In the land of "maybe, maybe not", anything's possible, so we shouldn't really be arguing as much as maybe we're just looking at this differently.
Maybe she won't recover; that's possible. But my experience, in my own family and observing others, has been that after an admittedly traumatic transition, peace comes, and jealousy, fear, and insecurity aren't the issue anymore. Doesn't mean there won't be conflict (any two or more people living in the same house will have conflicts), but those conflicts aren't based on the same fundamental emotions and culturally-imposed expectations (and the subsequent culturally-induced disappointments).
Sidebar: I smoked cigarettes off and on from my teen years to the day before my 35th birthday. I 'quit' many times, only to pick it up again later at some point until I 'quit' again. One of the characteristics of those cycles was that when I wasn't smoking I always still sort of missed it.
A week before my 35th birthday, I knew God wanted me to quit once and for all. I had a week to 'get my affairs in order', so to speak, and then it would be over. I knew it was an act of obedience, but on the human level I had another motivation in mind: I wanted to live long enough to have relationships with my grandchildren. However I got there spiritually and psychologically (I'd say both), from the morning of my birthday I have never again missed smoking cigarettes or been tempted in that direction even a little bit.
Another story: A friend of mine went straight sober many years ago after years of struggle with multiple drug addictions (everything from alcohol to narcotics, to pick up both ends of the moral outrage spectrum). His wife still parties regularly with alcohol and cannabis. I had a conversation with him awhile back (while having a drink) about how he got along with all that, and whether I should drink in front of him. His testimony was that he could care less what others were doing, that that was just an excuse people use to blame others for their behavior, and that he wouldn't consider himself healthy if he couldn't be around other people without being tempted.
Those are stories of physical addiction as well as psychological, but as I see it that's why they serve as useful parables: because they make concrete and tangible an idea that would otherwise be an abstraction.
My word to all husbands generally and EternalDreamer in particular is that the goal is to get out of Romans 7 and into Romans 8. Don't settle for a life of misery and temptation, fear and insecurity; press through to the bold, victorious life. Do not expect, on purpose, that your wife will always be a miserable basket of insecurities. Expect that one of the positive outcomes of this transition is that she will be delivered from her cultural conditioning, and she will find a new and better foundation for her self-image and self-worth.
I may not ever be able to put a whole magazine in the bull's eye at 25 yards, but I know what I'm trying to do, I know what the objective is, and I'll keep working at it until I figure it out. I take the same view of the emotional health of my women—the objective is complete transformation, and I'll keep working on that until we're there.
Getting past the cultural conditioning is sort of like being able to hit the paper consistently, or hit within the rings consistently (or to switch metaphors, like getting a black belt in a martial art discipline): it means you've figured out the basics, and now you can get to work on the real art and science of your training.
Once your women quit feeling sorry for themselves and have experienced the real benefits and strength of biblical marriage, then you can start figuring out the good stuff: why God brought you together in the first place and what His purpose in all of it is, what He has in mind for you to do with the team he has formed.
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