True or false: single women are either arrogant and prideful or needy with baggage

[NBTX11]

He was physically abusive to the point of going to jail. He was recently reincarcerated for beating his current child’s mother. He will never be in our lives and I’m sure he’ll happily sign away his rights even though he’s not on the birth certificate and Durant have any anyways.

I’m sorry to hear that.

 

[paterfamilias]

Hahahahaha! This is brilliant!!!!
I guess I'll own the proud and arrogant label then.
I've heard similar things about single women in general, my guess is more than likely he's just bitter.

To be fair, while I don't know the guy or his circumstances. I can see how he could be black-pilled by the process.
Lots of fakes and scams and worse the fantasists...yuck.
I keep my black pills on the topic of politics so I likely don't share the negative attitude the guy seems to have but it really is a common attitude.
At the same time, I tend to get the impression that the ones in a hurry are not interested in plural marriage for what what I think are good reasons


There are definitely 18 year old virgin girls willing to marry older men, but what can they do? "All the good men are married..." and they've been raised to think that a good man can't genuinely love more than one woman at once. But first and foremost the man in question needs to be decent himself, decent to his wife, and decent to women in general if he wants a young girl to even think "Oh I want a husband like him, too bad he's married."


Very glad to hear they are out there. Possibly more importantly though, are they good women who want to be moms, who have their head on straight and their feet on the ground?
If the answer just happens to be yes, I will once again tick the box for one with a great smile and a good attitude

 

[theleastofthese]

Honest question. What if the man who wants to take you in is 5’3”, 250 pounds, missing three front teeth and has acne, but he’s a very Godly man? Would you marry him?

Are you asking for a friend? or...

 

[Asforme&myhouse]

Are you asking for a friend? or...

What if i was describing myself?

 

[theleastofthese]

What if i was describing myself?

Where do I sign up?

 

[Ruth Elizabeth]

I keep my black pills on the topic of politics so I likely don't share the negative attitude the guy seems to have but it really is a common attitude.

Could be, we all have bad days.

Very glad to hear they are put there. Possibly more importantly though, are they good women who want to be moms, who have their head on straight and their feet on the ground?

Can't guarantee having their head on perfectly straight but yes I knew quite a few. As for feet on the ground, most girls need a good man to keep them there.
Most of those girls are married though now. Sorry! Been a few years since I was 18

 

[paterfamilias]

Every scenario is slightly different depending on the circumstances. From the outset please remember that a husband’s first job is to protect the wife/wives and children he already has. He must be careful about who he brings into his family.

You are probably an awesome lady with good intentions, but a prospective husband can’t actually know your heart. He has to take what a woman says and a woman’s past into account when deciding if she is a danger to his family or a blessing. Repentant or not, past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, and that has to be considered.

Accurate and it makes me want to beat the open and honest communication drum all the more.
If all parties are 100% up front about who they are, the rough and the smooth from day one then while yeah you won't mesh with everyone...you are far more likely to find that right person for You.

There are many “fatherless children” who actually have fathers. When you say fatherless children, do you mean the child’s father is dead or just that the mother no longer likes the father for whatever reason? Because I have spoken with a number of women who have tried to justify their leaving of their ex because “he cheated”, and now she’s looking for plural. That one really leaves me scratching my head. In reality a woman in that situation needs to return to her man with a humble attitude and ask to return to him.

oh boy have I seen it for Vastly less than that.
if all the boys are ever together over beers, have I got some stories to tell about some poor bastards and the kind of treatment and emotional battery they took to then have the woman walking away.

Now with regard to husbands being required to marry women they may not necessarily want to marry. Does that work the other way too? The brother’s widow might not want to marry her husband’s brother, right? How does that work in our time and our situations, should a woman be pushed to marry the first man who approaches her?

lads, if a woman is eager to marry you after one call or text chat or what have you...yeah, you should bow out gracefully and wish her the best possible luck.

 

[paterfamilias]

Could be, we all have bad days.

Can't guarantee having their head on perfectly straight but yes I knew quite a few. As for feet on the ground, most girls need a good man to keep them there.
Most of those girls are married though now. Sorry! Been a few years since I was 18

Ah...but remember. The primary criteria is way more about attitude and hopefully a good smile. 18...28...38. Meh

 

[The Revolting Man]

This is a commenti made in Pete Rambo’s telegram group that I thought I would share here as well:

Last night I had a conversation with a gentleman last night and when I asked him about Polygyny he had a pretty long response of course but one of the things he said was “Most of the single women looking to get into Polygyny are either super prideful and arrogant or super needy with baggage.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.

For myself I will have to say I am a single mom never married with lots of needs and coming out of Babylon I am carrying some heavy burdens. Maybe I would consider myself even a rescue mission of sorts but that would only be in the beginning right? Finding a wife is finding a treasure so couldn’t you refine the woman the same way you would if you found a raw gem?
I’m just concerned because it seems like most men are looking for a perfect woman or unicorn when in all reality the men are called to take wives they don’t necessarily want. Brothers were forced to take deceased brothers wives. Widows (regardless of age) were provided for. The fatherless, like myself and my son, were supposed to be taken in and provided for.

It seems like the men may have some Babylonian baggage as well thinking they should have 18 year old virgins. It’s prideful thinking and it grieves me that not more men are looking to “rescue” us daughters of Zion from the dark valleys of Babylon.

Anyways, just some thoughts I hope to edify

You are a beautiful, beautiful woman Karen. What a wonderful and wonderfully phrased observation.

You had that presence about you at the retreat too. I was very impressed with you.

Of course arrogant and baggage laden describes every bride Christ has ever accepted, me most of all.

Taking on a single mother was the single best decision I’ve ever made and I’ve never regretted it once. The 22 year old “virgin” I chose first was a train wreck who caused deep misery and destruction in my life. There were good times and of course children so I don’t regret it but I would have been much better served if I had chosen the broken woman first.

 

[The Revolting Man]

It kind of seems like you want to be provided for on your terms by the man you want.

Many of us meant Karen at the last retreat. Obviously she could have been on her best behavior for the weekend but there were no red flags. She is being incredibly open and vulnerable here. Let’s not go into BibFam attack mode. She made some very fair and prescient observations, we should be discussing those.

Others have noted that most Bib Fam men feel a call to minister to hot, childless, 24 year old virgin widows.

 

[Mark C]

I have to say I’m slightly working not to be offended because while your experience holds its own Truth, this is not always the case. True submissive daughter of Zion should give their collagen over to their new father. The child should no longer get the final day from his mother but from the Father. He no longer answers to her but to him.

Agreed, and that is truly a good attitude, but also part of what constitutes a 'rare gem' as well...

 

[Asforme&myhouse]

Many of us meant Karen at the last retreat. Obviously she could have been on her best behavior for the weekend but there were no red flags. She is being incredibly open and vulnerable here. Let’s not go into BibFam attack mode. She made some very fair and prescient observations, we should be discussing those.

Others have noted that most Bib Fam men feel a call to minister to hot, childless, 24 year old virgin widows.

This was no attack at all. She was asking about men’s perspective on these things. I was asking that so she could see what a man who is reading what she wrote might be thinking. I have never met her, nor even spoken to her on the forum before, that i know of. It’s an unbiased, non-personal perspective.

She does seem like a sweet lady.

 

[Mark C]

RE:

“That is my child, you will not ________ (fill in the blank)”.

[That] statement that should not be made by any wife, nor should husband allow it to be said. I ask my wives to instead of saying I will not, to instead say I would not want to do X, would you allow me to do Y instead? Or could I please not have to do X. Presented in that manner the husband is more likely to consider the request.

To which I would only add that the statement, as a declarative, sounds a lot like a vow that I would cast down, for her own (and the chilld's, too) protection, as per Numbers chapter 30.

 

[steve]

RE:




To which I would only add that the statement, as a declarative, sounds a lot like a vow that I would cast down, for her own (and the chilld's, too) protection, as per Numbers chapter 30.

The statement generally is made before there is any relationship.
It’s a whole mindset of inability to even accept headship.

 

[Edward]

The brother’s widow might not want to marry her husband’s brother, right?

If they dwell together he is required...
Deuteronomy 25:5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her.

How does that work in our time and our situations, should a woman be pushed to marry the first man who approaches her?

We MUST obey the Bible in "our time and our situations". Like I said above...
If they dwell together he is required...
Deuteronomy 25:5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her.

She should marry the man she thinks will be a good husband to her.

A lot of women do what they think is good and look where that has gotten most of them, not all. Some do pick what looks to be good men, but after the ceremony, they realize he put on a good show. Our daughter picked a "good man" and I did the best I could because this was my first rodeo. She shared with me 8 years later while they were going through their separation/divorce that he had a porn addiction and she thought that would change after they got married and I was completely unaware of it. I asked her why didn't you tell me if you knew during the courtship? Her answer was because she knew what I would do and that is I would have called it off. There were other things that came out during the course of their marriage, that lead to it's destruction. She would tell me her side, then I would go to him and talk with him about it and he would admit to my face what she was saying was true, and I would look at him and say, then why don't you change to save your marriage? I could go on and on but we as dads need to make sure that we do our jobs and do it diligently.

One of the biggest problems that exists is the “That is my child, you will not ________ (fill in the blank)”.

If I were to take in a woman who had a child or children, we would definitely talk about...
Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
And if she is opposed to Biblical discipline, well I guess she just isn't a fit for MY house. My children today are who they are because we followed the Holy Scriptures in raising our children. Are they how I would like them to be today? NOPE However, each one ultimately has to make their own choices, do I agree with some of those choices? No, but I will say that they are good, respectful, productive adults, which in our society today we are lacking.

Is your child’s father still alive? I think that is what is being alluded to. Unless the father is dead, then the child does have a father. An orphan is a child whose father had died.

I agree and I disagree and here is why... When the Scriptures talk about orphans (fatherless) it doesn't necessarily in all cases say it is a child with a dead father. Just like a widow is not necessarily a woman whose husband has passed away. You see a child can be an orphan if the father is not in their life, like some children today are orphans with their father alive and well either in prison or just not in their lives. The same goes for widows, the husband is either dead or has divorced her, I just learned this one today...
Deuteronomy 10:18 He doth execute the judgment of the fatherless and widow, and loveth the stranger, in giving him food and raiment.

widow
H490 אַלְמָנָה 'almânâh al-maw-naw'
Feminine of H488; a widow; also a desolate place: - desolate house (palace), widow.

H488
אַלְמָן ʼalmân, al-mawn'; prolonged from H481 in the sense of bereavement; discarded (as a divorced person):—forsaken.

 

[Mark C]

The statement generally is made before there is any relationship.
It’s a whole mindset of inability to even accept headship.

Agreed, Steve...which doesn't, however, prevent me from commenting on it, whether it's a single woman coming to our on-line fellowship, or even a, perhaps distant, potential...

 

[Maddog]

A statement that should not be made by any wife, nor should husband allow it to be said. I ask my wives to instead of saying I will not, to instead say I would not want to do X, would you allow me to do Y instead? Or could I please not have to do X. Presented in that manner the husband is more likely to consider the request.

Ah, the ol' "Love , Honor and Negotiate" vow.

 

[MemeFan]

There is so much combativeness in the world of finding spouses. Each “side” (men and women) accusing the other of being horrible people. In reality we are all horrible sinners in need of grace and we should be seeking to be the best spouse we can be, in the role that God has given us.

Much of this is on purpose done by powers to be.

They can't have another association having superior loyalty or/and rule making supremacy over state.

 

[MemeFan]

Karen,

I hear you.

I frequently take offense when I read about some men’s judgements of single women. I was a very lost single mom of 3 girls when my husband found me and I am eternally grateful that he took away my reproach.

What is strange when young men don't like single moms? Only issue is inability of forum to put themselves in their shoes.

Most people believe in monogamy-only. So young man needs to select best one partner for himself. And virgin is better choice than single mom. Younger and without baggage (other man's children and free of issue of children's father returning).

I remember listening to video of 6 wives polygamist* having 55 year woman in family. He has Twitter profile with pictures of all his wives and all women there are under 40 in fertile years. So what is doing on?

First, 55 year woman isn't considered wife according to him. But key reason she is in family is providing children experience for wives (she has children). And, as polygamist says, it would be (genetic) suicide having relationship with such old woman. Only polygyny allows her to be part of family.

*He sleeps with bigger number

 

[NBTX11]

Ah, the ol' "Love , Honor and Negotiate" vow.

Who is negotiating. It’s called listening to your wives. Sometimes I do things to make them happy if they are not wrong. I’m not negotiating anything. My main point is that I tell them not to ever say “I will not”. That is for me to decide.