Meet a potential alone or with FW?

[NewBeginning]

Hello all,

I am in process of meeting a widow for taking her as second.

She adresses the concern that we should meet just us both first.

What do you think and know by experience?

I plan on having alone moments with her, but she is quite far from us so I prefer get there with my FW to be sure they are compatible too.

Am I wrong?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts

 

[MemeFan]

It depends.

You should know marriage yes or mo within next year max. Preferable 3/4 months.

Now plan enough time together for evaluation by yourself, your wife and mutual.

 

[The Revolting Man]

I am monogamous so my opinion isn’t worth a lot but I would with the widow. There is already so much going on in the situation that I would want to be able to simplify that first meeting and be able to focus on this woman and our reactions to each other.

This is assuming that you have thoroughly vetted her, had video chats, unleashed you first wife on her social media and so on and so on. Your first wife will absolutely have insights that you won’t and pick up on things you can’t but this woman’s relationship will be primarily with you and her relationship to your first wife will flow through that.

Plus, compatibility between wives (remember I’ve never been poly) seems to be a matter of decision and deliberate strategies. It has to be forged and chosen by all parties. It doesn’t just happen.

 

[Mark C]

I picked her up (after a long period of remote conversation...) at the train station on the other side of the Divide, and we had a two-plus hour car ride, and a breakfast stop en route, to talk before she got to meet my first. But by then, she had a one-week commitment anyway...

And we already had a pretty good idea of at least how the first part would go.

(Being way out in the Boondocks has a number of interaction disadvantages, but at least provides a good deal of 'filtering.')

 

[steve]

One lived in our house for 8 months before we married. Fw met her at the airport, I was out of town.

Second one I built a relationship with over the phone for a few months and then rented a truck and drove to pick her up and bring her home, having never met her previously.

Guess which relationship has worked out the best.

 

[ASyers41]

So as a third wife I am going to throw this out there, does your FW even know you are talking to this other woman? If she does why have they not been having interactions? For me it is a thing of yes they need to build a relationship and I would encourage video chats etc.