There's a lot of handwringing going on here, but I do not have the bandwidth to engage every point, particularly objections or observations that are not on point with what I said, or conclusory statements that don't really reach the level of an argument, or begging the question. So I'll just keep rolling along, and by the time all the smoke clears I intend to address all substantive arguments.
@aineo, you are basically anticipating my thoughts on these questions, but I'll go on record with my answers and reasoning.
No. Even more no. Yes. No. Yes. Yes.
Boy, that clears everything up!
You know I'm already looking to 1 Th 5 and 1 Ti 3 to make the case that the job of an elder and the job of a husband have something in common, based on the fact that Paul uses the exact same language to describe both jobs. The principal difference is, as you mentioned, that we have not normally made a lifetime covenant to a particular fellowship or leadership.
I wouldn't say we can "just" leave, as if it's a flippant thing, and of course no manly man is going to just take his glove and go home just because he's in a snit over some small thing. But people move on all the time over some change in the way they look at things, or over callings, or secular job requirements, or whatever. If you honestly believe that the leaders of your fellowship are in doctrinal error, it's time to find better leaders. But it's not always like that.
Case in point (story time!): In the mid-'90s God was leading me and mine into a form of worship and prayer that wasn't going to work long term at the Baptist church at which we were leading the youth ministry. We ended up at a Vineyard fellowship where I served as the drummer under a worship leader young enough to be my son who I didn't always agree with. Nevertheless, I served where I was called, and learned a few things from the Spirit about leadership, followership, and teamwork. Meanwhile, we were developing a street outreach to runaway teenagers, and the senior leadership of the Vineyard didn't support that outreach (didn't object to it, they just had other irons in the fire...). I didn't sign my life away to the Vineyard Association or any particular fellowship or pastor—the pastor and I amicably agreed that the time had come for us to move on, and we moved to a Presbyterian church downtown actively involved in street ministry.
I could go on, but you get the point. If I'm a member of a group, I'm committed and submitted. But it's still up to me to follow God's call on my life and make sure I'm playing for the right team.
You mentioned Paul's escalating to Caesar as an appeal right, but I'd also like to throw in Peter's response to the Sanhedrin: "We ought to obey God rather than men." That can be in matters of doctrinal dispute, such as over the bible's teaching on marriage, or it can be over more mission-related differences, that aren't a matter of 'right' and 'wrong' as much as of everyone's finding their appropriate purpose and place in the body (which can change over time).
All that to say this: There's a huge difference between marriage and church membership based on the length (and therefore depth) of the commitment the wife or church member makes, and that difference is likely to affect some practical applications of what it means to 'manage' or 'rule' the household versus what it means to 'manage' or 'rule' the household of faith. But we've still got 1 Th 5 and 1 Ti 3 telling us that there is something intrinsically similar, or identical, about the job description. (VV76, I'm genuinely surprised that you dismissed this as 'apples and oranges'.)
Meanwhile let's look at this business of the chain of headship, as mentioned in 1 Co 11:3 and its companion verses, Eph 5:23 and 4:15-16.
Paul said:
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Paul said:
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Paul said:
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
You see what I did there, right? 1 Co 11 isn't the only place Paul talks about the headship of Christ, but it's the only place Paul says that Christ is the head of 'every man'. When Paul's about to instruct the Corinthians on the importance of head coverings, he tees it up with some comments about headship that highlight the differences between men and women, for reasons that become obvious as he continues. When Paul's teaching the Ephesians
specifically about submission in marriage, he doesn't say "the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
man", he says "the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church". And when Paul is teaching about the importance of all our gifts and relationships and specifically the importance of our
unity in Christ, he calls Christ the head of the
body.
So on the one hand, we have some pretty specific language that Paul uses to describe the job of a husband and the job of an elder that is beyond similar, it's identical. On the other hand, we have a metaphor that admits of different uses and applications depending on the context it's used in. 1 Co 11 doesn't settle anything, or even really move the meter when it comes to 1 Th 5 and 1 Ti 3.
I'm still pondering all this and where boundaries are for each ruling relationship ...
And I submit that that's exactly how we should all be thinking about this: Acknowledge that they are both "ruling relationships" (or I guess that was just a slip on Paul's part...), and then we can move on to pondering what 'rule' looks like and how the boundaries might be different in different relational contexts.