Re: Sisterwife Left- Husband ended things bc her divorce not
Paul not the apostle said:
A marriage cert and a divorce cert mean nothing to me when it comes to figuring these things out. However, the purpose of the divorce certificate is not to give a man an easy way out of a marriage, it is to protect the woman, and the next man that she goes to because the penalty for adultery was death. The certificate was to protect the woman and new husband from any claims by the former husband.
Anyway...
Is everyone in agreement that the woman was deceptive because she misrepresented her situation to her man in jail by not telling him she was leaving, and to the OP's husband by not telling him that the man in jail had no idea she was divorcing him?
The OP said that they did not know she was NOT divorced, and that her husband that is in jail had NO idea that his wife was moving on to another man? And I don't mean divorced with a certificate...if she had told the husband that was in jail that she was leaving him, then I would have said that the OP's family was wrong to put her out, because there was nothing about her that was unknown to them when she entered their family.
However, how can anyone be held to an agreement when one of the parties enters fraudulently? This is the real issue here and it all comes down to the man in jail not being told by his wife that she was leaving. Even if he told her no or that he did not want a divorce, at least he would have known.
I am completely opposed to men putting away wives for any situation other than adultery. If a man is asked by his first wife to choose between wives when things go south, the man should just say no to whatever wife is asking for the man to choose. A man is NOT allowed to choose, he already did when he married each of those women. His wife is asking him to do something that he has no right to do. And the man should be strong and NOT give in to any demands.
However, if I met a woman and she said that she had been divorced for three years, I would assume that the man that she divorced would actually know that his wife had left him. :shock: And this has nothing to do with a divorce certificate. I would be worried that an angry husband would be showing up demanding to know what was going on. The man has to be at least told that his wife is leaving for the woman to be divorced, moral, legal, certificate or not.
I feel like the members of this forum are mixing things they have seen in the past into the same bowl as this and treating this as the same situation and it is not. I have heard in the poly world about a single woman being cast out when the man or the man's other wife don't want to live poly anymore and I totally oppose that. But this situation is different because the woman misrepresented herself to her current man, and also the husband of the OP.
The OP's husband protected himself, his spiritual beliefs, his wife, the woman's honor, and the honor of the unknowing man in jail, and also the institution of marriage. If we don't support this, then we are supporting the theory that any partner can decide to leave a marriage without notice, legal or verbal, and that is not something that I can support.
Yes, according to my understanding from reading the thread, the incoming woman deceived the family to whom she wished to belong. Thus, marital unfaithfulness applies to the woman and not to the husband or their family. Where this "throwing the 'innocent' woman out" tone is coming from I have no idea. From my perspective, if you deceive someone intentionally, you get either justice or mercy and have no right whatsoever to complain about either!
Regarding putting a woman away, adultery is not the only cause as nearly as I can tell. Although the word used is frequently translated 'sexual immorality' in most English translations, the Greek word used is frequently used generally throughout the old testament (Septuagint) to denote unfaithfulness in general. Particularly, the same word is used by God's prophets to describe how His people (Israel and Judah) treated Him as I recall. In particular, the penalty for adultery was death, not divorce. And yes, I know that loving mercy is a virtue, so forgiveness is certainly preferrable. However, I'm quite convinced that when Jesus describes the only situation that warrants divorce, He is speaking of obstinate rebellion on the part of the wife generally and not just adultery. To your point about giving in to demands, I fully agree; and a wife that demanded such a thing from a husband would be sitting in obstinate rebellion to her head.
With the remaining part of your post I agree completely. In addition, and perhaps very controversially, I see no biblical precedent for a woman initiating a divorce in the first place. I'm certain this will draw much fire, but if anyone wishes to flame me; then please do so from a scriptural basis and not an emotional one. Life is tough, and often can be very rough as well. I can tell you that the last thing I wish to do is speak favorably for a man in prison, largely because I assume he did something to deserve being there. However, none of this negates the fact that the prisoner's wife belonged to him, and it is up to him to put her away. If he doesn't put her away, then no one else can claim her. If the woman cannot remain in the relationship and chooses to leave, I've all confidence she's forgiven for it, though I still hold her accountable for (at least) informing her husband of her intent! But, if she truly wants to get out of the relationship the way the Lord would have it work, I think she needs to seek the Lord's aid to repair the relationship or to have her husband send her out of it.
In case any of you think I speak this from an uneducated perspective, don't be so hasty. Though I'm not keen to share the details of Diener's former marriage, suffice it to say that I know
*very* well what I'm talking about, and how painful it can be for a woman to obediently remain in a perverse relationship. From my own experience, I also know very well how futile it can be for a man to overcome obstinate rebellion in a woman. Indeed, I was married to a woman for nearly 24 years that was intoxicated every single night she went to bed, except for those times when she was hospitalized for overdoses or such (fewer than a dozen straight days in a quarter century). Diener's situation was even worse because she understood her duty to be obedient to her husband (I felt no such constraint, but rather just wanted to 'fix' the one I was with).
In any case, from what I can tell the husband did the right thing, and it sucked for him, the woman he rejected, and his family. To echo what Cecil said earlier, there is no good in tearing this new family apart. However, it also seems it might have been just as abhorrent to tear the old family apart. Praise God for His Son and our savior, that we all might be forgiven our foolishness!
