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True or false: single women are either arrogant and prideful or needy with baggage

KarenJeanLovesYHWH

KarenJeanLovesYHWH

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Real Person
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This is a commenti made in Pete Rambo’s telegram group that I thought I would share here as well:

Last night I had a conversation with a gentleman last night and when I asked him about Polygyny he had a pretty long response of course but one of the things he said was “Most of the single women looking to get into Polygyny are either super prideful and arrogant or super needy with baggage.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.

For myself I will have to say I am a single mom never married with lots of needs and coming out of Babylon I am carrying some heavy burdens. Maybe I would consider myself even a rescue mission of sorts but that would only be in the beginning right? Finding a wife is finding a treasure so couldn’t you refine the woman the same way you would if you found a raw gem?
I’m just concerned because it seems like most men are looking for a perfect woman or unicorn when in all reality the men are called to take wives they don’t necessarily want. Brothers were forced to take deceased brothers wives. Widows (regardless of age) were provided for. The fatherless, like myself and my son, were supposed to be taken in and provided for.

It seems like the men may have some Babylonian baggage as well thinking they should have 18 year old virgins. It’s prideful thinking and it grieves me that not more men are looking to “rescue” us daughters of Zion from the dark valleys of Babylon.

Anyways, just some thoughts I hope to edify 🍇🪔
 
For me personally, one of the major reasons I got into poly is to help a woman in need. That was a major motivating factor. I wanted to help and protect a woman who really needed it. There certainly are men who feel likewise.

Regarding your 18 year old virgins comment, it is likely true most biblical men want a woman who has not had excessive seed already planted in her. My word of caution to women is, that if you’re into this, stop it immediately and never do it again. The only man that should be in you is your husband.
 
Are not most men looking for a woman who adds something positive to his family? That doesn't mean that a woman can't be a "rescue" in need of maturing and refinement, but I suspect she will still show something of value to the man and his family. You seem to be on a path of maturity and spiritual growth as you wait, and that is great. I think that some baggage can and should be dropped off on our own as we seek a closer relationship with Christ and grow in our own maturity. While other baggage needs the spiritual headship of a husband to be dropped off. Keep doing your part and God will do his!
 
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julieb said:
Are not most men looking for a woman who adds something positive to his family?
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Great point. (There are no doubt men who seek out 'rescues,' but that pathology seems to result in the kind of short-sighted blindness that readily leads to other problems...)

KarenJeanLovesYHWH said:
Finding a wife is finding a treasure so couldn’t you refine the woman the same way you would if you found a raw gem?
Click to expand...
Meanwhile, that is exactly what I think she means. And, her value is far above rubies.
 
Hahahahaha! This is brilliant!!!!
I guess I'll own the proud and arrogant label then.
I've heard similar things about single women in general, my guess is more than likely he's just bitter.
There are definitely 18 year old virgin girls willing to marry older men, but what can they do? "All the good men are married..." and they've been raised to think that a good man can't genuinely love more than one woman at once. But first and foremost the man in question needs to be decent himself, decent to his wife, and decent to women in general if he wants a young girl to even think "Oh I want a husband like him, too bad he's married."

When it comes to baggage: most people have a past in this day and age. But if they've truly repented who are we to hold it against them if not even God will.
The issue comes down to if they genuinely regret their sin, understand and hate it as a sin, and wouldn't condone it.
If God won't remember it, we shouldn't dwell on it or hold it against them.
 
Ruth Elizabeth said:
Hahahahaha! This is brilliant!!!!
I guess I'll own the proud and arrogant label then.
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Kudos.
Ruth Elizabeth said:
...When it comes to baggage: most people have a past in this day and age. But if they've truly repented who are we to hold it against them if not even God will.
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Absolutely. But the sad truth is, most raised in 'xtianity' don't really understand what the word "repent" even means. (Not merely, "I'm sorry.")

The Hebrew word is t'shuvah, which literally means 'return' (to Him) - or more simply, when you realize you're goin' the wrong way, Turn Around.

I have come to suspect that a big part of the reason that is so hard for many of us today is that we were never taught Who YHVH really was to begin with, so "turn back" to Him requires some study to understand what we are to return TO.
 
I think a lot of men, particularly younger men, feel attacked by our society. I can't blame them when they're surrounded by people who insist on emphasizing how terrible masculinity is.

Still, the answer isn't to retaliate by jumping to conclusions about all women. It comes across as sassy, and that's not an attractive trait on any man.

I wouldn't take it too personally; not all men think that way. I can't even begin to tell you the things I've had said to me for being unmarried at my age, some of which are probably true 😉

We're all flawed, we all have baggage, and we're all guilty of being arrogant and prideful at times.

I wish him luck on finding a woman who is perfect.
 
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KarenJeanLovesYHWH said:
For myself I will have to say I am a single mom never married with lots of needs and coming out of Babylon I am carrying some heavy burdens.
Click to expand...
You have no idea how long path from Babylon is.

You also have to become Austrian economy--pilled, Hoppe--pilled, Haller--pilled, Enlightment--pilled (it's all crap) and this is just covering politics and economy.

There is also bunch of theology questions (Torah, universal salvation, etc...)

And all this matters because we need truth how world really works. Otherwise, due to belief in BS suffering is reward.

And yes, I forgot sexuality--pilled, off which polygyny is smaller part. Real question is what is masculinity and feminity. And don't start masculinity is provider and protector. Women do same for children.

And whole situation is being unhelped by total destruction of philosophy which should tell us what is reality. These guys today can't get that objective truth exist.
 
theleastofthese said:
I think a lot of men, particularly younger men, feel attacked by our society. I can't blame them when they're surrounded by people who insist on emphasizing how terrible masculinity is.
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Off course men are blamed for everything.

If feminist fails at work (read success don't fall from sky as gift) there must be some saboteur (oppresor) at work. Off course, it's hidden patriarchy.
 
KarenJeanLovesYHWH said:
This is a commenti made in Pete Rambo’s telegram group that I thought I would share here as well:

Last night I had a conversation with a gentleman last night and when I asked him about Polygyny he had a pretty long response of course but one of the things he said was “Most of the single women looking to get into Polygyny are either super prideful and arrogant or super needy with baggage.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.

For myself I will have to say I am a single mom never married with lots of needs and coming out of Babylon I am carrying some heavy burdens. Maybe I would consider myself even a rescue mission of sorts but that would only be in the beginning right? Finding a wife is finding a treasure so couldn’t you refine the woman the same way you would if you found a raw gem?
I’m just concerned because it seems like most men are looking for a perfect woman or unicorn when in all reality the men are called to take wives they don’t necessarily want. Brothers were forced to take deceased brothers wives. Widows (regardless of age) were provided for. The fatherless, like myself and my son, were supposed to be taken in and provided for.

It seems like the men may have some Babylonian baggage as well thinking they should have 18 year old virgins. It’s prideful thinking and it grieves me that not more men are looking to “rescue” us daughters of Zion from the dark valleys of Babylon.

Anyways, just some thoughts I hope to edify 🍇🪔
Click to expand...


Every scenario is slightly different depending on the circumstances. From the outset please remember that a husband’s first job is to protect the wife/wives and children he already has. He must be careful about who he brings into his family. You are probably an awesome lady with good intentions, but a prospective husband can’t actually know your heart. He has to take what a woman says and a woman’s past into account when deciding if she is a danger to his family or a blessing. Repentant or not, past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, and that has to be considered.



Finding a wife is a blessing, but the same book that says that also says that it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than in a house with a contentious woman… ie a bad wife might not be so much of a blessing.



There are many “fatherless children” who actually have fathers. When you say fatherless children, do you mean the child’s father is dead or just that the mother no longer likes the father for whatever reason? Because I have spoken with a number of women who have tried to justify their leaving of their ex because “he cheated”, and now she’s looking for plural. That one really leaves me scratching my head. In reality a woman in that situation needs to return to her man with a humble attitude and ask to return to him. If her husband was abusive and she leaves because of that, scripture is clear that she is to remain unmarried or return to her husband. (One Scriptural caveat to that might be a non-believing abusive husband). Can an abusive husband repent and be a good husband afterwards? If he is repentant should his behavior be forgiven and forgotten? Maybe, maybe not, but the question is the same with a woman with a bad past.



Now with regard to husbands being required to marry women they may not necessarily want to marry. Does that work the other way too? The brother’s widow might not want to marry her husband’s brother, right? How does that work in our time and our situations, should a woman be pushed to marry the first man who approaches her? I don’t think a woman should have to marry the first man who comes along. She should marry the man she thinks will be a good husband to her. By the same token a husband has the option to marry a woman he thinks will be a good helper to him. If he marries a so called “rescue woman” that is his choice and an act of great kindness, but certainly not required.

Great questions, by the way!
 
KarenJeanLovesYHWH said:
I’m just concerned because it seems like most men are looking for a perfect woman or unicorn when in all reality the men are called to take wives they don’t necessarily want. Brothers were forced to take deceased brothers wives. Widows (regardless of age) were provided for. The fatherless, like myself and my son, were supposed to be taken in and provided for.

It seems like the men may have some Babylonian baggage as well thinking they should have 18 year old virgins. It’s prideful thinking and it grieves me that not more men are looking to “rescue” us daughters of Zion from the dark valleys of Babylon.
Click to expand...
Hi @KarenJeanLovesYHWH and thank you for your comments.

If you look at the wives men take in monogamous relationships, you'll see most take a woman who they think will make a good companion to walk their particular journey with. Most aren't looking for unicorns, but perhaps just trying to avoid vipers.
julieb said:
Are not most men looking for a woman who adds something positive to his family? That doesn't mean that woman can't be a "rescue" in need of maturing and refinement, but I suspect she will still show something of value to the man and his family.
Click to expand...
From men I've talked with, this pretty much sums it up. Even if she has baggage, men want a woman who will become an invaluable asset and not remain a burdensome liability. The men here know they are all sinners, and they know women are also sinners. Together, with God's grace, they want to mature more actively toward being saints than remaining unrepentant sinners. Shalom
 
frederick said:
From men I've talked with, this pretty much sums it up. Even if she has baggage, men want a woman who will become an invaluable asset and not remain a burdensome liability. The men here know they are all sinners, and they know women are also sinners. Together, with God's grace, they want to mature more actively toward being saints than remaining unrepentant sinners. Shalom
Click to expand...
This is so spot on. I don’t except a perfect woman I just want one who is honest and humble enough to admit her faults and strive to grow in sanctification just as I am commanded to do by my Master.
 
julieb said:
Are not most men looking for a woman who adds something positive to his family? That doesn't mean that woman can't be a "rescue" in need of maturing and refinement, but I suspect she will still show something of value to the man and his family. You seem to be on a path of maturity and spiritual growth as you wait, and that is great. I think that some baggage can and should be dropped off on our own as we seek a closer relationship with Christ and grow in our own maturity. While other baggage needs the spiritual headship of a husband to be dropped off. Keep doing your part and God will do his!
Click to expand...
Very well said 👆🏻👆🏻
 
I married a single mom almost 30 years ago, she was an exception to most of the single mothers that I see nowadays.
One of the biggest problems that exists is the “That is my child, you will not ________ (fill in the blank)”. In other words, you will never be the patriarch of her child. They will never be a true member of your family, only of hers. A subset of yours. And I totally understand the reasons why they feel this way, it’s been them against the world for too long already.
Another problem that stems from the “them against the world” situation is the unhealthy bond that is built between mother and son where he becomes her de-facto patriarch.
 
steve said:
One of the biggest problems that exists is the “That is my child, you will not ________ (fill in the blank)”. In other words,
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This is one of the main reasons that I am hesitant when it comes to single mothers. You have all of the responsibility and accountability for raising the child, but you don’t have the authority to raise the child as you know is best. The mother always trumps the husband’s authority in that area.
 
Asforme&myhouse said:
Every scenario is slightly different depending on the circumstances. From the outset please remember that a husband’s first job is to protect the wife/wives and children he already has. He must be careful about who he brings into his family. You are probably an awesome lady with good intentions, but a prospective husband can’t actually know your heart. He has to take what a woman says and a woman’s past into account when deciding if she is a danger to his family or a blessing. Repentant or not, past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, and that has to be considered.



Finding a wife is a blessing, but the same book that says that also says that it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than in a house with a contentious woman… ie a bad wife might not be so much of a blessing.



There are many “fatherless children” who actually have fathers. When you say fatherless children, do you mean the child’s father is dead or just that the mother no longer likes the father for whatever reason? Because I have spoken with a number of women who have tried to justify their leaving of their ex because “he cheated”, and now she’s looking for plural. That one really leaves me scratching my head. In reality a woman in that situation needs to return to her man with a humble attitude and ask to return to him. If her husband was abusive and she leaves because of that, scripture is clear that she is to remain unmarried or return to her husband. (One Scriptural caveat to that might be a non-believing abusive husband). Can an abusive husband repent and be a good husband afterwards? If he is repentant should his behavior be forgiven and forgotten? Maybe, maybe not, but the question is the same with a woman with a bad past.



Now with regard to husbands being required to marry women they may not necessarily want to marry. Does that work the other way too? The brother’s widow might not want to marry her husband’s brother, right? How does that work in our time and our situations, should a woman be pushed to marry the first man who approaches her? I don’t think a woman should have to marry the first man who comes along. She should marry the man she thinks will be a good husband to her. By the same token a husband has the option to marry a woman he thinks will be a good helper to him. If he marries a so called “rescue woman” that is his choice and an act of great kindness, but certainly not required.

Great questions, by the way!
Click to expand...
Actually we are all commanded to take in the fatherless and widows and provide for them. I do not have a father nor does my son. We are both fatherless and I’ve never been married and I’m an only child no brothers.
 
Asforme&myhouse said:
This is one of the main reasons that I am hesitant when it comes to single mothers. You have all of the responsibility and accountability for raising the child, but you don’t have the authority to raise the child as you know is best. The mother always trumps the husband’s authority in that area.
Click to expand...
Submissive wives seeking a patriarchal home like myself are the type to give their children to their head no longer as their own. My child would be more His than mine. With righteous caution of course.
 
I
steve said:
I married a single mom almost 30 years ago, she was an exception to most of the single mothers that I see nowadays.
One of the biggest problems that exists is the “That is my child, you will not ________ (fill in the blank)”. In other words, you will never be the patriarch of her child. They will never be a true member of your family, only of hers. A subset of yours. And I totally understand the reasons why they feel this way, it’s been them against the world for too long already.
Another problem that stems from the “them against the world” situation is the unhealthy bond that is built between mother and son where he becomes her de-facto patriarch.
Click to expand...
have to say I’m slightly working not to be offended because while your experience holds its own Truth, this is not always the case. True submissive daughter of Zion should give their collagen over to their new father. The child should no longer get the final day from his mother but from the Father. He no longer answers to her but to him.
 
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