Perpetual Mourning for what was never dying...

[Man_in_the_Middle]

With over a decade of time in this understanding of biblical marriage, I have come to understand why many women fail to get on board with their husband marrying another wife...

As a husband of 30 years, I can attest to the close bond I have with my wife. We became fast friends and best friends as soon as we started dating in our early adulthood. That is still true today. She is an awesome woman and I am proud and pleased to have her as my wife. We were like everyone in our youth, taught via church, school and the legal system that a man is only supposed to be married to one woman at a time.

Now for at least a decade, I have been trying to wash my wife in the water of the word of God regarding the truth of a man being able to legitimately have multiple wives. During this time, I have been patient, kind, loving, attentive, patient, supportive, firm, teaching, patient, attentive, kind, loving, patient.... Yes, it was a lot of repeating all these things because as my wife began to see this as the truth in the word of God, she began to mourn the death of our relationship. She would at times dream about being kicked out of the house or ignored while everyone else is happy. She saw the idea of me taking another wife as the death of our relationship so she was mourning it. This mourning was real. It was like the death of a loved one. It was like the death of her husband, the one that she loves with all of her heart.

Because I was patient, I was waiting for her heart to mend itself before moving forward. I did not actively chase opportunities that came up. There has always been a number of women who in their own way would express interest in me. I did not pursue because I was waiting for my wife to become emotionally ready for this.

To her, the relationship was like the loved one that the doctors had called for last rites to be performed. It was on deaths door and she was in deep mourning for it. Day by day, she mourned but the death she anticipated never came. The mourning continued. No peace would come...

The problem? The patient was never even ill. It was a false diagnosis from the start. The patient was healthy and waiting for the one that was mourning, not understanding that they were mourning for them.

The solution? How much better it is could be if like a child being born into the family, suddenly there is a new reality and your position is never at risk because you are included in the celebration.

I lost at least a decade and many opportunities along that timeline. Perhaps too much patience, creates too much mourning and a sickness within that never heals itself....

Is all lost? No! My wife is wishing the band-aid was ripped off. Would I have done it differently if I read this post on here 10 years ago?? I hope so!

 

[TNOvercomer]

Such an honest testimony. I respect that so much! This is a common experience and as you correctly diagnosed at the end, it was unnecessary. Biblical marriage, polygyny, is God's beautiful, powerful, and glorious design. We are so steeped in the feministic monogamy only mentality, theology, romance, emotions, etc that we have a hard time even understanding God's design in a cognitive, let alone a spiritual and emotional sense. What God designs is always best, always more, always perfect....it is our failure to grasp it that holds us back. Polygyny enriches our home, enriches our marriage relationships, enriches our family and our children's lives. It enriches our Church family. It is power indeed. It is the solution to so many problems in our world, in our lives, in the Church....mainly because monogamy only was the problem underlying most of the brokenness...it is the original manifestation of sin and has been a main form of sin through history. Monogamy only is feminism in its first form and its most virile form...Satan's favorite weapon and strategy....so effective, most Christians aren't even aware that it exists as a weapon against them and against the Church and against God. Polygyny was always God's design, always the solution, always our protection....we are just coming back to it after millennia of being deceived. The carnage and devastation is heavy and hard to absorb once you see it. Polygyny lifts our wives up, gives them so much they never had. It allows them to be loved more, not less. It supports them in so many ways that give them a fuller life and allows them to spend more time and higher quality time with their husband than if they had their husband "to themselves". A home, child rearing and nurturing, educating and discipling children, etc....is heavy on one woman. God never intended that to be born by one woman alone. He intended it to be shared by multiple women in a team, as a family. When the burden is shared, each wife can stand up straighter, walk with her husband more fully, walk with God more fully, have more joy, live life more fully, and help their husband pursue his calling and mission more effectively. What wives grieve at first out of ignorance is really the last vestiges of great lies and great deceptions that sin and brokenness has wrought on us....once they come out of the darkness so to speak and into the light, there is freedom, there is joy, there is peace, and life at a much higher level becomes possible.