wonderlandalice49
New Member
Thanks Cecil...you are awsome!
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Help me understand...please
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Scarecrow
Member
I did answer your question Alice, but perhaps not in the manner you wanted. I stated:
“The primary provisions are food, clothing, and shelter. He is also supposed to provide his wives with their conjugal rights as well.”
I assumed that your question was a rhetorical question in that it attempted to answer itself, but I left a brief answer in any event. Your primary concern presented was of a sexual nature and therefore I spent most of my reply addressing that.
From a biblical perspective as long as he can provide food, clothing, and shelter, as well as perform sexually (to any extent) there are no biblical texts I am aware of that indicate a man should not take a wife or an additional wife as he sees fit. Most certainly the better he can provide for her and the better he can perform, the better the relationship should be between them.
My mother lived with my step father for 20 years while he was unable to perform at all…not one bit. Due to medical conditions he was unable to attempt to perform his conjugal obligations even with the assistance of other means that may have made it possible. He had had numerous heart attacks and strokes; it simply was not an option for him to even try. My mother still treated him like a king, and they loved each other deeply, setting an incredible example for all that knew them.
If we begin to define points of qualification, adding our own rules and regulations based on our interpretations and opinions, then we become nothing more than Biblical Marriage Pharisees. Maybe I should just sit back and wait for the final edition of the 613 Laws of Biblical Marriage final edition to be published. (sorry...sometimes I do get a bit sarcastic...no insult intended Alice)
From my perspective it seems that he needs some Biblical Marriage buddies to help him realize the things he can do to maintain and improve the relationship he has with you. You love him, and quite frankly I think you would bless him tremendously by becoming his wife. It is simply a matter of him understanding your needs and being willing to meet them. If he is unwilling or unable to do that you may never be happy and it may just make matters worse for both of you.
“The primary provisions are food, clothing, and shelter. He is also supposed to provide his wives with their conjugal rights as well.”
I assumed that your question was a rhetorical question in that it attempted to answer itself, but I left a brief answer in any event. Your primary concern presented was of a sexual nature and therefore I spent most of my reply addressing that.
From a biblical perspective as long as he can provide food, clothing, and shelter, as well as perform sexually (to any extent) there are no biblical texts I am aware of that indicate a man should not take a wife or an additional wife as he sees fit. Most certainly the better he can provide for her and the better he can perform, the better the relationship should be between them.
My mother lived with my step father for 20 years while he was unable to perform at all…not one bit. Due to medical conditions he was unable to attempt to perform his conjugal obligations even with the assistance of other means that may have made it possible. He had had numerous heart attacks and strokes; it simply was not an option for him to even try. My mother still treated him like a king, and they loved each other deeply, setting an incredible example for all that knew them.
If we begin to define points of qualification, adding our own rules and regulations based on our interpretations and opinions, then we become nothing more than Biblical Marriage Pharisees. Maybe I should just sit back and wait for the final edition of the 613 Laws of Biblical Marriage final edition to be published. (sorry...sometimes I do get a bit sarcastic...no insult intended Alice)
From my perspective it seems that he needs some Biblical Marriage buddies to help him realize the things he can do to maintain and improve the relationship he has with you. You love him, and quite frankly I think you would bless him tremendously by becoming his wife. It is simply a matter of him understanding your needs and being willing to meet them. If he is unwilling or unable to do that you may never be happy and it may just make matters worse for both of you.
i am just going to jump back to the forgiveness thing for clarification.
forgiveness is a requirement, but trust must be earned. once someone has abused another persons trust (as in lying to them) they have no right to expect to be trusted again. they may possibly earn that trust over a period of time, but it is not a given
forgiveness is a requirement, but trust must be earned. once someone has abused another persons trust (as in lying to them) they have no right to expect to be trusted again. they may possibly earn that trust over a period of time, but it is not a given
Shimon
Member
I don't want to put words into anyone's mouth. That said, it seems that you are uncomfortable with things that he has told you. My first reaction in this case is to go with my gut. If I'm uncomfortable with what I'm being told, there's always a reason. I've learned that it's better to be a little cautious than to get tromped on. Not that there aren't times to step out in faith, but let your faith be guided by Him, not by emotion. Give your situation lots of prayer before taking a leap into what you know is meant to be an irrevocable step.
Dave
Dave
Welcome! I apologize if I repeat things, I was only able to skim the others' posts very quickly. First, I have to ask: does this man's other wife know anything about you? My gut tells me there are a lot of things that need to be in order IF you would want to be this man's wife. Number one, if the first wife doesn't want to have sex with her husband, that is a huge red flag as to major problems in their marriage. If she can't for physical reasons, that is a whole different story. But, if this man's desire is to have both of you as his wives, I would want to know what his relationship is like with his first wife and I'd want to make sure their relationship is going well b/c bringing another wife on the scene is only going to complicate everyone's lives. And unless he is going to have 2 separate lives with each of you, then you need to make sure you are compatible with her (or at least willing to be a friend to her out of your love for this man). BUT, if she has been in the dark in all of this and her heart has been broken in the process, I caution you that you will have a lot on your plate. You would have to decide if that is something you want to live with if you move ahead if this woman is NOT on board with all of this. Trust me: we first wives who have been hurt through this can be VERY ugly at times out of our hurt and it is quite the burden for the second wife to bear even if a lot of the first wife's issues are with the husband.
MOST importantly, I really would not recommend this lifestyle unless ALL parties involved have pleasing the LORD and being Christ-like as their main goals in life. Even with those goals, this lifestyle can be VERY challenging. Being the first wife, I would argue that it is especially difficult for a first wife, but I do see the challenges for hubby and SW as well. However, this lifestyle shows you so much about yourself and really brings out those impurities that are hidden in your heart which is good b/c then you can deal with your wicked and deceitful heart.
To actually answer a question of yours: we are an interracial family. Hubby is black and SW and I are both white. Hubby and I have been married for 9 years and have never had any issues being interracial aside from stares every so often so I don't see how adding another white wife to the mix changes any of that except now we draw stares for there being 2 white ladies instead of one with people trying to figure us out.
I will be in prayer for your situation.
MOST importantly, I really would not recommend this lifestyle unless ALL parties involved have pleasing the LORD and being Christ-like as their main goals in life. Even with those goals, this lifestyle can be VERY challenging. Being the first wife, I would argue that it is especially difficult for a first wife, but I do see the challenges for hubby and SW as well. However, this lifestyle shows you so much about yourself and really brings out those impurities that are hidden in your heart which is good b/c then you can deal with your wicked and deceitful heart.
To actually answer a question of yours: we are an interracial family. Hubby is black and SW and I are both white. Hubby and I have been married for 9 years and have never had any issues being interracial aside from stares every so often so I don't see how adding another white wife to the mix changes any of that except now we draw stares for there being 2 white ladies instead of one with people trying to figure us out.
I will be in prayer for your situation.
Hey Steve remember also forgiveness isn't for the other person it is for you so you can sleep at night! I see some people tend to forget that. But in order for you to be at peace you must forgive, cause there are many people who haven't been forgiven yet they sleep just fine at night. Then you have the ones who have not forgiven and are always holding a grudge and can not not have peace in their own lives.
steve said: