I'll be the first to admit that she spoils me more. Maybe we should have a thread where everybody wantin to brag on their wives can do so. Title it the 'Gate'. Prov. 31:31
-
Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.
7 Ways To Discipline Your Wife
- Thread starter FollowingHim2
- Start date
I love this thread - one woman brings up the idea of discipline of wives, another woman is fervently arguing that wives need to be disciplined, while the men are saying rather less. Breaks every stereotype! We have good wives @ZecAustin!
Men: Follow Christ's example - be a servant leader. Teach what is right, and lead by example to the best of your ability. Show the way, and expect your wives & children to follow. Where they do not follow, use discipline strategically to direct them back onto the right path (those whom God loves, He also disciplines). But at the same time, do your best to ensure that you are already on that path yourself.
Women: Obey your husbands, even when what they do or say feels unjust to you. If they are at fault, it is your job to win them over through submission, not through rebellion. Your husband will never be perfect, and does not need to be perfect, in order to be your head.
Each has a role, and perceived imperfections of one in their role are no excuse for the other to abdicate their own role. A wife can't choose to disobey simply because she thinks the husband is being unreasonable - nor can a husband refuse to lead simply because he believes his wife would not follow.
I really do get it, and thanks for making the point. We don't fundamentally disagree, I just commented on a single side of the issue without covering the other. There are two sides to this, and I'll state both together rather than just one.
Men: Follow Christ's example - be a servant leader. Teach what is right, and lead by example to the best of your ability. Show the way, and expect your wives & children to follow. Where they do not follow, use discipline strategically to direct them back onto the right path (those whom God loves, He also disciplines). But at the same time, do your best to ensure that you are already on that path yourself.
Women: Obey your husbands, even when what they do or say feels unjust to you. If they are at fault, it is your job to win them over through submission, not through rebellion. Your husband will never be perfect, and does not need to be perfect, in order to be your head.
Each has a role, and perceived imperfections of one in their role are no excuse for the other to abdicate their own role. A wife can't choose to disobey simply because she thinks the husband is being unreasonable - nor can a husband refuse to lead simply because he believes his wife would not follow.
My comment is kinda off topic.
I can see windblowns point about giving women ammunition against their husbands, but I really believe it is the responsibility of each believer, regardless of gender, to guard their own hearts, and keep a proper and respectful attitude.
I remember an article where someone once tried to put the blame for David's sin on Bethsheba, (It was called "The sin of Bethsheba") and I just didn't see where David's lust, and trespass, was ever her fault. I guess she could have cried rape in the palace, but that might have been a dangerous thing to do. And honestly only God can judge her part in this situation. Her hubby refused to go home to her later, was he being a husband?
My main point is that God never blamed the one who tempted, or gave someone amunition, the sin was always squarely on the one who sinned. This means David AND Bethsheba were guilty of a capitol crime.
James says each man is enticed by his own lusts, so no matter how beautiful the woman (or other temptation) it is the heart condition of the individual that is tempted, that needs to be addressed.
There is a psalm set to music that I like. "Create in me a clean heart oh Yah, and renew a right spirit within me."
"How blessed is the man who's sins are covered." He knew firsthand.
The man after God's heart was not perfect, but he did seem to learn and repent.
I can see windblowns point about giving women ammunition against their husbands, but I really believe it is the responsibility of each believer, regardless of gender, to guard their own hearts, and keep a proper and respectful attitude.
I remember an article where someone once tried to put the blame for David's sin on Bethsheba, (It was called "The sin of Bethsheba") and I just didn't see where David's lust, and trespass, was ever her fault. I guess she could have cried rape in the palace, but that might have been a dangerous thing to do. And honestly only God can judge her part in this situation. Her hubby refused to go home to her later, was he being a husband?
My main point is that God never blamed the one who tempted, or gave someone amunition, the sin was always squarely on the one who sinned. This means David AND Bethsheba were guilty of a capitol crime.
James says each man is enticed by his own lusts, so no matter how beautiful the woman (or other temptation) it is the heart condition of the individual that is tempted, that needs to be addressed.
There is a psalm set to music that I like. "Create in me a clean heart oh Yah, and renew a right spirit within me."
"How blessed is the man who's sins are covered." He knew firsthand.
The man after God's heart was not perfect, but he did seem to learn and repent.
Couldn't like it enough!! Well said!
Keith Green (a restored Jew) put music to the psalm a while back.
You know, Jolene, if we steer clear of that whole "what's a gentile, who is Israel" thing, we really agree on a lot. It's become popular for quite some time to put the blame on the "temptresses" in the Bible (Delilah, Bathsheba, Vashti). But really?? Big, strong, men saying "she made me do it" is so wimpy and unbecoming of men. How weak an argument! Yes, each of us is led astray by our own lusts.
The classic tale of David is used by anti poly folks to say God punished him for taking another woman and calling that adultery. No...he took someone ELSE'S wife, and that made it adultery.
Beautiful song. Thank you!
I agree, it's always nice to have someone agree with you! The problem for me is I never have been good at avoiding tough or controversial subjects. This is why most anyone who knows me knows of my belief and support of polyyny. That other matter is just too big, and too clear, for me to stop bringing it up.
So, back to the original article. What I really liked about it was the gentleness and how reasonable it was. I've read a lot of things about disciplining wives, and it often comes off as abuse to me. This was showing how discipline can be something that starts out as just a quiet word and escalates from there. A woman isn't perfect, and can't be expected to be. However, discussing it with her first (since we're not children, we do have mature brains that can reason) in my opinion is the best start. For many women that would be all you'd need to do. I know Samuel and I have never gotten past that point. And for some women you'd need to be more firm, in whatever context that requires.
Samuel and I have an incredible marriage that I'm very happy in, and I am naturally someone who sits back and submits rather than rebelling, so I find it odd to imagine other women that rebel to the point of requiring heavy discipline. What I do like is to have a decent conversation about things with him though, either at the time or later, whatever the situation requires.
The list of ways to discipline was only an example, and wouldn't work for us. I'm not expecting a new car, lol, in fact I'd be horrified if he bought me one! The discussion about time though, that's something that would hit hard. However, I think you'd need to be careful with that one in general, as you still have a relationship to maintain. It would be a delicate balance.
Samuel and I have an incredible marriage that I'm very happy in, and I am naturally someone who sits back and submits rather than rebelling, so I find it odd to imagine other women that rebel to the point of requiring heavy discipline. What I do like is to have a decent conversation about things with him though, either at the time or later, whatever the situation requires.
The list of ways to discipline was only an example, and wouldn't work for us. I'm not expecting a new car, lol, in fact I'd be horrified if he bought me one! The discussion about time though, that's something that would hit hard. However, I think you'd need to be careful with that one in general, as you still have a relationship to maintain. It would be a delicate balance.
If my husband hadn't loved me enough to correct me, teach me, wash me with the truth, I would not have the relationship with Christ that I do. He listened to his head(Christ) and I have been set free! (Generational curses, etc). It's an awesome and amazing thing to be loved so much. The Most High disciplines His children, why wouldn't our head discipline us?
That is a good article. I like how he answered the objections first, and the obvious idiocy in putting wives in a separate class, that get free reign.
We do all have rolls, and are accountable.
And I like too how he made the point that some women ARE defiant, and will tell off their authority. Just proving that a one size fits all approach can never be.
Some children are tenderhearted, and want to please, and others are hard headed. Same with grown ups.
We do all have rolls, and are accountable.
And I like too how he made the point that some women ARE defiant, and will tell off their authority. Just proving that a one size fits all approach can never be.
Some children are tenderhearted, and want to please, and others are hard headed. Same with grown ups.
Ah, see now we're getting into the spiritual world and dealing with the demonic. It takes a strong, wise man to be able to do this effectively. And it needs to be dealt with at the root. I'm glad you have such a wonderful husband that he was able to help you with this.
For a long time I didn't believe in the Jezebel spirit. I thought it was something men made up to use to demonise their wives, because so often I heard it in regards to a wife not being perfect. She disagreed with him, Jezebel. She didn't have dinner ready on time, Jezebel. And it does get used far too often and in the wrong context.
There is definitely a Jezebel spirit. I know women who have it. And believe me, it's strong. It's not something that just doesn't quite get dinner ready on time. Oh no. This thing is very controlling, very feminist. It's quick too, gets triggered super easily and won't ever back down. A woman who has this is what I would call a super rebellious wife. The thing is, you can discipline a woman all you like and it won't get rid of this spirit, this thing needs casting out, along with the other demons it's likely gathered around it.
But these things, Jezebel or otherwise, don't just come on quickly and out of the blue. Normally it takes a while. Normally there are whispers that have been listened to and often followed. Cutting it off here before it becomes a problem is important. Women, we can do this ourselves, take note of what we're thinking and put a stop to it. However if it's becoming a problem in our mind that we're keeping secret from our husbands, then we need to open up and tell them. Our men are powerful warriors, and they can and will intervene when necessary.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Heb. 12:11
( Thank you @ZecAustin! )
You are right. The corrections were painful at first. Old, unhealed wounds were opened. Cleaning a wound is painful! As the wounds healed, there was less pain.
From Bible hub:
◄ Proverbs 12:1 ►
New International Version
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.
Strong words. Most of the translations use the word stupid. Trust me THAT got my attention. I opened my heart, I received correction, healing, and a deeper, more profound awareness of his amazing love for me. His openness to Yeshua and Father fills him and flows into me and my SW. I've never been so loved.
This is not to brag on myself, but this type of question has come up with my wife in her groups as well (twice I believe).
She's mentioned me both times. I felt weird when she told me her response, at first, expecting former pastors, youth leaders, etc. It felt good and satisfying once it set in.
The other women? She reported ghost like looks for their faces when she said it.
I wonder if part of the whole "well known in the gates" thing is the wives praising their own husbands outside of the "gates".
Great thread and posts
Great thread and posts
I agree on the spanking bit it is gd for the sole and you are more sub after the spanking unless you are like me and enjoy it lol took hubby years to click to that one but still it does something to the sole .
Try it you may find it is a good thing.
Try it you may find it is a good thing.
I’m not sure that this is a direct reply to her statement so much as a good jumping off point.
Lately @Well loved wife and I have been experiencing an overload of these old Unhealed wounds from various sources in her life. Much thanks to @Ginny for bringing it to her attention. Understanding that many of her objections to poly were rooted in how other women have mistreated her has been the key to overcoming many of these issues.
It’s not been a matter of discipline so much as both of us being disciplined to work thru these issues, talk about them and identify truth and untruth, and then emerge as overcomers.
I’m constantly amazed at the transformation I’m witnessing. 18 years of marriage never exposed these old wounds. 2 years of wrapping our minds around poly has been difficult, but has resulted in a strength and self awareness that I’m so proud of.
The irony of God! It doesn't matter if you ever practice plural marriage, it is about how you are getting yourself ready for WHATEVER the Lord needs you for in the future.