Is finding a second wife impossible?

[Curtis Gerhart]

Cam,
First, don’t major on a minor. Polygyny is a truth and not the whole truth. It is not a utopia. It is not heaven and for some it has been just the opposite. Many times we as believers can get distracted by small truths in the Word and miss the greater purpose. If we are not growing and nurturing real Love, then we may be losing sight of marriage’s greater purpose.
Second, don’t rely on your feelings. Rely on God’s Word. One of the biggest problems in polygyny is people fail to answer the more important questions. Starting with, “
Amos 3:3 KJV
[3] “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” In the past, I have put my feelings above what God’s Word teaches. Ohhhh the pain. As many have wisely told you and given you beautiful guidance. Be careful, be cautious, wise; but most of all be Loving. Go read many of the Sisters’ posts. There is pain, joy, growth; but most of all wisdom. As much as the men’s perspective can offer too, if not more; we aaalllll need to hear and understand what these wise Ladies have to say. It. Is. Rich!! My father said, “God gave you two eyes, two ears, and one mouth for a reason. It was a Devine plan. To look and listen more than you talk.” More than you, your wife(s) need the wisdom, lessons learned of those here. You sound like you are willing to glean much from here. I pray you do. Please don’t misinterpret my words here. I am not making any assumptions or accusations, but only trying to prevent mistakes (lessons learned) that I know I have made. You are here; and by that, I can see you trying to prevent those hard lessons. God bless in your journey.

 

[The Revolting Man]

The other thing to remember is that even in the societies where it is most practiced polygyny only accounts for 15% of the marriages. It's just not going to be a thing for most of us. You truly are a high status male if you are able to do it successfully. Most of us need to focus on making our monogamous marriages conform to scripture and running interference for those men who are setting the example.

 

[joe88]

Most of us need to focus on making our monogamous marriages conform to scripture

This has definitely been my biggest takeaway on the issue over the years. Bloom where you're planted.

 

[andrew]

The difference between one wife, or one house, or one car, etc and having zero is infinite. The differences from there are ones of marginal utility. If you're doing a good job taking care of one, you'll be in a better position to consider whether you really need two or just want two or are just being self-indulgent.

 

[Cam]

Cam,
First, don’t major on a minor. Polygyny is a truth and not the whole truth. It is not a utopia. It is not heaven and for some it has been just the opposite. Many times we as believers can get distracted by small truths in the Word and miss the greater purpose. If we are not growing and nurturing real Love, then we may be losing sight of marriage’s greater purpose.
Second, don’t rely on your feelings. Rely on God’s Word. One of the biggest problems in polygyny is people fail to answer the more important questions. Starting with, “
Amos 3:3 KJV
[3] “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” In the past, I have put my feelings above what God’s Word teaches. Ohhhh the pain. As many have wisely told you and given you beautiful guidance. Be careful, be cautious, wise; but most of all be Loving. Go read many of the Sisters’ posts. There is pain, joy, growth; but most of all wisdom. As much as the men’s perspective can offer too, if not more; we aaalllll need to hear and understand what these wise Ladies have to say. It. Is. Rich!! My father said, “God gave you two eyes, two ears, and one mouth for a reason. It was a Devine plan. To look and listen more than you talk.” More than you, your wife(s) need the wisdom, lessons learned of those here. You sound like you are willing to glean much from here. I pray you do. Please don’t misinterpret my words here. I am not making any assumptions or accusations, but only trying to prevent mistakes (lessons learned) that I know I have made. You are here; and by that, I can see you trying to prevent those hard lessons. God bless in your journey.

I have learned a great deal here already on this site with everyone kind enough to give their opinions,
I am thankful to everyone who posted and those who sent me a private message, its helped a great deal.
I will certainly check around this site some more, thank you for pointing that out.

I said prior to one, one of my fav quotes is "Peace comes to those who're silent." so we would agree on listening more then talking.

I agree not majoring a minor, but the internet is like text messaging it does not convoy someone completely how they mean or their expression used.

Do you believe a man should put himself before his wife(s) and kids? If your answer is not "Yes" then that is where we are different.

I asked Yahweh what I shall do, one of the first things was making sure my first is taken care of before seeking another,
In my house I put God first, my wife, then myself. As my wife puts God first me second, and then herself.

My wife is taken care of and my daily goal is to be better then I was yesterday.
Unfortunately working with wolves I don't get to talk to many people about said issues.
I believe after I do the things I need to do that I was told, will I then find her.

I am on a journey that is going to have its ups and downs, but when its completed its going to be that much better for the low points

More then anything for me, the fact that I know I will find her is where my weakness is, for I get antsy, and I was just blowing off smoke and also being factious about asking if it is impossible,
For with Yahweh nothing is impossible, but I was just doing that to cope with how most women are I have encountered in society in 2017, about to be 2018.

Thank you very much sir for your message, i am going to go take a leak around
-Cam

 

[EK8]

It will happen when God brings that person into your life. I literally met my husband 3 mos before we got married and I'm the second wife. I knew God led us together and was telling me to marry him. Before I came along my Sister wife and husband talked about polgamy and how a man could have many wives. She always said he could have as many as God is thinking for him to have. I feel the same way. It's all based on what God is thinking for this family. We belong to the Church up in heaven.

 

[Cam]

The other thing to remember is that even in the societies where it is most practiced polygyny only accounts for 15% of the marriages. It's just not going to be a thing for most of us. You truly are a high status male if you are able to do it successfully. Most of us need to focus on making our monogamous marriages conform to scripture and running interference for those men who are setting the example.

I liked you saying that they only account for 15% of marriages, for when Yahweh makes it happen for me its another moment I will share with Him. "Against all odds" as the group would say here..
I had the realest dream of my two wives together, it was amazing but I took away more from the place we were in then anything..

 

[Cam]

This has definitely been my biggest takeaway on the issue over the years. Bloom where you're planted.

That is a daily mission already in our house sir I like that "Bloom when you're planted" I am taking that if you don't mind. I love quotes.

 

[Cam]

The difference between one wife, or one house, or one car, etc and having zero is infinite. The differences from there are ones of marginal utility. If you're doing a good job taking care of one, you'll be in a better position to consider whether you really need two or just want two or are just being self-indulgent.

I like you lol your a interesting fellow, If I was going to do it my way, I wouldn't be here in this lifestyle and I would be conquering the workforce, with no goals to have a plural family nor kids.
I would also be pursuing my music production and other worldly affairs.
Its a different story when you're called to it. I dunno how to say it.. If it wasn't for Yahweh I would still be climbing the career ladder.
I climb not my own, but His ladder, I don't know how it will happen but I do know that it will. I have had a handful of times in my life where I just knew something was going to happen, and I heard a voice in my heart tell me.
It was my choice to listen to it, but when I did.. it always happened, or was right.. Thus I am ok with not knowing how it will happen, but if learn to staple my lips more often I will find more peace along the way.

I have had a very interesting time on this site already seeing everyone elts points of views, and their own journeys its been comforting to see other people, and not anti-plural people like I do daily.
But rest assured my venting won't be quickly shot out of my fingers to be misconstrued again, I take all responsibilities for my op but then again if it wasn't how it was, I wouldn't have had the same exact responses, so I am happy for the overallness of it.
(overallness is a word I just invented lol)
I am going to go take a gander around this site before I have to go, Thank you very much for your message sir!

 

[Cam]

It will happen when God brings that person into your life. I literally met my husband 3 mos before we got married and I'm the second wife. I knew God led us together and was telling me to marry him. Before I came along my Sister wife and husband talked about polgamy and how a man could have many wives. She always said he could have as many as God is thinking for him to have. I feel the same way. It's all based on what God is thinking for this family. We belong to the Church up in heaven.

I agree with you, He is leading me to her, I am to find her in this world outside around me and do some legwork, but I have somethings I need to accomplish before hand, and I know once those are completed He will make her known to me, One of the things I was told though and this is for me personally, was I was to learn from David, and Solomon's mistakes. From David committing adultery, murdering a man to take his wife, to Solomon having seven hundred wives, that turned his heart away from Him, and worshiping false gods and idols.

I had a great deal of lessons learned through being vigilant, and also to remembering to put Yah (God) first in it all, to follow my heart, and keep his Commandments, Laws and Regulations above all elts.

I am happy to hear you found him and you're journey of searching is over, but your new journey of building a strong family under Him has begun. I wish you all the best!

I finally have caught up with responding to all the comments lol, I am going to take a gander at whats around this place finally, a good sir Curtis pointed to some places to look, also I had a dream I would love to hear peoples opinions on.
Thank you very much for your comment ma'am.

 

[Mikki G.]

There is all sorts of advice but I'll just tell you what works for some women is to first be friends with your wife and then ease into the idea of becoming a family. I know I would have NEVER been open to a contact with my husband at first and instead it was my sw Christie who reached out to me and we made friends. Then there was a couple visits to the house, a little courting, and then a moment of truth to decide to stay or go and I chose to stay.

It really helped me to know that my sw wanted a friend and a companion from me and that opened me up to being with my husband. With my previous experiences I was really afraid of men and did not want to be alone with one and that was a big part of what attracted me to poly was knowing that there were other women in the house.

I'll also say that something that makes you more attractive is when you're debt free and when you live within your means. A potential sw will look at this and see a safe situation to start a family.

- Megan

Love this. Awesome advice

 

[Curtis Gerhart]

Never put your wife first. The greatest expression of Real Love to your wife is that God is always first in your life. Now we may disagree, but based on the order the scripture teaches and that none of us can have two masters (you do the search), then your wife cannot serve you and God at the same time. It teaches, she is to obey you in all things. Not some. Not 90%. Not as long as it fits the Word, but all things. Did Abraham’s wife Sarah? Yes, to the point of adultery. He was her lord. You are lord and savior to her. I would list the plethora of scriptures, but you do the search. It’ll have so much greater value. That is why it is SSSSOOOOOO critical that you and every Son keeps working at getting the understanding/revelation right. Not some. Not 90%. Not mostly. That’s not to say one must wait until we understand PM “perfectly”. But similar to learning to drive a car. One must study about driving, listen to many others who have driven (good and bad); but eventually if you (and God) find it necessary to drive, you are gonna need to get behind the wheel. Again, the best advice I got in driving safely is my father told me, “Remember Son, everyone is counting on you to be your best behind this wheel. Because if you aren’t your best they will not reach their destination safely.” God put the Sons “behind the wheel.” No greater “driving force” to be a “safe driver” than real Love. Remember Paul taught in Ephesians that the relationship that your wife and you have is suppose to be exactly the same as Christ and His Bride. Not some. Not 90%. Not mostly. Most problems in marriages are not her being the bride or wife she needs to be, but the man not being her christ, lord, savior, leader she needs him to be. I believe it’s in the DNA of Sons to lead. I also believe it’s in the DNA of every Daughter to follow a Son. Great leaders are said to not be merely pointers of the way, but they ARE the way. Hence Christ is the way . . . By your responses you are going in the right direction Son. Stay the course faithfully, but mostly with real Love as your highest priority (1 Corinthians 12:31 - 1 Corinthians 13:13) and you will attain all the plans God has for you. My greatest priority or maybe goal here at this site or at the retreats is not to point what is right or wrong, but to point to that there is a “more excellent way” to approach Christ/the Word/Truth and to have closer deeper relationships. “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (Love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” See there is only one subtle difference between law and grace. It is the same Word/Scriptures, but law forces a person based on fear. Grace persuades based on Love. I will never forget a question that was asked of a man of God. A person asked him, “How does one cast out demons?” He said, “That’s simple Brother. You Love them out.” I pray this all helps.

 

[Cam]

Never put your wife first.

I told you, I put Yahweh (God) first.

I asked you,
Question: - Do you believe a good husband puts his wives and children before himself? - Yes or No?



Question for everyone who reads,
Does the reader believe a husband should put his wife(s) and kids before himself? - Yes or No?

 

[steve]

Yes and no.
I put the needs of my family before my own wants.
But their wants don’t have priority over everything.

Sorry, I am stating it badly this am. Someone will state it better.

 

[The Revolting Man]

I kind of reject the question. Your needs can be met the same time and way as theirs. You need food, shelter and clothing. Everything else is a want and a fairly extraneous one.

 

[Nikud]

Does the reader believe a husband should put his wife(s) and kids before himself? - Yes or N

Yes and no.
I put the needs of my family before my own wants.
But their wants don’t have priority over everything.

Your needs can be met the same time and way as theirs. You need food, shelter and clothing. Everything else is a want and a fairly extraneous one.

IMHO, I believe that when we put G-d first, then our families needs are met. When we following His will we (as husbands) fulfill our responsibilities to provide shelter, food, clothing, protection, and spiritual guidance. If we are leading well and following His Spirit then our wants and those of our families should align once again with His will. That's not to say we do not at times put ourselves before our families. Sometimes what's best for us is ,in the long run, best for our families.

 

[Verifyveritas76]

I told you, I put Yahweh (God) first.

I asked you,
Question: - Do you believe a good husband puts his wives and children before himself? - Yes or No?



Question for everyone who reads,
Does the reader believe a husband should put his wife(s) and kids before himself? - Yes or No?

The biblical principle that comes to my mind is that thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treads out the corn. In proto-Sinai /Semitic Hebrew, the Aleph or A is represented by the ox head because the man, as the head of the house, is the ox who protects and provides for his family. The ox is to be the first partaker of the harvest as a reward for the labor he's invested in the finished product.

That being said, when the man is a steward, his first priority should be to the one who has called and appointed him to his position, the Master. The Master's base instructions include providing needs and protection for the Rez (the seed/talents) that has been entrusted to him but has provided for the "ox" to be first partaker of the increase.

 

[Nikud]

I may be wrong, and @Curtis Gerhart and @Verifyveritas76 please correct me if I am, but I believe what they both are saying, even though you put G-d first, you should not put your wife above you. Our responsibilities are to serve G-d, Tend to our needs so that we can better serve Him, and fulfill our responsibility to tend to the needs of our wives, then children.

 

[Shibboleth]

Question: - Do you believe a good husband puts his wives and children before himself? - Yes or No?

Sure. Walking across a minefield, I'll put them before me. (note: I'm single)

I don't say this to be glib, but to illustrate the linguistic vagueness in such a question. For example, does putting a wife first entail deferring decision-making to her? If so, then I would think that would be an abdication of authority.

Christ loved the church self-sacrificially, but that doesn't mean He just let James and John go throwing fireballs willy-nilly because they wanted to, or that He gave Peter the full-body spa treatment when He washed his feet, or that He neglected His "work" (the crucifixion) so he could spend more time with them, or that He told the disciples they didn't have to serve Him, or feed His sheep, because it might be hard work for them.

 

[Mikki G.]

I told you, I put Yahweh (God) first.

I asked you,
Question: - Do you believe a good husband puts his wives and children before himself? - Yes or No?



Question for everyone who reads,
Does the reader believe a husband should put his wife(s) and kids before himself? - Yes or No?

There are certain situations when my husband put our daughter before me, only because she is special needs and needs that extra support and loving. But when it comes to everyday things, he knows that in order to be the "Head" of the house hold, we have to make sure our house "spiritual walk" is solid as a rock. So God comes first