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The futility of on-line dating (my little rant which may help you gain perspective)

Sol

Sol

Member
Male
Dear fellow members,

I’ve recently found this website and after reading several posts, I felt a less alone in the world. My wife and I have been married for eleven and a half years and made the decision to look for another wife about a year ago. We are based in the south of England and I’d like to mention that we are Christians.

We boldly set out to create profiles on just about every dating platform out there and followed sensible practices in limiting the information presented in the profile to be minimalistic, intriguing and honest as to our purpose in meeting a lady for a long term relationship. We are well kept people and I’d say our photos are attractive.

Responses to our profiles on these various sites over the course of several months were as follows (I am listing but a few);

1. OKCupid - No response at all
2. Plenty of Fish - 80% scammers & 20% from married woman wanting short term sexual gratification
3. Polygamy.com - One legitimate response, which was not a match for us. Very low female user count.
4. BiCupid.com - Low user count and again the main interest is in short term sexual liaisons.
5. Polyamorydate.com - Users are only interested in kink, fetishes and immediate sexual gratification.
6. Sister wives.com - low user count and high ratio of couples / males to females. One response which was not a match for us.

In addition to the websites listed above, we must have tried half a dozen others which were geared towards monogamous relationships. In every instance it was a matter of receiving no response or being pawed at by a scammer.

Although my research reveals that certain dating apps have success in certain global cities, by example Tinder in Rotterdam, NL, it’s overwhelmingly obvious that using on-line dating as a mechanism to meet a lady who is open to a plural relationship is slim to none. Don’t waste your time or money.

I’ve come to the conclusion the only realistic path to success is to do this the old fashioned way .. meet someone in person and build a friendship!

However, this is mired with its own unique set of challenges. My wife and I recently met a lady who we are hoping God sent our way, but we have no idea if she is open to our way of life. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time would ruin any prospect of a relationship.

In summary ..

Unless you are fortunate enough to live in one of those special cities where a large number of female users are open to plural relationships, don’t waste your time or money with online dating apps and platforms.


Special request to fellow members:
Please pray for myself and my wife, so that God speaks to the heart of the special lady we met.

As you may very well have recognized, I have reached a point of immense frustration.

Hope my little rant helps someone!
 
Welcome and Shalom, thanks for the info on the dating sites. As for me I have NOT opened an account on any of those. Me I will let the Father open the door.
I prey the lady you have found will work out. REMEMBER take it SLOW.
May YaHWeH bless you as you search. Please make sure you introduce your self in the introduction part of the forum.
 
Welcome home!

Seriously, don’t be too anxious about a sisterwife. Couples have grown old in the movement and never had the experience. Others have gone through great pain as situations worked out badly.
Earnestly seek personal growth and pray that everything happen in Yah’s way and timing. This from the perspective of years of prayerful waiting and frustrating experience.
Additionally, expect that being a supporter and potential participant of this movement puts you more in the enemy’s focus than ever before.
 
Welcome @Sol. You have been at this PM stuff for a year, there are some here that have been trying for ten maybe more. It's a long journey. The important thing is how it strengthens your current marriage and your relationship with God. PM is not a garrantee. Most of us have figured out that dating sites are a waste of time. Your experience helps to reinforce that view about that path, thank you for your contribution. Take it as a learning experience. There are many many more to come.
 
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Welcome and Shalom.

Have never used or even logged onto a dating site as I'm convinced you can't really get to know someone online. I do believe this is a move of Yah and therefore He'll make it happen in His timing.

I will say that being open and relaxed/cool about what you believe will open doors to honest and even exploratory conversations with ladies. May or may not bear fruit, but plants seeds for future families. And, drives people to the Scriptures.

Welcome and blessings.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
Welcome. I’d have to agree with you on the online dating sites though I haven’t tried as many as you have.
Click to expand...
Hi there. My wife Wilna has just signed up but accidentally selected her sex as male instead of female. Could you please help to fix her profile ?
 
frederick said:
Hey, greetings Sol and welcome. It's a joy and blessing to read your introductory posts. I met my second wife through an online Christian forum so, I'll stick my neck out and say with confidence, it can happen. Slalom.
Click to expand...
How interesting. Would you mind sharing the details of the forum ?
 
I actually think that signing up for dating sites is a good thing in regards to the learning process of PM. It's one thing to say you understand the PM principal, but just as actually living it is completely different than understating it, so is going through the motions of 'trying' to live it. Saying that you will wait for God to provide the 'right one' is really limiting the growth this whole thing is suppose to do in ones life. It's obvious Abraham knew that the 'right one' wasn't just going to show up for his son. He sent Eleazar to find her.

Just because a wife says she is able to except the principal of PM, does not in anyway garrantee she can deal with an actual live person. Chances are she, and you, will have to relearn everything all over again, in a much deeper pain. It also shows whether a husband truly can deal with multiple personalities at one time. (Throw in a crazy person and the roller coasters is all the more intense) There is so much to learn in actually meeting someone I think it is well worth the effort to try and see what's out there. And not just one time, keep trying. Even though dating sites are pretty bad, they still are very good training area to learn more about the emotions inside yourself. There is a lesson in the pain that you can't learn if you don't at least try.
 
I completely understand your point of view and the validity in what you are saying. However, it’s seems far more relevant to date within a pool of similar interests. Else, it becomes much like a homosexual person trying to date within a group of heterosexuals. The learning would be limited.
 
Oh I agree. Some of the sites you listed are definitely not poly, however I have always viewed my participation in them has been more for PM promotion. The ground is very rocky there, but I have had some interesting conversations with woman over the years.

The poly sites are more in line of what I'm talking about. There are a wide range of beliefs but thier stated purpose is in the polygamy lifestyle so they are more in the same pool. I have meet women who have said they are believers and seemed like a good fit but when you get to know them you find out they worship thier own heart. I have also meet non believers who are just wonderful to know and would have been a great fit but yet I just can't cross that line.

There are many pools to fish from, and in each one there are many types of fish. The idea is to go fishing.

By the way I meet my current wife 15 years ago in a monogamy pool dating site and we now swim in polygamy pools but I will still cast a line into a monogamy pool just to see what bites.
 
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