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Sleeping Arrangements

cdonport

cdonport

New Member
Ok... I have a thought about sleeping arrangements. In the past, my husband and I shared our room ( as a married couple should) and when our sister wife moved in- she had her own room. My husband would alternate. However, I still had the better master room with the bath and nicer shower, ect.

I was wondering, if next time, I should take one of the extra rooms, and my sister wife take an extra room, and instead of our husband switching rooms, he has the master room and on our nights with him, we go into his room ( the master bedroom) ? I think this would eliminate some of the unfairness and so called " ranking " with wives. Also, we could both keep a few of our things in the master room for when we are there....

What do you ladies think?
 
I think if all parties are okay with it then give it a try. :)

One of my pet peeves is how modern homes seem only designed for monogamous families! Sometimes the 2nd and 3rd bedrooms aren't much bigger than closets! I guess the way around that is to design your own home but that can be really pricey!
 
Yeah... we looked into homes with two masters but until that time comes we'll try this way next.
 
our family did that .... it really made a huge difference in our relationships.... as wives we felt closer cuz our rooms were pretty much equal and hubby didnt feel like a hobo with no place to hang his hat.
 
I think this subject is very interesting. I think it really depends on the desires of the family and what is available to them. I have known families to build a house with two masters, others take turns in using the master and still others stay all in the same room. I have only known of one family where the man had his own room and the ladies came to him on their nights. They were on TV doing a reality show about finding a third wife. This idea seems good at first but then I wonder who makes the bed, who changes the sheets, who chooses to pick up after the husband? Because you know few men know how to put clothes in a hamper or make a bed for that matter!

I then think of ladies I have known who hate sharing even drinking glasses with their children because of the germ issue. Well, I can't imagine they would want to share a bed with someone other than their husband. So, I guess it all comes down to what makes sense to the family. The good thing is that you can try one way and if it doesn't work then you can try it another.

I would like to ask a few husbands, who have at least two wives, what they think. I have never heard my husband complain about sleeping in two different bedrooms. He definitely dosesn't like having two homes (which is our situation at the moment but hope to change that in the future) and having things he needs at the "other" house. But the two room thing has never been a problem for him.

I will say that I think it is VERY important for each wife to have her own "place" that is just hers. Sometimes you just need to have a safe and peaceful haven from life that you can go to.
 
This sounds like a great idea. For him to have the master bedroom and the wives switch I was wondering how we could accomidate another wife. This would work great for us. Thank you for posting this, it made things simpler to me. P.s no i aint a blonde i just have a newborn so i am slow on things right now. Lack of sleep.
 
Yeeeesss... JulieB, I also thought about the sheets and who will make bed, ect... :roll: But, I wonder if that is a small glitch considering how much easier and equal the women in the house would feel? If anyone does try this route, please keep us posted about the success or non success of it. It really would be great to hear from some men about it.
 
*** Moderator Note ***
At the request of the author of this thread, it has been moved from the Ladies Only forum to the Marriage Issues forum, in hopes of having some men respond. If you have posted on this thread and are bothered by the move, let me know.

*** Male Response ***
IMO, every adult person needs a private space in the home. Men have traditionally had a den, library, office, or whatever you want to call it. Women sometimes had a sewing room, or sun-room. Nowadays, that's less common and less easy. The 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in the suburbs reigns supreme. *sigh* However, if it can be managed, ...

I still think it ideal. Even when rooms have to double up -- sewing room bedroom, office bedroom, -- still, it is a private place to retreat.

And having a bed in your office is GREAT. I know. That's my setup at present. (spare bedroom.) And power naps during the day can make ALL the difference in the world! I LOVE IT!

Having wives go to the "master's bedroom" for their nights seems liike a good idea. Makes a certain degree of sense. Honors the idea that there is a "head" in the relationship / family, and that they are a part of HIS family, rather than him being SPLIT amongst THEIR separate families.

I've thought of this often since the last time I visited my first/ex wife and kids in Oregon. We were sitting around the table in a Thai restaurant (YUM!) when my eldest daughter exclaimed, "You still fit in well with our family, Dad!"

I knew she meant it as a compliment. But my mind immediately leapt to Abraham Lincoln saying, "The important thing is not whether God is on our side, but whether we are on His." And I thought, "Daughter dear, the question is not whether I still fit into YOUR family, but whether YOU still fit into your FATHER's family? Whose family name do you bear? Your Mom's or your Dad's?" Didn't start a ruckus, but have pondered the issue many times since.

Besides, in this setup, there's nothing that says he can't trundle down the hallway to her bedroom from time to time, is there? Nothing wrong with variety in location. And she may wanna setup her bedroom special for an occasion, and then LEAVE it nice, not feeling like she's gonna have to take it all down right away to make way for the next transient guest. And of COURSE her bed will be just as good and comfortable as the one in the Master Bedroom, right? No garbage about 2nd class/hierarchy stuff!

So why not? Besides, cuts down on the linen changing issue. Yet hubby has a place to hang his hat and doesn't need to feel like a hobo.

There's one more aspect to this. There have been times when I've slept overnight in my office bed. Worked really late and didn't want to awaken my wife. And then in the early morning had her come crawl in with ME for a while before she started her day. Gotta tell you, as a guy? Made my heart SING! She was there because that was where she wanted to be, not because it was her bed and where else did she have to go? I hope that she feels the same way when I do come to bed with her -- I do have an alternative, but THAT is where I want to be, with her. And that's GOOD!

Ok, one male has been heard from! :D
 
I'm female, but I decided this thread is now relevant to my family. 8-)

Now that we are officially engaged to second wife, we have been seriously trying to figure out the sleeping arrangements, since we are severely limited on space. It's a puzzle enough to challenge the Rubix Cube pros! :lol:

Ruth lives in a double wide mobile home, with just three bedrooms and two baths. She has five children; four girls and 1 boy. The teen daughter has her own room (this is required due to another complicated factor I won't go into), and the boy has his own room. The three little girls share the master, and Ruth sleeps on a little couch in the living room. :shock: Compounding things is the fact that because Ruth works nights, she sleeps during the day, so her kids are running around making all kinds of noise and climbing on her, etc. Needless to say, I really don't think this woman has any clue what "quality" sleep is! :shock:

Mr. Froggie and I live in a single wide, three bedroom 1 bath mobile home. Each of our teen boys has his own room, and Mr. Froggie and I have a room together. But... we have separate twin beds, because I am NOT a fun person to sleep with, and I have decided I cannot share a bed with Mr. Froggie. :lol: It has been this way for nearly ten years now.

So.... been noodling some ideas, the best one I could come up with is to share my twin bed with Ruth, allowing her to sleep somewhere quiet and private during the day while I'm working, and the kids are at school, then after school I will go to the double wide to look after the children while Ruth continues to get some good sleep. I certainly cannot see Ruth and Mr. Froggie making love right out in the living room! :lol: My bed becomes available to me at night, when the other two are at work. The only issue I have is the fact that Mr. Froggie and I both shower before bedtime, so we are "clean" when we get into bed. Ruth showers after she gets up, before she goes to work--- and she is a smoker. So we have to get around that somehow; maybe Ruth might consider moving her showers to before bedtime. And we do hold out a faint hope that perhaps as Ruth becomes happier, and her stress levels reduce, she may be able to stop smoking one day--- but if not, it's okay; we love her for who she is, changes not required. 8-)

Otherwise, as is now the current arrangement, since they are not yet officially "married," Mr. Froggie goes over to Ruth's to visit with her in the mornings after work, then comes back to our house to sleep in his own bed the rest of the day. (And that way, if I have the day off, I can sleep in, without being rousted from my bed sooner than I'd like.)

*PS: I suppose I should note that when Mr. Froggie and I want intimacy, I join him on his bed, so my bed remains all mine. I imagine it would be the same with Ruth, so I'm okay with that. ;)
 
Cow fam said:
So long as it is mutually acceptable, would it be OK
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That pretty much answers your question, does it not?

Thing is, all involved should be free to bring up the topic for review from time to time as needed. And y'all are free to try something, then change if needed. It's TOUR life. Nobody from here will be peering in your bedroom window with a clipboard to score your family performance. :lol:
 
CecilW said:
Nobody from here will be peering in your bedroom window with a clipboard to score your family performance. :lol:
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rats
i take it that the job of inspector is not available :(
 
Thanks for moving the post mod :) Loving the new perspectives. I like how Cecil pointed out that the man sleeping in the Master kind of sets the tone that he is the master and leader of the family. Its easy to get that concept misconstrued when you have more than one woman in a home with the man floating from space to space trying to keep the peace. :lol: When a man is seen as the head, and treated as the head, I think that alone can calm a lot of the petty family issues that can arise when women are trying to take the lead roles... or assuming another woman is " trying" to take the lead role over the other. It is true.... we do take the mans last name. We are wives in his family and he is head and master .
 
Well I am used to being the odd one out so I don't mind saying I hate that idea. To my thinking it sort of sexualises the space (Master bedroom) and although I am sure many men would love to sit back and wait for his women to come to him, I think it has unfortunate imagery that I don't care for.

B
 
it would be nice for each person in the relationship to have a "master" bedroom, but that is usually not an option. anything else is a compromise and each family needs to work out what is best for them.

i have my "master-bedroom-on-wheels" (truck-driver) where i spend 95% of my nights. when i am home i take it as an honour to be invited into her bed. she had a hard time with calling it her bed but she is getting more used to it.
 
steve said:
it would be nice for each person in the relationship to have a "master" bedroom, but that is usually not an option. anything else is a compromise and each family needs to work out what is best for them.

i have my "master-bedroom-on-wheels" (truck-driver) where i spend 95% of my nights. when i am home i take it as an honour to be invited into her bed. she had a hard time with calling it her bed but she is getting more used to it.
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Awwww, I don't blame her, I find the concept very excluding, I can understand why she does not like it. I am more likely to be happy to say 'my bedroom' than 'my bed' because if my bed is ever shared, it is 'our' bed.

Mind you that may just be a mindset thing. I would not go as far as to say a man does not need his own space, but I just don't think it needs to be a bedroom, many men make due with an office, den, shed (or truck! ;) ). To give a man the 'Master' bedroom, because he is 'The Master of the House' comes across as unnecessary, impractical and a little like ego stroking in a BDSM Master/slave play acting....It just rubs me up the wrong way.

Also, in a shared home, women often have to do something really hard.....compromise on decor and decoration. Not the easiest thing in the world.....you begin to see how blessedly easy it is to live with men! In a shared home, the only place a woman gets to act out her own sense of style, without compromise, is her bedroom. The idea of wasting that on a man is pretty foolish if you ask me....mind you no one did and people will make their own mistakes but..........
I have yet to see a home big enough for a man to have his own room and women need theirs.

B
 
Everyone's made REALLY great points on both sides of the issue. The BEST ideal is for a home with more than one master but as we all know that isn't always practical. However, I must state that when I was in the situation of having a new sister wife with only one master in the home, my sister wife did mention that me and my husband having the " master" set a tone. I didn't like her to feel that way, but with only one master, who should have that room? I thought it would ease things by our Husband having it primarily and her and I would have it every other night with our own space as well.

This way, we could also both leave some of our belongings in the master room and kind of share that space as well as have our own bedrooms. She used to feel like she was violating my space when spending time with husband in the master bedroom. The husband is the Master and head of the relationship... but in the biblical sense... not the worldly dominatrix type of way. Unfortunately, in the upside down world we live in, if your a woman who puts your husband as head of your home and master ( as the bible states) people think your weird.
 
cdonport said:
people think your weird.
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Well, that's ok. After all, who wants to be boring? ... I mean "normal"> :?

Besides, "normal" is just a swtting on the dryer.
 
CecilW said:
Besides, "normal" is just a swtting on the dryer.
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i guess that i am so abnormal that i would not even know how to do that. :D
is it dangerous? should you shut the power off first?
can you do it w/out being arrested?
 
Rev 3:16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.


lukewarm=average=normal
 
julieb said:
I think this subject is very interesting. I think it really depends on the desires of the family and what is available to them. I have known families to build a house with two masters, others take turns in using the master and still others stay all in the same room. I have only known of one family where the man had his own room and the ladies came to him on their nights. They were on TV doing a reality show about finding a third wife. This idea seems good at first but then I wonder who makes the bed, who changes the sheets, who chooses to pick up after the husband? Because you know few men know how to put clothes in a hamper or make a bed for that matter!

I then think of ladies I have known who hate sharing even drinking glasses with their children because of the germ issue. Well, I can't imagine they would want to share a bed with someone other than their husband. So, I guess it all comes down to what makes sense to the family. The good thing is that you can try one way and if it doesn't work then you can try it another.

I would like to ask a few husbands, who have at least two wives, what they think. I have never heard my husband complain about sleeping in two different bedrooms. He definitely dosesn't like having two homes (which is our situation at the moment but hope to change that in the future) and having things he needs at the "other" house. But the two room thing has never been a problem for him.

I will say that I think it is VERY important for each wife to have her own "place" that is just hers. Sometimes you just need to have a safe and peaceful haven from life that you can go to.
Click to expand...

I agree with you Julie...I am not in this situation yet, but hope to be someday, but I would rather have the smaller room or whatever than share a bed like that. I am kind of a germ-phobe actually. So I don't think I would ever sleep again.
 
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