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Is introducing a wife with another wife's name a cardinal sin?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Cap
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Peak performance is achieved when you call them by the name of a person with whom you are presently not on good terms with.

As has been said, letting it become a “hurt” is a choice.

Once again, Steve, you tickled my funny bone in service of succinctly noting that we should all recognize that, as adults, the vast majority of our emotional pain is self-inflicted.

Bwahahahahaha! That is cute! As a mom do you realize how many times we call our children by another name. I have called my daughter my sister's name. I think there are times when we are with someone spouse or other who will say or do something that will remind you of someone else and that person's name will come out. I don't think it is bad unless you are being triggered. We all make mistakes. It is what it is, don't get to upset with yourself.

Hi Patricia. I purposefully 'bundled' a response to your message with the one I made to Steve. Please let me make this clear in advance: I am not in any way intending to be critical of the general nature of your post; in fact, I 'liked' your post already, because I applaud its overall tone. Furthermore, I'm not even sure what you specifically meant by using the word 'triggered,' but I've noted seeing it pop up on Biblical [changed typo here] Families on occasion and am using this opportunity to speak about the notion of triggering as it's generally used in the social services and general cultural vernaculars. I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm a former psychotherapist, and the promulgation of such counterproductive concepts as 'triggering' was the biggest reason I left the profession. In my humble opinion, the advancement of terms and philosophies designed predominantly to encourage people to see themselves as victims has a deleterious effect on our world in general and on a great many individuals specifically. Pretty much the only people who benefit from advancing the notion that victimhood is an appealing self-identification are lazy therapists who want to ensure their own job security. If you're using the term in its typical usage, I invite you to be wary of assigning 'triggerable' status to any aspect of your being, because when one does that one simply hands over the control of one's well-being to those outside of us. Besides being contrary to God's design, when we define ourselves as susceptible to the whims of others, we necessarily diminish our own power in our own lives. Of course, the payoff is that it produces a useful excuse for failing to be successful, because, hey, how can we help it, right? -- someone 'triggered' us, right?

Even though the amorphous triggering thing produces a negative emotional state that is within us, somehow an invisible force allows others outside of us to push our buttons in a way over which we have no control. We thus get to blame others for what we can't accomplish in life, but the problem is that, in order to have that benefit of blaming, we have to sacrifice our own potential. I find the encouragement of such a state to be insidious.
 
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@Cap--good question, and I've really enjoyed reading the random comments depicting all the scenarios of mixing names! It really is hillarious. Some of the funniest times we had with the 6 children at home was when I called a sibling by one of the other's names. What a hoot! Once I got it figured out and said correctly, we generally all had a very good laugh. It let my kids see me as human. As their mom I could make mistakes and still laugh at myself and with them! Probably the one that takes the cake was when I was addressing one of the girls for a particular purpose--I think it was because of a chore that hadn't been completed. First I went through all the boy's names (4) then I started through my sister's names (3), and in the midst of this the kids really became amused at my frustration. Finally, I stamped my foot, and looking at the daughter whose name I just couldn't seem to get out, looked directly at her and said, "You KNOW who I'm talking to!" Then I burst into laughter with the rest of them. Oh, my! I coudn't believe how that had played out. Can't recall using any of the pet's names for the kids though. :)

@andrew and @Keith Martin brought up key points on this isssue. If someone's wearing their feelings on their shoulder, it won't make any difference what the infraction might be--they'll get their "feel goods" in a tither and be glad to let you know that you've ruffled their feathers! If you've accidentally rubbed the cat the wrong way--turn that cat around! I know my next thought might not net the desired result, but I'd be really tempted to say, "Get a life!" especially if the offended one was determined to make a mountain out of a mole hill!

@Cap--not so sure this would be adequate "insurance". I had to smile when I read that! I'd say a big hug, or kiss along with a laugh and "I can't believe I just said that" would be better insurance all the way around. As a teacher, getting my student's names is particularly important. I work diligently to make sure I have the spelling correct AND pronunciation, as well as, "What do you prefer to be called?" Some want a nickname or go by their second name rather than first. Perhaps this is western world mentality, but so much stock is put in our "name". For some people it's their identity so in those cases, you didn't just mistakenly get the name wrong, you insulted their identity, their personhood. I know this may be extreme, but consider the world in which we live today. I'd say if you make a big deal about getting the name wrong, they'll be more tempted to follow that line. If you sincerely apologize and have a good laugh at yourself for your clumsiness, then they'll probably follow that lead also.
 
Once again, Steve, you tickled my funny bone in service of succinctly noting that we should all recognize that, as adults, the vast majority of our emotional pain is self-inflicted.



Hi Patricia. I purposefully 'bundled' a response to your message with the one I made to Steve. Please let me make this clear in advance: I am not in any way intending to be critical of the general nature of your post; in fact, I 'liked' your post already, because I applaud its overall tone. Furthermore, I'm not even sure what you specifically meant by using the word 'triggered,' but I've noted seeing it pop up on Biblican Families on occasion and am using this opportunity to speak about the notion of triggering as it's generally used in the social services and general cultural vernaculars. I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm a former psychotherapist, and the promulgation of such counterproductive concepts as 'triggering' was the biggest reason I left the profession. In my humble opinion, the advancement of terms and philosophies designed predominantly to encourage people to see themselves as victims has a deleterious effect on our world in general and on a great many individuals specifically. Pretty much the only people who benefit from advancing the notion that victimhood is an appealing self-identification are lazy therapists who want to ensure their own job security. If you're using the term in its typical usage, I invite you to be wary of assigning 'triggerable' status to any aspect of your being, because when one does that one simply hands over the control of one's well-being to those outside of us. Besides being contrary to God's design, when we define ourselves as susceptible to the whims of others, we necessarily diminish our own power in our own lives. Of course, the payoff is that it produces a useful excuse for failing to be successful, because, hey, how can we help it, right? -- someone 'triggered' us, right?

Even though the amorphous triggering thing produces a negative emotional state that is within us, somehow an invisible force allows others outside of us to push our buttons in a way over which we have no control. We thus get to blame others for what we can't accomplish in life, but the problem is that, in order to have that benefit of blaming, we have to sacrifice our own potential. I find the encouragement of such a state to be insidious.
Wow! Keith you read into that way to deep.
 
Wow! Keith you read into that way to deep.

Perhaps I did, but as I noted in my earlier message, I was . . .

using this opportunity to speak about the notion of triggering as it's generally used in the social services and general cultural vernaculars.

If you weren't using "being triggered" in the sense that people generally use it these days (i.e., being purposefully set off by someone else), then I invite you to recognize that my message wasn't even directed to you -- and you can therefore ignore it. As I also said, . . .

I'm not even sure what you specifically meant by using the word 'triggered,' but I've noted seeing it pop up on Biblical Families on occasion.

If you didn't mean what I thought you meant, then (a) I'm thrilled for you that you aren't under the spell of such mind-forged handcuffs, but (b) I'm not at all sorry that I took the time to write out what I did. I meant what I said at the end of my post:

I find the encouragement of such a state to be insidious.

Taking the bait offered by 'progressive' counselors (even Christian ones who promote 'progressive' ideology) is highly tempting, because it shifts the blame from (a) oneself for whatever one is stuck about that inspired one to seek counseling in the first place, to (b) an entity or entities outside oneself that one can blame for keeping one stuck. Therapists will use phrases like, "the only way we can be freed from ongoing trauma is to confront our perpetrators," but that's high-sounding nonsense, because it's much more powerful to confront oneself for using traumatic incidents as justification for creating and maintaining dysfunctional emotional and behavioral patterns. Even if one manages to get someone who did one wrong at some point in the past to admit guilt, no magic occurs there, because one is still more determined by one's interpretation of what that means than one ever was by the original event (because back then one was more determined by one's interpretation of the event than one was by the event itself).

I address such things not to be critical but simply to name them for what they are. If the Adversary isn't behind them, then I'm confident he's gleeful every time one does his dirty work within oneself without him even having to lift a diabolical finger. When it comes down to it, for example, when anyone claims that someone else is "triggering," that's an example of self-victimization masquerading as victimhood-created-by-another. One doesn't do that for no good reason, and the pay-off is generally the whole thing of letting oneself off the hook and seeking sympathy from others. The problem with such 'strategies' is that inevitable long-term negative side effects far outweigh any ongoing short-term benefits. And the downsides are not limited to restriction of one's full potential to make the most out of God's blessings; one also indirectly punishes oneself by portraying oneself as a victim, because, except for fellow pity-partyers, those who hear one doing so are, in general, likely to keep their distance, if for no other reason than to avoid being the next person on whom one will place The Blame.

The only people who benefit from this paradox are therapists, because they get to keep their clients around longer that way -- all while looking like heroes.
 
@Keith Martin -- Well stated and thought out deductive reasoning! It goes a long ways in helping one understand truth in the comment often thrown around these days, "I'm my own worst enemy." It doesn't have to be this way, but it's easy to see how one does this to oneself and then how the counselors are all too willing to lend their hand to taking one farther down the trail instead of "heading one off at the pass" and saying, "Let's turn this wagon around!" Our society is wallowing in this mudfest.
 
This thread has occupied my thoughts off and on during the past few days, and my conclusion is that I didn't go far enough with it. I know this is going out on a limb, but what reminded me of some other things was the final line in my last post: "The only people who benefit from this paradox are therapists, because they get to keep their clients around longer that way -- all while looking like heroes."

That is inaccurate.

Far more people benefit from the paradox. Therapists are just one of the larger groups of minority players in the overall scam.

The Progressives have been benefiting by this dynamic ever since they began putting it into effect -- very purposefully putting it into effect -- in the late 1800s and early 1900s. They even created a whole new university degree field whose primary purpose is to promote a new way of looking at the world: the Social Work degree, which was originally designed by the American Socialist Party.

Believe me, I know what follows is an oversimplification, but I assert it is an accurate reflection of a pattern of purposeful strategies promoted by the Progressives:

Their goal was to increase the number of mentally ill people in America and other Western countries. Why would they do such a thing?: for the same reason that all Wolf organizations masquerading in Sheep clothing manipulate whole cultures: for power and money. The Progressives do not sincerely believe in most of the superficial philosophies they espouse. For them, the ends always justifies the means. [Check out Rules for Radicals, by Saul Alinsky, if you doubt that.] In distant history, the Roman Church demonized almost every aspect of sexuality, with the threat of eternal damnation, to drive laity into the church pews, scaring them into coughing up their last pennies. This is a continuation of what I wrote earlier, because the Progressives promote a very particular mental illness: victimhood. Victimhood is a mental illness perfectly designed for a culture that is predominantly comfortable, because those who are diagnosed with it are, by definition, incapable of accessing the full range of human success -- and they need saviors, which come in the form of the mental health field that has become predominantly populated by psychologists, social workers, counselors and psychotherapists who ground their practices in helping people recognize and then cope with (but not transcend) their victimhood. This victimhood has been sold through social programs (since the early 1900s), college classrooms (since the 1950s), compulsory K-12 public education (since its inception but most notably since the advent in the 1960s of the modern teacher unions), university student affairs programs (since the 1980s), among American blacks (and, by extension, since the mid-1960s through the Democrat Party; don't forget that the Democrat Party created the Ku Klux Klan, used the Klan as its military wing, was involved in the vast majority of public lynchings, and fought tooth and nail against the 1964 Civil Rights Act in opposition to their party's president and the Republican Party; then, they successfully revised history to convince blacks that they were victims of supposedly racist Republicans). Part of the mental illness is becoming crazy enough to even blame the wrong perpetrators.

At this point, if a majority of our population doesn't already consider itself part of the victimhood class, it's certainly something close to a majority. This is what is sold to college freshmen everywhere; it's reinforced daily in major media, in social media (don't forget that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg acknowledged in the beginning that he created his highly-successful internet presence for the purpose of giving his fellow human beings the opportunity to make themselves look like fools), and in most TV sitcoms and Hollywood movies. Instead of truly educating young folks about how they are enriched and protected by the patriarchy of men who step up to the plate at home, at work, as firemen, as policemen and as members of the military, they are being brainwashed with the idea that they are all supposedly victims of a vast white male patriarchal conspiracy to rob them of various birthrights.

So it is no accident that we're witnessing national politics playing out with more polarization than this country has seen since the War Between the States. One side of the polarization is predominantly comprised of (a) people who now qualify as mentally ill because they define themselves as permanently-damaged ("traumatized") victims and (b) the people who purposefully manipulate those mentally ill people. The people who do the manipulation do so, first by encouraging the mental illness, and second by persuading the mentally ill to blame their illness on others who have absolutely nothing to do with their circumstances.

Awareness of this is what consistently inspires me to risk seeming rude by challenging those who ignorantly (this is not a synonym for 'stupidly'; 'ignorantly' simply implies that one is unaware of actual facts or truth when coming to a conclusion) use terms like 'trauma' and 'triggering' and 'perpetrator' and 'PTSD' and 'victim shaming.' I do so out of (1) opposition to the effort to encourage mental illness, and (2) love for my fellow human beings. Actually, that includes love for myself, because I regularly recognize that I've unconsciously fallen prey to describing reality in the terms of a crazy person. It's far too easy to do so, given that our culture is now awash in the perverted use of language to encourage the state of victimhood. What we need to do, though, is stand up every chance we get. Refuse to take the easy-way-out of defining ourselves as unable to perform in one way or another because of some past 'trauma.' Our Father didn't create us for that kind of half-assed participation in life. He clearly designed life to be rough -- but not for the purpose of turning us into victims; the purpose is for more likely to be to teach us, and to shape us for the eons to come.

We are not victims. We are blessed and loved children of God. We also can't step forward until we first stand up. And we can't stand up to the challenges of life as long as we're voluntarily wearing the cloak of insanity.
 
This thread has occupied my thoughts off and on during the past few days, and my conclusion is that I didn't go far enough with it. I know this is going out on a limb, but what reminded me of some other things was the final line in my last post: "The only people who benefit from this paradox are therapists, because they get to keep their clients around longer that way -- all while looking like heroes."

That is inaccurate.

Far more people benefit from the paradox. Therapists are just one of the larger groups of minority players in the overall scam.

The Progressives have been benefiting by this dynamic ever since they began putting it into effect -- very purposefully putting it into effect -- in the late 1800s and early 1900s. They even created a whole new university degree field whose primary purpose is to promote a new way of looking at the world: the Social Work degree, which was originally designed by the American Socialist Party.

Believe me, I know what follows is an oversimplification, but I assert it is an accurate reflection of a pattern of purposeful strategies promoted by the Progressives:

Their goal was to increase the number of mentally ill people in America and other Western countries. Why would they do such a thing?: for the same reason that all Wolf organizations masquerading in Sheep clothing manipulate whole cultures: for power and money. The Progressives do not sincerely believe in most of the superficial philosophies they espouse. For them, the ends always justifies the means. [Check out Rules for Radicals, by Saul Alinsky, if you doubt that.] In distant history, the Roman Church demonized almost every aspect of sexuality, with the threat of eternal damnation, to drive laity into the church pews, scaring them into coughing up their last pennies. This is a continuation of what I wrote earlier, because the Progressives promote a very particular mental illness: victimhood. Victimhood is a mental illness perfectly designed for a culture that is predominantly comfortable, because those who are diagnosed with it are, by definition, incapable of accessing the full range of human success -- and they need saviors, which come in the form of the mental health field that has become predominantly populated by psychologists, social workers, counselors and psychotherapists who ground their practices in helping people recognize and then cope with (but not transcend) their victimhood. This victimhood has been sold through social programs (since the early 1900s), college classrooms (since the 1950s), compulsory K-12 public education (since its inception but most notably since the advent in the 1960s of the modern teacher unions), university student affairs programs (since the 1980s), among American blacks (and, by extension, since the mid-1960s through the Democrat Party; don't forget that the Democrat Party created the Ku Klux Klan, used the Klan as its military wing, was involved in the vast majority of public lynchings, and fought tooth and nail against the 1964 Civil Rights Act in opposition to their party's president and the Republican Party; then, they successfully revised history to convince blacks that they were victims of supposedly racist Republicans). Part of the mental illness is becoming crazy enough to even blame the wrong perpetrators.

At this point, if a majority of our population doesn't already consider itself part of the victimhood class, it's certainly something close to a majority. This is what is sold to college freshmen everywhere; it's reinforced daily in major media, in social media (don't forget that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg acknowledged in the beginning that he created his highly-successful internet presence for the purpose of giving his fellow human beings the opportunity to make themselves look like fools), and in most TV sitcoms and Hollywood movies. Instead of truly educating young folks about how they are enriched and protected by the patriarchy of men who step up to the plate at home, at work, as firemen, as policemen and as members of the military, they are being brainwashed with the idea that they are all supposedly victims of a vast white male patriarchal conspiracy to rob them of various birthrights.

So it is no accident that we're witnessing national politics playing out with more polarization than this country has seen since the War Between the States. One side of the polarization is predominantly comprised of (a) people who now qualify as mentally ill because they define themselves as permanently-damaged ("traumatized") victims and (b) the people who purposefully manipulate those mentally ill people. The people who do the manipulation do so, first by encouraging the mental illness, and second by persuading the mentally ill to blame their illness on others who have absolutely nothing to do with their circumstances.

Awareness of this is what consistently inspires me to risk seeming rude by challenging those who ignorantly (this is not a synonym for 'stupidly'; 'ignorantly' simply implies that one is unaware of actual facts or truth when coming to a conclusion) use terms like 'trauma' and 'triggering' and 'perpetrator' and 'PTSD' and 'victim shaming.' I do so out of (1) opposition to the effort to encourage mental illness, and (2) love for my fellow human beings. Actually, that includes love for myself, because I regularly recognize that I've unconsciously fallen prey to describing reality in the terms of a crazy person. It's far too easy to do so, given that our culture is now awash in the perverted use of language to encourage the state of victimhood. What we need to do, though, is stand up every chance we get. Refuse to take the easy-way-out of defining ourselves as unable to perform in one way or another because of some past 'trauma.' Our Father didn't create us for that kind of half-assed participation in life. He clearly designed life to be rough -- but not for the purpose of turning us into victims; the purpose is for more likely to be to teach us, and to shape us for the eons to come.

We are not victims. We are blessed and loved children of God. We also can't step forward until we first stand up. And we can't stand up to the challenges of life as long as we're voluntarily wearing the cloak of insanity.
That's an oversimplification?!?! I want to put this on my YouTube channel.
 
That's an oversimplification?!?! I want to put this on my YouTube channel.
You have my permission to do anything you want with it, but please note where you found it!

;^)
 
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