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Sleeping Arrangements

Not lived in that arrangement yet, but suspect I might before I start sleeping in my own little jar??

I actually like the idea of my husband taking the master bedroom and wives each sleeping in their own bedroom. Many modern homes are built in a split bedroom floorplan to give the master room more privacy and a bath that is in suite. Everyone, including hubby gets their own closet, dressers, desk space and a place to be alone if so desired.

Don't even need to call it a "Master suite" if the term bothers someone. How about just "Dave's room" or something like that. If there is an every other night rule, which seems pretty over scheduled to me, and a wife is germ phobic, take 5 minutes and put your own sheets on the bed, have your own shelf in the bathroom linen closet, everybody wash the tub when they are finished like they should anyway. If you're a family you are going to share your germs throughout the rest of the house anyway, unless you have your own chairs too.

How many families can afford a home big enough to provide two or three master bedrooms? Plus all the other space a family needs. I don't really like the separate houses idea, but if they are in a duplex arrangement, adjoining doors and easy access that would probably work too, again it could be a question of available money.

And the bottom line, each family needs to work out the most comfortable arrangement within their budget. As long as it provides for both family and private time for all concerned, about the same as any other family needs, it becomes the correct arrangement for that family.

God Bless,
Pat
 
I'm still on the fence with this one.... but ultimaly after reading everyone's take on it, I feel it's worth a try at least.
 
Julie is correct....with linen and things all coming to the master bedroom in my view is not wise.
 
I have to say I have been surprised by the number of ladies who say they wouldn't mind the husband have his own room. You learn things everyday. :D If this works for your family then more power to ya! Though I would think that affordinging a house with three rooms for the adults and then enought rooms for the children would be just as expensive or hard to find as a house with two masters.

I am also not a big fan of the "fairness" mindeset. I find that those who want "fairness" really just want to be selfish. Though, I have know ladies who just want the other to feel equally important in the family and I find that a great thing. As long as they both are of that selfless mindset it works. Life many times just does not allow things to be "fair". The seasons in our life require different things from us. We must be able to be content with much and also be content with little if need be. The only person who can make the wives "feel" equally loved and important is the HUSBAND. It is a big job and one that does not get any days off. ;)

Pat, I was a bit surprised that you thought having an every other night schedule was too ridgit. I can only speak for myself that having a schedule frees me to make plans of my own. My family has always had a set schedule. It has varied thru different seasons of our life...babies, work schedules, family visits, vacations, etc. The right to change it up has always been on the table and everyone can ask for a change at anytime. But for the most part DH makes the schedule with everyone in mind and it works well for us. Just some thoughts...
 
julieb said:
I am also not a big fan of the "fairness" mindeset. I find that those who want "fairness" really just want to be selfish. Though, I have know ladies who just want the other to feel equally important in the family and I find that a great thing. As long as they both are of that selfless mindset it works. Life many times just does not allow things to be "fair". The seasons in our life require different things from us. We must be able to be content with much and also be content with little if need be. The only person who can make the wives "feel" equally loved and important is the HUSBAND. It is a big job and one that does not get any days off. ;)
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Well said!

I'd also add that the "fairness" part is a theoretical construct that is quickly exposed as a fallacy in practical application. In particular, "fairness" is in the eye of the beholder, and each relationship between two people is unique. Thus, what one may believe is fair is not necessarily what the other believes to be fair. Now add a third, or fourth person, and the mixture of opinions on "fairness" can be a topic of endless debate. In consideration of the differing value these individuals will also place upon the elements considered in the evaluation of "fairness" nearly guarantees there can be no agreement. This being the case, who is to judge?

In any case, I completely agree that it is the husband's job to make all his wives feel equally loved and important, and I'd also extend this to the relationship of the parents to the children; so wives will certainly gain experience 'walking in the husband's shoes' in this respect if the Lord blesses them with more than one child among them. Making a particular individual feel loved and important, or vital, to the family is probably not going to have as much to do with being fair in the judicial sense as it is with knowing the individual and striving to show them you love them in ways they recognize as your effort to show them you love them.
 
In any case, I completely agree that it is the husband's job to make all his wives feel equally loved and important, and I'd also extend this to the relationship of the parents to the children; so wives will certainly gain experience 'walking in the husband's shoes' in this respect if the Lord blesses them with more than one child among them. Making a particular individual feel loved and important, or vital, to the family is probably not going to have as much to do with being fair in the judicial sense as it is with knowing the individual and striving to show them you love them in ways they recognize as your effort to show them you love them.
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Aww, you make me smile. :D :D
 
Julie,
I think I gave the wrong impression by saying that it might be "over scheduled" if there was a hard and fast every other night rule. But understand I have trouble with little things like a bowling league that meets every Wednesday morning. I can commit to this week for sure, next week most likely, a third Wednesday will get my every effort, but by the end of the month, I am not happy that ALL my Wednesdays are spoken for unless it is work and I have no choice in that. But I do like teaching the online classes for just this reason. That said, I am all for planning ahead and knowing how this week will most likely shape up.

And I need to restate the caveat that I have not lived in PM, so my humble opinion could change quickly if I were living in that arrangement.

But, I still like the idea of my own room and going to his bed on the nights I share with him. Especially if it provides a more private, comfortable setting to share with him. Since we have visiting grandkids, not live in daily children, a three bedroom split arrangement could be perfect.

See you all in a week, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts in person.
Pat
 
Pat, I totally understand. I never had any doubt that you would figure out what works best for you and that you would be flexible in it all. I also, am looking forward to seeing you face to face!
 
I hesitate to make this suggestion, being a man, but if a man has two wives, then all three could sleep together in one large bed. I think that only julieb has made this point, and then only in passing. I do not suggest such an arrangement will suit everyone.
 
It is an idea that is more fun in theory than practice. I know very few people this has worked for.

Bels
 
my concern with all three sharing a bed is that I know my husband is having relations with my sister wife but I dont care to see or hear it :shock:
 
with everyone in one bed when it was time for personal alone time between DH and one of the wives couldn't the other wife just go do something else for a time? Like watch tv in the living room or plan the grocery shopping or any other number of things that i always seem to find to do when the kids are in bed and the house is quiet?
 
poly2_2011 said:
with everyone in one bed when it was time for personal alone time between DH and one of the wives couldn't the other wife just go do something else for a time? Like watch tv in the living room or plan the grocery shopping or any other number of things that i always seem to find to do when the kids are in bed and the house is quiet?
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Who on earth wants to be ejected from their own bed? Isn't the knowledge of the exact time and place that your husband is having sex with his other wife more likely to incite the imagination? Not only that but your bed is so private and personal, why would you want to share it?

I think such an arrangement will only work if all three are sexually involved, otherwise it would eventually be a cause of consternation and what happens if another wife is added, is she expected to join in the mass bedding? What if she doesn't want to (as is her right) The husband would still need some private time with her and then what happens to a schedule? I really think people jump the guns on this issue, they make decisions even before they are courting, you can't make a decision like that for someone else.

Bels
 
wasn't actually making any decisions for anyone merely offering an idea for anyone considering the idea of one bed for all to consider. obviously that particular choice would not be made by someone who didn't want it but if no one is getting hurt or pushed into it and they all think it is a grand idea who are we to say they can't to each their own I say, as long as they are following Gods way for them through their life and no harm is being done.
 
The point is a) No one should make that decision for someone else. That means, no couple should be sitting down saying 'We want to share a bed with our sisterwife because that works for us'! Because it may not work for the potential sisterwife and what if she tries it and after a while does not like it, is that a deal breaker? Will she be in the dog house because she has spoilt their ideal?
What if she finds it heartbreaking to be thrown out of bed if husband and sw want sex? What if she wakes up and night to hear them having sex? There are too many variables to make that decision before you meet anyone and most importantly, you must be able to be flexible and tolerant if one way just does not work for some one or another.

Also, it completely denies a persons need for personal space, which is even more important the more adults are in the home.
At the end of the day, all adults just need to be flexible, if you can't be flexible than you are probably setting yourself up for problems in the future.

B
 
Isabella said:
At the end of the day, all adults just need to be flexible, if you can't be flexible than you are probably setting yourself up for problems in the future.
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Aaaah, yes! Marital / relational Yoga! Do I sense another book title? :lol:
 
CecilW said:
Isabella said:
At the end of the day, all adults just need to be flexible, if you can't be flexible than you are probably setting yourself up for problems in the future.
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Aaaah, yes! Marital / relational Yoga! Do I sense another book title? :lol:
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:D Darn tootin!
We can be a stiff as we want about the need for honesty, openness, integrity, communication and trust but with most things we need to be able to bend like a pretzel!

:P
 
n our family we have a king size bed and both my wives sleep in it with me every night. I know many may not believe this but it works well with us. I personally know neither wife would not want to sleep alone at night. At least this is our family ...

In God's love,
Steve and L and N
 
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