Courtship?

[steve]

Ali and I knew each other, sorta.
When I gave her a ride home from a meeting, I was told by Yah that we would marry. I discussed it with her that night and we married four months later. We were on the same page spiritually.
Deborah and I agreed to marry within 5 days of meeting each other. Same spiritual background. Married 8 months later. See Steve’s Familial Adventures in Real People’s Stories
Karin and I only met over the phone , agreed after a couple of months that Yah was calling her to our family and married 7 months after initial call. Very diverse backgrounds, but we were in agreement on all important issues.

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

Hubby asked me to marry him after about three months. We were very honest with each other especially about big issues or things we thought might put the other off.

My hubby and I knew on our first date that God had brought us together. All of the important things lined up and it was as though we fit together like a puzzle piece. We were engaged several months later (really only waiting for my parents support, I would have married him right away) and married a month after engagement.

 

[retour]

B

But can she be proactive? Can she make the first move, men aren't exactly experts when it comes to womens cues

Just speaking for myself, I prefer to make the first move. For me, a girl who is 'proactive' is borderline pushy, which is a real turnoff. I agree lots of men are not experts, but we do prefer to take the lead in these matters, as in all matters related to girls. The real expert is the Lord Himself: if He wants us to get together, we will. Trust in Him all your days.

 

[MeganC]

Just speaking for myself, I prefer to make the first move. For me, a girl who is 'proactive' is borderline pushy, which is a real turnoff. I agree lots of men are not experts, but we do prefer to take the lead in these matters, as in all matters related to girls. The real expert is the Lord Himself: if He wants us to get together, we will. Trust in Him all your days.

Sometimes a guy isn't smart enough to know when a girl is interested and then it's up to her to be a little pushy. If you will Trust in Him then try to allow Him to work through her.

 

[steve]

It doesn’t need to be this black and white.
Back in K-12 days you just let it slip to a mutual friend that you maybe liked someone. Soon the word came back via the grapevine whether the interest was mutual.

Adding layers cuts the possible pain?

 

[retour]

Sometimes a guy isn't smart enough to know when a girl is interested and then it's up to her to be a little pushy. If you will Trust in Him then try to allow Him to work through her.

Ok, point taken, MeganC. After all, He does move in 'mysterious ways', so you could be right. But I still can't imagine He really wants a girl to be 'pushy' -- He's not that mysterious!

 

[frederick]

Sometimes a guy isn't smart enough to know when a girl is interested and then it's up to her to be a little pushy. If you will Trust in Him then try to allow Him to work through her.

It may not be a matter of a guy not being smart enough as much as him being busy with a lot of other things and he just doesn't know what's in her heart(?) There is nothing in the Bible to indicate Ruth was being pushy for approaching Boaz or that her approach displeased God in any way. Rachel and Leah didn't seem to regard it as anything inappropriate to give their maids to Jacob and again, there is nothing in the Bible to indicate God was displeased in any way.

Ok, point taken, MeganC. After all, He does move in 'mysterious ways', so you could be right. But I still can't imagine He really wants a girl to be 'pushy' -- He's not that mysterious!

We are blessed with David and ultimately the Messiah being descendants of Ruth's relationship with Boaz. We see that God answered the prayers of the people and blessed the nation through them. For me personally, I'm grateful for the women who have taken the initiative to approach me and several who even proposed marriage to me. Some I turned down; two I have as wives. Bring on the interested girls.

 

[FollowingHim]

It may not be a matter of a guy not being smart enough as much as him being busy with a lot of other things and he just doesn't know what's in her heart(?)

This is it. I was quite oblivious to the fact that Sarah was wanting to get to know me better when we first met, and threw away an opportunity to get to know her much earlier than I eventually did as a result. She gave what should have been very obvious hints, I had other things on my mind and ignored them.

But that's because the male mind is absorbed with far more important things than mere romance.

Seriously, women think a lot more about relationships, so there's a good chance they'll actually notice where God is leading before the man does, because he's simply preoccupied and oblivious. When this occurs they need to say it plainly so he notices them, and then puts some time into figuring out whether this is what God is leading him to or not.

On the other hand, there are men whose minds are not absorbed with more important things, and will therefore notice little hints (and commonly even interpret things that are not hints as hints...) and put lots of effort into pursuing women. Whether they're actually the man you'd want to marry is more debatable.

Find the right man ladies and then tell him plainly "hello, I'd like to get to know you better as I think you could make a good husband". That will surprise him enough to snap him out of whatever other things he's got on his mind to focus on you, and you'll probably reach a mutual understanding of whether this is where God is leading you both in a matter of weeks (months at the outside).

 

[MeganC]

But that's because the male mind is absorbed with far more important things than mere romance.

Like sex.

 

[USDutchkitty]

Like sex.

And the man's answer to that is "Yes and?"

 

[steve]

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a28483383/how-often-think-about-sex/

Cliffs Notes:
Men think about sex about 9 times a day
Women about 6

Of course, some of us are overachievers, you know who you are.


Personally, I try to keep it down to one thought per day just to balance Keith out.
It’s not working, I need more on my team.

 

[FollowingHim]

Like sex.

Funny, but actually no. Honestly I spend far more time in a day thinking about some gadget I'm inventing or a work / theology / politics matter than thinking about sex. To the point that when Sarah talks to me she says some long sentence, and is then obviously waiting for a response, which I might even give in an absent-minded automatic way giving the false impression I was listening, but I didn't actually listen to a word she said as I hadn't really noticed she was talking until the end of it. If it was important I have to ask her to repeat the whole thing while I'm looking directly at her. Of course, that actually increases efficiency - the second time she's often got a clearer idea of what she actually wanted to say and can say it in about half as many words!

But if I don't even notice entire conversations, even ones I seem to be taking part in, I certainly don't notice hints.

Incidentally I don't really need to think about sex. I'm married - I can do the real thing instead. Even while thinking about something else!

 

[steve]

I can do the real thing instead. Even while thinking about something else!

You are allowed to enjoy it, you know.

 

[FollowingHim]

Thankyou, I never realised that was permitted. I'll go get Sarah and see what that's like. It will just take a minute.

 

[Sons of Issachar]

Sometimes a guy isn't smart enough to know when a girl is interested and then it's up to her to be a little pushy. If you will Trust in Him then try to allow Him to work through her.

Sometimes a guy is smart enough to know that a girl is acting interested when she is not really. I've noticed an odd things about girls in general. They will act totally infatuated with someone, sometimes for months. But the moment he decides to talk about it (vs just flirting back), she will run away and hide and have no further contact ever again. I've seen this happen so many times, and I have some guesses, but, it totally blows my mind. What in the world are they thinking? Well my best theory is that they simply are not thinking, until he speaks. They are just having so much fun sending him signals yet totally oblivious to the fact that might respond to them. Then when he does, she suddenly thinks about it for the first time.

 

[Keith Martin]

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a28483383/how-often-think-about-sex/

Cliffs Notes:
Men think about sex about 9 times a day
Women about 6

Of course, some of us are overachievers, you know who you are.


Personally, I try to keep it down to one thought per day just to balance Keith out.
It’s not working, I need more on my team.

Nine times a day! I guess those couples in restaurants who look at each other with blank stares are far more normal than I am, huh?

I never bought the whole once-every-7-seconds myth, because one couldn't drive a car (much less a semi) if that were the case, but, yes, @steve, you're going to have to hustle up at least a basketball team of dudes only thinking about it once a day to even get a leg up on balancing me out.

the male mind is absorbed with far more important things than mere romance.

Like sex.

Amen, sister. Sex is WAY more important than romance. The only things that get multiplied in the context of the very first Commandment when it comes to romance are jewelers and flower shops.

 

[Sons of Issachar]

The only things that get multiplied in the context of the very first Commandment when it comes to romance are jewelers and flower shops.

LOL
Hebrew: Be fruitful and multiply children.
Greco-Roman: Be fruitful and multiply jewelry, flowers, and chocolates.

 

[Keith Martin]

LOL
Hebrew: Be fruitful and multiply children.
Greco-Roman: Be fruitful and multiply jewelry, flowers, and chocolates.

Good one!

 

[Joleneakamama]

I can do the real thing instead. Even while thinking about something else!

Lol I think that messes with efficiency really. One of the really great things about sex, imo, is it tends to be such a multi faceted activity that it gets all aspects of the heart body and mind there, in that moment....and with that person.

 

[cnystrom]

I've always respected men's God given right to lead, however, sometimes they need a little help seeing what in front of them.

Isn't that the truth! I am always the last to know.

If a girl wants to be courted by a specific man, is there a way for her to express her interest or is her best option fluttering her eyelashes extra hard when hes around?

Fluttering the eyelashes is good, but may not overcome the obstacle listed above (maybe she has something in her eye?). Biblically the correct way for a woman to propose to a man is to crawl into his bed and curl up around his feet (Ruth 3:7). But, if you are not comfortable with that, there is nothing wrong with you saying to him, "I need a husband. I think you will do. What do you think? Do you want the job?".

The truth is there is no right or wrong way. If it is important to you then there is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there. You might get your feelings hurt or you might get a husband.

And on men's side, how should they approach courting a girl, should they contact her father first? Is it alright if he speaks to her directly?

If a woman was still living in her Father's house (an excellent idea), then it would be wise to ask him first. If she is not living in her Father's house then by all means speak to her directly. There is no need to contact her Father, and it may be awkward trying to figure out how to contact him.

What lines shouldn't he cross?

He should do his best not to make her uncomfortable or embarrass her and to make it easy for her to let him down gently and not badger her when it is clear that she is not interested. It is not always easy to do all of this but goodwill dictates that he does this to the best of his ability.

If he already has a wife, should the wife make first contact?

Not really a fan. I think the man should do his own lifting. On the other hand when a woman seems like a potential my wife is the first person I tell, and her opinion has been invaluable and more accurate than my own.