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Is finding a second wife impossible?

Cam

Cam

Member
Male
ORIGINAL POST:
Its been very difficult with speaking to women my age (27) about plural marriage.
The moment its brought up and they know I support it.. I become weird, a pig, and then ugly.

My wife and I are active people and stay in good shape, and like to socialize.

I just think its the mindsets of the people we are around is sometimes discouraging to keep searching.
I go out to new places all the time to meet people, it just always boils down to their priorities and ours being completely different and or they won't accept the idea of plural marriage..

What do I do?

We have really good careers, and we don't want to have to relocate to another state, but at times it feels like the only option.

We go to new churches often, but we still have yet to find a church that follows everything as we do,

but still we search...any advice would be greatly appreciated.

UPDATE:
I found my second wife to be.. first I was shown in a dream, then 1 week later I found her.
God is the only good!
 
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I hear you.
This lifestyle doesn't just happen once it has been chosen. Anything else in the Word, once you see it you are expected to live it.

Simply focus on being the best you that you can become.
Focus on building your marriage into the best marriage that it can become.
I guarantee that when the time comes that you start another relationship, you will suddenly discover how ill prepared that you were.
 
Cam, I am one of two wives, and when I came along my husband wasn't actively looking for a second wife. God put this desire in my husbands heart and he knew it was God's will to marry me.
Unfortunately, I had to go through some hard things before I was open to be in a plural marriage.
I was even raised in a plural family, so I didn't have to completely change my mindset. I married my husband knowing it was totally the will of God. All I can say is, God knows your heart, and I know He will open doors for you as you seek His will and pray.
 
Focus on your work for the Kingdom of God. Be the kind of man that needs more helpers to accomplish all that God has called you to do. He'll provide when you're ready and have a legitimate need.
 
Since you wrote "we", it seems your wife is already on board.
That is no small feat. Basque in gratitude for that; many guys here have a 2nd lined up but the 1st is causing problems.
You've got the hard part out of the way already! Be encouraged.
Now regarding tactics... I agree with what all the other folks here wrote. I want to just add that sometimes G-d wants to help someone in a bad situation and the mercy of Plural Marriage can be an aid in this area.
There are 3rd world countries where many of the righteous women don't have enough men to marry (under monogamy's tyranny).
There are also countries where polygamy is quite common and even some Christian groups espouse it (Kenya).

It may very well be that G-d put this desire in your heart so that you can also improve the life of one of his servant's from one of these other countries where the modern Feminism has not yet indoctrinated the culture.
Since you and your wife have good jobs, you can afford to visit / court such candidates then bring her/ them in one at a time... on your trips you'll also discover new and amazing ways to give your charity because when you're on the ground there is no charity-industrial-complex overhead to support. Your act of love can become an infinite charity pulling a lovely soul out of hardship; it may be the reason G-d put this desire in your heart in the first place.
 
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Cam said:
Its been very difficult with speaking to women my age (27) about plural marriage.
The moment its brought up and they know I support it.. I become weird, a pig, and then ugly.

My wife and I are active people and stay in good shape, and like to socialize.

I just think its the mindsets of the people we are around is sometimes discouraging to keep searching.
I go out to new places all the time to meet people, it just always boils down to their priorities and ours being completely different and or they won't accept the idea of plural marriage..

What do I do?

We have really good careers, and we don't want to have to relocate to another state, but at times it feels like the only option.

We go to new churches often, but we still have yet to find a church that follows everything as we do,

but still we search...any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...

There is all sorts of advice but I'll just tell you what works for some women is to first be friends with your wife and then ease into the idea of becoming a family. I know I would have NEVER been open to a contact with my husband at first and instead it was my sw Christie who reached out to me and we made friends. Then there was a couple visits to the house, a little courting, and then a moment of truth to decide to stay or go and I chose to stay.

It really helped me to know that my sw wanted a friend and a companion from me and that opened me up to being with my husband. With my previous experiences I was really afraid of men and did not want to be alone with one and that was a big part of what attracted me to poly was knowing that there were other women in the house.

I'll also say that something that makes you more attractive is when you're debt free and when you live within your means. A potential sw will look at this and see a safe situation to start a family.

- Megan
 
MeganC said:
There is all sorts of advice but I'll just tell you what works for some women is to first be friends with your wife and then ease into the idea of becoming a family. I know I would have NEVER been open to a contact with my husband at first and instead it was my sw Christie who reached out to me and we made friends. Then there was a couple visits to the house, a little courting, and then a moment of truth to decide to stay or go and I chose to stay.

It really helped me to know that my sw wanted a friend and a companion from me and that opened me up to being with my husband. With my previous experiences I was really afraid of men and did not want to be alone with one and that was a big part of what attracted me to poly was knowing that there were other women in the house.

I'll also say that something that makes you more attractive is when you're debt free and when you live within your means. A potential sw will look at this and see a safe situation to start a family.

- Megan
Click to expand...
Spot on Megan. :) My wife and I are content the way we are. If it happens it happens, but for me it is critical that she is real close to my wife. I would love it if I took a Sister wife “for them.” I would Love seeing them grow to inseparable.,:D
 
steve said:
I hear you.
This lifestyle doesn't just happen once it has been chosen. Anything else in the Word, once you see it you are expected to live it.

Simply focus on being the best you that you can become.
Focus on building your marriage into the best marriage that it can become.
I guarantee that when the time comes that you start another relationship, you will suddenly discover how ill prepared that you were.
Click to expand...

Steve,
I agree with you,
Every day is a test, and we should everyday be better then we were yesterday.
That is what I live by..

I put God first, and my wife and children second, myself last.
(I don't have kids yet, one day tho.)

its nice being able to vent to people on here, because between God, my wife and I.
I don't get to talk to many about plural issues. I put all faith in God in everything,
Its just nice to talk about the problems with others who've experienced this.

- Cam.
 
SarahN said:
Cam, I am one of two wives, and when I came along my husband wasn't actively looking for a second wife. God put this desire in my husbands heart and he knew it was God's will to marry me.
Unfortunately, I had to go through some hard things before I was open to be in a plural marriage.
I was even raised in a plural family, so I didn't have to completely change my mindset. I married my husband knowing it was totally the will of God. All I can say is, God knows your heart, and I know He will open doors for you as you seek His will and pray.
Click to expand...

Sarah,
Its funny you say that..
That is how my wife and I met.. lol.. My friend at the time was the one into her, and she was into me, we started talking.. I blinked and 8 years have gone by with her. :-)
I hear you on the ruff parts, my wife and I have been together when we were at or worst in life, but it was God that fixed us and made us even closer together.

I think the hard times make the good times all that better, I am happy to hear you were able to work it all out.
That is nice you have life experience with a plural household as with anyone, it makes one a library of knowledge on the topic. :-) Which is a great thing to have.

Who knows but God, maybe he wanted me here to talk to you all about this.. I don't know but I do know what I was told that I am going to continue doing.
I am enjoying the journey but boy has this been a long journey lol. I leave you with one of my fav quotes.
"The journey of one thousand miles, begins with a single footstep."
God has me on a journey one I have thought was easier until I set out upon it, a few times I thought about giving up.. but each time I asked God, it was clearer I
needed to look more. But on my journey I have found that gold is not easily accessible because if it was, then it wouldn't be worth its price.. much of everything in life..

-Cam
 
andrew said:
Focus on your work for the Kingdom of God. Be the kind of man that needs more helpers to accomplish all that God has called you to do. He'll provide when you're ready and have a legitimate need.
Click to expand...

Andrew,
You're very right on that sir! and I do need to focus more on my work for His Kingdom.
We have been combing out the local churches to find the one that we belong too, one that follows as we do.

Its just nice being able to vent to people who won't table me a pig.. lol.
Liberal logic of Washington state sadly..
(Not to offend any liberals or anything, I am a conservative and I am a traditionalist.)

-Cam
 
These things can take a very long time.
David was anointed king of Israel as a boy. He became king of Judah at the age of 30, and king of Israel at the age of 37.
Joseph was sold as a slave at the age of 17. He became ruler of Egypt at 30.
Abraham was promised the land of Canaan. His descendants gained it over 400 years later.

God's timing is not our timing, and His plans are not our plans. He's given you one wife, given you the knowledge of plural marriage, and put you in the same mind about it. That is awesome. He might intend for you to pick up a hitchhiker tomorrow who becomes your wife. Or He might have someone in mind for you in 10 years time. Or he might know that you're going to die suddenly in the future and your wife needs to understand plural marriage because that's how He will provide for her as a widow. Or possibly neither of you will ever be in a plural marriage, but a married man's going to ask for your daughter as a third wife one day, and God knows you need a good 20 years of acceptance of plural marriage before you're really truly comfortable enough with it to say yes when it involves your own daughter...

Just relax and focus on being a husband. It's the best possible preparation for polygamy. If God has someone in mind for you, He'll bring her along, nothing will stand in His way once it's the right time.
 
Cam said:
Mojo,
Any response is better than none, :) So no worries..
I agree, a good seasoning is in order!
Who's place would you like to do that at?
Yours or mine?
:)
-Cam
Click to expand...
I can't season your life. Only God and the circumstances he brings your way can do that. Unfortunately, our cushy, Western lives lived in relative comfort extends that seasoning for most.
 
IshChayil said:
Since you wrote "we", it seems your wife is already on board.
That is no small feat. Basque in gratitude for that; many guys here have a 2nd lined up but the 1st is causing problems.
You've got the hard part out of the way already! Be encouraged.
Now regarding tactics... I agree with what all the other folks here wrote. I want to just add that sometimes G-d wants to help someone in a bad situation and the mercy of Plural Marriage can be an aid in this area.
There are 3rd world countries where many of the righteous women don't have enough men to marry (under monogamy's tyranny).
There are also countries where polygamy is quite common and even some Christian groups espouse it (Kenya).

It may very well be that G-d put this desire in your heart so that you can also improve the life of one of his servant's from one of these other countries where the modern Feminism has not yet indoctrinated the culture.
Since you and your wife have good jobs, you can afford to visit / court such candidates then bring her/ them in one at a time... on your trips you'll also discover new and amazing ways to give your charity because when you're on the ground there is no charity-industrial-complex overhead to support. Your act of love can become an infinite charity pulling a lovely soul out of hardship; it may be the reason G-d put this desire in your heart in the first place.
Click to expand...

IshChayil,
My wife has been on board before we got married so that wasn't a problem.. More or less finding a women that wants a sister wife as a best friend, is what i am looking for.
I find your post was the one that stood out to me the most.. I asked God what to do, one of the many things I was told, one was to learn from David, and Solomon's mistakes.
Also my wife talked to me about going to another country.. It has crossed my mind, and I have almost done it.. But my job takes most of my time, and finding time to is difficult.
I think your onto something about venturing out of the nation though, when the time becomes available I will consider it.

I would love to respond more in depth but I am on my lunch break and have to cut it short, I will respond again in more detail when I am off work.
-Cam
 
MeganC said:
There is all sorts of advice but I'll just tell you what works for some women is to first be friends with your wife and then ease into the idea of becoming a family. I know I would have NEVER been open to a contact with my husband at first and instead it was my sw Christie who reached out to me and we made friends. Then there was a couple visits to the house, a little courting, and then a moment of truth to decide to stay or go and I chose to stay.

It really helped me to know that my sw wanted a friend and a companion from me and that opened me up to being with my husband. With my previous experiences I was really afraid of men and did not want to be alone with one and that was a big part of what attracted me to poly was knowing that there were other women in the house.

I'll also say that something that makes you more attractive is when you're debt free and when you live within your means. A potential sw will look at this and see a safe situation to start a family.

- Megan
Click to expand...

I discussed that with my wife, and she feels its my job to do, and that it is not her journey to take for me.
So its made it a bit more difficult for me, because I do not want a second wife that does not want a best friendship from my first wife.
She deserves a women that is as open as she is, and a lady to talk lady matters with.
I am debt free, or I should say my debt income level is low compared to my income.
I have to go, my lunch break is over, I will respond more later after my house work is done for the wife.
-Cam
 
Cam said:
I discussed that with my wife, and she feels its my job to do, and that it is not her journey to take for me.
So its made it a bit more difficult for me, because I do not want a second wife that does not want a best friendship from my first wife.
Click to expand...
It only makes it difficult if you're trying to figure out how to make it happen under your own strength. If you leave it to God, there's a good chance He'll introduce them as friends before the idea of marriage is ever contemplated. She might get surprised... :)
 
FollowingHim said:
These things can take a very long time.
David was anointed king of Israel as a boy. He became king of Judah at the age of 30, and king of Israel at the age of 37.
Joseph was sold as a slave at the age of 17. He became ruler of Egypt at 30.
Abraham was promised the land of Canaan. His descendants gained it over 400 years later.

God's timing is not our timing, and His plans are not our plans. He's given you one wife, given you the knowledge of plural marriage, and put you in the same mind about it. That is awesome. He might intend for you to pick up a hitchhiker tomorrow who becomes your wife. Or He might have someone in mind for you in 10 years time. Or he might know that you're going to die suddenly in the future and your wife needs to understand plural marriage because that's how He will provide for her as a widow. Or possibly neither of you will ever be in a plural marriage, but a married man's going to ask for your daughter as a third wife one day, and God knows you need a good 20 years of acceptance of plural marriage before you're really truly comfortable enough with it to say yes when it involves your own daughter...

Just relax and focus on being a husband. It's the best possible preparation for polygamy. If God has someone in mind for you, He'll bring her along, nothing will stand in His way once it's the right time.
Click to expand...

I can't agree more, but my first post was more of me venting to people that I believe has under gone what I have gone through..
You're 100% right on Yah's (God's) timing and like my wife and I and how it all feel in place is truly amazing.

I am on this site to absorb as much information from people who have life experience I seek to gain wisdom from to help me better understand my personal journey.
I just don't have many to talk to about these matters besides God, and my wife. So I wanted to throw out to everyone my frustrations and difficulties.
I can see how my op looks, I am sorry for that.
I leave you with a fav quote of mine, "Peace comes to those who are silent." lol..
I have been talking to this lady for the last 3 weeks, it was not until today I felt something, that just felt..right. it was weird for a second in the moment of realization of how it felt..
Never was I looking at her, more we came together through our work..
but I will leave that their, because I don't wanna put my foot in my mouth anymore than I have..

-Cam
 
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