sadanyagci said:
I don't find the finding of willing brides a problem in the USA. I've found many that would be willing if I were only over there. But one has to be adaptable, caring, loving, and extremely honest to get through to them. Most girls these days have been really messed up by the current dating system. Their hearts are scarred, closing off that nature that makes a good wife. It takes real love (chosen and applied) to get passed the defenses.
Even girls that seem hopeless very well may not be. We live in a world that really messes girls up. As a man, be the solution, not part of the problem. Really, when you show a girl real care, even if they think you are crazy (the polygamy subject can get that reaction), they can completely change on you. Just don't give up. Most have never been around a real man, and have been tossed around by "boys". Keep that in mind.
Also, most things people look for in relationships are superficial. One need not ask themselves the question "do I love her?, but rather "would she be a good wife and mother?" To love is the job of the husband, and it must be something in your hands to GIVE as you CHOOSE. As for what to look for, there are main qualities. Know what you are looking for. As husband, what do you want for your family? Will she fight you in those things, or agree to them? The only stipulation put on us by God is that the girl be in the Lord, so only put your own qualifications as needed.
This is one of the most insightful, caring statements I have ever read and in fact it brought tears to my eyes, this part in particular really got me..."Even girls that seem hopeless very well may not be. We live in a world that really messes girls up. As a man, be the solution, not part of the problem. Really, when you show a girl real care, even if they think you are crazy (the polygamy subject can get that reaction), they can completely change on you. Just don't give up. Most have never been around a real man, and have been tossed around by "boys". Keep that in mind."
I have to say that as a single mom who has worked sometimes 80 hours a week, yet still made it to every school or church function with my children, and have raised two of the most wonderful, well mannered, moral, devoted, hard working, intellectual...I could go on...children in the world, I am one of those girls that may seem hopeless in a way. I am 47, I am tired, I am lonely, and I have only had the privilege of knowing two real men in my life...my grandfather who died when I was 4 yrs old and my fiance who passed away 9 years ago. My husband, my father, my brothers, and any other man I have ever met were boys. I am not saying that out of disrespect. I loved my husband, my father, my brothers etc, but they were not and still are not Godly true men.
Now I am saying this for a reason, David does have a point to some degree. Some girls do fall into unsavory employment because they do feel "less valuable" and it may have some connection to early sexual encounters, but honestly most girls falling into a this downward spiral and needing for someone to love them has nothing to do with the sex part itself, it usually stems from the fact that in a great portion of this society there is no family unit, no steadfast fathers, or loyal loving husbands, (or great mothers either), no one to teach someone how to even be a great brother let alone a good spouse or parent.
When any child, girl or boy, does not have enough love, guidance,and stability growing up they wind up messed up. I was one of those messed up girls and I was born in 1964. I am a divorced, single mother and I guess could be considered a woman with a past. I didn't fall into a negative profession of any kind. I didn't drop out of school, I have a home, and I have a wonderful profession as an RN. I do feel like a widow or orphan at times that is true and yes at times I have wished for someone to love me, but it is only recently that I have come to really see all this about myself, clearly. The thing is that I have come to embrace the idea of PM and re-embrace my faith in God because I see so clearly that we human beings are meant to have a real family, with a strong father and a loving mother or mothers and be a team living in love and faith.
So yes it would be wonderful to save any woman who has fallen into a hurtful profession, I agree, because someone loving and caring for them would be the biggest blessing they have probably ever experienced. However, the best way to prevent anyone, male or female, from going astray is to prevent the hurts that occurred probably well prior to the start of dating and the only way to do that is to start with the strength of a loving, faith filled father and husband who can keep a family going strong. That way girls will not grow up needing to "find" love and boys will know how to be that good father and husband and will not "toss" girls around. Without everything and everybody working together, honestly, it just winds up a vicious cycle.
As for the original post how and where to look for a 2nd wife, follow God with both your heart and mind. Think with love, but yes also think "would she be a good wife and mother?" Think, will this person be a positive addition to the family and help the family to grow in a positive way through God? And the superficial stuff.... Let me just say this... I don't need to hear someone thinks I'm pretty or cute or whatever ever again. I have been hearing that for 47 years to the day, since 11/3/64 when I was born. Only my grandfather and my fiance, both of whom have passed, knew I was beautiful on the inside where it counts. I hope someone sees that again. I hope someone sees that in my daughter and I hope my son continues to only look at the woman inside and not the outside. I thank God everyday that my son will never be the kind of guy who "tosses" girls around, the one blessing of living with a Mom and a sister his entire life and having a wonderful Christian wrestling coach as his substitute father.
I say all this with respect. I just felt like some input from someone like myself would clarify things a little. Additionally, I would like to say that I wish I had lived a life without divorce and all the negatives. I wish I had not raised my children alone because it was hard and they a statistical anomalies because they should not be doing this well. There have been some low points, life is not perfect and we three have gotten through them as a team, but a team of four would have been easier on me. All my life experiences have just cemented my beliefs, made me stronger, and have led me to continue to hope to be a part of a bigger family if God wants me to be. I trust Him, it is because of Him that I don't need someone to "save" me per say, because He already has. Now I know that it would be OK to find love for the right reasons in God's time.
Jen M
)