A tangent, but one we're not immunized against

[cnystrom]

Powerful article.

 

[aineo]

She finally slipped up and confessed that she lied. So the police dropped the investigation, I was never formally charged. That didn't get me my lease back, my job back, or stop the assassination of my character.

How this makes me wish there were a dislike button.

 

[rockfox]

So at least two men here have fallen victim to this sort of thing. Do I guess right that you don't typically talk about this; that people around you will have a mis-perception about how big this problem is because men don't talk about it more in real life?

Don't think I find fault in you not doing so. It's not healthy to dwell on it nor conducive to continued future employment.

 

[Keith Martin]

So at least two men here have fallen victim to this sort of thing. Do I guess right that you don't typically talk about this; that people around you will have a mis-perception about how big this problem is because men don't talk about it more in real life?

Well, certainly it's going to be an under-reported phenomenon, for more than one reason.

One major reason is that men aren't as inclined to want to look like victims, which accounts as well for why men so significantly under-report being the victims of domestic abuse even though plenty of research confirms that women are far more likely to instigate physical violence on their partners than are men (the highest rate of domestic abuse is between lesbian partners).

A second significant reason to refrain is probably what played a bigger role for my mostly keeping it to myself: feeling like it might be some kind of karma for having committed my own sins in the realm of male-female relationships -- not physical or sexual assault, but, in my case, more than my share of bailing out on relationships (including leaving one of my three previous wives).

Having been falsely accused of rape during high school (fortunately, I learned immediately after from her mother that she had a history of crying rape when boys were sexually uncooperative) and then cowering as if I were guilty back in 1990 when a spurned female boss orchestrated a set of false accusations from clients at an agency where I was clinical director, I was ready to take a much different tack when the false allegations were orchestrated at University of Alaska Anchorage in 1998. I didn't shrink from any opportunity to stand up against the allegations, to assert my innocence, or to disobey my supervisors' orders to maintain radio silence. There was no way I was going to be silent and cooperative after having already experienced the folly of putting more energy into worrying about the feelings of the accusers than I had into defending myself back in 1990. And when I prevailed with the university and left with a settlement, I spent a lot of time during the next 6 months or so telling everyone who would listen about what had happened to me, how I weathered the storm, and how my patience eventually paid off with vindication. I can promise you that the 1998 approach was far superior to the 1990 approach.