Starlit don't know if you are still on BF or if you will see this reply.So i'm back to the site after a long hiatus. And i've learned a few things....
I tried a few other sites on the web to try to meet more poly minded people and more pointedly...poly centered families. I came across alot of negativity out there. It almost ruined my testimony of plural marriage. I found quite a few families to be bitter and resentful about not having found a second wife yet. Yet as a single woman, i was expected to lay my heart on the floor and let it get walked on a few times. I regret now spending extensive periods of time getting to know a few people that really were not interested in practicing p.m after all and being hurt because of it. I was even chided by one husband after talking to him for an extensive period for being "too interested and committed to getting married" (I still don't know what that means) and was turned away because of it. Families lied to me, told me gross details about their romantic adventures with women (some they had only known a few days and then kicked out of their home the next morning), demanded i support their drug habits, and so on. And like some of those families i started to become bitter. I tried to delete all of my accounts online that were poly related. I vowed to give up and not pursue it any longer.
Then after a hiatus of sorts i thought about looking on facebook. I was greeted with another wake up call...there are as many versions of poly as there are people searching for it. I was sent some x rated content by people that wanted to friend me, propositions, and all sorts of behavior. After searching for almost 6 yrs to find my family...i have to wonder if this is what God called me to do, why is it so hard? I'm almost now too old to try and have children. One of the reasons that drew me so much to plural marriage was the idea of being blessed with taking care of children, not just my own, but my sisterwives children too. But as i have gotten older, i'm repeatedly interrogated why i don't have children? I respond that i love children and would love to have at least one but i can't guarantee i can. Besides i reply, i'm waiting to get married first. As time goes by there are less and families now willing to talk to me because of my age. So maybe i should have received my revelation from Heavenly Father when i was in my 20's instead of my mid 30's so that i would have time to find a family after all.
Am i the only one feeling so disillusioned? Never mind the inability to talk about my desires openly in daily conversation with family, friends, co workers, and fellow church members (Or my struggles for that matter).
I am 46, I haven't truly ever been exposed to PM until recently. I have two grown daughters so I am past child bearing age. I have asked the same question, if I can't procreate what will anyone see in me. I might die an unmarried woman I am ok with that. But regardless of your or my ability to procreate we do have value! I have plenty of love, knowledge, life experiences, companionship, compassion.... I have qualities I bring to the table. So do you, I'm sure. But bottom line is isn't about what you or I want it is about what God wants for us. Where does He need us?
I pray I have a forever family looking for me, praying for me. We must do the same for them.
I pray you have found your peace
Shalom