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Fairness with material stuff
- Thread starter cubanito
- Start date
Maybe I wanted too much and went for a very pretty 20 year old that had not lived life enough and has no idea on how to deal with these things, someone with few relationship experiences. At first she probably was curious and adventurous, then, when the friendship got deeper, things were not fun anymore, monogamy traditons kicked in and she wanted to be "the one". Well, "the perfect monogamy" is everywhere, in society. Next time I will be sure the women are friends first, that is essential. . Also, I am starting to get tired of long distance relationships.. They are toooo exhausting, frustrating and expensive. I can't afford them anymore. lol On the positove side, there were several dozens of prospects I had to choose from. Local is easier though..
Lesson learned.. A healthy relationship is way more important than any material things.. When we see material struggles is usually a symptom of deeper issues.
Cubanito
Lesson learned.. A healthy relationship is way more important than any material things.. When we see material struggles is usually a symptom of deeper issues.
Cubanito
cubanito said:
A wise old fella used to tell me, "When you're not sure what God has in mind for you, do the job that's nearest. He'll let you know if He wants you doing something different."
It occurs to me that this might be wise advice when considering who to add to one's family as well -- always understanding that a long distance situation might well occur, as in SweetLissa's case.
I've been wondering, has anyone put an ad on CraigsList personals that says something like, "Tired of being a single mom? (Or just single?) Are you a committed Christian? Willing to think outside the box a bit? Enough to consider making a permanent family with a husband and existing wife, as they did in Bible days? Willing to think of the other wife as a best friend rather than a rival? And your husband as designated leader despite his faults? Looking for love and fun, trials and triumphs within a supportive, absolutely committed family for the rest of your life? Let's get acquainted."
'Twould be fun to see the results.
We plan to come unless some other tragedy happens. lol Last time it was the death of my father. Also we have an errand we have to do in Germany for my sister in law, there is a cat that needs relocating (long story). lol
But, we should be there. We don't want to miss this one. Any good deals on hotels in the area?
Cubanito
But, we should be there. We don't want to miss this one. Any good deals on hotels in the area?
Cubanito
Tlaloc
Member
Cecil,
I put an openly Christian poly ad on Craigslist in my area, it's mostly gotten spam ect as expected, its had a couple legit replies that where not sutible for us, and it has lead to one really good discussion about polygamy with a Christian woman in B.C.
I met our current girlfreind via craigslist too, but it was us replying to her ad, and in that case I was also very forward about being Christian poly.
I didn't use the salesmanship tactics either time though.
Cubanito,
Good luck in the future, too bad it didn't pan out well.
I put an openly Christian poly ad on Craigslist in my area, it's mostly gotten spam ect as expected, its had a couple legit replies that where not sutible for us, and it has lead to one really good discussion about polygamy with a Christian woman in B.C.
I met our current girlfreind via craigslist too, but it was us replying to her ad, and in that case I was also very forward about being Christian poly.
I didn't use the salesmanship tactics either time though.
Cubanito,
Good luck in the future, too bad it didn't pan out well.
Cubanito,
Don't say that you wanted too much. There is nothing wrong with having an attractive woman as your wife, 1st, 2nd or whatever. The age thing might have been an issue, but the real issue is maturity. I have known very mature 20 year olds and very immature 50 year olds. Each relationship is based on the merits of the individuals involved.
One of the first things that should have been done is a very frank and open discussion of what polygamy means. No woman who is anticipating sharing her husband with another woman should have any doubts about what that means. Any woman who is thinking about entering into a polygamous family should know that it means that everyone sacrifices self for the greater good of the family and ultimately for God's will. It means that while the goal is for everyone's needs to be met, the reality is that there are times when our need (or greeds depending on your perspective) really get pushed to the side because someone else's needs are greater at that time. There will be times of abundance and times of sacrifice. During each circumstance we need to be able to find joy and peace in our Lord and in no one else.
We each find ourselves feeling jealous at times. We all feel like our needs are not met at times. And at other times we feel so fulfilled that we think we might burst we are so full. The question is what do we do with those times. When we are jealous and feeling neglected do we lash out at others and try to take all that we feel we deserve? Or do we find constructive ways of expressing ourselves. Do we take our needs to the Lord in prayer and ask him to take care of our needs? Or do we start a fight with our love so that he knows just how miserable we are? How do we react in crisis? Do we join together to succeed at a mission so that our God gets glory for another victory? Or do we allow the enemy to win that little battle?
Maturity is something that happens when we least expect it. One crisis makes us go off the deep end and creates drama in the family for days. The next crisis is met calmly and prayerfully, asking God to put it in perspective. That is when you see that God has answered your prayer for maturity.
Cubanito, I hope that you will find all that you desire. If not with this woman than eventually with a woman that God supplies. Meanwhile, don't forget the family that you have. I know you are disappointed in what you consider a failure, but the reality is that you have gone through a trial, you have learned some lessons and you have strengthened your relationship with your wife, your children and God. So it is not a failure, but a victory. We have victory in every circumstance because we have God in every circumstance.
In His service
SweetLissa
Don't say that you wanted too much. There is nothing wrong with having an attractive woman as your wife, 1st, 2nd or whatever. The age thing might have been an issue, but the real issue is maturity. I have known very mature 20 year olds and very immature 50 year olds. Each relationship is based on the merits of the individuals involved.
One of the first things that should have been done is a very frank and open discussion of what polygamy means. No woman who is anticipating sharing her husband with another woman should have any doubts about what that means. Any woman who is thinking about entering into a polygamous family should know that it means that everyone sacrifices self for the greater good of the family and ultimately for God's will. It means that while the goal is for everyone's needs to be met, the reality is that there are times when our need (or greeds depending on your perspective) really get pushed to the side because someone else's needs are greater at that time. There will be times of abundance and times of sacrifice. During each circumstance we need to be able to find joy and peace in our Lord and in no one else.
We each find ourselves feeling jealous at times. We all feel like our needs are not met at times. And at other times we feel so fulfilled that we think we might burst we are so full. The question is what do we do with those times. When we are jealous and feeling neglected do we lash out at others and try to take all that we feel we deserve? Or do we find constructive ways of expressing ourselves. Do we take our needs to the Lord in prayer and ask him to take care of our needs? Or do we start a fight with our love so that he knows just how miserable we are? How do we react in crisis? Do we join together to succeed at a mission so that our God gets glory for another victory? Or do we allow the enemy to win that little battle?
Maturity is something that happens when we least expect it. One crisis makes us go off the deep end and creates drama in the family for days. The next crisis is met calmly and prayerfully, asking God to put it in perspective. That is when you see that God has answered your prayer for maturity.
Cubanito, I hope that you will find all that you desire. If not with this woman than eventually with a woman that God supplies. Meanwhile, don't forget the family that you have. I know you are disappointed in what you consider a failure, but the reality is that you have gone through a trial, you have learned some lessons and you have strengthened your relationship with your wife, your children and God. So it is not a failure, but a victory. We have victory in every circumstance because we have God in every circumstance.
In His service
SweetLissa
Thanks Lissa, that is true that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. So, it's a lesson in life. Maybe, now will have a quiet period for a while, this gives me even more appreciation for all He has done in my life. From now on I want us to travel together to places. At least it will be family vacations and not just a trip.
Now I will have much more time to work on our projects, like the 1840 house. That one needs a-lot of care. lol
Blessings,
Cubanito
Now I will have much more time to work on our projects, like the 1840 house. That one needs a-lot of care. lol
Blessings,
Cubanito
Hey, going back to the corset thing in the beginning on my post. Araina got it 2 months late, it was the wrong length (too short) and type, they asked her to send it back and she never heard from the seller again. The size they sent her was more like the Colombian girl's size. How Ironic, the garment of strife is also gone. LOL
Sometimes I think God has a sense of humor..
Sometimes I think God has a sense of humor..
God definitely has a sense of humor.
As I was rereading what I wrote before about each of us being content with what God provides, a thought occured to me.
Do you men feel jealous? It seems like a lot of our discussion centers on the women and them not feeling neglected. Do you guys ever feel invisible in all the concern about us ladies? Come on, you can be honest. I won't tell anyone.
SweetLissa
As I was rereading what I wrote before about each of us being content with what God provides, a thought occured to me.
Do you men feel jealous? It seems like a lot of our discussion centers on the women and them not feeling neglected. Do you guys ever feel invisible in all the concern about us ladies? Come on, you can be honest. I won't tell anyone.
SweetLissa
Hmmm, 'Lissa.
We do have thoughts and needs, yes. But the way this is supposed to work is that you take your cares to someone up the line from you, right? Emotional support from peers, but solutions from the "upline".
Jr falls and skins his knee and Sissy helps him cry, but they go to Mommy for a bandaid and a kiss.
Mommy gets a heartache and her best friend listens to her fuss, but she (should be able to) go to hubby for a hug, a kiss, and whatever fix is available.
Leastwise, that's what I THINK we teach hereabouts. Along with ideas like "don't lay your troubles off onto your kids (downline). Ain't their problem."
It probably follows that we men, who tend to try to "cowboy up" in the first place, probably talk to each other, IF AT ALL, but mainly try to take it just to our upline, Jesus.
To answer you, I doubt we're jealous. We tend to truly care about all the women in our lives, whether family or friends, and are delighted to see or contribute to y'all getting everything you need. But yes, we do have issues of our own. However when we bring them up, (in general, not indicting this site), the female response isn't good. We've prolly gone shy by now.
But remember not to tell. You promised. :roll: :lol:
We do have thoughts and needs, yes. But the way this is supposed to work is that you take your cares to someone up the line from you, right? Emotional support from peers, but solutions from the "upline".
Jr falls and skins his knee and Sissy helps him cry, but they go to Mommy for a bandaid and a kiss.
Mommy gets a heartache and her best friend listens to her fuss, but she (should be able to) go to hubby for a hug, a kiss, and whatever fix is available.
Leastwise, that's what I THINK we teach hereabouts. Along with ideas like "don't lay your troubles off onto your kids (downline). Ain't their problem."
It probably follows that we men, who tend to try to "cowboy up" in the first place, probably talk to each other, IF AT ALL, but mainly try to take it just to our upline, Jesus.
To answer you, I doubt we're jealous. We tend to truly care about all the women in our lives, whether family or friends, and are delighted to see or contribute to y'all getting everything you need. But yes, we do have issues of our own. However when we bring them up, (in general, not indicting this site), the female response isn't good. We've prolly gone shy by now.
But remember not to tell. You promised. :roll: :lol:
Your secret is safe with me.
SweetLissa
SweetLissa
The main thing (in a non adulterous marriage) I guess that would make a husband in the family jealous is if we feel neglected because every other thing is more important than setting some time aside to be with us like we do for our wives and other loved ones. I can see that being a potential issue in today's busy society. If I see we are making an effort, then that should be ok.
You know, that girl I was talking about in the beginning of this post now is into Islam and is bethrothed to some guy she probably hardly even knows.. How sad.. They are getting converts even in Colombia! Life can be crazy and Ironic.. lol
You know, that girl I was talking about in the beginning of this post now is into Islam and is bethrothed to some guy she probably hardly even knows.. How sad.. They are getting converts even in Colombia! Life can be crazy and Ironic.. lol
That's exactly what this corset was. It was what they call a waist training corset. It wasn't really a lingerie thing, mostly a shaping thing.. The seller in NC, after getting it back for exchange, never replied to Araina. The whole thing was kind of ironic, it's like God laughed at the object of the argument.
Araina still hopes to get it from them but I really doubt they will honor their word. Something about them not replying her emails.. lol
Araina still hopes to get it from them but I really doubt they will honor their word. Something about them not replying her emails.. lol
