Before covenant--right? Would it not be prudent to have some idea of how a potential wife would respond or relate to being tested or proven? Is this something that only her present covering (father, uncle as in Esther, etc.) should be dealing with?
Yes, I'm saying it is prudent to test her before marriage to see if she is amiable to being so led AND being so led by YOU. Many women claim to want to be submissive; but its only a claim, feminism runs deep. And other women are more attracted to the idea of marriage than attracted to you personally. They may be leadable by others; but not so much by you.
Most fathers don't provide any covering at all. That would only be an issue in certain Christian subcultures and in that case I cannot say; too many variables. If the father cares enough to protect her daughter, then this is a worthy conversation to have with him!
Nice analogy.
How do men treat their wife "like mommy"?
How do men treat their wife "like a roommate"?
Could you give some examples? I'm not being sarcastic--my brain is drawing a blank on what that would look like--sorry--not arguing the fact just searching for some scenarios of what would that look like?
What I said...
Men who treat their wife like their mommy or their roommate while failing to do the tough love steps to lead also fall into this trap.
At face value what I'm describing is virtually all marriages. They may have an amicable, even wonderful relationship. But he isn't actively leading her to change and she doesn't have his vision and pleasing him as her first priority in life. He's not a strong leader and she's not submissive. If anything, their roles are reversed. Testing or changing a woman is going to take some tough love. But you're also asking something more specific than that...
I'm also by implication referring to two types of relationships which while not universal represent a scary number of marriages. Many of them the ostensibly good ones because they don't divorce, don't fight, and turn out functional children and you're unlikely to see this unless you're very close to one or the other and perceptive. I'll describe these to more directly answer your question. But don't get bogged down by them, they are but an extreme example of the more common. One or both parties in these may think it's a great marriage; but if you peak under the hood and analyze how it differs from the scriptural ideal there are serious issues.
Roommate - gets along great, but more friends than lovers. They live together. But there is not that sexual energy between them, bonding them. Nor is there that leadership. They exist as amiable equals rather than a woman being a helper to a man who guides, guards and molds her. In worst cases they almost lead separate lives; may even have separate friends and bank accounts. These worst cases are likely due to them coming to a separate peace after she refuses to submit to his leadership. Could be best friends or contentious friends. Going through the motions. If they divorce others might say, "we had no idea they seemed so happy, best friends". Key idea here is equals; he's not leading her.
Mommy - the passive man and a more dominant or matronly woman. She takes on the matronly/motherly role in his life. She might be older than him. She may be domineering but more likely subtly rules with passive aggressive tactics. This type of women is more likely to put down her man in public, talk about how slovenly he is, how she has to do things for him, and the like. She may be overprotective, smothering, or isolate him from hobbies/friends. From the mans direction this can show up as the Madonna-whore complex. He may have a hard time seeing her (or women generally) as a sexual being or have sexual hangups. You'll hear this man idealize his wife, call her Mom, be afraid of her or displeasing/upsetting her. He's more likely to be passive about decision making. Not a leader. Likely a passive or steady or servant type of man who fell into this roll; not the kind to have high expectations of a woman or willing to confront her. She may worry over him, be over protective of him; unlikely to be afraid of him at all. Some form of this marriage is often idealized by the church. Much less likely to end in divorce. More likely to be soul killing for the man.
Both of these types are often low or no sex; usually after a history of the wife avoiding/denying sex. How that happens varies with the type. In the second type she's less likely to stay sexy or get dolled up for him. In the first type if she does, it's not for him. One or both parties in either type may be heard to say, "We have a wonderful marriage, we just aren't that into sex anymore.".
These are both general types, not a hard and fast list you have to check every box to meet. Neither are these the only types of marriage where the man fails to be a covering. Just an example. Some form of the second is very common in the church and may seem like a great marriage or be held up as the ideal.
What is distinctively lacking in both of these is the self assured, in control man who takes an active leadership roll as head of his wife. In both the woman lives for herself and not her man. In the first she lives her separate outward focused life. In the second, she has an inward focused life; but she's fulfilling her mothering drive rather than his vision. In neither is she looking to him for her spiritual guidance but rather stands in judgement against him. Nor is he actively working to mold her.
I’ll do my best to get to them but it will be a bit later.
