I'm making this thread to try to understand a woman's perspective, men feel free to post as well if you think you have good advice for me, input, etc. I've looked around the forum and couldn't find a thread like this one. This has been one of the main issues I deal with with my wife. The whole difference in understanding women's and men's roles based on the bible, compared to how she's been taught her whole life. On one hand she says I misinterpret, but on the other hand this issue messes with her faith, she gets mad at God, in anger she speaks against the bible, says how disgusting it is, and wrong He is.
Here's some of the main points I deal with in dispute:
Obedience to your husband in everything, as unto the Lord as scripture says, seems unreasonable to her. She tends to always ask is everything really everything? Like rob a bank? Kill someone?
She hates that men can have more wives. That it is in their authority to do so. It is disgusting to her.
That they take wives for their lustful urges, and nothing else.
She feels that it renders her as simply nothing more than an object, which I assure her it does not, and especially not to me.
That she answers to me, even if I say I don't approve of a piece of clothing.
That the woman biblically belongs to the man, in marriage
That the bible seems to be written for men, and that God doesn't care about her.
How do you women(and men) tackle dealing with this issue that the Bible can be offensive towards you, the modern day woman? How do you come to terms with it? Did you also suffer with these issues?
My wife may very well read this, so you can even speak as if you're talking to her and not me. I personally don't know how to answer some of these questions. Knowing how a woman understands these things would really help me to gain perspective, and how to help my wife with what she is dealing with in reading the bible.
If you men would truly put God and Jesus on the throne of your hearts...if you would submit to God the way you want us women to submit to you you will never concern yourselves about our submission! You will have our love, our loyalty, our passion, our dedication, our devotion, our labor, our bodies, our wealth, our hearts, our everything!
This thread has been an interesting read and I in the main agree with what
@Keith Martin and
@NickF have said, however, I am going to contribute from a slightly different angle.
Firstly the title of this thread
How do you, the women of this forum get over
the "unfairness" of patriarchy, especially polygyny?
I have had many a conversation where this position has been put forth by women but I disagree with the very idea.
Firstly, if a man mistreats his Ishah then his prayers are hindered
1 Peter 3:7 KJV — Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Find me a verse for a woman that is as harsh as that, our prayers being hindered as men is just unthinkable for me.
Needless to say I do not think it is unfair because as a man, with authority comes responsibility, and women are a YAH God given responsibility.
I have found personally that being focused on the kingdom of YAH and his will has been more than enough to deal with every woman including daughters, given to me, being given to me and will be enough for any other women YAH gives me, which is why the following statement by
@MeganC resonated and I believe has been overlooked.
If you men would truly put God and Jesus on the throne of your hearts...if you would submit to God the way you want us women to submit to you you will never concern yourselves about our submission! You will have our love, our loyalty, our passion, our dedication, our devotion, our labor, our bodies, our wealth, our hearts, our everything!
I am inclined to strongly agree with this statement, because it is what I have experienced. What she has stated above is the truth.
The fact is, no matter how pretty, beautiful, fit, sexy or smexsy etc a woman is, there is NO perfect woman under heaven.
Our women may be perfect for us, however they are still being perfected and washed by the washing of the water of the word we administer as we are as men by MessiYah.
There is a huge push online and it seems to me to be increasingly amongst believers that has this unhealthy focus on women submitting etc, HOWEVER, when woman was gifted to man, man was still the image and likeness / glory of YAH.
We seem to be in a time where
"...The woman that you gave me..."
position is being pushed and monetized to the max. This is where I believe there is a disconnect and gross misunderstanding of YAH God stating we will rule over our women and our women being a coheir with us. Men ruling over women is a result of the fall not a command or statement of authority.
We know we are in the last days and I haven't come across a scripture that states
...in the last days perilous times shall come. For WOMEN shall be ....
The scripture clearly states MEN...
Personally, I have found that women naturally
(I think subconsciously) start submitting without knowing the dictionary or biblical definition of what submission is,
(and I am by no means perfect by any stretch of the imagination ) the issues that arise from women seem to be aligned with the fact that a vast amount of women have been raised and trained to be single mothers or have a single mother defensive mindset, independent etc.
I don't believe that we as men have to explain to any woman who is not our woman what submission, authority or anything else in that arena is, that responsibility belongs to her husband, if she has an opinion or viewpoint, she is entitled to it, if she is wrong her husband will deal with it eventually. We should be very aware that we are more than likely dealing with someone else's Ishah on and off this platform.
We talk about "authority", and there is also this word "patriarchy" but none of these replacement words for what MAN should mean actually means anything without LOVE.
Scripture is plain GOD IS LOVE his kingdom is founded on LOVE his will is powered by LOVE our salvation is because of LOVE.
There are loads of examples of authority that we can quote or refer to, but, authority means nothing without LOVE, in the same way patriarchy means nothing without LOVE.
We all have been given the capacity to LOVE, give love, receive love and recognize love, but, the skill on HOW to do these three is not a theological debate it's an everyday perfecting LOVE as men, through authority, through fatherhood, through brotherhood, through servanthood etc.
Those whom YAH has given us as men, whether they be women or workers etc, in whatever capacity or sphere of life, will respond, some slower some faster but they will respond, or they will be repelled, nevertheless, love never fails.