So...we have a power outage stopping me from chores.....but my phone still has power!
As I read the original post the other day I recognized areas I can work on myself, but also had thoughts about the "other side" ...the instruction to husbands.....and my experiences as a wife over the years of marriage. Here goes.
Yep!
Yep. Agreed completely! I married a man I was impressed with and did not expect to change him.
Now this starts getting more complicated, as my husband has felt in the last few years like he is not respected and his instruction to me has not been taken seriously enough.
But ....but....its easier to blame someone else!! Sooo.....
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But in all seriousness, we can each only change ourselves....but we can make our partner
want to change by doing our part to the best of our ability. There is a scripture that tells women married to non believers that they can win their husbands to Christ by their example of godly subbmission... so surely a believing husband would appreciate his wife walking humbly and serving him with love.
My husband proved his love to me beyond all doubt about 22 years ago by loving me through a difficult time.
Agreed! Both the Biblical instruction and quote are correct.
Perhaps. But maybe it's more complicated than that.
Here is where it gets really personal for me.
The personality tests members here were doing years ago (that neither I or my husband had any interest in and did not do) say...(based on our children answering the questions for us) that our personality types are not very compatible and that it is not recommended that these personality types marry each other.
Hmmm.
That is irrelevant at this point.
We vowed our lives to each other over 27 years ago!! ..but it might kind of explain some of the challenges we've had to work through. What my husband has long called fights I call communication issues because I have no desire to oppose him, cause him stress, etc.
...but he often
feels I oppose him, and this actually stresses him. He also feels disrespected at times and that I am willful and do my will instead of his.
These are
serious complaints to a wife that wanted her husband to be head of the household from the beginning, never wanted to manipulate, be a backseat driver, or a burden to her husband.
People that love each other don't want to cause each other pain....but guess what. Hurts still happen. In 2015 I did something deeply hurtful to him on accident. He responded to that in a way that was hurtful to me.
Since his other love joined us we have both done things "wrong" (as in not ideal or supportive to each other) that caused each other grief. I remember thinking and telling him he had unreasonable expectations. That sounds bad....but it was actually minor. He expected me to be a constant and not change or act differently with another woman here in his life, heart, bed. He didn't realize I needed time after "moving over" and making room for her...(watching children and doing chores so they had time to visit and spend time) to reconnect with him. Spending time with her made him want to spend time with me and be "with me" but did NOT make me feel connected to him and want to be "with him" especially spontaneously. So he would suggest....and I'd turn him down.. .and he'd feel I didn't want to be with him....while I DID want to be with him, but hadn't even had a private conversation and needed that first.
That's just an example, of course told from "my side" or perspective.
I was kind of awkward at first about how to be around him with this other person there, and she was as flipped over him as I ever was and wanted to be with him all the time. Even snuggling him or sitting on his lap were things I was uncomfortable about at first.
So while he had the same comfort level with her that he had with me, I was waaayyy behind that. It took time for me to get to know her, and get comfortable, and even now two years later I'd still say there's a difference.
Back to hurts. I saw this and feel it is relevant.
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As I said, we have hurt each other. Being or feeling criticized doesn't make surrender (or submission) easy... him feeling disrespected and not obeyed doesn't make being loving toward me easy.
Relationships are work. But worth it!!
We cannot find the strength to earn our way back into each other's favor....each needs grace and forgiveness for accidental hurts.....and to realize your loved one wouldn't be intentionally hurtful....that means treat all hurts like accidental ones.
Love covers a multitude of ...."missed the marks."
My phone is low and the power won't be on for a couple more hours....so I'm going to post this now.
I hope my words here are understood and taken the way I meant them. (Please Lord)
...and help someone.
perhaps I can draw from my advanced degree from HKU, the venerable institution better known as Hard Knocks University.
