Courtship?

[rockfox]

It prevents the girl from marrying a man who does not work

In theory yes. In practice no. Dowry's often balloon all out of proportion leading to fewer marriages, rebellion, and fornication. This is probably why the OT gave a [relatively low] fixed amount for dowry in one case. Also let's keep in mind the concept of 'working poor', which is the designed reality in our present economic system.

But it is Biblical, so I am a fan.

Especially if cows are accepted.

 

[MemeFan]

Great comment. I don't have a wife, I still haven't found the right women, I don't have children either, but I've always been in favor of the man paying the dowry (a fair amount).
The dowry is great and helps to choose a suitable man for the daughter. The dowry is a mechanism against the lazy. It prevents the girl from marrying a man who does not work.
You are right.

What if dowry is equal to 10 year's of average salaries? Long live prostitution.

 

[NickF]

What if dowry is equal to 10 year's of average salaries?

Then the heads of families will be the ones holding the purse strings, and therefore exercising wisdom in the selection of a spouse. It's not about what catches the eye or inflames passion but cooler heads are able to prevail. It's a relative wash considering most of the time children are born relatively 50/50. What it does is change mate selection from whomever wants to have sex, to the young men who are hard working and wisely handle their funds, or the fathers of young men and women. If it's a relative wash financially, then the financial gatekeeping ensures only those wise with their wealth are able to choose good mates. The undesirable young women would fetch lower prices, and the undesirable young men would be able to offer less. It's capitalism at it's finest.

 

[MemeFan]

Then the heads of families will be the ones holding the purse strings, and therefore exercising wisdom in the selection of a spouse. It's not about what catches the eye or inflames passion but cooler heads are able to prevail. It's a relative wash considering most of the time children are born relatively 50/50. What it does is change mate selection from whomever wants to have sex, to the young men who are hard working and wisely handle their funds, or the fathers of young men and women. If it's a relative wash financially, then the financial gatekeeping ensures only those wise with their wealth are able to choose good mates. The undesirable young women would fetch lower prices, and the undesirable young men would be able to offer less. It's capitalism at it's finest.

Nothing like this would happen.

"Passion choice" is unconsious choice from your body who will be best mate. Thousands of years of instictual memory vs reason? Gut vs logic? I'm would go for gut.

Second, heads of families choosing will move choosing toward political and financial criteria. I advice everyone to never listen parents where they should work because parents prefer status and finance criteria instead if best work for children. Something similar will happen here.

Do you truly believe that young men are living to wait 10 - 15 to pay bride pride. Did you forgot about financing house, car, education etc? That is at least 20 - 30 years. So no marriage before 40th year for man. And you this such society is good? Where group of people who are most needed to defend such society and most prone to society won't be able to marry.

 

[NickF]

I think much is being lost in translation between us here. Or there are significant cultural differences. No time to get into it today.

 

[DawoodSaar]

One of my coworkers took an Indian wife. $400,000 wedding... Literally mortgaged his home. So basicaly put his wife into poverty for a few days of festivity. Apparently that is a normal thing in India, despite so many there being quite poor. (Cause and effect?)

 

[NickF]

One of my coworkers took an Indian wife. $400,000 wedding... Literally mortgaged his home. So basicaly put his wife into poverty for a few days of festivity. Apparently that is a normal thing in India, despite so many there being quite poor. (Cause and effect?)

Yeah nah bruh... I aint doin that.

 

[Daniel DeLuca]

It is rather interesting how rarely daughters are even mentioned in this community so far. Like they are being hidden from the folks here... Probably wisely so!

I met @Keith Martin 's daughter Holly. She is quite lovely, but she is against polygyny and I am told she is even moreso against patriarchy.

 

[Joleneakamama]

It is rather interesting how rarely daughters are even mentioned in this community so far. Like they are being hidden from the folks here... Probably wisely so!

Our oldest daughter is very serious about a former moderator's son. We have other daughters, but not marrying age.

Our oldest even when she was clear about nor wanting to be a second wife, still got messages from married men. She eventually quit posting here, but talks with women she met here that are just friendly (not suggesting she change her mind) a young lady who is serious and waiting for marriage is a good thing for serious single young man to find too!

 

[mando222]

Just responding to the OP I don't think there's any problem with a girl walking up and saying "hey would you have any interest in me?". I personally value that kind of upfront open vulnerability. I'm a romantic at heart in a lot of ways but I fully acknowledge I miss cues when it comes to some of this stuff. I do agree with Steve though that food is a good way to get noticed.

 

[NickF]

I do agree with Steve though that food is a good way to get noticed.

Hamburger steak, and mashed potatoes both smothered in brown gravy, zippercream peas with cowpush, and buttery fluffy southern cornbread....

That's the meal I couldn't get out of my gosh dang head 2 states away from CatieF before we ever started dating... She hooked me with her cooking, and kept me with her cute tush.

 

[mando222]

I have 4 daughters (one day I pray to have at least one son )!

Is the Dowry system still a thing because my eldest daughter is 18. (I'll accept many acers of fine timbered land, silver/gold, sheep, goats &/or cows)! She has told me none of the males in her age group & school are acceptable, and that they are feminized beta males with most having the goofiest hairstyles (see below).

View attachment 4592

Hit me up and let's discuss a bride price . Do you take payment in shekels?

 

[mando222]

Hamburger steak, and mashed potatoes both smothered in brown gravy, zippercream peas with cowpush, and buttery fluffy southern cornbread....

That's the meal I couldn't get out of my gosh dang head 2 states away from CatieF before we ever started dating... She hooked me with her cooking, and kept me with her cute tush.

My wife did something similar. Second date she baked me an apple pie. Before we started dating she made me a birthday cake. It was calculated .

 

[FollowingHim2]

Hamburger steak, and mashed potatoes both smothered in brown gravy, zippercream peas with cowpush, and buttery fluffy southern cornbread....

I have no idea what most of these things are lol. I feel like I'm missing out.
I don't remember what I first cooked for Samuel. Maybe scones? I know I made him plenty of cups of tea though, especially while he was studying, he was a university student at the time.
Honestly, I was not the best cook when we met, but I got a lot better over time.

 

[Con8]

Hit me up and let's discuss a bride price . Do you take payment in shekels?

Only ancient gold shekels will be accepted.

 

[Con8]

What none of us have daughters?

This world is a mess but change begins at home. Fathers need to take up the responsibilities our forefathers once held to teach and protect their daughters.

If enough people do this the problem fixes itself in 1 generation.

My daughters are not allowed to date...until after they are married .

Also a little story -
When my eldest daughter was in 8th grade, I caught her texting a boy she met that lived on the same street as her mother. My daughters mother thought it was cute she had a little boyfriend that she txted, and would let them hang out in their backyard and hold hands. I was very strict and stern with the rule that my daughter was not allowed to date at all for many reasons. Mostly because I was a 17-year-old father and became a single parent with sole custody at 18, raising a child as a single parent until she was 12 years old (Long story but Florida does not remove custody from a mother unless she was a danger to the child). So, I was worried about her and did not want her to relive my sin and mistake, putting her life on hold too early. Well, they both tried to keep it secret from me, the mother was living through her daughter and of course was always going against my wishes and parental judgments because she was resentful that I had full custody. My daughter was distraught when I restricted her phone access from this boy once I found out. She said: "Dad, he loves me, he has said it many times, He wants to marry me and have kids ...etc"
I tried to explain to her that hes just telling you these things because he wants to have sex, there is no way this high school boy feels all these things after 2 months of a secret relationship.

What was I to do? How could I make sure my daughter would honor my fatherly law and rules while being at her mother's house twice a week for visitation? I decided to scare her with reality!
Around this time my wife @Kat8 was having our first child, so I forced my daughter to come along and watch/help in the birthing room at the hospital. Her mother opposed the idea and complained saying it was not right to show her this and that it would be traumatic and make her view sex as something that was scary. I said GOOD. My daughter watched, slept and helped fan & feed ice chips to her stepmom for 27hrs of labor. When our baby was crowning and about to be born, I pulled my daughter to my side and said watch. As her eyes got big, I whispered, "When a schoolboy tells you he loves you, do you love him enough to do this?" Ever since that day 4 years ago my daughter has stopped talking to boys at her school and refuses to even think about getting into a relationship. Now she says she doesn't want to have kids with someone until she is an adult with a stable marriage. And after watching all the pain her stepmother went through, she has come to the conclusion the pain is not worth wasting on a silly relationship.

So far my tactic has worked, she is in her last year of high school making great grades and focusing on what she wants to study after.
(Knock on wood)

 

[mando222]

My daughters are not allowed to date...until after they are married .

Also a little story -
When my eldest daughter was in 8th grade, I caught her texting a boy she met that lived on the same street as her mother. My daughters mother thought it was cute she had a little boyfriend that she txted, and would let them hang out in their backyard and hold hands. I was very strict and stern with the rule that my daughter was not allowed to date at all for many reasons. Mostly because I was a 17-year-old father and became a single parent with sole custody at 18, raising a child as a single parent until she was 12 years old (Long story but Florida does not remove custody from a mother unless she was a danger to the child). So, I was worried about her and did not want her to relive my sin and mistake, putting her life on hold too early. Well, they both tried to keep it secret from me, the mother was living through her daughter and of course was always going against my wishes and parental judgments because she was resentful that I had full custody. My daughter was distraught when I restricted her phone access from this boy once I found out. She said: "Dad, he loves me, he has said it many times, He wants to marry me and have kids ...etc"
I tried to explain to her that hes just telling you these things because he wants to have sex, there is no way this high school boy feels all these things after 2 months of a secret relationship.

What was I to do? How could I make sure my daughter would honor my fatherly law and rules while being at her mother's house twice a week for visitation? I decided to scare her with reality!
Around this time my wife @Kat8 was having our first child, so I forced my daughter to come along and watch/help in the birthing room at the hospital. Her mother opposed the idea and complained saying it was not right to show her this and that it would be traumatic and make her view sex as something that was scary. I said GOOD. My daughter watched, slept and helped fan & feed ice chips to her stepmom for 27hrs of labor. When our baby was crowning and about to be born, I pulled my daughter to my side and said watch. As her eyes got big, I whispered, "When a schoolboy tells you he loves you, do you love him enough to do this?" Ever since that day 4 years ago my daughter has stopped talking to boys at her school and refuses to even think about getting into a relationship. Now she says she doesn't want to have kids with someone until she is an adult with a stable marriage. And after watching all the pain her stepmother went through, she has come to the conclusion the pain is not worth wasting on a silly relationship.

So far my tactic has worked, she is in her last year of high school making great grades and focusing on what she wants to study after.
(Knock on wood)

This is genius! I love it when you can show a child the end results of the road their heart is on. Reality is sometimes a great rod of training.

 

[The Revolting Man]

Our oldest daughter is very serious about a former moderator's son. We have other daughters, but not marrying age.

Our oldest even when she was clear about nor wanting to be a second wife, still got messages from married men. She eventually quit posting here, but talks with women she met here that are just friendly (not suggesting she change her mind) a young lady who is serious and waiting for marriage is a good thing for serious single young man to find too!

I gotta say Jolene, I’m pretty hurt. I wanted her for my oldest son.

 

[Joleneakamama]

But we didn't get to meet yall in 2019. A bird in the hand....or is that ? Oh whatever. The offense was not intentional.

 

[The Revolting Man]

But we didn't get to meet yall in 2019. A bird in the hand....or is that ? Oh whatever. The offense was not intentional.

It’s fine. I forgive you. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Although, he is an impressive young man. You better not meet him now. You might not forgive yourself!