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Prayer and Practical Help

So, everyone:

My heart breaks for my first wife. When I saw her the other day she was genuinely terrified. She is hurting and lonely and I believe, for whatever misguided reason, truly believes (although it is very factually incorrect) that I am abandoning and leaving her and want to take her child away from her. Even though, obviously, she is the one leaving me.

But... I dont know how to get through to her. She wont talk to me anymore and her parents are keeping her hidden somewhere now and insulated from me. I am trying to reach out to her dad to at least open a dialogue, but I believe she is being fed lies both by her parents/friends/lawyer and the Enemy, so that me saying "I love you, please come home" truly seems to be heard as "I am going to attack you" or something. There is some serious spiritual warfare going on over her, and although I am doing all I can in prayer to declare authority and protection over her as her husband, I still cannot reach her with my words directly in any way she will absorb.

Anyone have any ideas on how I can, either through words or actions (or simply inaction?) my love and care for her?
 
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EternalDreamer said:
Anyone have any ideas on how I can, either through words or actions (or simply inaction?) my love and care for her?
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I wish, brother.
Praying forgiveness over her is the best that I have for you.
 
For the spiritual side: pray, and we will ad well. Besides praying for her, pray that you remain very soft and tender toward her. Do not let these circumstances, her family or the courts harden you towards her.

Am praying for the both of you.... all three of you.
 
I don't know what to say.... . But you are in my prayers. Lord have mercy on my dear brother and strengthen him in this turmoil.
 
Thank you. @rustywest4 and I prayed together last night in the Spirit and since then I have felt my attitude toward her change from frustration and fear to fear FOR her. I am worried for her being closed off from my love and being unable to reach out to her and reassure her. Im afraid for the poison and confusion she is surrounded by and I am afraid of her hurting herself by making mistakes. I love her so much. I will not abandon her, and I see my first more as a scared, lonely, and confused girl rather than the enemy.

I still need to buckle my belt and prepare my tools in case of a big confrontation, but I will be much more 'slow to anger and abounding in love' now. Hopefully somehow I can reach out to her. If not, hopefully I can show her, in the way I carry this out and respond and so on, even if she 'loses', my love and forgiveness and care for her.
 
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EternalDreamer said:
If such a thing happens, I will be right there to hold her and comfort her and ask her again to come back to me, and welcome her in to my home in love.
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If it’s true repentance I agree this is a good approach. Just be discerning about it...
 
EternalDreamer said:
For sure.
I read through her journal last night and it was heartbreaking reading the way God was working in her and directing her in this and then to see how she let it all crumble :(
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It has not all crumbled and Yah us still in control. Keep praying and be faithful to Him, and your family.
 
PeteR said:
It has not all crumbled and Yah us still in control. Keep praying and be faithful to Him, and your family.
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I am. I am taking care of our house being there for her. I am spending the majority of my time at home where I await my wife's return. I am keeping the house clean, doing yardwork, and doing legal research and preparation. And praying. Lots of praying.
 
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EternalDreamer said:
So, everyone:

As I am doing all this work and sharpening my Sword of the Spirit, so to speak, preparing and studying myself for a discussion at least with my lawyer and maybe in court...

My heart breaks for my first wife. When I saw her the other day she was genuinely terrified. She is hurting and lonely and I believe, for whatever misguided reason, truly believes (although it is very factually incorrect) that I am abandoning and leaving her and want to take her child away from her. Even though, obviously, she is the one leaving me.

But... I dont know how to get through to her. She wont talk to me anymore and her parents are keeping her hidden somewhere now and insulated from me. I am trying to reach out to her dad to at least open a dialogue, but I believe she is being fed lies both by her parents/friends/lawyer and the Enemy, so that me saying "I love you, please come home" truly seems to be heard as "I am going to attack you" or something. There is some serious spiritual warfare going on over her, and although I am doing all I can in prayer to declare authority and protection over her as her husband, I still cannot reach her with my words directly in any way she will absorb.

Anyone have any ideas on how I can, either through words or actions (or simply inaction?) my love and care for her?
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Don't! Please trust me on this. You can't do anything at this point to sway her. Her father is your biggest enemy right now. Get yourself squared away. Your moment will come but you can't force it. Just be ready and leave her the hell alone.
 
ZecAustin said:
Don't! Please trust me on this. You can't do anything at this point to sway her. Her father is your biggest enemy right now. Get yourself squared away. Your moment will come but you can't force it. Just be ready and leave her the hell alone.
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I can't say if this is sound advice or not; but to echo'd what Zec is saying here...I have heard others, with way more experience on this subject than I, say that the only chance of reconciliation, and its a slim one, is to go cold turkey on her. Completely silent except for legal proceedings. Basically the only shot left is if she get heart sick for you in the silence. If you drip feed her love and attention that can't happen.
 
Well, I remember hearing from a couple plural ladies here about how their man kept them from leaving him and it sure wasn't silence. Granted, it was before the separation happened, but I remember thinking at the time I heard the story "What woman could resist that?"

He told them both (independantly and when that was on the lady's mind) that he loved them, and needed them, and asked "Please don't go."
Besides her own hurt and fear and perceptions of loss from poly.....she has probably felt less important, replaced, and that E.D. will do fine without her.

Only God knows what will reach her where she is. I'm just praying He inspires @EternalDreamer with the right course of action.
 
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Joleneakamama said:
Well, I remember hearing from a couple plural ladies here about how their man kept them from leaving him and it sure wasn't silence. Granted, it was before the separation happened, but I remember thinking at the time I heard the story "What woman could resist that?"

He told them both (independantly and when that was on the lady's mind) that he loved them, and needed them, and asked "Please don't go."
Besides her own hurt and fear and perceptions of loss from poly.....she has probably felt less important, replaced, and that E.D. will do fine without her.

Only God knows what will reach her where she is. I'm just praying He inspires @EternalDreamer with the right course of action.
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Amein.
 
EternalDreamer said:
So, everyone:

As I am doing all this work and sharpening my Sword of the Spirit, so to speak, preparing and studying myself for a discussion at least with my lawyer and maybe in court...

My heart breaks for my first wife. When I saw her the other day she was genuinely terrified. She is hurting and lonely and I believe, for whatever misguided reason, truly believes (although it is very factually incorrect) that I am abandoning and leaving her and want to take her child away from her. Even though, obviously, she is the one leaving me.

But... I dont know how to get through to her. She wont talk to me anymore and her parents are keeping her hidden somewhere now and insulated from me. I am trying to reach out to her dad to at least open a dialogue, but I believe she is being fed lies both by her parents/friends/lawyer and the Enemy, so that me saying "I love you, please come home" truly seems to be heard as "I am going to attack you" or something. There is some serious spiritual warfare going on over her, and although I am doing all I can in prayer to declare authority and protection over her as her husband, I still cannot reach her with my words directly in any way she will absorb.

Anyone have any ideas on how I can, either through words or actions (or simply inaction?) my love and care for her?
Click to expand...
Actually that is a good sign. You may not be able to talk to her, but you might be able to slip her a note. Pour out your heart, expressing how much you love her. Her father may be able to keep you from talking to her, but those words can still penetrate whether they are spoken or written.
 
EternalDreamer said:
Well, I just got a call from her lawyer.
I am expecting a visit from the sheriff today with a restraining order and divorce papers.

I have no idea what to do. I cant reach anyone for legal advice. The quickest appointment i could get with a lawyer was tomorrow at noon.

If anyone else has donations, i dont know how this will go but I suspect i will need them
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I do not have any easy answers for you, but I am in prayer for you and your family and am looking at the budget to see what we can spare.

God bless you.
 
EternalDreamer said:
Well, I just got a call from her lawyer.
I am expecting a visit from the sheriff today with a restraining order and divorce papers.

I have no idea what to do. I cant reach anyone for legal advice. The quickest appointment i could get with a lawyer was tomorrow at noon.

If anyone else has donations, i dont know how this will go but I suspect i will need them
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Been here. There is no reconciliation. Her lawyer will offer to drop the restraining order if you accept their deal. All of the hard decisions have been made now. All you can do is decide how you are going to comport yourself from here on out and how much you want to fight.
 
EternalDreamer said:
I am expecting a visit from the sheriff today with a restraining order and divorce papers.
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How on earth did she get a restraining order? I'm very confused. I guess in America they're easy to get? Here it's not easy, it's a difficult process and you have to really prove that that person would physically hurt you. Is she saying that you would hurt her?
I'm just concerned that there's a whole lot of lies being told about you right now behind your back to get a restraining order.
And can you just get a divorce like that after only a few days? Here you have to be separated for 2 years before you can get one. You don't sign divorce papers until after that time.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you, ED, it sounds like a super messy and awful thing you're going through. I'm praying here.
 
FollowingHim2 said:
How on earth did she get a restraining order? I'm very confused. I guess in America they're easy to get? Here it's not easy, it's a difficult process and you have to really prove that that person would physically hurt you. Is she saying that you would hurt her?
I'm just concerned that there's a whole lot of lies being told about you right now behind your back to get a restraining order.
And can you just get a divorce like that after only a few days? Here you have to be separated for 2 years before you can get one. You don't sign divorce papers until after that time.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you, ED, it sounds like a super messy and awful thing you're going through. I'm praying here.
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In my state at least, it is relatively simple. I mean this is all my understanding from my study, i wont have legal counsel until tomorrow, but basically a divorce can be served to either party with no real requirement (they can claim anything as a reason) and the other person has to sign it in which case they go through proceedings and determine the split, or not sign it, in which case the judge rules basically whatever the person filing wants.

As to a restraining order... technically it is a protective order. Yeah i have no idea what on earth they would have said.
 
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FollowingHim2 said:
How on earth did she get a restraining order? I'm very confused. I guess in America they're easy to get? Here it's not easy, it's a difficult process and you have to really prove that that person would physically hurt you. Is she saying that you would hurt her?
I'm just concerned that there's a whole lot of lies being told about you right now behind your back to get a restraining order.
And can you just get a divorce like that after only a few days? Here you have to be separated for 2 years before you can get one. You don't sign divorce papers until after that time.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you, ED, it sounds like a super messy and awful thing you're going through. I'm praying here.
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https://oklaw.org/resource/protective-orders
 
Restraining order are stupidly easy to get and they have become an almost routine tool. There needs be no proof or even a communicated threat. If someone (read woman) feels threatened then a temporary protective order is issued. They are usually for three weeks and then a hearing is held to determine if it should be extended. There is no wiggle room in these things. I had a friend who spent the weekend in jail because he butt dialed his wife while he was getting off a roof. I was with him when it happened.
 
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