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Is finding a second wife impossible?

steve said:
Yes and no.
I put the needs of my family before my own wants.
But their wants don’t have priority over everything.

Sorry, I am stating it badly this am. Someone will state it better.
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You nailed it.. Thank you Yahweh!
Finally... I am smiling over this one, ear to ear.
That is it.. Steve, That is what I mean by a husband putting his wife(s) and children before himself.. Thank you good sir!!!

What I was told in prayer was a man that puts others before himself is selfless not selfish.
-Cam
 
ZecAustin said:
I kind of reject the question. Your needs can be met the same time and way as theirs. You need food, shelter and clothing. Everything else is a want and a fairly extraneous one.
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Kevin said:
IMHO, I believe that when we put G-d first, then our families needs are met. When we following His will we (as husbands) fulfill our responsibilities to provide shelter, food, clothing, protection, and spiritual guidance. If we are leading well and following His Spirit then our wants and those of our families should align once again with His will. That's not to say we do not at times put ourselves before our families. Sometimes what's best for us is ,in the long run, best for our families.
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I like that Kevin, well said sir, what I think is what you and Steve said, go hand and hand.. But the reality is, only one can go through the door at a time, are you the kind, that opens the door for his lady to go in first?
That's is more or less what I am meaning, what kind of guy you're and what kind of women she is... very interesting points of views.

Shibboleth said:
Sure. Walking across a minefield, I'll put them before me. :eek: (note: I'm single)

I don't say this to be glib, but to illustrate the linguistic vagueness in such a question. For example, does putting a wife first entail deferring decision-making to her? If so, then I would think that would be an abdication of authority.

Christ loved the church self-sacrificially, but that doesn't mean He just let James and John go throwing fireballs willy-nilly because they wanted to, or that He gave Peter the full-body spa treatment when He washed his feet, or that He neglected His "work" (the crucifixion) so he could spend more time with them, or that He told the disciples they didn't have to serve Him, or feed His sheep, because it might be hard work for them.
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This made me laugh Shibboleth, only because my wife thought you were literally meaning, to tell your wife(s) and kids to go in front of you through a minefield, lol..
I am still giggling over explaining you were not talking about that in the literal sense... or were you? lol just kidding.
back to the brass tacks, I think many are over looking the point that Christ washed Peter's feet, you have the Son of God washing a man's feet, why?
"Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end." He was selfless not selfish, he didn't walk around and chest bump screaming "I am the Son of God, Obey!"
No he lead by example.. So as you men, are leading, are you leading by example?

So to say that a women is under a man, but for a man, to put a lady before himself is respect to a women is it not?
It doesn't mean a women controls a man, it means a man knows his place enough to treat a women well.. I don't get how this has been this difficult, man I suck at talking on the internet lol..
Sadly I don't have anymore time to throw my two cents down the wishing well, time for bed then work. Good day/night all.
Hope I didn't offend anyone for my lack thereof, I am sorry if I did, its not my intentions.

-Cam
 
Cam said:
But the reality is, only one can go through the door at a time, are you the kind, that opens the door for his lady to go in first?
That's is more or less what I am meaning, what kind of guy you're and what kind of women she is... very interesting points of views.
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Ok I believe I know where your coming from now. There are Chivalrous acts that have been lost to modern times such as opening and holding a door for your wife or complete strangers, pulling out her seat, helping her cross a puddle, Giving your coat to your wife when she’s cold, and sharing an umbrella even though you end up getting wet. I've never seen those things as putting my wife first just as good manners and a way to show her I love her. Here's an real life example of what I think about when it comes to the question of putting my wife first. My wife is a CNA, she is on her feet all day when she is working. I was tending my grandfather's cattle and property, which we lived on. She needed new shoes for work. I needed new boots for work. Our budget was real tight. It hurt me to see her come home and have to soak her feet because she was in pain, but the thing was if she couldn't working all that would happen was our budget would shrink and we'd have to tighten our belts even more. If I didn't work, well we could lose our place and so could my grandparents. I bought my boots first. Even though she had a need and I didn't like seeing her in pain, I had responsibilities that were greater. It just meant I was rubbing her feet every night until we got her some new shoes.
 
Kevin said:
Ok I believe I know where your coming from now. There are Chivalrous acts that have been lost to modern times such as opening and holding a door for your wife or complete strangers, pulling out her seat, helping her cross a puddle, Giving your coat to your wife when she’s cold, and sharing an umbrella even though you end up getting wet. I've never seen those things as putting my wife first just as good manners and a way to show her I love her.
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Kevin,
Nail on the head good sir.

Kevin said:
Here's an real life example of what I think about when it comes to the question of putting my wife first. My wife is a CNA, she is on her feet all day when she is working. I was tending my grandfather's cattle and property, which we lived on. She needed new shoes for work. I needed new boots for work. Our budget was real tight. It hurt me to see her come home and have to soak her feet because she was in pain, but the thing was if she couldn't working all that would happen was our budget would shrink and we'd have to tighten our belts even more. If I didn't work, well we could lose our place and so could my grandparents. I bought my boots first. Even though she had a need and I didn't like seeing her in pain, I had responsibilities that were greater. It just meant I was rubbing her feet every night until we got her some new shoes.
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I couldn't agree more because of the factors of your grandparents losing everything. Like you said your responsibilities were greater, but the fact you still put your wife before yourself in regards to soaking and rubbing her feet, shows the man you're, or at least in my eyes it does.. and from you doing field work, it is exhausting already, so for you to still do that shows the selflessness within you. I tip my hat to you sir!
 
Amen Bobbie!! My wife and I have looked for years. Made a lot of mistakes along the way, but learned a lot too. When it’s right, it’ll happen and seemingly in the oddest way(s); but His ways are not our ways. Who were the women that typically came to Christ? Not those with the greatest of reputations (men either). Keep our focus on Christ, which is done by putting Love first; then allow God to be God. It happens in His time and will. Great discussion all. Being amazed by all the discussions is full of blessings.
 
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This may not be the post to reply on but my issue is finding a Godly man that would marry a woman with children. A lot of men want a wife young enough to have children, well when you’re 48 yrs old that’s not going to happen. I’m not worried God will send the right man along just as he will send the right wife for you. :)
 
pinkjms said:
This may not be the post to reply on but my issue is finding a Godly man that would marry a woman with children.
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I think that depends. If the woman was a widow and the children were fatherless, than a woman with children would be a big plus. I think most men here like the idea of large families.

If the woman was divorced and the children already have a father, then there are additional difficulties with that scenario that might cause a man to pause.
 
pinkjms said:
This may not be the post to reply on but my issue is finding a Godly man that would marry a woman with children. A lot of men want a wife young enough to have children, well when you’re 48 yrs old that’s not going to happen. I’m not worried God will send the right man along just as he will send the right wife for you. :)
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Pinkjms ,
I will try to be brief. “Right!,” says most that know me. No need for amens here. First, cnystrom’s advice is very important. It should be a concern for you as well as a Son. Your concern with your “finding a godly man” should be important. I would merely suggest that you also ask yourself some critical questions to think or reflect on. (Reflect here meaning looking through the mirror of the Word). First, and what I have asked my children, “In your finding a Godly mate, are you more focused on ‘being’ the right mate?” I have asked many what their top five criteria for a mate is. It is amazing that rarely in 35 years of asking, that Love or a Godly person is in the top 5 or even the top 10. Now that’s both men and women. Now, with regards to marrying a woman with children. There are many questions here. Too many to be contained in answering them here, as I believe cynstrom has eluded to. Such as: Is the spouse alive? Was it a divorce? Was the divorce justified? Is he a Believer? Maybe to some men having a young wife with no children is important, but not to a Son. To a real Son, he is looking for character. Is Real Love paramount?what is Real Love to them? Is she a Believer? Is he? See the greater marriage ceremony is when a Son patiently with Real Love, opens the Word to her; then he asks her if she can “see” It and Believes It, and she can say from her soul, “I do,” or “Amen.” We as Sons need to remember, “She is my Sister first, then my wife. You see Sister, most look at children from only the physical connection.Like a husband and wife do, the parents need to try to make a spiritual connection too. I see them as not only my children, but they are God's children more so. We are only entrusted to raise them in Godly principles so they may be called His children. As they say, “Sperm don’t make you a father.” And by the same token, real children don’t care either who the donor was. It’s about who really Loves them, teaches them, natures them, encourages them, and yes corrects them. Age is irrelevant too. Many of us have been witnesses to 48 year old immature children and 15 year old mature adults. Again, it is about character; is God (Love) growing (maturing) in them? About sending a mate; I believe if it is God’s will to send us a spouse(s), then He will. But if we are not preparing to be a Godly spouse, then it will only be a passing on a sidewalk. What I ask myself on a regular basis, “Am I worthy, through Christ, of the wife God has given me now, so that I can be ready, by His will, to be ready and worthy of another? I pray this will bring more questions for you and others. Questions mean growth potential. Godly answers bring the growth. I also pray that God reveals the answers you need to your questions. As Isaiah spoke: “And it shall come to pass, that before they call I will answer, and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” I pray this has been a blessing to you. Please excuse if I don’t respond quickly, I am in an accelerated PhD program and time is at a premium. I just felt in my spirit your “call” needed an answer. Shalom.
Curtis
 
pinkjms said:
This may not be the post to reply on but my issue is finding a Godly man that would marry a woman with children. A lot of men want a wife young enough to have children, well when you’re 48 yrs old that’s not going to happen. I’m not worried God will send the right man along just as he will send the right wife for you. :)
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I would be open to and very much for taking a wife that had children but what I have noticed is most single moms are not willing to submit and allow someone else to parent. The world try’s to “empower” single moms and it looks like a mess. They often are looking for a husband but won’t let go of the control. Not saying this about you just my observation with single moms. I for one really would love to be a dad to kids in need of a dad.
 
David D said:
I would be open to and very much for taking a wife that had children but what I have noticed is most single moms are not willing to submit and allow someone else to parent. The world try’s to “empower” single moms and it looks like a mess. They often are looking for a husband but won’t let go of the control. Not saying this about you just my observation with single moms. I for one really would love to be a dad to kids in need of a dad.
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This is not really a single mom issue but one most women in today's society in general follow. The older they are the worse it gets. They may want a husband, but they want to control their own life separate. And as long as they can be defined as an individual then they will LET you be a part of their lives.
 
Cap said:
This is not really a single mom issue but one most women in today's society in general follow. The older they are the worse it gets. They may want a husband, but they want to control their own life separate. And as long as they can be defined as an individual the they will LET you be a part of their lives.
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Yes, your right. The ladies love pet men :)
 
David D said:
If he’s a safe enough guy to be in the picture then she should return to him. None of this co-parent best friend garbage.
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Good point!
If he is around, and safe enough to be in the picture.....she is probably the sort that was just not content with a good thing (assuming she left him) or if he is still trying to parent his kids but initiated the split that could indicate she isn't as easy to live with once a commitment is made.

Divorce to me is a warning of two bad possibilities that could impact a future relationship. One, the person is a quitter, and/or two, the person lacks judgement or discernment in choosing a partner.

That said, anyone can learn from their mistakes....provided they are willing to acknowledge them. I know too that we really have only so much influence over a partner....for good or bad.
 
Cam said:
ORIGINAL POST:
Its been very difficult with speaking to women my age (27) about plural marriage.
The moment its brought up and they know I support it.. I become weird, a pig, and then ugly.

My wife and I are active people and stay in good shape, and like to socialize.

I just think its the mindsets of the people we are around is sometimes discouraging to keep searching.
I go out to new places all the time to meet people, it just always boils down to their priorities and ours being completely different and or they won't accept the idea of plural marriage..

What do I do?

We have really good careers, and we don't want to have to relocate to another state, but at times it feels like the only option.

We go to new churches often, but we still have yet to find a church that follows everything as we do,

but still we search...any advice would be greatly appreciated.

UPDATE:
I found my second wife to be.. first I was shown in a dream, then 1 week later I found her.
God is the only good!
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You are welcome in Texas... LOL ..... there is a lot of us here and many have fellowship gatherings that I am sure would love to have you join them.
 
David D said:
I would be open to and very much for taking a wife that had children but what I have noticed is most single moms are not willing to submit and allow someone else to parent. The world try’s to “empower” single moms and it looks like a mess. They often are looking for a husband but won’t let go of the control. Not saying this about you just my observation with single moms. I for one really would love to be a dad to kids in need of a dad.
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But...why do you need to "control" this mom and her children . Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership?
 
David D said:
Lol! I would expect them to not accept child support and I don’t think kids should have to serve 2 masters so other dad can’t be in the picture. If he’s a safe enough guy to be in the picture then she should return to him. None of this co-parent best friend garbage.
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Not sure what you meant, but that's not how child support works. Bio-dads pay to support the children they conceived (as mandated by law). Bio-dads can't just pick and choose when they pay.

Did you mean that a single mom wouldn't accept child support? Considering that the money is supposed to go towards supporting her children, to not accept it would be disadvantageous to them.

As for not wanting the bio-dad to be in the picture, I'm pretty sure that legally,children over the age on 12 get some say in the matter and it definitely wouldn't help your relationship with the child or the mom to put your foot down.
 
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