Broken Promises

[yoderfamily]

Wesley I do believe all comments were well intended. Nobody was trying to offend you. So please don't take offense. I want this forum to stay open where people can speak their thoughts. No we won't always agree but we can learn valuable insight from each other.

 

[Wesley]

Wesley I do believe all comments were well intended. Nobody was trying to offend you. So please don't take offense. I want this forum to stay open where people can speak their thoughts. No we won't always agree but we can learn valuable insight from each other.

Regardless of whether anyone was "trying to offend me or not the reality is that their words are offensive.

I was doing the same thing that a lot of abuse victims do. I was testing the waters with a less relevant issue before actually exposing more important, and thus more vulnerable, feelings to the group.

Therapists refer to that as the trust building period. By responding in a non-threatening, non-hostile manner to the lesser issues (even if they are false issues which I try to avoid but others use) they (the therapists) build the person's confidence that they (the patients) can discuss more serious issues without being attacked.

That confidence is important to those who have been attacked.

Regardless of the intent the responses did nothing to build that confidence. I doubt that I am the only abuse survivor that has come in here using such tactics. If they got the response that I got, intentional or not, then this forum was of no use to them.

I can tell you that I will not be discussing more serious issues on this forum. Whether the responses intended to be insulting or not they were.

 

[ylop]

I have more exes than I care to count. In each case the situation played out exactly the same.

You have stereotyped former wives as exes.

You cannot even be bothered counting them.

Sure its an expression but it reveals a heart truth.

And you are now demonstrating you are deaf to feedback.

Even if I am wrong about this, and you are right and I am completely ignorant about your situation, perhaps some women felt the same way - that you don't listen to feedback.

I hope that you think deeply through some of the posts.

As the people here including myself are attempting to assist.

I actually answered your original question where you asked for alternative responses to "help pack your bags".

 

[yoderfamily]

Who are you in Christ, Wesley?

Not a trick question but a sincere one. I am of a firm belief that biblical plural marriage should only be entered thru the direction of the Holy Spirit. Otherwise it is doomed to fail. Note I said biblical.

From your responses I'm having a hard time seeing Christ within. But you also only gave some of the facts which is why there was speculation.

On a side note. :?
I personally don't have much faith in licensed practitioners when it comes to abuse therapy. They tend to bandage over the issues without dealing with the root. I realize you pry won't find a christian counselor that won't try to counsel you out of plural marriage but if you're grounded in truth you might win them over.

 

[yoderfamily]

Then again just because it was directed by the Holy Spirit doesn't mean we won't make it a rocky path.

 

[Wesley]

Then again just because it was directed by the Holy Spirit doesn't mean we won't make it a rocky path.

On that point we agree.

 

[Wesley]

You have stereotyped former wives as exes.

You cannot even be bothered counting them.

Sure its an expression but it reveals a heart truth.

Not really.

Just out of curiosity what would prefer that I call them? What word would you prefer? Would you prefer "former wives"? What about "women that I was once married to"?

I'm trying to stay positive here but your efforts at enforcing political correctness and your insulting insinuations are really making it difficult.

I don't see any real biblical marriage here, just a series of informal relationships.

No one who is willing to make that kind of stereotyping generalization, after seeing only a few words on the internet, is in a place criticize another about stereotyping or "heart truth." Perhaps you should reread Matthew 7:1-5.

And you are now demonstrating you are deaf to feedback.

Again, not really. The problem is that I'm not deaf. I am reading your words and considering their meaning and the conveyed meaning isn't anything even remotely resembling polite or civilized.

Even if I am wrong about this, and you are right and I am completely ignorant about your situation, perhaps some women felt the same way - that you don't listen to feedback.

I hope that you think deeply through some of the posts.

As the people here including myself are attempting to assist.

Perhaps you should take your own advice and reflect deeply on why you would offer such hostility, assumptions, and stereotyping to a man you don't even know.

I actually answered your original question where you asked for alternative responses to "help pack your bags".

Yes, you did. If hadn't already tried all of your suggestions and a lot more, including taking a year off from searching for a second wife as I mentioned in the OP, then that might have actually have been helpful.

The problem is your failure to read the OP and see that I had stated that I had already tried such things. You chose to assume rather than reading or asking for clarification however. That is your failure not mine.

 

[ylop]

Just out of curiosity what would prefer that I call them? What word would you prefer? Would you prefer "former wives"? What about "women that I was once married to"?

Former wives.

At least give them that respect.

 

[Wesley]

But you also only gave some of the facts which is why there was speculation.

The quintessential disagreement here seems to be that you, at least appear to, believe that making insulting statements toward another person based on such "speculation" is actually socially acceptable.

You haven't stated that you're not a Nazi? Would it be okay for me to assume that you are and ask why you are so prejudiced against black people just because you haven't said that you're not?

No, it wouldn't.

The speculations that others have engaged in here are wrong for the same reason.

 

[Wesley]

@ylop,
Too bad you apparently didn't read the rest of what I wrote. Of course that really shouldn't surprise me given your track record so far.

 

[Slumberfreeze]

(To be read in Owen Wilson's voice, if possible)

Well, I seem to have burned through your patience for me, which is fair enough. And you caught me, I have no formal advanced training in any relevant field.

There is a field that I have a fair amount of experience in, and I believe it might be productive for you to seek out. Have you ever sought deliverance from demonic oppression for yourself and/or abusive wives? Like a full on deliverance session by someone who knows what they're about? (Please note, I'm not assuming you haven't or accusing you of anything) I mention this because I have experienced it myself and it has done my whole fellowship a world of good walking in the authority of Christ over evil spiritual influences that try to enforce destructive patterns in our lives.

Also I feel like I should clarify that I'm not mentioning this because we seem to be at odds in this thread. It is my belief that demonic oppression is quite common for Christians and that the majority of us have at least a couple piggy-backers making things difficult for us. I myself was strongly influenced by demons, even while I was fully Christian and evangelizing others. I realize the possibility exists that this will be considered offensive/ blasphemous, but I would not bring it up or recommend if I hadn't experienced it first-hand.

 

[yoderfamily]

 

[yoderfamily]

Interesting. Awakethefire

I'm afraid I have to ask. What brought you to the realization of the spiritual realm? I was first exposed to it while reading the book. Set the Captives Free. by Rebecca Brown. ( which I had sneaked out of my dads desk drawer)
A vivid description of the spiritual warfare that is raging.

 

[FollowingHim]

The tone of this thread has turned so negative that, despite the potential value of the discussion to Wesley, I am going to stop it now before things just get nastier. I think everyone's intention is loving, but comments are being taken poorly. I get the feeling that everyone's trying to dig themselves and their brothers out of a hole, and the hole's just getting so big it's turning into a massive dirty open-cast mine with a toxic lake at the bottom. I think if we stop now everyone can take a breather, and give the vegetation a chance to return and dull out all the sharp edges in the landscape.

Relax brothers, have a cup of tea. Maybe listen to some music, pray, or find a wife to kiss for a bit. One of your own, obviously.

Sorry yoderfamily, I'm sure Slumberfreeze can reply to you by private message.