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Shared vs separate bank accounts?

I'd seriously consider who I'm marrying if they didn't feel comfortable sharing an account with me, and vice versa, what makes me an untrustworthy wife?

Additonally, since i'll most likely be working outside of the home, I would rather have my own savings account on the side that I'll contribute to if I become a second or third wife in order to prepare myself financially in case the marriage ever takes a turn for the worst. Since the first wife is legally entitled to half of the assets, she doesn't have this concern in the long term.
 
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theleastofthese said:
I'd seriously consider who I'm marrying if they didn't feel comfortable sharing an account with me, and vice versa, what makes me an untrustworthy wife?

Additonally, since i'll most likely be working outside of the home, I would rather have my own savings account on the side that I'll contribute to if I become a second or third wife in order to prepare myself financially in case the marriage ever takes a turn for the worst. Since the first wife is legally entitled to half of the assets, she doesn't have this concern in the long term.
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I think it's best to have the mindset that it's for forever and work hard at keeping the marriage together. The inheritance thing is exactly what trusts are for. The assets are all held in trust, there is no 50% entitlement unless the trust specifically instructs.
 
theleastofthese said:
, I would rather have my own savings account on the side that I'll contribute to if I become a second or third wife
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I don’t really agree with this. The husband should manage all funds. Whether there are one, two, or more wives. The best way to accomplish this is from one account.
 
NBTX11 said:
I don’t really agree with this. The husband should manage all funds. Whether there are one, two, or more wives. The best way to accomplish this is from one account.
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I half agree with this, accounts should be seperate only because if one account is compromised or frozen you do not lose access to all your funds. The husband should know what is in both accounts though, purchases should be authorized by the husband, because he should be making finacial calculations from the totals of all accounts. Also trusts for long term savings.
 
NickF said:
I think it's best to have the mindset that it's for forever and work hard at keeping the marriage together.
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I agree, which is why it's so important for me to discuss the worst possible outcomes and solutions. Having my own safety net is my preference that I'll be upfront and honest about; if my future husband has a better solution, i'll for sure consider that as well. Either way, it's an issue I'd like to discuss prior to the forever.
NickF said:
The inheritance thing is exactly what trusts are for. The assets are all held in trust, there is no 50% entitlement unless the trust specifically instructs.
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Who has control of such trusts?
NBTX11 said:
I don’t really agree with this. The husband should manage all funds. Whether there are one, two, or more wives. The best way to accomplish this is from one account.
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I take no issue with him managing the funds how he sees fit; however, having my own separate safety net that i'm allowed to contribute a small amount to over time is imperative for me to consider joining a marriage. There is no legal safety net for second or third wives.
 
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frederick said:
We have three separate business situations and one has three divisions. According to your model, I'd be required to run everything from one account. 🤔🤔
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Ok I’m just stating my preference. I want all funds going into one account so I can manage it easier.
 
NBTX11 said:
He can take out a life insurance policy naming the second or third wife as a beneficiary. He can also will them assets after his death.
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Both of which he can give or take away, this still doesn't protect the second or third wife in cases of divorce or separation.
 
theleastofthese said:
There is no legal safety net for second or third wives.
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A trust is a legal safety net for a second or third wife.
theleastofthese said:
Both of which he can give or take away, this still doesn't protect the second or third wife in cases of divorce or separation.
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This is why it's imperative to both vet the man prior to marrying, and to be a good wife. It's very unusual statistically speaking for a man to initiate divorce. Be a halfway decent wife and good person, that should take care of 90% of problems. Be an exceptional woman to the man and you pretty much don't have any worries.

But I get it, you want a bolt hole escape. To me, that speaks so loudly to a lack of trust that I would be extremely hesitant to trust a woman who is planning for failure rather than success. And to add insult to injury, was continuing to add financially to her escape fund. For me... When I took CatieF to be mine. My commitment was for life, there was no escape hatch, no savings account, it's ride or die, all or nothing, put up or shut up. Do or do not, there is no try. Any other attitude is asking for failure because failure is not only an option, it's an option that has been planned for and funded weekly for years. My $0.02 and those pennies are worth less every day in this economy. 😜
 
NickF said:
A trust is a legal safety net for a second or third wife.
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That the husband holds authority over? If the first wife truly presses the issue of the husband distributing marital property to his "mistresses" via a trust, I would be skeptical of the trust holding up in court. Though you clearly know more about this subject than I do.
NickF said:
But I get it, you want a bolt hole escape. To me, that speaks so loudly to a lack of trust that I would be extremely hesitant to trust a woman who is planning for failure rather than success. And to add insult to injury, was continuing to add financially to her escape fund. For me... When I took CatieF to be mine. My commitment was for life, there was no escape hatch, no savings account, it's ride or die, all or nothing, put up or shut up. Do or do not, there is no try. Any other attitude is asking for failure because failure is not only an option, it's an option that has been planned for and funded weekly for years. My $0.02 and those pennies are worth less every day in this economy. 😜
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Assuming you're the one with the assets, what do you have to lose if you're in control?

Think about this scenario from a 2nd or 3rd wife's point of view for a moment: I join a family, and my job is to contribute to that family financially (in my case), I contribute to their legal marital property. Later on, the first wife decides polgany is too much for her, she decides to leave. She gets half of whatever i've contributed to their legal marriage.

Not only that, but I was speaking with a potential couple awhile back; only later did I find out that the husband left his second wife because she wasn't onboard enough for his liking.

Many things can happen; I see no harm in discussing those situations and planning for them ahead of time.
 
NickF said:
But I get it, you want a bolt hole escape. To me, that speaks so loudly to a lack of trust that I would be extremely hesitant to trust a woman who is planning for failure rather than success
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Hardly... comparatively speaking, having a savings account and contributing a small account for a safety net isn't even close to what I could save on my own. The majority of my earnings will go towards a family that I have no legal claim to; it's a vulnerable position, how that is planning for failure is beyond me.
 
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theleastofthese said:
Think about this scenario from a 2nd or 3rd wife's point of view for a moment: I join a family, and my job is to contribute to that family financially (in my case), I contribute to their legal marital property. Later on, the first wife decides polgany is too much for her, she decides to leave. She gets half of whatever i've contributed to their legal marriage.
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So here's a thought... To divorce for the wrong reasons is sin and it creates adulterous situations - which are also sin; sin plus sin plus sin... . To murder would only be one sin if things went south in a relationship, but it would eliminate the possibility of adding more sin. I mean, if we're going to accommodate sin, why just consider the sin of unjustified divorce?

As far as my wives and I are concerned, sin isn't an option to bring into our relationship. End of debate. Others may think sin is an option, but they answer to God, not me.
 
frederick said:
So here's a thought... To divorce for the wrong reasons is sin and it creates adulterous situations - which are also sin; sin plus sin plus sin... . To murder would only be one sin if things went south in a relationship, but it would eliminate the possibility of adding more sin. I mean, if we're going to accommodate sin, why just consider the sin of unjustified divorce?

As far as my wives and I are concerned, sin isn't an option to bring into our relationship. End of debate. Others may think sin is an option, but they answer to God, not me.
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This is how I feel as well, however I also entertain the fact that this simply isn't realistic in some cases, unfortunately.
 
theleastofthese said:
I agree, which is why it's so important for me to discuss the worst possible outcomes and solutions. Having my own safety net is my preference that I'll be upfront and honest about; if my future husband has a better solution, i'll for sure consider that as well. Either way, it's an issue I'd like to discuss prior to the forever.

Who has control of such trusts?

I take no issue with him managing the funds how he sees fit; however, having my own separate safety net that i'm allowed to contribute a small amount to over time is imperative for me to consider joining a marriage. There is no legal safety net for second or third wives.
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Each wife should have an irrevocable trust with them as the beneficiary. Money is deposited into that trust as your safety net by him. In the event of his death the wife has that money to her name. Any remaining assets should be set up as a revocable trust by him to be distributed accordingly in the event of his death. Divorce should not be acceptable, if Yah hates it so should we. Vet carefully.
 
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theleastofthese said:
Assuming you're the one with the assets, what do you have to lose if you're in control?
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Everything.

You are assuming a highly simplistic view of the legal rights of women and men in relationships - married women are entitled to half, unmarried women are entitled to nothing. Reality will always be different to this because it will depend on case law. Real life is complicated, the courts have dealt with many weird situations in the past, and you'll find this reflected in some way in the actual outcome of a court case.

Where I live (New Zealand), if a man has multiple de-facto partners, or a wife and a partner / mistress, they are all recognised to have rights to the relationship's property, in proportion to what they have contributed to it. That's actually written into the law itself.

If I were to take on a second wife (legally, a de-facto partner), and live with her for three years, she could leave with a good portion of my assets and the court would support her. This means I actually have a lot to lose, and need to very carefully screen any potential wives. It is very risky for the man, don't assume it isn't.
 
@theleastofthese if you buy and make the payments on a life insurance policy on your husband, nobody could take it away from you. Pray that he wouldn’t die under mysterious circumstances, of course! 😉
 
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