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Courtship?

Keith Martin said:
... but just recently I have been unsuccessful at pushing out of my mind the serious desire to pursue a particular young woman in my life who is almost 50 years younger than I am.
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I have someone like that, only she is about 30 years younger than me. She still lives with her Father. Above 30 years old and her fertility years rapidly slipping away. Kind of wanted her for my oldest son, but he seems to prefer being single. She would make a wonderful wife for someone. In the back of my mind I imagine she might even be desperate enough for me.

I even talked to her Dad about polygamy in a general sense. He said he did not think it was a sin, but that it was unwise.

Keith Martin said:
In my own case, my musings about the current young woman in question will in all likelihood remain in the realm of the privacy of my own mind (other than having shared them here), but I can promise you this: if she did indeed have some kind of interest in exploring a possible permanent place in my family, given the intricacies of 21st-Century-Shizoid Reality, it would most certainly be not only preferable for her to provide me with some kind of tangible expression of that interest than it would be for me to do the same with her -- despite the fact that, in general, males are the ones to take the lead in that department.
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<Sigh> Same.
 
Philip said:
Is it really so bad to be or to appear desperate?
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I think not. Nothing would make me happier than for a woman I am attracted to be desperate for love. Maybe she would even go for me. :)

On the other hand if I was not attracted to her I would try my best to be gentile in my rejection, but I would do that in any case whether she was desperate or not.

In any case it is not a turn off for me and can be endearing. Certainly far better than any woman who claims to be a strong woman who does not need a man. I always think, "so what do you need me or anyone else for then?"
 
steve said:
What I am not seeing in the discussion of “tingles” is any value placed on a man’s spiritual depth, character, or ability to lead his family. It’s like the assumption is that all men are roughly equivalent in those areas and the only yardstick is whether their feelings are properly affected.
I’m here to tell you that, while all men were created equal, they vary greatly.
Do you value the souls of your future children, if not your own?
Pretty much 100% of divorces these days happen between couples that had tingles.
Of course the goal is to have both tingles and an absolutely solid man, but don’t err on the side of tingles.
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I think we are in general agreement and I think no one is saying that that is the only yardstick. I think the point was that it would be difficult to married to someone without the tingles, or to be married to someone that you know had no attraction to you.

It is true that attraction comes and goes and ebbs and flows, but to start out with zero attraction seems sort of problematic and I am guessing few people would want that.
 
Bartato said:
I appreciate tingles, but arranged marriages has advantages as well.
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They are not mutually exclusive. We watch "Married at First Sight" regularly and often tingles are present from first meeting. It can be very exciting meeting your wife for the first time.

The ones that have no tingles when they first meet have a hurdle to overcome. It can be done, but it usually takes work and a real desire to be married to get there.
 
cnystrom said:
He should do his best not to make her uncomfortable or embarrass her and to make it easy for her to let him down gently and not badger her when it is clear that she is not interested. It is not always easy to do all of this but goodwill dictates that he does this to the best of his ability.
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Does this rule out hitting her over the head with a club, throwing her over my shoulder, and carrying her back to my cave? I could let her down gently from off my shoulder, upon arrival.
 
Philip said:
Does this rule out hitting her over the head with a club, throwing her over my shoulder, and carrying her back to my cave? I could let her down gently from off my shoulder, upon arrival.
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I think not, especially if you have a few sabre tooth tiger skins to lay her down on. Should be good.
 
Obedient Christian girl said:
An older man is ideal though, wouldn't he be opposed to all of thay junior high drama?
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A friend of mine who has 3, married one who is 30 years younger than him, I asked him what the +/-'s are? He told me about all positives, and then said the only negative was sometimes he feels like a parent.
 
Edward said:
A friend of mine who has 3, married one who is 30 years younger than him, I asked him what the +/-'s are? He told me about all positives, and then said the only negative was sometimes he feels like a parent.
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He's right but I'm sorry he sees that as a negative.

My husband is 26 years older than me and I asked him once why he wanted a younger woman and he said something to the effect that all the women his age are either divorced or they've been single for decades and he didn't want to be the guy to find out why.
 
Edward said:
A friend of mine who has 3, married one who is 30 years younger than him, I asked him what the +/-'s are? He told me about all positives, and then said the only negative was sometimes he feels like a parent.
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I fail to see this as a negative or unique as a certain degree of this is inherent to the job as a spiritual leader of the house. If anything it's a positive if she more seamlessly adapts into a teacher-student dynamic.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself."
 
MeganC said:
He's right but I'm sorry he sees that as a negative.
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He answered my question, it's not that he saw it as a bad thing, it was quite the opposite, he went into detail on what @rockfox is pointing out. Just so you know I'm thinking back on the 1+ year old conversation. My intentions on saying what I did above were not to make it look bad, but I can that I did. So my apologies.
 
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