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Meat Sexual Duties & Children

I just read all 17 pages of this and promised myself not to reply until the end! There are a lot of good comments in here and a bunch you got likes from me as I was making my way through the topic. ;)

I missed this when it was first posted but since I did I got the benefit of reading all the different perspectives and all the different ideas and I got something from every single post! :)

Now I got some replies to things I saw! Don't anyone take anything personally, okay? I'm responding to the comment and not the person and not trying to start a fight with anyone! ;)

In my personal experience Sexual Duties started on my wedding night. I was pretty naive and selfish when I got married and I had romantic fairy tales in my head about what marriage, a husband, babies, and what my life as a wife would be like. Reality hit me pretty hard when I discovered a man is not subject to my control especially when he's ready to consummate our marriage. After that I sometimes felt like my place in life was to be a baby factory and a sex toy for my husband. I did my duty and eventually got into enjoying sex.

Poly does make it easier to take time off from sex and I've had some breaks after having babies. It's a mix of just wanting time to be me and also wanting to get myself in shape. There's some vanity involved for sure but I think Steve likes that I don't let myself go. I'll never look like I'm 18 again but I don't want to look like I don't care.

Babies and breast feeding make me tired and sometimes I don't care if Steve cuddles up with me when I'm sleepy and does his thing. It's kind of sexy sometimes! It also lets me sleep and make him happy at the same time. I know that won't work for everyone but it works for me. On the other side of it sometimes breast feeding makes me much more interested in sex so there's that.

Having other women in the house is a blessing and a burden at the same time because if I'm not in the mood then Steve has choices. That can be a good thing and sometimes it's a burden because I want his attention so I end up being available to him even if I'm not in the mood.

So then there's the thing about the husband having leadership and that means in the bedroom, too. So like if I'm on a break sometimes he will be the one to decide that the break is over and that's the way it is.

But that's enough about my Sexual Duties.

What I get in return is a man who loves me, he's affectionate, he pays attention to me when I talk to him, he's a good father and a good role model, I trust him because after almost twelve years he earned my trust, and he works smart and hard to take care of his family. He expects things from me but then he also meets my expectations.

So in the end the reality is much better than any romantic fairy tale and I love my life!
 
Pacman said:
Perhaps you could liken it to professional sports and say the husband is the team owner and his women are the players.
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I use the team word all of the time and this is exactly my meaning in using it.
They are my team. I am the owner/coach and even the quarterback.
 
Cap said:
One of the greatest benefits of plural marriage is the fact that the woman's power of the relationship through sex has been taken away. If a husband is suffering from a lack in that department, there is another option. Usually when that option is entertained things work themselves out.
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So, on the flip side, what great benefit exists if the husband denies sex to his wife or one of the two wives?
 
P Hartman said:
So, on the flip side, what great benefit exists if the husband denies sex to his wife or one of the two wives?
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Justice by God’s own hand. As a wife answers to her husband, so does a man answer to The Lord. A scripture that comes to mind is Genesis 38:6-7.
 
P Hartman said:
So, on the flip side, what great benefit exists if the husband denies sex to his wife or one of the two wives?
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I would refer you to William Luck's great book, Divorce and Remarriage: Recovering the Biblical View. We've discussed this in a number of threads, and it's one of the books recommended by Biblical Families. In it, he emphasizes that it is even more the responsibility of the husband to provide due benevolence to the wife than vice versa -- and that it is the husband's responsibility to provide equal opportunities for due benevolence if he has more than one wife. That doesn't mean it has to be the exact same thing, because it depends on how much due benevolence each wife desires.

It is an abrogation of a husband's responsibilities and a reflection of insufficient love on the part of a husband to deny sex to his wife or wives. Period. Luck explains with scriptural support that men having a greater responsibility to provide sexual fulfillment to their wives than they're responsibility for reciprocating is in part to balance out the fact that scripture requires wives to limit their sexual interaction to just their one husband.

steve said:
I use the team word all of the time and this is exactly my meaning in using it.
They are my team. I am the owner/coach and even the quarterback.
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Awesome, @steve, especially because, in using a sports analogy, as with NFL teams for example, the owner owns the team but never owns the individual members of the team, as they are always free to leave the team, whereas the owner of slaves owned those slaves as if they belonged to him, which, in the eyes of God, they never could.

We own the team, but we don't own our wives.
 
Keith Martin said:
We own the team, but we don't own our wives.
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I guess that we could parse the word “own” all day long, but it really comes down to responsibility.
Do I take responsibility for them or are they private contractors that are responsible for themselves?
Ownership is about responsibility, not about the privilege of ownership.
When an NFL owner owns your contract, you have fewer rights than you had the day before. You are a representative of the team. If you get drunk and cause damage it’s not about a private citizen who messed up, it’s about somebody from XYZ team who caused the damage.
Even high school coaches read the right act to their players holding them to a different standard than their classmates. They own them during the season. They own their time for practices and working out.

Wives are not slaves, but if they are not under the ownership of their husbands they more resemble concubines. And yes, that pretty much describes marriage in our culture.
 
While I do agree with some of the points rockfox has made there are some things to take away from this. Women are human too. We get tired we have bad moods, and biologically we are not as hardwired for constant sex and arousal like men are. I think apart from spirituallity, that is why a lot of men go for multiple women. Men instinctively desire to have intercourse with as many women as possible, whereas a woman is happier settling with one secure man.

That being said as a wife living in a submissive marriage I believe I do have a duty to fulfill my husbands sexual needs. This may mean doing things that I may not be entirely comfotable with at first or being intimate when I'm not in the mood. But marriage is about taking care of it. If I as a woman am willing to sexually submit to my husband it is with the understanding that he does not abuse his power to treat me as a toy for his pleasure. If that trust is broken then that leads to serious issues within your marriage
 
lovingfirstwife123 said:
I think apart from spirituallity, that is why a lot of men go for multiple women. Men instinctively desire to have intercourse with as many women as possible, whereas a woman is happier settling with one secure man.
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Bringing up an old thread :) I tend to agree with this. Let’s be honest, the sexual aspect is part of it. Anyone who denies that is denying reality. Yes, he wants to provide and take care of her but he also wants to enjoy this aspect of it also. God created us with sexual desires. It’s part of his plan for good marriages.
 
It is obvious. We want maximm amount of children which will be succesful in making us grandparents.

Woman can't increase children production by having more men, while man can by having more women. So polygyny is natural desire.

Anyone claiming opposite is deluded or hates human sexuality.
 
lovingfirstwife123 said:
While I do agree with some of the points rockfox has made there are some things to take away from this. Women are human too. We get tired we have bad moods, and biologically we are not as hardwired for constant sex and arousal like men are. I think apart from spirituallity, that is why a lot of men go for multiple women. Men instinctively desire to have intercourse with as many women as possible, whereas a woman is happier settling with one secure man.

That being said as a wife living in a submissive marriage I believe I do have a duty to fulfill my husbands sexual needs. This may mean doing things that I may not be entirely comfotable with at first or being intimate when I'm not in the mood. But marriage is about taking care of it. If I as a woman am willing to sexually submit to my husband it is with the understanding that he does not abuse his power to treat me as a toy for his pleasure. If that trust is broken then that leads to serious issues within your marriage
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It's not something that people generally talk about but on the feminine side I have seen that women are sometimes attracted to men who have a lot of kids and more than one wife. That wasn't top of my list for why I joined my family but it was definitely on the list and I've seen this with other plural wives as well.

There's something plain sexy about a man who has 2+ wives and a big family. :)
 
rockfox said:
My bad. This should have been labeled meat. For some reason I saw "deeper discussions" and thought this was a meat area. Fixed. Thanks.



It's not that shes severely sleep deprived, it's just she'd rather sleep than have sex with you and so tells you no. And when you have kids, night time is one of the few good times for sex.

There will of course be times that mom is very sleep deprived or sick or kids are sick that it is best to let her sleep some night. That is why a man should dwell with his wife with understanding and compassion. That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the pat excuses women make. Women who deny their husband for days, weeks on end. Women who are not willing loose a little sleep to take care of her husbands needs. Women who will loose sleep for the kids but not for hubby. Women who allow the children to impinge on their sex life. Women who will loose sleep to jump you on a Wednesday cause she's ovulating despite having a cold and needing to work tomorrow but put you off for the next 3 weeks cause she's "not feeling it", "tired", "has work tomorrow". Women who will only have sex when they really really feel like it. Women who have the final say on whether or not you have sex.

I've personally gone weeks, months and even years at a time without adequate rest, stayed up all night with no sleep at all, because that is what it took to take care of my families needs. Getting a couple less hours of sleep every once in a while isn't too much to expect of a wife to take care of her husbands needs.



Because I'm not talking about a specific person's situation. We are talking generalities. Here is the very common situation I'm talking about:



If this conversation doesn't apply to you, don't sweat it. There is no good reason to defend women behaving badly.



No, it is sometimes the woman's fault. But one can never place any blame on women without a host of people complaining, "stop blaming women!", "you just hate women!". Some of this is conscious, some unconscious, some her fault, some his. I'll not shy from placing a share of the onus on her to fulfill her responsibilities just as most people put all the onus on men to fulfill theirs (and some of hers too!).

If we can get past knee jerk defend woman reactions I'll talk about how men can help the situation.
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Thank you for your thought provoking post. In a day and age of feminist rule it’s easy to see how we women could put our needs first. Being sleep deprived is certainly a challenge and then trying to preform well in all areas of home life sometimes feels overwhelming. I have 5 kids and so am no stranger to lack of sleep. However, in general I can certainly see how that can become an easy excuse for an out. With exception to all extreme cases that have already been noted and mutual care for your spouse I would say that woman in this day and age, in general, do forget that we are not to withhold our bodies from our husband in order to keep them from sin. This goes for husbands as well as wives. Women how’s your attitude toward your husbands? After quite a few years of marriage my husband still excites me. I look forward to being with him. Here’s why. The intimacy we share does not begin in the bedroom. It’s walking through life together in a purposeful way. When my husband treats me with loving kindness and consideration it sure adds to my desire to serve him and do anything he asks. When we strive to do more than just go through the motions and intentionally maintain our relationship despite hardships and struggles it draws us closer. Wives when we listen carefully to our husbands we get into a tight flow. We begin to anticipate his needs and almost read his thoughts. My intent is not to lecture, just to point out that a problem in the bedroom is only 10% of the problem. The bedroom health is just the indicator of a larger issue.
The two sense of a wife, take it for what it’s worth.
 
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Mrs.S said:
Thank you for your thought provoking post. In a day and age of feminist rule it’s easy to see how we women could put our needs first. Being sleep deprived is certainly a challenge and then trying to preform well in all areas of home life sometimes feels overwhelming. I have 5 kids and so am no stranger to lack of sleep. However, in general I can certainly see how that can become an easy excuse for an out. With exception to all extreme cases that have already been noted and mutual care for your spouse I would say that woman in this day and age, in general, do forget that we are not to withhold our bodies from our husband in order to keep them from sin. This goes for husbands as well as wives. Women how’s your attitude toward your husbands? After quite a few years of marriage my husband still excites me. I look forward to being with him. Here’s why. The intimacy we share does not begin in the bedroom. It’s walking through life together in a purposeful way. When my husband treats me with loving kindness and consideration it sure adds to my desire to serve him and do anything he asks. When we strive to do more than just go through the motions and intentionally maintain our relationship despite hardships and struggles it draws us closer. Wives when we listen carefully to our husbands we get into a tight flow. We begin to anticipate his needs and almost read his thoughts. My intent is not lecture, just to pointing out that a problem in the bedroom is only 10% of the problem. The bedroom health is just the indicator of a larger issue.
The two sense of a wife, take it for what it’s worth.
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Sometimes you have to do what needs to get done regardless of how much sleep you haven't had, how tired you are, how worn out you feel or anything else. Life isn't always easy.
 

SHE​

11 I went down to the nut orchard

to look at mthe blossoms of the valley,

nto see whether the vines had budded,

whether the pomegranates were in bloom.

12 oBefore I was aware, my desire set me

among pthe chariots of my kinsman, a prince.2

Song of Solomon 6:11

A little TLC goes a long ways.
 
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MeganC said:
Sometimes you have to do what needs to get done regardless of how much sleep you haven't had, how tired you are, how worn out you feel or anything else. Life isn't always easy.
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THIS! I wish I could scream this into every new brides ear! Wives do have a duty to sexually fufill their husbands no matter what message mainstream media tries to push these days. There are going to be times you are tired, or not in the mood, or simply don't want to do what he is suggesting in bed, but it is your duty to do so if you are physically able. I can't count the times I wasn't in the mood and still slept with my husband. Its what us wives do.

If you fail to keep your husband happy and fulfilled he will find ways to satisfy himself elsewhere. Its a lesson I learned early on in my marriage and one where I realized it was up to me to step up because I was the one who let the ball slip in the first place
 
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