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Support Feeling lost

For your information in my country having a woman other than the wife is considered as adultery and the ones involved can go to jail for up to 6months with a fine
I am very surprised at this, as I thought that in much of Africa traditional marriage customs were permitted to continue, just often not legally recognised. Is it the fact that he has one legal wife that makes it adultery? If you both were not "legal" wives but just traditional, would it be ok?
That's the verse that has been helping to hold on.
But sometimes I wonder if it's right all this.
The pastor shook me.
He made feel as if I wasn't understanding well the Bible and was living in the old covenant while even in the new one Jesus never said it was a sin.
Plus he used many verses that all churches use to justify one man one woman theory
Even if the pastor IS right that God intends marriage to be only between one man and one woman, no other wives - he is also right that divorce is sinful. So the correct response would be to ask God for forgiveness for getting married - but now that you are married, to continue in that marriage without adding the extra sin of divorce.

Of course, the pastor is wrong. But whether he's right or wrong about God's intent for marriage being exclusively monogamous, what you should do now is the same - stay with your husband. Adding sin is never the answer.

You are not living in the Old Testament. You are living in Africa. In a country that was traditionally polygamous. You are living in the traditions of your ancestors. Traditions that Jesus did not teach against, and that Moses regulated. And you are choosing NOT to divorce, as Jesus very clearly taught against that. In fact, Jesus taught against divorce more strongly than Moses did. So by standing very firmly against divorce, you show that you ARE living under Jesus' teachings, and not just under the Old Testament!

While the Pastor is not living in the New Covenant. He is trying to persuade you to directly disobey the clear teachings of both Jesus and Paul, and sin by divorcing your husband. He is promoting serious sin. He is living in church tradition, not the Way of Jesus. And he is endangering his own salvation by doing so:

Matthew 18:7: "Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!"
 
Of course, the pastor is wrong. But whether he's right or wrong about God's intent for marriage being exclusively monogamous, what you should do now is the same - stay with your husband. Adding sin is never the answer.
The thing is he doesn't considered me married as there was just the dowry.
Not state mariage not church marriage.
He considers me as a single, living in sin
 
The thing is he doesn't considered me married as there was just the dowry.
Not state mariage not church marriage.
He considers me as a single, living in sin
The pastor does not understand what marriage is.
State marriage and church marriage do not appear in the Bible, and were not even practiced through most of church history. The church recognised any two people who said they were married as married, right up to the Council of Trent in 1563, when the Catholic church decreed that you had to be married by a priest to be truly married.

So "church marriage" has only existed since 1563, in the Catholic church, and started even more recently in other denominations.

Over the following centuries, state marriage was gradually introduced. In most places it has only existed for about 150-200 years. It is even more recent.

Both "state marriage" and "church marriage" are inventions of men. No person in the Bible had a state or church marriage, as they did not exist. Ruth and Boaz did not have a "church marriage" for instance - he just took her into his home once the other men had agreed nobody else had a claim to her, and she became his wife. Marriage is extremely simple.

You are married. The pastor is, once again, confused. By his logic, Adam and Eve were living in sin because they didn't have a marriage licence.
 
The pastor shook me.
He made feel as if I wasn't understanding well the Bible and was living in the old covenant while even in the new one Jesus never said it was a sin.
Plus he used many verses that all churches use to justify one man one woman theory

None of which actually condemn polygamy. All are about other subjects and do not apply. Sadly one of those verses they like to use actually condemns divorce, the very thing he wants you to do. One of many such condemnations in scripture.

I am okay for sharing but she's not okay.
What should I do?
Leave? Or just let him take the decision? What if he takes time?

If she want's to follow God she'll come back to the marriage. If she leaves then the guilt is her's, not yours, not your husbands. Follow your man. Pray for him and the 1st wife. And be the best wife you can to him, not as one trying to own and control him (as the pastor would have it) but as a wife following him in the same way you ought to follow Christ.
 
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Both "state marriage" and "church marriage" are inventions of men. No person in the Bible had a state or church marriage, as they did not exist. Ruth and Boaz did not have a "church marriage" for instance - he just took her into his home once the other men had agreed nobody else had a claim to her, and she became his wife. Marriage is extremely simple.
You are married. The pastor is, once again, confused. By his logic, Adam and Eve were living in sin because they didn't have a marriage licence.
Exactly, even when Isaac took Rebecca to marry (after having just met her), the bible states that he "took her to his tent"
What happened in her case?
1) Abraham's servant paid the dowry to her brother Laban and her father.
2) The servant brought her back on a camel
3) Isaac took her to the tent and made her his wife.
In the language of the bible sister, Hebrew, there is no special word for "wife". The only word is "woman." Just as Isaac made Rebecca his "woman" ishah so to your man has made you his "woman."

Please don't let legalistic attitudes and church traditions bog you down. You belong to your man as he belongs to God.
 
The pastor does not understand what marriage is...
You are married. The pastor is, once again, confused. By his logic, Adam and Eve were living in sin because they didn't have a marriage licence.
I just reread this and had a nice chuckle.
Well put Sam.
 
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