I’d be damned before I left my house over their say so. Just my own .02
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Prayer request Meeting the Pastors
- Thread starter Gary Slaughenhaupt
- Start date
I am so sorry Gary. There is almost a roadmap they all follow in this cases, almost like they’re getting directions from the same place....
That’s not helping you now though. The one thing I wish I had done differently when this happened to me (and it was basically verbatim the same) was that I wish I had fought more on the way out. I was uncharacteristically submissive. Mostly because I couldn’t accept what was happening. I was convinced everyone would come to their senses and stop this lunacy. They still haven’t 14 years later. Let us know how we can help but you need to be prepared brother. This train will most likely go through all the stations on its way to the wreck.
So she is leaving you now? Or it's still at the place that they're pushing that?
I have heard the same thing from several divorced men. Fight tooth and nail. YOU are head of your family, do not let that be taken from you easily.
Makes me want to puke.
How long oh Lord will you let these injustices continue! How long will you allow those called by your name to commit evil!
I have heard the same thing from several divorced men. Fight tooth and nail. YOU are head of your family, do not let that be taken from you easily.
Makes me want to puke.
How long oh Lord will you let these injustices continue! How long will you allow those called by your name to commit evil!
My dear friend, may our gracious God and Saviour strengthen and uphold you through this trial.
You wife may be leaving with the pastors' blessing but it's certainly not with God's blessing. Our God, the God who is the eternal creator and Saviour, is righteous and holy; He will deal justly with all. It is written, God is a just judge, And God is angry with the wicked every day (Ps. 7:11). And, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord (Rom. 12:19). Warn your wife she will answer to God for what she does, and so will the pastors. He judges according to His Word, not theirs. Shalom.
Is there anything to be gained by some sort of external intervention that we could arrange in some way. They have butted into your home and exerted false authority to tear apart your marriage. We could, though not members of their church, equally butt in to their patch and press the issue in various ways. At the mild end, several men could telephone each pastor to voice deep concern for the way they are treating a brother. At the steep end, we could raise the cult-like nature of this behaviour with their fellow pastors in other churches in the same city, and in their denomination in different cities. Exert maximum pressure from every angle we can think of, going on the offensive rather than just letting a brother be a victim without resistance.
Surely some of their peers woukd be shocked at their encouragement of divorce in a situation where no sin is even planned, let alone committed. You have committed to monogamy with her, for crying out loud, there's nothing the matter. Even if polygamy is the most heinous sin in the world, it's not even relevant!
Anything like that has the potential to backfire on @Gary Slaughenhaupt and would be best done only after careful consideration. I cannot promise any success. But people like this are likely easily shamed by negative pushback.
When we have a dispute with an individual, we are to take it to them individually, as @Gary Slaughenhaupt has done, but that's only step 1. Step 2 is to approach them with the support of Christian brothers - that we can do by telephone. Step 3 is to take it to 'the church', which in this context of a dispute with church leaders would imply taking it to those members of the Church whom they see as peers or superiors - the other pastors in their city in any denomination, and in their denomination in other areas.
Is there something we can do? Or should we leave @Gary Slaughenhaupt to fight alone?
Surely some of their peers woukd be shocked at their encouragement of divorce in a situation where no sin is even planned, let alone committed. You have committed to monogamy with her, for crying out loud, there's nothing the matter. Even if polygamy is the most heinous sin in the world, it's not even relevant!
Anything like that has the potential to backfire on @Gary Slaughenhaupt and would be best done only after careful consideration. I cannot promise any success. But people like this are likely easily shamed by negative pushback.
When we have a dispute with an individual, we are to take it to them individually, as @Gary Slaughenhaupt has done, but that's only step 1. Step 2 is to approach them with the support of Christian brothers - that we can do by telephone. Step 3 is to take it to 'the church', which in this context of a dispute with church leaders would imply taking it to those members of the Church whom they see as peers or superiors - the other pastors in their city in any denomination, and in their denomination in other areas.
Is there something we can do? Or should we leave @Gary Slaughenhaupt to fight alone?
Gary,
Some denomination believe that if a person breaks with them, or their clergy, that they are then in danger of losing salvation... I.e, the imication is that all other denominations are wrong and hell bound... Catholicism is one such example... does yours believe something along these lines?
With @Gary Slaughenhaupt 's approval, I'm happy to butt in for the honor of God and the righteousness of His Kingdom.
Oh wow brother. This is not good. I will be praying for you throughout my day. This is really not good.
I agree that a concerted fight may be in order, but prior to that, I would like to suggest something.
Her mind, and most likely spirit, are not in the right place right now. She's dwelling in a dark place emotionally and has let her emotions block her spiritual antennae. On her part, I think she probably imagines that by leaving, she will force you into submission to recant. It's really a suicide chicken drag race at the edge of a cliff with you not wanting to submit to this threat of her leaving, and her not wanting to accept your "threat" (her thinking) to take on a new lifestyle.
It may be naive of me to think or suggest this without really knowing your current dynamics, or having a feel of everything in person, but would she be open to spending time with you alone?
As we have seen from other brothers on here, the hardest step for a woman is often the final step. Once she actually leaves, it becomes easier for her to stay left.
As her head, her caretaker, her shepherd, I would suggest that you take time from work, and all other responsibilities and ask her to go away with you somewhere, anywhere. Whether it be for one week, two days, or even just for a super long drive into the countryside, you need to get her alone. Get her away from the noise of this kangaroo court. It's deafening her ears to you right now.
When alone, pour as much of your heart out as possible. No, I'm not suggesting you beg with your tail between your legs with her as your judge. I mean really letting her know what your marriage, and she means to you. All the years you've invested and spent loving her should account for something, and she needs to know that.
Scripture (Paul) does seem to allow for a husband and wife to separate for a short time, but that it should not be long, and reconcilliation as the assumed outcome.
I know you've already done much of this, but sometimes distance from the epicenter of the earthquake that is rattling her world is necessary to get her to just listen. Let her know that you are willing to fight. Let her know that you won't give up easily. In all honesty, this is the time you need to throw out the arguments from biblical evidence and just be real with her from an emotional standpoint, because that's where she is dwelling. She is dwelling in EmotionalLand and you need to gain entry there. The passports to that land don't accept logic and reason.
If she will not listen and will not let you get her alone, then just be honest with her. Let her know that the very thing she and these false prophets are accusing you of, she and they are coming very close to committing. Let her know that she is giving herself over to another man/men who are not her husband. You have not taken another wife, but she is allowing another man to be her husband. Let her see it for what it is.
I've got to run. I will try to follow up with more later. May the Almighty be with you today.
I agree that a concerted fight may be in order, but prior to that, I would like to suggest something.
Her mind, and most likely spirit, are not in the right place right now. She's dwelling in a dark place emotionally and has let her emotions block her spiritual antennae. On her part, I think she probably imagines that by leaving, she will force you into submission to recant. It's really a suicide chicken drag race at the edge of a cliff with you not wanting to submit to this threat of her leaving, and her not wanting to accept your "threat" (her thinking) to take on a new lifestyle.
It may be naive of me to think or suggest this without really knowing your current dynamics, or having a feel of everything in person, but would she be open to spending time with you alone?
As we have seen from other brothers on here, the hardest step for a woman is often the final step. Once she actually leaves, it becomes easier for her to stay left.
As her head, her caretaker, her shepherd, I would suggest that you take time from work, and all other responsibilities and ask her to go away with you somewhere, anywhere. Whether it be for one week, two days, or even just for a super long drive into the countryside, you need to get her alone. Get her away from the noise of this kangaroo court. It's deafening her ears to you right now.
When alone, pour as much of your heart out as possible. No, I'm not suggesting you beg with your tail between your legs with her as your judge. I mean really letting her know what your marriage, and she means to you. All the years you've invested and spent loving her should account for something, and she needs to know that.
Scripture (Paul) does seem to allow for a husband and wife to separate for a short time, but that it should not be long, and reconcilliation as the assumed outcome.
I know you've already done much of this, but sometimes distance from the epicenter of the earthquake that is rattling her world is necessary to get her to just listen. Let her know that you are willing to fight. Let her know that you won't give up easily. In all honesty, this is the time you need to throw out the arguments from biblical evidence and just be real with her from an emotional standpoint, because that's where she is dwelling. She is dwelling in EmotionalLand and you need to gain entry there. The passports to that land don't accept logic and reason.
If she will not listen and will not let you get her alone, then just be honest with her. Let her know that the very thing she and these false prophets are accusing you of, she and they are coming very close to committing. Let her know that she is giving herself over to another man/men who are not her husband. You have not taken another wife, but she is allowing another man to be her husband. Let her see it for what it is.
I've got to run. I will try to follow up with more later. May the Almighty be with you today.
I agree. They have violated that would should not be violated. Deus vult!
Although I'll say a good first step would be someone here to talk to someone there to hear what the other side of the story is. Wouldn't be the first time we weren't given all the relevant information.
Exactly. It's enough to make one wonder if maybe there is more to this situation, such as some hanky panky going on. It would not be the first time church leaders were doing that behind others backs. Putting her under another mans headship stinks of it.
Yes, that would be a very important step, and were I telephoning anyone along such lines I'd certainly be seeking that perspective first before simply criticising. You are correct, but I failed to mention that at all, which was a serious oversight in my post above (I was in emotive circumstances personally at the time of my post so failed to give balance to my words).
Yes, we would certainly need to check both sides of the story if we were going to get involved (or, rather, as part of getting involved).
And @Mojo's advice is far more important than my suggestion - it tackles the root of the situation. The interaction with the men in the church is simply a symptom of the underlying problem in @Gary Slaughenhaupt's marriage. Any "intervention" with the church is still only addressing a symptom. The actual problem is what truly needs to be addressed.
My suggestion is still very serious, but needs to be tempered and put into perspective by the wise words of @rockfox and @Mojo.
Let this be a warning to all, a 501c3 corporation is not a Church in the Biblical sense.
I’m not derailing the thread, just issuing a warning that the real start of this situation was way back when they were just innocently attending services at this building and accepting its pretense of authority.
The corporations don’t teach families about the headship of the husband, so it is a small step for them to claim the authority of the corporation for the good of the individual members.
I’m not derailing the thread, just issuing a warning that the real start of this situation was way back when they were just innocently attending services at this building and accepting its pretense of authority.
The corporations don’t teach families about the headship of the husband, so it is a small step for them to claim the authority of the corporation for the good of the individual members.
Agreed.
@Gary Slaughenhaupt, if you allow one/some of us to intervene on your behalf, I think it would be wise for us to get some background from their side too. Would you be willing?
Solid Gold Bro!
Breaking your word to submit to their judgment? I am guessing they put those words in your mouth. This isn't one of those NAR churches, by any chance, is it? It's as if they inserted themselves into I Cor 11:3!
Your wife should be fairly warned that if she files for divorce, she is tacitly permitting polygamy. You cannot be expected to be held to a monogamous vow that she is violating.
I was very moved by this outpouring of support though I was not looking for help. My initial thought was that getting help from my brothers here would just be throwing gas on the fire. After all one of the demands was that I not be on sites like this. I also wasn't sure it was wise to get men involved who I only know virtually and not even for that long. But after much prayer I realized this may be an answer to my prayers, however I an not certain the time is right.
Our church is an evangelical free church. And there has been no talk of divorce, just separation until I repent of adultery of the mind and they are satisfied I have, in my words, come to my senses.
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No.
I did invite it. I just got more than expected.
Good! Now the arrangements they want you to live under, may lead to an unhealthy situation. I don't want to chastise you for agreeing to abide by their judgment, but did you feel that was necessary in order to save your marriage?
If she was threatening to leave you, isn't that synonymous with threatening divorce?