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Benefits and drawbacks to "legal" wife

NickF

NickF

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@MeganC commented on a recent thread that there are some important reasons to have a "legal" wife in a plural family dynamic. I'd love to hear some discussion on this, flesh it out, and as something additionally helpful, I thought others might have some input on positives and negatives.
 
For us the big things about my being a legal wife are:

1. Easy access to financial matters.
2. No question about handling health care issues for Steve or the kids.
 
This is very country-specific. In New Zealand, there is almost no difference legally between being a wife or an "unmarried" partner. Both get essentially the same legal rights.

It is also important to note that it is very easy to get married, but extremely difficult legally to get divorced in New Zealand (you have to separate for a long period, which is not appropriate when you're actually married and just trying to change the paperwork). So it's a decision you are stuck with once made.

In this case, it is better to have no legal wife, because then in the event of it becoming useful for some reason to have a legal marriage, you have the freedom to legally marry whichever wife would benefit from it. For instance, if a marriage was useful evidence on an immigration application (even that is not necessary here but can be useful evidence), you are free to marry the wife who would benefit from that. The man with no legal marriage can marry his foreign bride - but the man with a legal marriage cannot.

Sadly most of us don't figure this out until we're already legally married.
 
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NickF said:
Couldn't that be solved with power of attorney?
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Yes, that is how I am doing it.
POA on All of my Wives and HIPAA as well Last Wills.
Also Legal Change their Last names to yours.

Start a L.L.C put Everything into that like Cars, Houses and Land.
Place yourself as C.E.O and name your oldest as your replacement.
State your other son get a part of the other 50% your oldest gets.

Done!
 
The way the U.S. laws are written, the default rules benefit having a legal wife. That said, basically everything can be planned without a legal marriage in most cases as discussed above, but it takes foresight, resources (money), and a good estate planning attorney to set up.

For wealthier people there are federal tax benefits to a legal marriage involving gift and estate taxes where if a spouse doesn't use all of their exclusion it can be passed on to their spouse (IRC 2010(c)(4)). If your net worth is in the millions, it would be a good idea to talk to a tax attorney about the benefits of having a legal marriage.

*Not legal advice. I am not a lawyer.*
 
NickF said:
@MeganC commented on a recent thread that there are some important reasons to have a "legal" wife in a plural family dynamic. I'd love to hear some discussion on this, flesh it out, and as something additionally helpful, I thought others might have some input on positives and negatives.
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Little rant coming up 🤗

I know it isn't the point of this post.

I object to the term "legal wife". God is The Lawgiver. All wives are LEGAL wives. We must not surrender the linguistic high ground.

I propose we find a better term.

Paperwork wife?
Sounds like a job description 🤔

Documented wife?
Sounds like the other wives are illegal immigrants 🤔

State sanctioned wife?
Makes her sound like Putin 🤔

Ideas?
 
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Let’s not sidetrack the point of the post. I agree, that’s why I put it in quotes. The point of language is to be able to convey ideas clearly. Everyone knows what I meant and the threat title isn’t a place to go into all the reasons US govt legal status is irrelevant.

The point here is to discuss the merits and drawbacks to a governmentally recognized relationship. Not hash out what we should call our relationships.
 
NickF said:
Let’s not sidetrack the point of the post. I agree, that’s why I put it in quotes. The point of language is to be able to convey ideas clearly. Everyone knows what I meant and the threat title isn’t a place to go into all the reasons US govt legal status is irrelevant.

The point here is to discuss the merits and drawbacks to a governmentally recognized relationship. Not hash out what we should call our relationships.
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Quite right Nick. I should have thrown up another post for that rant. There probably already is one.

Sidetracking is a real danger on this forum 🤣
 
People practicing polygamy can probably answer this better, but does having one "paperwork wife" make the others feel that they are somehow lesser, or that they are lower status wives?

I remember Megan mentioning that early on (when she wasn't the paperwork wife) she felt more like a concubine.
 
NickF said:
@MeganC commented on a recent thread that there are some important reasons to have a "legal" wife in a plural family dynamic. I'd love to hear some discussion on this, flesh it out, and as something additionally helpful, I thought others might have some input on positives and negatives.
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I am not married at all, but here's something I've thought of...

The legal status of the first wife gives her more security in her position at the top and makes it easier for her to welcome another wife into the home without feeling threatened by her. The way I see it, anything that increases the confidence of the first wife that the other woman will not supplant her and the other woman's children will not supplant her own children, can only be a good thing.

But I'm very interested in this thread and would like to see more folks weigh in on it.
 
The biggest drawback to a "legal" wife is the Almighty State licenses the marriage, controls the contract, and OWNS the "output" (i.e., children, among other things.) AND, Scripture backs 'em up, too. (Exodus 21, tonight's Torah parsha).
 
Sam Speaks said:
The legal status of the first wife gives her more security in her position at the top and makes it easier for her to welcome another wife into the home without feeling threatened by her.
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It can also firmly establish a dominance that you will later regret.
 
Sam Speaks said:
But I'm very interested in this thread and would like to see more folks weigh in on it.
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There are both advantages and disadvantages from a purely human perspective. But as @Mark C has pointed out above it gives the state controls where God gives them no right to be involved. Why give away more than necessary to a tyrannical system? Around the world governments have recently made huge power-grabs and, like a runaway freight train, it's almost unstoppable now. Personally I wouldn't give away any freedom unnecessarily.
 
Sam Speaks said:
I am not married at all, but here's something I've thought of...

The legal status of the first wife gives her more security in her position at the top and makes it easier for her to welcome another wife into the home without feeling threatened by her. The way I see it, anything that increases the confidence of the first wife that the other woman will not supplant her and the other woman's children will not supplant her own children, can only be a good thing.

But I'm very interested in this thread and would like to see more folks weigh in on it.
Click to expand...
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
If this lets the first wife feel she has more security, then it equally makes the second wife feel she has less security.
Psychologically it would be better for both to feel the same, and not feel that one is privileged above the other.
 
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