Good reasons for getting married

[Joleneakamama]

Thank you Deborah for sharing your journey and learning. I am wowed. That is such a beautiful testimony.
I think it should be in the real people's stories. *BIG NODS*

And you are more then welcome Isabella. Thanks for asking such good questions.

 

[CecilW]

Thank you Deborah for sharing your journey and learning. I am wowed. That is such a beautiful testimony.
I think it should be in the real people's stories. *BIG NODS*

Done! Been waiting for this post a long time. Thanks, Deborah. Beautiful story, beautifully written.

 

[Seeking Great Pearl]

Thank you both for your kind words. It's only by the grace and mercy of the Lord. My journey has been a difficult and blessed one for sure. I am a thankful woman for what the Lord has allowed me to learn, experience, and hopefully grow up into someday! I am very honored to have such an understanding, loving, and forgiving husband and sisterwife. I love them both very, very much! I never expected (or by far planned) on entering back into plural marriage after being a first wife for 15 years; especially never expected to join a family as a second wife. I appreciate the Lord placing me in our family as a second wife, and I feel very honored to be in this position. There is a perspective here that has taught me many things. I appreciate and respect my sisterwife for the sacrifies she went through in entering into plural marriage from a state of monogamy. I am also thankful that my husband honors her in this as well. God has a wild sense of humor and His ways are definitely not our ways...you just can't make this stuff up! LOL Thank you Lord for all you have done, are doing, and plan to do in our lives!

 

[JustAGuy]

My point here is that we can come up with a million reasons why to marry or not marry ... so many marriages have been thought out so wisely by our own reasoning... ...we've all seen the results... ...many divorces and devastated families... [Thus I counsel you to] find out what His will is and lay your own will down at His feet...

That's great counsel. I don't care who you are, that's just great counsel. Can't pay money for that. I read the post 4 times. I'll do as you recommend.

On a personal note: The writing style just flowed - easy to read - seems you're a great writer! Second, that's an amazing story. Third, I'm still almost speechless. Fourth, I respect your transparency, wisdom, leadership and boldness in sharing the Lord's heart like that. I'd expect the Lord to open new ways for you to influence/grow/challenge others thru your words - I hope you'll have an expanded sphere of influence to help people, "Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes." - Isaiah 54:2

Can we continue the thread a bit more? I want to understand God's heart here - what does God see are good reasons for getting married? There's probably lots - but what's in the Bible? All things being equal, and as silly as it might sound, I think at the end of the day "because it's enjoyable" is a honorable and Godly reason.

 

[steve]

[Thus I counsel you to] find out what His will is and lay your own will down at His feet...

I will do as you recommend.................................. All things being equal, and as silly as it might sound, I think at the end of the day "because it's enjoyable" is a honorable and Godly reason.

justy,
I hope that you are less confused than I am :shock:

 

[JustAGuy]

I hope that you are less confused than I am

The post wasn't clear? Oh dear. Here's my point:

• Part of understanding the Lord's will is understanding what the Bible says.
• I'm needing your help to understand if I'm missing something in the Bible. Does that help?

I clearly need writing lessons from Pearl.

 

[JustAGuy]

The subject line of this thread should be:

• "What does the Bible say are good reasons for getting married?"

And I'm coming up w/one Biblical reason: difficulty controlling physical attraction as Paul says in 1 Cor 7. But I've got to be missing something?! As FollowingHim2 says, this sounds somehow cruel - and I agree - it's rather base and animalistic which is why I'm flabbergasted at the lack of any other supporting New Testament scripture support here.

 

[FollowingHim]

I think you are assuming incorrectly that the Bible details every key aspect of life. It doesn't. It gives us the information we need to use our intellect to work out what we need to know about life. To illustrate, let's ask a different question:

What does the Bible say are good reasons to wash?

Basically, after having sex, and in conjunction with a religious ceremony (of which there are several examples). The Bible never says that being dirty is a good reason to wash, as far as I can recall.

So, should you only ever wash after sex? Of course not. The Bible doesn't say that. Rather it means you should wash after sex, in addition to whatever other washing you would logically do anyway.

(Imagine the single man and woman who weren't allowed to wash all their lives until having sex, holding their noses through their wedding evening activities desperately looking forward to washing for the first time in 20 years...)

In the same way, the Bible says sexual attraction is a reason for marriage. It does not say anywhere that it is the only valid reason. We must be careful to read only what is actually written.

 

[JustAGuy]

FollowingHim - I totally get it - and before resorting to intellect I want to understand what the Bible says (and doesn't say).

Are we comfortable saying the only Biblically documented good reason for getting married is difficulty controlling physical attraction?

 

[CecilW]

Are we comfortable saying the only Biblically documented good reason for getting married is difficulty controlling physical attraction?

NO! Not6 at all. YOU may be, and that is fine. Others of us disagree, and have said so in this thread.

God said that it isn't good to be alone. For us or for others. Marriage allows two people to no longer be alone. PM adds to the tally.

There are economic reasons. Care for widows and orphans. Long-term love & commitment not directly tied to uncontrollable lust. The need to have and properly raise children.

I believe that all of these can be supported by scripture. Even the need to have & raise children on behalf of a dead relative!

Difficulty controlling physical attraction is one of the least reasons to do so. THAT wanes, and then what? On to the next "conquest"? The next "attraction"?

Get a grip on the "uncontrollable"! One of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control. Not marriage-as-a-substitute-for...

Besides ... put yourself in the partner's position for a moment. Is this the basis on which you want to be chosen, or have a fragile commitment made? That he or she couldn't control their impulses? Really? In what other area, and towards whom else will they prove inadequate to the task of self-control? Yikes!

 

[JustAGuy]

I'm not fine. My view stinks! Difficulty controlling attraction seems like a terrible reason!!! I wish it didn't say it but there it is, like the nose on my face. Ugh. So what do you think 1 Cor 7 means?

Sorry to sound desperate but can scripture verses be given? (bear in mind I've read thru an awful lot of stuff here already like the 40 page PowerPoint from last year's retreat, etc.):

• 
  • God said that it isn't good to be alone: Supported in the New Testament in which verses?
  
  • Care for widows and orphans: I see support here in Matt 2:23-33 but it's a bit weak because other (all?) references in the New Testament show widows getting cared for by whole church corporately - there's no record of marriage as a recommendation/remedy (doesn't mean it isn't, just none is recorded).
  
  • Long-term love & commitment not directly tied to uncontrollable lust: New Testament verses? I believe any NT verses will apply either to already married couples like Ephesians 5:25, I Peter 3:7,Colossians 3:19, Proverbs 31:28-29,Hebrews 13:4 or generically like 1 Peter 4:8, Romans 12:10, Galatians 5:13, John 13:35.
  
  • The need to have ... children: New Testament verses?

Having proactive verses like these are like silver bullets because it seems any verse fully supporting monogamy also fully supports polygamy. Wish it wasn't so difficult to find verses supporting monogamy! Ack!

Thanks so much for your time everyone - like many of you I have 2 jobs and lots of kids so time is a premium. It's 2:45AM as I type now.

 

[FollowingHim2]

JAG - I love how much reading you're doing, even in the wee hours of the morning! It reminds me of what I was like when I first came on here, hubby too! It will blow your mind all this info. Don't read it too quick or it won't sink in properly. When I first started learning about God I was 20 years old. I read the whole new testament in 3 days, couldn't get enough of it! I barely slept! That's when you know it's the Holy Spirit galloping through you I tell ya what, I was so obsessed with the bible. There was a whole lot of stuff I didn't understand though and a whole lot that I missed. I still read new stuff ten years on! So go slow, and read it all again as a refresher later if you ever have the time

May I ask why it is that you only want new testament references? Is Genesis not enough for you? God said it was not good for man to be alone and then to go forth and fill the world (it aint full yet my friend!).

 

[CecilW]

God said that it isn't good to be alone: Supported in the New Testament in which verses?

Hmmm. For me, the starting point for such a discussion is going to have to be the NT passage which says that ALL Scripture is given by inspiration of God. 2Tim 3:16,17

Why on earth would you wish to invalidate what God said because, having said it clearly, He felt no need to repeat Himself thousands of years later?

Widows & orphans? James 1:27. Later, he says, "If they're hungry, feed 'em. Cold? Give 'em a coat." Meet the need. Widows (husbandless) and orphans (fatherless) need ... ? A husband and father. Not a bag of groceries from the church pantry!

But, if the only reason you can see for marrying, either first or subsequently, is uncontrollable lust, please let us know how that works out.

Btw, why do you find it so distressing that there are no verses supporting monogamy as the only acceptable choice? Sorry, there just aren't any. It's not a 5:3 ratio thing. It's an all:0 ratio. Monogamy is a fine choice for many/most folks. But no scripture in either testament mandates it.

 

[JustAGuy]

Thanks FH2, really appreciate the encouragement! Hope my questions come off heartfelt and respectful as I mean them to! LOL, yes, world has a lot more space left (contrary to what we hear in some media sources)!! And would hate to have vacant rooms in heaven from all those little ones we didn't have

New Testament verses requested because:

• 
  • It's difficult for people to know which things from the Old Testament apply to us today. We all know the verses: cloths wo/mixed fibers (Leviticus 19:19), growing a beard instead of clean shaven (Leviticus 19:27), capital punishment for lawless children (Deuteronomy 21:18-21), capital punishment for witches (Leviticus 20:27), capital punishment for sex before marriage (Deuteronomy 22:20-22).
  
  • So discussing marriage is cleaner w/just New Testament verses (and lean on the Old Testament as supporting material).

This thread was started because I realized by starting the discussion w/the monogamy camp on common ground ("What are Biblically good reasons for getting married?") it's much easier for them to realize any reasons for supporting the first wife also apply to the second wife for example Proverbs 18:22, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." Why would this verse only apply to the first wife? Especially when written by Solomon? Of course the rebuttal is the tired, "Solomon had too many wives which is way he fell away" which we know isn't true but I'd just rather not open that can of worms if there's another way. And I think there is.

 

[FollowingHim]

What passage does the church generally use as their key first reference to justify monogamy, and to argue against both polygamy and same-sex marriage? Genesis 2. Paraphrased as "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and x, x, x...". Christians are completely happy to use this Old Testament chapter to guide their theology of marriage. And that chapter is where God said it is not good for the man to be alone. So I don't get what the problem is with that.

Everything pre-Abraham is not controversial. The applicability of the Mosaic laws is more debated, so may need more careful treatment. But don't hesitate to quote from the scriptures to anyone.

Note that you finished your own post with a quote from Proverbs, not the New Testament. The Old Testament scriptures form the foundation of Christianity, and are quoted over and over in the New Testament, don't be scared of them.

 

[FollowingHim]

And marriage of widows isn't just an Old Testament thing but is stated even more broadly in the new. 1 Timothy 5:14. Read the whole chapter. The church was only to collectively care for a select few particularly Godly widows over the age of 60. All younger widows were to remarry, or be otherwise supported by family.

 

[Tali]

This has been one of the best threads ever! I do so appreciate the hunger of all to get to the "real deal" and live there. Deborah, my Datz, I agree wholeheartedly with the beauty of your tale, and enjoy the skill with which you tell it. It is my honor to be a part of it and watch our Father restore you and use your abundant talents for the Kingdom. Happy Anniversary on the 12th, and Samuel, oh Master Ironer, thank you for ironing Steve's wedding shirt!

 

[steve]

And marriage of widows isn't just an Old Testament thing but is stated even more broadly in the new. 1 Timothy 5:14. Read the whole chapter. The church was only to collectively care for a select few particularly Godly widows over the age of 60. All younger widows were to remarry, or be otherwise supported by family.

1Ti 5:11 But the younger widows refuse:.......
1Ti 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry,.....

Yes, it is mostly not recognized that, A) there was what we would consider an unusual number of widows because of men like Stephen being martyred and leaving wives/families behind, and, B) with fewer men around there weren't monogamous options available to most of the widows who Paul is requiring marriage of. The only option left is that Paul is requiring plural marriage. In our society they have the "option" of either being on the dole or supporting themselves and their children, neither of which has proven to be healthy for society at large.

So while we do not find poly discussed in the NT, it is considered such a given that it is even required in some cases. :shock:

 

[FollowingHim]

This has been one of the best threads ever! I do so appreciate the hunger of all to get to the "real deal" and live there. Deborah, my Datz, I agree wholeheartedly with the beauty of your tale, and enjoy the skill with which you tell it. It is my honor to be a part of it and watch our Father restore you and use your abundant talents for the Kingdom. Happy Anniversary on the 12th, and Samuel, oh Master Ironer, thank you for ironing Steve's wedding shirt!

I'm no master ironer, just the bloke who stepped in when all the master ironers (the women and ex-military men) chickened out! I only usually touch an iron when I'm traveling light and my shirt has become too crusty in the armpits to look respectable in a meeting, so I wash the armpits in a motel sink then iron them dry. Good machines irons!

It was an honour to be able to attend your wedding Steve and Deborah, hard to imagine it's already been a year. It's wonderful to read your story here.

 

[Seeking Great Pearl]

Thanks Samuel and Ali for your kind words. I appreciate it lots. (Thank you JustAGuy for your personal notes and comments on my writing too).

It has been a wild ride these past 19 months! And this past year since the wedding has been too! Where did time go? LOL

I am very thankful for the blessings the Lord brought into my life with Steven and Ali. I am honored to be a part of this amazing family!

Love you guys!
Deborah