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Prayer request Need prayer for me

Just a humorous observation...anyone else notice how far our culture has fallen away from the biblical allowance for polygyny? Back in the OT days, there was no cultural problem, no taboo about having multiple wives. Heck you could purchase them from their father. Did they fall short in providing for their spiritual and physical needs... perhaps?

Now you are branded nearly an apostate by so called Bible believing churches and ostracized by friends and family once and if they find out. And to top it all off the wife of your youth nearly rejects you for it. The cost for following the Bible and God's leading can indeed be dear.

Preaching to the choir on this I am sure.. just had to get it off my chest. :)
 
The Revolting Man said:
I meant tell us about yourself in an introduction.
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Ok sure.. not really good at introductions but here goes:

Been married to my first and only wife for nearly 20 years. God has blessed us with 2 wonderful healthy children. We live in Tennessee USA near a major city but out far enough in the countryside that we have some land. I like to hunt, fish, and raise chickens for eggs. Trying to do the vegetable garden but haven't got it figured out yet lol.

I found the Lord or rather he got a hold of me in college. I am a firm believer in the Calvinist TULIP. Only in the last few months have I been lurking on this site as I believe God has placed a desire in my heart to grow my household via polygyny.

Anything I left out just ask and I will try to answer if I can.
 
MeganC said:
One upside of being a plural is not having to deal with changing from Greek/Roman marriage to Biblical marriage.
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Amen Sister! I pray for Reformation in the churches around the world in this regard. That they would forsake the idolatry that they have turned the greek/Roman monogamy only model for marriage and embrace polygyny as an acceptable and honorable choice for believers.
 
Bartato said:
My wife understands that the Bible does not prohibit polygyny, and that it does treat it as lawful marriage.
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I have always found this commonly said statement to be very interesting. Our brain can see truth but our heart can't absorb it. I think it just needs to make room for truth so until wrong beliefs are removed then the truth can't be absorbed or added in. The issue is, what is the wrong beliefs that each first wife is believing? That is a job for God, using the husband in many ways, to deal with. I know many men would say first look at feminism, and rightly so, but I would also say pray about what fears grip your wife's heart. What is going to be the cost to her if she embraces this truth? Or are you an idol to her? Is her being your wife what defines her the most? If that idol walks off it's pedestal to build a relationship with another woman, how will she define herself now?

For me it took about a year to see truth regarding polygyny, while trying to get to know the woman my husband wanted to marry. She was already in our lives learning about it herself. BUT it took me another 4 years to get off the fence regarding my commitment to my marriage after she joined our family. I continually threatened to leave when things got too hard. My sisterwive did this, too. So, LOTS of fun for our husband to deal with! Thankfully, God was faithful to both of us and helped us to get off that fence of fear. We each had to do it in our own timing but we are both now fully committed to being a part of our husband's household.

Should have stated this first, but welcome to BF! We look forward to getting to know you and see what God will do in your family.
 
Farmer Moses said:
Ok sure.. not really good at introductions but here goes:

Been married to my first and only wife for nearly 20 years. God has blessed us with 2 wonderful healthy children. We live in Tennessee USA near a major city but out far enough in the countryside that we have some land. I like to hunt, fish, and raise chickens for eggs. Trying to do the vegetable garden but haven't got it figured out yet lol.

I found the Lord or rather he got a hold of me in college. I am a firm believer in the Calvinist TULIP. Only in the last few months have I been lurking on this site as I believe God has placed a desire in my heart to grow my household via polygyny.

Anything I left out just ask and I will try to answer if I can.
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Welcome, @Farmer Moses .

A request: copy and paste this into a brand new thread in the Introductions section; that way far more people will see it. On any given thread, most people don't even begin to read them, and most who do will have gotten bored by it by the time it reaches page 2, so you've now only introduced yourself to a small sliver of us!
 
Thanks Julieb ...thanks for sharing a woman's perspective and your story with me. It could be fear with her. I am not sure. Another possibility is that she has been fed monogamist propaganda by all the Bollywood romance movies over the years that I think it's like what??! She thought she found her prince charming and now all of the sudden I don't fit the storyline if you will. IDK....I have just been praying that the Lord would take control of the situation and work on her heart. She is originally from India.
 
Farmer Moses said:
Wanted to continue to ask for prayer today guys. My wife told me today that she doesn't want to to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this year which is in 3 months since I still am pro-polygyny. Am trying not to feel depressed about it but it isn't easy.
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Sorry to hear that, brother, will pray for you. Just remember that she is lashing out in emotion still, and what she needs from you (and this is hard, believe me, I know, and remember how it feels) is to be emotionless in your response to that. Really? Yes. Because love, which is what you MUST do in response, is something you DO, not something you FEEL. If she see's you 'doing love' toward her, steadfastly, regardless of her emotions and ups and downs, that begins to build the foundation of seeing who you are as a leader, that she could trust even in a plural setting. I'm not saying that's the only step, and the process may well take years - as many here know. But seeing you become a (loving) rock, regardless of how she is emotionally tossed, is a prerequisite. IMHO.

That doesn't mean the words won't hurt - but take the hurt in prayer to your head, instead of dealing harshly back.

And my less spiritual 'guy' advice would be: plan an anniversary date/dinner/trip, when you tell her what you're planning closer to time, act as if you never heard her say the above. Be clear you are still celebrating your marriage, regardless of what she chooses, because you love her, and that's what a 'rock' would do.
 
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Farmer Moses said:
Wanted to continue to ask for prayer today guys. My wife told me today that she doesn't want to to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this year which is in 3 months since I still am pro-polygyny. Am trying not to feel depressed about it but it isn't easy.
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I agree totally with @nathan and would encourage you to persevere in love toward your wife. Demonstrate your unfailing love just as Christ loves her and you. Shalom
 
nathan said:
Sorry to hear that, brother, will pray for you. Just remember that she is lashing out in emotion still, and what she needs from you (and this is hard, believe me, I know, and remember how it feels) is to be emotionless in your response to that. Really? Yes. Because love, which is what you MUST do in response, is something you DO, not something you FEEL. If she see's you 'doing loving' toward her, steadfastly, regardless of her emotions and ups and downs, that begins to build the foundation of seeing who you are as a leader, that she could trust even in a plural setting. I'm not saying that's the only step, and the process may well take years - as many here know. But seeing you become a (loving) rock, regardless of how she is emotionally tossed, is a prerequisite. IMHO.

That doesn't mean the words won't hurt - but take the hurt in prayer to your head, instead of dealing harshly back.

And my less spiritual 'guy' advice would be: plan an anniversary date/dinner/trip, when you tell her what you're planning closer to time, act as if you never heard her say the above. Be clear you are still celebrating your marriage, regardless of what she chooses, because you love her, and that's what a 'rock' would do.
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Thanks for the prayers and advice Nathan. I have been doing the best I can to love her sacrificially over the past year or so that we have been dealing with this, and I am not expecting anything in return from her. And I know if any progress is expected it will likely take years, decades, or may never happen at all.

I am concerned about her mental well being sometimes. She stays up all night and binge watches one drama series after another or speed reads novels that have thousands of chapters to take her mind off of our 'problem' she says. Then she gets up for work the next morning and works all day.

I am not lashing out at all towards her but when she says hurtful things or things that are aimed at destroying our marriage I tell her that she hurt me by saying that, but that I still love her. Please pray for my heart to remain one of flesh towards her and not be turned to stone as I can sometimes feel the enemy hardening my heart here and there.
 
Farmer Moses said:
Wanted to continue to ask for prayer today guys. My wife told me today that she doesn't want to to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this year which is in 3 months since I still am pro-polygyny. Am trying not to feel depressed about it but it isn't easy.
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I will pray for you. I understand all to well. I am in a similar situation. My wife and I had a very unpleasant Valentine's day, since we quarrelled about polygyny ( and I'm not even pushing it). She keeps bringing it up and sulking. Terrible situation
 
nathan said:
Sorry to hear that, brother, will pray for you. Just remember that she is lashing out in emotion still, and what she needs from you (and this is hard, believe me, I know, and remember how it feels) is to be emotionless in your response to that. Really? Yes. Because love, which is what you MUST do in response, is something you DO, not something you FEEL. If she see's you 'doing loving' toward her, steadfastly, regardless of her emotions and ups and downs, that begins to build the foundation of seeing who you are as a leader, that she could trust even in a plural setting. I'm not saying that's the only step, and the process may well take years - as many here know. But seeing you become a (loving) rock, regardless of how she is emotionally tossed, is a prerequisite. IMHO.

That doesn't mean the words won't hurt - but take the hurt in prayer to your head, instead of dealing harshly back.

And my less spiritual 'guy' advice would be: plan an anniversary date/dinner/trip, when you tell her what you're planning closer to time, act as if you never heard her say the above. Be clear you are still celebrating your marriage, regardless of what she chooses, because you love her, and that's what a 'rock' would do.
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Thank you for the solid advice Nathan. I'm in the same boat as Farmer Moses.
 
frederick said:
I agree totally with @nathan and would encourage you to persevere in love toward your wife. Demonstrate your unfailing love just as Christ loves her and you. Shalom
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Thanks Frederick
Bartato said:
I will pray for you. I understand all to well. I am in a similar situation. My wife and I had a very unpleasant Valentine's day, since we quarrelled about polygyny ( and I'm not even pushing it). She keeps bringing it up and sulking. Terrible situation
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Sorry you had a bad one too but misery loves company right?

Yep same here, she is always the one bringing it up not me. I had thought about just making a rule that we don't talk about it for X number of time but then I thought if I do that and she is trying to process and wanted to talk about it, she couldn't. Besides that she would probably just do it anyway. When they get mad, do they really listen to their husbands?
 
Farmer Moses said:
Hello all this is my first post on BF. I feel the Lord leading me to take another wife in His time, but FW and I are not in agreement right now. Please pray for me to be gentle, kind, and patient in all that I do towards her but firm in my conviction, and that she would grow in biblical maturity and in submission to me. Thanks so much.
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Welcome Brother. We have talked. This is a great start: prayer. Will be praying for you as a husband and for your wife. Remember too, real Love is the key. And in real Love one is living and serving others, so in seeking a sister wife be sure it isn’t only for you, but as much for the women. Nathan is spot on! Great advice. The focus is about Loving her regardless of her responses. Typically, these are emotions are from fear. 1 John 4:18 teaches that perfect love casts away all fear.
 
Curtis Gerhart said:
Welcome Brother. We have talked. This is a great start: prayer. Will be praying for you as a husband and for your wife. Remember too, real Love is the key. And in real Love one is living and serving others, so in seeking a sister wife be sure it isn’t only for you, but as much for the women. Nathan is spot on! Great advice. The focus is about Loving her regardless of her responses. Typically, these are emotions are from fear. 1 John 4:18 teaches that perfect love casts away all fear.
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Thanks for the discussion Curtis it is nice to know that you all are not far away. Yes you are correct...service is key to living the Christian life and being Christ like. I don't believe I am in it only for my benefit but for her benefit as well as any new wives and the household. Although we all fall short everyday as we are still being sanctified.

That being said, I don't really believe it is all about me and what I do or say or don't say. To think so would be egotistical I think. It is also about her mental and spiritual journey in life and in the marriage which an unspecified passage of time may be necessary to come to an acceptable of polygyny.

Kind of like you can live a holy and virtuous life of service in front of a non Christian and say all the right things and share the right Bible passages but unless the Holy Spirit is moving in their heart and doing the work of regeneration, no change will come. Sorry if my Reformed tendencies are showing. ;)

Either way God's Will will be done. I will continue to love her to the point it hurts and then some more.....while trying to forget about past pain and be the best, flawed, faithful man I can be to her. After all God has not given me any other ministry over women other than my current lovely wife. With His guidance and help I do not intend to let it fall by the wayside.
 
I've long said that when a family gets themselves in order so they can attract a second wife then even if they never find a second it's still worth it. They will have taken the time to see what they can improve and then they've actually done the things they need to do! That can be its own reward right there!
 
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