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poly = selfish, unloving towards your wife

rockfox said:
Ya, her feelings aren't the arbitrator of whether or not you are loving her. That is the bait and switch of love as feelings instead of action that society uses to make women the judges and rulers of the marriage.
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Yeah, its really a combination of jealousy and fear, which contributes to her actions being manipulative to get a response I do not give her anymore. I want things nice and peaceful and she knows that, ignoring the behavior after a stern "your behavior is not okay", I have done nothing to withdrawal my love or kindness towards my ladies, but that feeling really drives her despite the obvious facts. I haven't changed in any way and I point that out everytime to try and reassure her.

Unfortunately I have had 3 ladies who I married and then left because they or their family couldn't handle the life, mostly due to my strict rules like no secular love music and no personal FB accounts, no disrespectful behavior from anyone. It's amazing really how all three said "okay" and after getting married shortly after walked off. All regards to a feeling, they want the life, marriage, family but want to do their own thing, which doesn't work for me or God.....
 
Sibling rivalry. Extrapolate from that for the answer. And from a character in my book, Prince of Sumba:
John’s wives were so delighted to actually have Christian visitors, that they didn’t mind that Mary was talking about them. In fact, it was energizing them. John nodded his approval as his wife, Peesha, now took a softer approach.
“Mary, when you were a toddler, if you had an ice cream cone, would you share it? Probably not, I wouldn’t have either. But what if you had ten gallons of ice cream and no freezer? I think even a toddler would share the ten gallons, and if she didn’t, what a shame, for what was left over would just spoil. John is like that ten gallons of ice cream and it would break my heart to put him on ice. It’s just not natural. Men are different.”
“My Ish is not like that.” I wasn’t sure if it was John or myself who was being insulted but it was clear that Mary was worn out from our discussion. Even so, she had enough energy to take one last jab.
“What were you thinking, Ish, writing a book on polygamy!”
 
Sibling rivalry, that's a really good way of looking at it. A lot of parallels to be drawn in many ways.
 
I just thought I would mention that Jacob and Rachel had an "I will love only you" attitude between them, and God cursed their marriage with infertility. And it is interesting that thus it was Rachel who was directly cursed for the attitude they shared.

Also, I am not sure if this helps, but those who claim it is unfair for only men to be allowed to marry multiple people, you could also say it is unfair for only women to be allowed to marry someone who is married. When you condemn a multiple wife marriage, you condemn the wives as well as the husband, and it is slant that tries to obscure this.

But of course, this is all discussing why the Law of God is the way it is. Really, the way it is could not be more one way: if a man has another man's wife, they should be killed, and go straight to hell; if a woman has another woman's husband, they are completely innocent, and in some cases it is required of them. It would be hard to get a greater contrast than that. People can discuss why it is, but it has to be accepted as a starting point.

One thing to realize about the why of it is that it is God who joins man and wife together, by making them male and female. Basically Scripture says that the reason a man and wife are one flesh is because God took woman out of man. The authority structure also comes at least partly from this ("Adam was first formed, then Eve").
 
Patrick Lauser said:
I just thought I would mention that Jacob and Rachel had an "I will love only you" attitude between them, and God cursed their marriage with infertility. And it is interesting that thus it was Rachel who was directly cursed for the attitude they shared
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Leah was blessed when God saw her suffering because she was unloved. Up until that point they both were barren there was no curse. Rachel eventual had children so she was no infertile.

In that statement you make a suffering persons blessing and the love Elohim showed her nothing. Then you might not realise this but you condemned monogamous couples who choose the "I will love only you" attitude between them for loving each other that way. Which is not forbidden or wrong. Marriage is a good thing whether monogamous or polygamous.

To whom this may apply (all others ignore) : Some men are wired to love only one woman. Some are trained to love only one women. Some men are wired to love more than one woman. You can't be trained to love more than one woman really in this modern culture and its more of the ability to love others than learning. On a daily basis man people confuse desire and love. Many may disagree but, The ability to love more than one doesn't mean if presented with the opportunity you should jump at it. Just as important when it comes to polygamy as being able to love more than one wife is the ability to lead more than one wife. If you don't have the ability to lead one wife polygamy should not be your plate until you can. If your not married its great to learn your options but your focus should be on finding, loving, and leading your first wife not pondering about your 2nd or 3rd. Learn to run a village before making plans for your nation.

For any woman reading this from LurkingVille or Guessland and nodding in approval and thinking yeah if he can't lead what makes him think he can lead two of us. I told him he shouldn't be thinking about polygamy. Stop reading and study up on what submission means and the spirit in which it comes.
 
Kevin said:
you condemned monogamous couples who choose the "I will love only you" attitude between them for loving each other that way. Which is not forbidden or wrong. Marriage is a good thing whether monogamous or polygamous.
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I'm curious, for what godly purpose would a man pledge not to take more than one woman under his dominion?
 
Brother Don Milton said:
I'm curious, for what godly purpose would a man pledge not to take more than one woman under his dominion?
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The man who makes such a "choice" has "chosen" to make 90 percent of his sexual thoughts covetous, i.e. lustful because I'm telling you right now ladies, when your husband has sexual thoughts during the day, only a small fraction are about you! God made men that way. It is simple for a godly man to turn his thoughts away from married women but to turn his thoughts away from all women? All the single Bible believing women he once might have taken as brides now become forbidden even in his thoughts. He now is required to put godly single women at arm's length lest they snare him and his now lustful thoughts must find some outlet and I promise you it will not be a godly outlet. Our Lord created men in a specific way, there will be an outlet if what is natural is forbidden. We see that outlet in today's monogamous nations - strip clubs, nasty TV shows, and far far worse. Forbid what is natural at your own peril.

Isaiah 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

Genesis 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
 
Brother Don Milton said:
I'm curious, for what godly purpose would a man pledge not to take more than one woman under his dominion?
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I didnt say godly purpose, please don't put words in my mouth or imply that was my meaning.

There's no biblical instruction to be polygynist or monogamous. Just to marry. 2 of the 3 Patrarchs were Isaac wasnt. There's alot more Godly men in scripture than most people recognize even a few Prophets who were polgynist. On the other hand there are other Godly men who were not.

But if you want a Godly purpose, some men don't have it in them to lead one wife in a way that glorifies the Lord let alone more than one.
 
Kevin said:
But if you want a Godly purpose, some men don't have it in them to lead one wife in a way that glorifies the Lord let alone more than one.
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Aye aye aye! So the godly purpose is that you or some woman's husband "doesn't have it in [him] to lead one wife in a way that glorifies the Lord let alone more than one?" and somehow making them "choose" "I will love only you" is the cure? That's exactly what the Matriarchal Churches are preaching. Every Sunday the sermon somehow finds a way, and certainly the radio preachers find a way, to bait and switch us from Christ and Him crucified to "I will love only you."
 
The premise of this thread is that men are selfish if they do not worship at the temple of Juno Moneta.
 
If having several women under a man's dominion is selfish then there oughta be a law.
If there oughta be a law, there will be a law.
If there is a law then "in vain they do worship me, [Christ] teaching for doctrines the commandments of men." Matthew 15:9
 
Sean Miller said:
Okay, so I'm struggling with this thought.... We are called to love and treat others as we want to be treated. I don't want my wife being with another man, does this make me selfish, no. So when my wife didn't like me being with another woman, is she being selfish?
Am I not loving her because she feels hurt if I spend time with another woman? I don't think so, but I would feel differently if the shoe was on the other foot.

At the end of the day, men and women aren't created equal, I understand this but this is not easy to tell another women. So are we men sinning because we agre with another woman other than our 1st wife because she feels unloved? Why does she feel unloved? The idea of marriage to her is the blissful, "he's mine, and I'm his" idea. She fears he won't love her the same, or have time as much for her, but this I say is not being un loving but more so her fear or selfishness. So why is it right for a man to be selfish in such a way but not your wife.

This comes up every time I date or spend time with another woman, so I struggle with the whole concept, I have two already, but am I wronging or not loving my 1st because she originally "in her heart" didn't want poly but accepted it?

Love to hear your thoughts all.
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I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this. Gynopomorphism, another term I came up with, is to view women as if they are men. Women know they are not men but such is the nature of women that when it is to their advantage they will pretend that they are like men. A woman does not naturally have the same feelings as a man when he has additional women under his dominion as a man would have if his woman were an adulterous although culture does its best to confuse their reactions. There is no similarity between adultery and biblical polygyny. It is misjudging yourself to condemn yourself for not doing unto others as you would have them do unto you when that is not what you're doing. Living according to the Bible is on the other end of the spectrum from a woman's committing adultery which is what a woman with multiple husbands is doing with her second etc. husband while the first is still her husband. Cliche warning: It's comparing apples to oranges.
 
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I'm going to have to agree with @Kevin on this one, I don't see anything wrong with being concsciously monogamous. I could think of all sorts of solid reasons to not take a second wife. And isn't a vow to be polygynous kind of really good tacit admission that one could? And don't forget that deliberate celibacy would then be called in to question as well.
 
ZecAustin said:
I'm going to have to agree with @Kevin on this one, I don't see anything wrong with being concsciously monogamous. I could think of all sorts of solid reasons to not take a second wife. And isn't a vow to be polygynous kind of really good tacit admission that one could? And don't forget that deliberate celibacy would then be called in to question as well.
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I do call into question deliberate celibacy. We're commanded to multiply.
 
@Kevin and @Brother Don Milton you both need to cool off. Both have been warned and unnecessary posts removed.

Brother Don Milton said:
I do call into question deliberate celibacy. We're commanded to multiply.
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This is the second time within the last page or so that you have grossly misconstrued and mischaracterized the response of the one you’re replying to so that you can soap box.

Is this gonna be a continuing problem?
 
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