Support Intercontinental couple struggling with polygyny

[Man_in_the_Middle]

follow-up to ensure I am not mis-understood......

I appreciate that you are seeking God's direction for the future of your marriage. I doubt that God would tell anyone to be monogamous though.
To me, your story sounds like you are trying to condense years of husband and wife discussions regarding biblical marriage into a very short span of time. This is too much for her to process that quickly. And we know that anytime a persons mind feels confusion and it is forced to give an answer, the answer is always "No". So, patience is king in this situation. I have had conversations with my wife over this topic for a decade and perhaps more than that before it was being applied to our situation. I think it can go much quicker than this and I now have insights into how to make that happen but the point is, this takes some time....

I encourage men not to make more commitments with their wife to be monogamous. Just giver the topic some space and continue to pray and read your bible. Give God a chance to work on her heart. It will come back up naturally at some point and you will be more prepare and more prayed up for wisdom.

May Yah make his face to shine upon you...

 

[Mark C]

The Lord said to me, “Listen to her voice and make your marriage monogamy-only.”

I, too, SERIOUSLY doubt that the real 'Lord' said to listen to her, and ignore His Word. (See Genesis 3:17)

He isn't saying ignore her and beat her into submission, either. But there is a right way to do true Headship in accord with His Word. And you're right that it begins with understanding His Word far better than she does, or you seem to at this point.

Think of Polygyny as a 500-level graduate class in Scripture. You're not ready to teach it yet.

 

[frederick]

follow-up to ensure I am not mis-understood......

I appreciate that you are seeking God's direction for the future of your marriage. I doubt that God would tell anyone to be monogamous though.
To me, your story sounds like you are trying to condense years of husband and wife discussions regarding biblical marriage into a very short span of time. This is too much for her to process that quickly. And we know that anytime a persons mind feels confusion and it is forced to give an answer, the answer is always "No". So, patience is king in this situation. I have had conversations with my wife over this topic for a decade and perhaps more than that before it was being applied to our situation. I think it can go much quicker than this and I now have insights into how to make that happen but the point is, this takes some time....

I encourage men not to make more commitments with their wife to be monogamous. Just giver the topic some space and continue to pray and read your bible. Give God a chance to work on her heart. It will come back up naturally at some point and you will be more prepare and more prayed up for wisdom.

May Yah make his face to shine upon you...

I remember a comment my wife made early on in our discussions about polygyny. She said, once you are aware of polygyny in the Bible, you see it everywhere. And you can't miss it once you know it's there.

About 18 months ago I started reading the Bible for our helpers (i.e. maids) and we only got the Genesis chapter 4 when the discussion opened up about polygyny. I've since taught them the Ten Commandments, and when we got to the Seventh, I explained why many of the men who were great heroes of the faith were not adulterers for having more than one wife. I don't know where the helpers are in their acceptance of polygyny, but I do know they don't question me about it anymore because it's throughout the Bible.

I'm severely disappointed in myself for not studying this matter early in my Christian walk. If I'd known then what I know now I could have avoided some terrible conflicts and battles, but I'm grateful to God for His hand providentially guiding me through to where I am today.

@genoholst you are young and learning fast, but don't try to rush ahead of where God has you. He already knows the outcome and will accomplish what is good for you as He has for me and the rest of us here. There are some wise brothers in the faith here who God blessed me with taking me under their wing and counselling me through the difficulties. I highly recommend being patient and learning as much as you can before you try to move forward. Being well prepared is always the best approach. Shalom

 

[genoholst]

I appreciate that you are seeking God's direction for the future of your marriage. I doubt that God would tell anyone to be monogamous though.
To me, your story sounds like you are trying to condense years of husband and wife discussions regarding biblical marriage into a very short span of time. This is too much for her to process that quickly. And we know that anytime a persons mind feels confusion and it is forced to give an answer, the answer is always "No". So, patience is king in this situation. I have had conversations with my wife over this topic for a decade and perhaps more than that before it was being applied to our situation. I think it can go much quicker than this and I now have insights into how to make that happen but the point is, this takes some time....

I encourage men not to make more commitments with their wife to be monogamous. Just giver the topic some space and continue to pray and read your bible. Give God a chance to work on her heart. It will come back up naturally at some point and you will be more prepare and more prayed up for wisdom.

May Yah make his face to shine upon you...

Thank you for your kind comment and prayerful words. I shall share my update at the end of this reply.

I, too, SERIOUSLY doubt that the real 'Lord' said to listen to her, and ignore His Word. (See Genesis 3:17)

Let me ask you this: Why did Adam get punished for listening to Eve in Genesis 3:17, but Samuel did not get punished for getting Israel a king when YHVH was supposed to be the King?

I remember a comment my wife made early on in our discussions about polygyny. She said, once you are aware of polygyny in the Bible, you see it everywhere. And you can't miss it once you know it's there.

About 18 months ago I started reading the Bible for our helpers (i.e. maids) and we only got the Genesis chapter 4 when the discussion opened up about polygyny. I've since taught them the Ten Commandments, and when we got to the Seventh, I explained why many of the men who were great heroes of the faith were not adulterers for having more than one wife. I don't know where the helpers are in their acceptance of polygyny, but I do know they don't question me about it anymore because it's throughout the Bible.

I'm severely disappointed in myself for not studying this matter early in my Christian walk. If I'd known then what I know now I could have avoided some terrible conflicts and battles, but I'm grateful to God for His hand providentially guiding me through to where I am today.

@genoholst you are young and learning fast, but don't try to rush ahead of where God has you. He already knows the outcome and will accomplish what is good for you as He has for me and the rest of us here. There are some wise brothers in the faith here who God blessed me with taking me under their wing and counselling me through the difficulties. I highly recommend being patient and learning as much as you can before you try to move forward. Being well prepared is always the best approach. Shalom

Thank you frederick for your prayerful words and your encouragement.

I'd like to share the full update below from the past several days below. There is a "SUMMARY" at the top and the "FULL VERSION" after the summary.

Nov 3 - Nov 5, 2025: Reconciliation and Monogamy-Only Commitment

SUMMARY Nov 3 - Nov 5, 2025: Reconciliation and Monogamy-Only Commitment The husband returned on the third day of a three-day separation and fast, deciding to commit to a monogamy-only marriage, likening it to God granting Israel's unrepentant and consistent requests for a king despite His prefe...

docs.google.com

 

[Man_in_the_Middle]

Thank you for your kind comment and prayerful words. I shall share my update at the end of this reply.



Let me ask you this: Why did Adam get punished for listening to Eve in Genesis 3:17, but Samuel did not get punished for getting Israel a king when YHVH was supposed to be the King?



Thank you frederick for your prayerful words and your encouragement.

I'd like to share the full update below from the past several days below. There is a "SUMMARY" at the top and the "FULL VERSION" after the summary.

Nov 3 - Nov 5, 2025: Reconciliation and Monogamy-Only Commitment

SUMMARY Nov 3 - Nov 5, 2025: Reconciliation and Monogamy-Only Commitment The husband returned on the third day of a three-day separation and fast, deciding to commit to a monogamy-only marriage, likening it to God granting Israel's unrepentant and consistent requests for a king despite His prefe...

docs.google.com

Dude! Wow!
You are like a empty cloud blown about by every wind of belief....

Quote:
I managed to talk to [a good Christian friend in his 60’s] and he convinced me of the idea that God made Adam and Eve as His perfect creation and that it was due to sin that Abraham, Jacob, David, Gideon, Jehoiada, and others in the Old Testament took on more than one wife, and that it was sinful even in the Old Testament, but that God turned it around for His glory. He said in the New Testament, God has only one bride which is the church, and that marriage is between one man and one woman, as stated in Genesis and as repeated by Jesus. You can talk to him if you like. So I repent of the idea that God permits men to have more than one wife in the New Testament. I wanted to follow God above all else, even my wife and what others say, as we know Adam shouldn't have listened to Eve, and the world hates God and the way is narrow.
/Quote

For you to come to this large a shift in your beliefs in such a short period of time and NOT come to brethren here who could easily dispel these false doctrines AND then share this "new" understanding with your wife shows just how easily influenced you are and how poor your own biblical foundation is.

Bro, slow your roll and STUDY to show yourself approved. EVEN if you come to a new belief, give it time. TEST it out with the word and with other brothers. Find those that disagree with you and let them challenge you on it. This will prove the truth out one way or the other.

You do not seem to be interested in spending the time required for things to mature. Your own thinking is a clear example of this.

What I am saying to you should apply to EVERY topic, not just monogamy vs. polygny. You need to learn how to study Yah's word and test and prove it without announcing huge shifts in your thinking and understanding to your wife. Give yourself time to learn and mature before making grandiose and lamentable statements to her. You are making your life far more difficult than it needs to be...

I say all this with love and desire for your best outcome.
Shalom...

 

[Mark C]

Let me ask you this: Why did Adam get punished for listening to Eve in Genesis 3:17, but Samuel did not get punished for getting Israel a king when YHVH was supposed to be the King?

This is elementary. (And is part of MitM's point above.)

Adam is Eve's authority. (And Numbers 30, Written later, but arguably Adam already "knew, or should have known," will explain it.)

As for Samuel, read the story, and places like I Samuel 8:7. Why would you even think he should be punished?

 

[frederick]

Thank you frederick for your prayerful words and your encouragement.

You are welcome. I know and understand where you are at.

You wrote, "But I wanted to fear God instead of my wife, telling the truth (not hiding out of fear) and dealing with the consequences. So it was out of worship."

Both you and your wife must learn and grow in your fear/trepidation before the Holy, Holy, Holy God we read and learn of in the pages of Holy Scripture. As you read together, take note of how severely God punished even "small" sins like Adam and Eve eating fruit they were told not to eat (Gen. 3), or Ananias and Sapphira being deceitful about their giving and God striking them dead (Acts 5). Having a profound fear of God will help you both stay on track biblically.

He has blessed the union of the man and woman and it should never be broken; i.e. no divorce. He never commanded or proscribed whether a man have one wife, two wives, or more. It's not anywhere in the Bible, but a made-up doctrine of demons (1 Tim. 4). When questioned about divorce, Jesus said, "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19). Take divorce out of your discussions with your wife, tell her it's not an option biblically, so the two of you will make your relationship work God's way. You are the head of your household, my friend, so lead wisely, patiently, biblically. Shalom