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Bad Marriage Sayings
- Thread starter rockfox
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In our community we have a neighbor, who every time I ask how he is doing, he says "I'm doing what my wife tells me to do" which isn't even a response that makes sense there!
It's almost as if he is proud of that fact, and has to find some way of telling everyone that his wife wears the pants!
Or it could be a sneaky way of telling me how he's actually doing, in such a way that his wife doesn't know how he actually feels!
Where I live, there are two common responses "Livin' the dream!" and "Another day in paradise!"
but they both mean the same thing, which is:
"I contemplate suicide every day"
That's kind of what your neighbor makes me think of. "I have given up all hope in life and now my wife thinks for me"
I can't believe I forgot that one.
What does that mean?
I have a neighbor like that. The only time I ever see him is when the wife sends him on some errand that involves me. He always responds with 'happy wife happy life'. That is when I realized that men tell themselves that as a coping mechanism to convince themselves they're happy (when they're not). Same goes for the men who talk about how awesome their marriage is with no problems whatsoever (and then 2 sentences later clearly contradict that).
I'll explain...
These are all in the same vain. Lucky husband (or more often "lucky man") is often said by others of a man who is much less attractive than his wife. Pedestal, more than just a wife worship thing, it often has it's source in thinking she's an angel, perfect, better than him. I suspect this comes about in part from men who had a hard time getting a woman, and then snagged one who settled and also in part from women who emotionally abuse their men (which is quite a lot of them). 'My wife is perfect' .... no, she has the same carnal nature of all women. There are no prefect women; least of all the wives of men who say this. The wive's I've met who came close didn't have men worshiping them like that. The men who speak like this of their wives are not just making them goddesses, they're overlooking their real faults. Usually because the man thinks he is so inferior he's willing to pretend they don't exist. You can see here the shades of Stockholm syndrome.
But here is the problem...women marry up. They want a man who is taller, bigger, smarter, stronger, faster, more confident and more beautiful than them. If they have that, they are attracted, happy, and content. If they don't have that they are cold, unhappy, and discontent. They will look down at him. They despise weak men, unintelligent men, ugly men. When they have a man like this it means they settled. The mans sex life will be dreary. The woman is more likely to cheat, more likely to divorce him once the kids are out of diapers. And the man is highly unlikely to to be the head of their marriage.
So when a man talks about how perfect his wife is, how he is 'soooo lucky' to have her, how he's nothing without her, how she's physically stronger than him, more spiritual than him, he is broadcasting that she is better than him. And that is an inherently unstable situation. Often this is the result of hypercontrolling women who berate their men, treat them like children, lead them around by the nose, limit what they can do, control their schedule, etc. "I'd be nothing without her" means he thinks he is nothing, worthless, not worth her; and what woman wants that?
The husband is supposed to be the head, the leader, the spiritual leader, the one in her life who guides, guards and molds her. He can't be that if he's inferior to her.
Put differently, women swoon more for the man who says "she's lucky to have me" than the man who says "I'm so lucky to have her". A man who can say the former (and pull it off) is confident, self assured, and attractive. His wife won't leave him. Of course if you're fat pudgy and weak you won't pull it off. Which is why you should be the best version of you possible.
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Ok, I'm getting it now. That makes more sense. Thank you.
another saying I just remembered of is when the wife includes her husband as one of her children. It’s especially irritating when the guy was actually respected.
I've had people say that to me about Samuel. I'll say I've got 7 kids, and they'll say it's 8 with Samuel. No, no, no, it's not. I have 7 children and a very helpful and wonderful husband who is not like a child at all.
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Pretty much every family sitcom in America is a bad marriage saying, where the men are morons and the women are queen of the homes. Oh, we do not watch any show that glorifies a woman hero that's clearly a political/cultural statement.
(A show about the genuine efforts of a woman to excel (family or otherwise) in the proper context, is a different thing and a joy to watch.)
(A show about the genuine efforts of a woman to excel (family or otherwise) in the proper context, is a different thing and a joy to watch.)
Many of the sayings can be said with a generous, loving spirit, especially if the wife is generous and loving in return.
But alas, those are fairly non-existent.
I “knew” when I married Ali that I was marrying up, I knew that she was settling for me because I was the sanest one that was available in the right theological range. She found things to look up to me for, but I wasn’t the leader that I needed to be. I didn’t plan on being the leader, just an acceptable partner.
24 years later and I am becoming the man that I should have been. It wasn’t easy on either of us to get where we are, but it has been worth every sleepless night.
Yes, I am blessed that she married me, and if I had settled on my lees we would have one if “those” marriages.
But alas, those are fairly non-existent.
I “knew” when I married Ali that I was marrying up, I knew that she was settling for me because I was the sanest one that was available in the right theological range. She found things to look up to me for, but I wasn’t the leader that I needed to be. I didn’t plan on being the leader, just an acceptable partner.
24 years later and I am becoming the man that I should have been. It wasn’t easy on either of us to get where we are, but it has been worth every sleepless night.
Yes, I am blessed that she married me, and if I had settled on my lees we would have one if “those” marriages.
This is one of the advantages men have. Our attractiveness can be greatly helped through improved fitness, charisma, and leadership.
Which is also why the Stockholm Syndrome "I'm worthless without her" perspective is so toxic; such men never improve themselves. Not saying that's you, you're the very opposite of that and it bore fruit in abundance.
You don't say it, but that in all likelihood helped you to become a better man. Thankfulness, respect, and reverence in a woman can work wonders. It is a rare woman who can look up to a man when she's looking down.
Not sure if anyone said this one... "If Mamma aint happy... NOBODY'S happy!" I heard this at the school of ministry I attended. The evangelical church for the most part are lap dogs of the usurping false matriarchy and feminist spirit. See the monogamy only heresy.
Along the same vein... A well known hardcore preacher in the evangelical world who preaches hard conviction and rightly calls most preachers, "preacher boys" for their desire to preach and teach fluffy things/ feed the goats and starve the sheep... was once asked about women remaining silent in the congregation, 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 (Not trying to start a debate here), and he instantly turned into a "preacher boy" saying while giggling... oh gee, uh... I'm going to stay away from that one. You could hear him blushing the whole way through. Sickening. All he had to say was, "I believe what the bible says about it."
Another area, male headship, is where evangelicals preach serious and overt egalitarianism. It seems that most of them do preach egalitarianism. I may have heard one good sermon on submitting to male headship.
I think Independent fundamental circles may get it right, but Southern Baptist and 90% plus of the Calvary Chapel movement appear to bow, kowtow and bend the knee to feminism.
Along the same vein... A well known hardcore preacher in the evangelical world who preaches hard conviction and rightly calls most preachers, "preacher boys" for their desire to preach and teach fluffy things/ feed the goats and starve the sheep... was once asked about women remaining silent in the congregation, 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 (Not trying to start a debate here), and he instantly turned into a "preacher boy" saying while giggling... oh gee, uh... I'm going to stay away from that one. You could hear him blushing the whole way through. Sickening. All he had to say was, "I believe what the bible says about it."
Another area, male headship, is where evangelicals preach serious and overt egalitarianism. It seems that most of them do preach egalitarianism. I may have heard one good sermon on submitting to male headship.
I think Independent fundamental circles may get it right, but Southern Baptist and 90% plus of the Calvary Chapel movement appear to bow, kowtow and bend the knee to feminism.
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Coming from Deep South IFB, I’d say they only partially get it right. They’re really good at kingship, not so good at stewardship. No doubt part of it is from a perspective that is actively trying to recover ground lost and over actively defend what remains. Still, an accurate defense requires fewer bullets and less strain than a scorched earth policy.
I had a woman from my church, who was friends with my wife, as she was from Romania (where my wife is from), call our home # a few years ago, and she asked me if she could speak to The Boss. I told her, "You are speaking to him."
I hadn't even realized that polygamy was Biblical at the time, but I knew that this idea of referring to the wife as the boss, was a load of garbage.
My wife get's really odd looks when she says, "Let me talk to my husband about that" to someone. It's so counter cultural; everyone just assumes women will do what they want but their husbands need permission.
Calling my husband "The boss" was such a habit for me....even 17 years ago, that his old girlfriend and some male neighbors would refer to him that way too. I guess a positive example can catch on. The neighbor still asks for the boss if I answer the phone.... sometimes.
The line I hate to hear, and it is in so many commercials nowadays (e.g. The Snoring Center): "You won't have to sleep on the couch". or another variant, "You'll be sleeping on the sofa".
The ONLY time I have EVER slept on the couch, is when I dozed off there, and I never HAD to do so!
The ONLY time I have EVER slept on the couch, is when I dozed off there, and I never HAD to do so!
That one is far more dangerous and insidious than it sounds on the surface.
When we first married, I had the foresight to make a clear policy that I was never sleeping on the couch. I didn't know if that was actually a thing, but women are influenced by the media and might try to make it a thing in an emotional state... I was clear from day 1 that the bed was my bed, and if she didn't want to sleep with me that was her problem.
This helped to ensure, in the difficult first couple of years, that one potential way arguments could have been escalated just wasn't an option. In my opinion it was one of the few wise and leaderly things I did in those early years, and was beneficial on a very small number of important occasions. It basically set a positive tone for our entire marriage, that we were going to remain a team, under my leadership, whatever the circumstances.
Biblically, we're not to let the sun set on our anger. We must resolve things before we even get to the stage that this would be considered.
When we first married, I had the foresight to make a clear policy that I was never sleeping on the couch. I didn't know if that was actually a thing, but women are influenced by the media and might try to make it a thing in an emotional state... I was clear from day 1 that the bed was my bed, and if she didn't want to sleep with me that was her problem.
This helped to ensure, in the difficult first couple of years, that one potential way arguments could have been escalated just wasn't an option. In my opinion it was one of the few wise and leaderly things I did in those early years, and was beneficial on a very small number of important occasions. It basically set a positive tone for our entire marriage, that we were going to remain a team, under my leadership, whatever the circumstances.
Biblically, we're not to let the sun set on our anger. We must resolve things before we even get to the stage that this would be considered.