To leave her alone....or not to leave her alone...???

[Paul not the apostle]

I suppose then, we should ask some more questions, was Sarai usurping authority or was Abraham laying his down? I think they both stepped out of their positions in this case. This is not to say that I think that Abraham sinned by marrying Hagar. For this was not a sin, in and of itself. Abraham's sin was his lack of trust in the Lord for His plan. If Abraham would have trusted the Lord for His promise, Abraham could have still married Hagar later. The results would have been quite different in my thinking.

Neither Sarai or Abram had to usurp authority or lay down authority. Sarai had authority over Hagar, to give her as a wife as Sarai chose, Sarai was her authority in this manner. It was up to Sarai. She just happened to give Hagar to her own husband to wife. And in that economy, Sarai gets "credit" for the child born in her house to her handmaid, just like the situations with Rebecca and Leah, which is what is implied in Ruth 4:11 " And all the people that were in the gate, and the elders, said, We are witnesses. The LORD make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and like Leah, which two did build the house of Israel: and do thou worthily in Ephratah, and be famous in Bethlehem: " No mention of the handmaids, but only that the "two" did build the house of Israel. The handmaid under the authority of the mistress has a child and it is credited to the woman who had authority over that handmaid. Which is why Ishmael was sent away later on, because he was a son of a bondwoman, and could not receive an inheritance, correct?

Gen 21:9 And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.
Gen 21:10 Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.


How was Abram taking Hagar as a wife showing that he did not trust God for His promise and that Abram was in sin in doing so?
Where does the Bible say that Abram sinned by not believing God in doing this or even imply this to be true?

 

[DaPastor]

Hello Paul,

Neither Sarai or Abram had to usurp authority or lay down authority. Sarai had authority over Hagar, to give her as a wife as Sarai chose, Sarai was her authority in this manner. It was up to Sarai. She just happened to give Hagar to her own husband to wife. And in that economy, Sarai gets "credit" for the child born in her house to her handmaid... The handmaid under the authority of the mistress has a child and it is credited to the woman who had authority over that handmaid. Which is why Ishmael was sent away later on, because he was a son of a bondwoman, and could not receive an inheritance, correct?

You are correct Paul. I think I reverted back to my pre poly mindset in a knee jerk post which obvious came through my past convictions. For those who are interested, btw. This custom was practiced abundantly in the Middle East at this time accorind to the Nuzi documents (See Jehoshua M. Grintz's Yichudo V'Kadmuso shel Sefer Breishit, Magnes, Hebrew University, 1983 PPs. 51-55).

Blessings

 

[wifeone]

I just want to say thankyou so much for the support from everyone. This has turned into a very interesting discussion. I told my husband that I had asked about our situation on here, and we decided to sit down and read the discussion together. We have decided againt popular vote....LOL) to not write the letter. We believe that as Nathan had said

Most likely that "ship has sailed" for her.

If it is really meant to be, God will bring it around again one day.
And also, we do not want to butt into her relationship b/c we do not know the guy that she is with. We would not want to stir up any strife and put our family in harms way, if we should upset someone who might be very much against polygyny.It was comforting to be ministered to and it has brought much closure to my husband and I.

Thanks again, and God Bless you all

 

[Paul not the apostle]

LOL. Isn't it funny how things work out?

Glad that we could be the "Watson" in this Sherlock mystery.

 

[beccablue]

Wifeone, I believe you chose correctly. We have an almost identical situation and debated these exact same issues. In the end, our decision was made not to have contact with her at all. If she is "the one" then God will bring her back anyway and anything we attempt to do is trying to play God and manipulate the situation. If she longs for 'what could have been', then eventually she will question it on her own terms. Anything we say becomes a feeble sales pitch and appeals to the emotive nature and not the core issue.

Ours too returned to a previous boyfriend and that lent itself the final decision as any relationship she is currently in, we have no right to interfere with. In fact, any lady who is involved in any type of courtship relationship is off limits in our value system, otherwise you cause her to stumble and cheat. I've noticed several couples who are predatory and will actively pursue young ladies already speaking to a family seriously and this in my mind causes the lady to stumble and the couple to be unworthy as if they were serious about God's will, then they would wait for Him to reveal the perfect lady instead of them prowling and hunting like leeches desperate for affection to save their marriage. Having had it done to us, I would never do that to another family. The flip side is at least we learned the single lady in question was the cheating type I suppose.

In the end though, three potentials later, I think mostly that once it is over, it is over and we all need to just move on. I trust God totally and if He has another for us, then He will reveal when we are ready by HIS standards, not ours. All the dating sites are futile and a waste of time and that is why my husband and I have disassociated from them completely now. We limit our participation to here only at this time as the others are dating sites despite claims otherwise and they are not implicitly Christian in nature and include elements that I am uncomfortable with.

I think you were right to let it go and not write the letter. If she chooses to come back, let it be between her and God and do not interfere otherwise.

Becca

 

[wifeone]

Thank you so much for sharing what you have been through Becca. It is unfortunate that we have had these experiences, but we are learning from them and growing stronger and wiser as we go through each challenge in our lives. I'm so happy that I can identify with someone. Sometimes I can be real hard on myself about what happened. I was blaming myself and wanting to fix things so badly, as I wallowed in a pit of deep regret. Your words bring me comfort and remind me that God is ultimately in control. And I don't want to put matters into my own hand by trying to play God.

 

[DaPastor]

I just want to say thankyou so much for the support from everyone. This has turned into a very interesting discussion. I told my husband that I had asked about our situation on here, and we decided to sit down and read the discussion together. We have decided againt popular vote....LOL) to not write the letter. We believe that as Nathan had said

Most likely that "ship has sailed" for her.

If it is really meant to be, God will bring it around again one day.
And also, we do not want to butt into her relationship b/c we do not know the guy that she is with. We would not want to stir up any strife and put our family in harms way, if we should upset someone who might be very much against polygyny.It was comforting to be ministered to and it has brought much closure to my husband and I.

Thanks again, and God Bless you all

I know this was hard, but it was very cool that you both thought this through. I think you did what was best in view of the circumstances... Great job!