over the course of several months were as follows (I am listing but a few);

1. OKCupid - No response at all
2. Plenty of Fish - 80% scammers & 20% from married woman wanting short term sexual gratification
3. Polygamy.com - One legitimate response, which was not a match for us. Very low female user count.
4. BiCupid.com - Low user count and again the main interest is in short term sexual liaisons.
5. Polyamorydate.com - Users are only interested in kink, fetishes and immediate sexual gratification.
6. Sister wives.com - low user count and high ratio of couples / males to females. One response which was not a match for us.

In addition to the websites listed above, we must have tried half a dozen others which were geared towards monogamous relationships. In every instance it was a matter of receiving no response or being pawed at by a scammer.

Although my research reveals that certain dating apps have success in certain global cities, by example Tinder in Rotterdam, NL, it’s overwhelmingly obvious that using on-line dating as a mechanism to meet a lady who is open to a plural relationship is slim to none. Don’t waste your time or money.

I’ve come to the conclusion the only realistic path to success is to do this the old fashioned way .. meet someone in person and build a friendship!

However, this is mired with its own unique set of challenges. My wife and I recently met a lady who we are hoping God sent our way, but we have no idea if she is open to our way of life. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time would ruin any prospect of a relationship.

In summary ..

Unless you are fortunate enough to live in one of those special cities where a large number of female users are open to plural relationships, don’t waste your time or money with online dating apps and platforms.


Special request to fellow members:
Please pray for myself and my wife, so that God speaks to the heart of the special lady we met.

As you may very well have recognized, I have reached a point of immense frustration.

Hope my little rant helps someone!
Click to expand...

Dear fellow members,

I am left both flabbergasted and speechless. Today I met a lady via an online dating portal (lives less than an hour away). She very much likes the idea of PM and wants to meet, albeit to take things very slow which also suits me. The conundrum is that although she seems quite mature for her age (lives on her own and has a job) she is also 20 years my junior. It means she is 21 years old.

Had she been at least 5 years older, would not have blinked. I am very confused. Any advice would be appreciated.
 
Sol said:
Dear fellow members,

I am left both flabbergasted and speechless. Today I met a lady via an online dating portal (lives less than an hour away). She very much likes the idea of PM and wants to meet, albeit to take things very slow which also suits me. The conundrum is that although she seems quite mature for her age (lives on her own and has a job) she is also 20 years my junior. It means she is 21 years old.

Had she been at least 5 years older, would not have blinked. I am very confused. Any advice would be appreciated.
Click to expand...

Hi @Sol. Reading what you said, just a first thought that came to mind ... the first few verses of 1Kings chapter one might be something to think on.
Ok, yes, David was old, probably too old to be very amorous, but the age difference didn't seem to bother the young lady nor anyone else then - why should it bother anyone now? Sounds like you are not nearly as old as David, so I'm thinking - if it appears to be of God's leading, don't hold back just for an age difference.

Some further thoughts on age difference...


May God bless you with wisdom.
 
Younger than 21 would be scary.
 
eye4them said:
At 21 she is likely to be more flexible than a woman at 25, 30, 35+
So then she is more apt to be willing and able to adapt to you and your wife and how you do things, and thus fit it better and sooner.
Click to expand...
It seems to be the most positive aspect of the scenario.
 
T
Frank S said:
Hi @Sol. Reading what you said, just a first thought that came to mind ... the first few verses of 1Kings chapter one might be something to think on.
Ok, yes, David was old, probably too old to be very amorous, but the age difference didn't seem to bother the young lady nor anyone else then - why should it bother anyone now? Sounds like you are not nearly as old as David, so I'm thinking - if it appears to be of God's leading, don't hold back just for an age difference.

Some further thoughts on age difference...


May God bless you with wisdom.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the insight. It proves that my greatest fear might be the judgement of others, which is quite ironic considering where I am and that which I am trying to achieve. Clearly, I need to do some internal work and pray to God for wisdom.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
I would definitely meet and try to get to know her. She may be for you, and may not be for you. You’ll never know. You can always say no later if it doesnt work out or give her a referral or try to matchmaker for her if she’s not for you.
Click to expand...
A meeting does not mean a commitment. Perhaps I should do that and then decide how I feel. Good advice!
 
Sol said:
T

Thank you for the insight. It proves that my greatest fear might be the judgement of others, which is quite ironic considering where I am and that which I am trying to achieve. Clearly, I need to do some internal work and pray to God for wisdom.
Click to expand...
Perhaps it's worth keeping the situation Boaz had with Ruth in mind. Cheers.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top