BrideZilla, now there is a show that takes advantage of human weakness. Asking narcissists to apply to be on the show in order to be the center of attention... thats like an ice cream truck driver who drives slowly past “fat camp”, in the summer.
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1st wife's role in second weddings
- Thread starter Jennifer
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I’d have to agree, only in part because of history. In Jewish times the husbands family was responsible for the wedding. The bride was only responsible for a light in the window and her wedding garment and whoever/whatever she was bringing to the family.
I’d do a wedding roughly the same way we did the first one if I had to do it again.(minus the license) We paid for most of our own wedding so kept it fairly inexpensive. It was western themed so was very simple and fitting for us.
The location was $350 her dress was about $600, flowers $40, maybe $300 total for all the other outfits. $25 for the cake materials and topper.
The cake was a love gift from a friend, a little Bible study we went to paid for our honeymoon destination and the reception was a Pot luck style BBQ. We provided 2 lambs and a pig and told all the guests to bring the one dish that they were famous for with the recipe on a 3x5 card. We had over 120 people which seemed about right for the occasion though a lot of family couldn’t make it, and just had a great day. I saw the bride to be almost all day except for a couple of hours before the ceremony. In fact, she rode up there sitting beside me in my truck.
Would you elaberate.
Narcissism
—noun
- inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
- Psychoanalysis.erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.
I’m not clear where narcissism fits in with my memory. It was nothing more than an older brother watching out for a younger brother. He passed away 7 years ago which was part of my thoughts, but I saw no need to mention that since it was not part of the story, but nastalgia set in. So, why the word narcissism?
If you give a narcissistic leaning woman (read inordinate fascination with herself, excessive self love, filled with vanity) the opportunity to make it all about herself instead of making it about the family that you are attempting to establish, what do you think it will look like?
If she is a sweetheart who always thinks of others, she will empower the family unit as you empower her.
Speaking from experience.
Edit: The whole point is to celebrate the uniting of two people to create a new family unit, or adding into the family unit another member.
Not about the celebration that she has hooked her fish.
If she is a sweetheart who always thinks of others, she will empower the family unit as you empower her.
Speaking from experience.
Edit: The whole point is to celebrate the uniting of two people to create a new family unit, or adding into the family unit another member.
Not about the celebration that she has hooked her fish.
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Ok, and in that definition, I find I agree with you. Only because that is exactly how she turned out. Lol. But at the time I would have never seen it.
But the time with my brother was priceless.
Don't feel bad about that, it is always hard to see it in the moment.
You can often see this in engagement photos, where the bride to be is obsessed with the ring and herself and the groom looks like the third wheel in the picture. Mere background prop.
Or how about when all the wedding gifts and registry is all about her? Same story
Yep... that's why we bring a skillsaw as a gift.... lol.
An acquaintance of ours worked at a local music venue that was a large campus with a concert hall and other buildings with a European flavor, including a nice chapel. Of course it was a go-to spot for upscale weddings (say $50K+ events). She was letting us know she was looking for a new job because she was so sick of the spoiled brides losing their sh!t over a wrinkle in the dress, or a small perceived flaw in the hair or makeup, or any other trivial detraction from the 'perfect' wedding. I wonder how long those marriages lasted....
(Note to @Phillip: Totally get the warm memory. And I'm not against "showing off" our brides a bit on "their" special day. Just weird times we live in....)
(Note to @Phillip: Totally get the warm memory. And I'm not against "showing off" our brides a bit on "their" special day. Just weird times we live in....)
I always try to encourage newly engaged women planning their weddings to expect things to not go as planned and not focus to much on that ONE day. The flowers will die, or the dress will get stained, or someone will forget something. Yes, it is a special day becoming his and being joined, but the “ceremony” is not what the marriage is about• really it’s the starting point for forever and to focus on that.
As for what the first wife’s role in the wedding day is, it doesn’t really matter. It’s not about me.
I’m naturally a planner, so if it were up to me, I’d have the whole thing planned out.. or wait I already did... see https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/hypothetical.13491/ )
No, but really, if she wants me a part of some of the planning, great. If not, great. I know I will need to be flexible and remind myself not to take on the “mother-in-law” role of dictating how everything needs to go. It comes down to what my husband wants of me and that’s it.
As for what the first wife’s role in the wedding day is, it doesn’t really matter. It’s not about me.
I’m naturally a planner, so if it were up to me, I’d have the whole thing planned out.. or wait I already did... see https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/hypothetical.13491/ )
No, but really, if she wants me a part of some of the planning, great. If not, great. I know I will need to be flexible and remind myself not to take on the “mother-in-law” role of dictating how everything needs to go. It comes down to what my husband wants of me and that’s it.
Same. I am only half joking when I say that if I was an athiest I would still go to church to get in on the pot lucks.
We did, and it was super easy.
I’m playing catch up on a lot of threads so please excuse my late entry. But I find this discussion interesting, It speaks to so many different personality types, expections of each, and intent. I will not attempt to go into all of that now. Time space and boredom prohibit it. The readers boredom not mine. But how ever I will make a few lines of text for your enjoyment or horror. You choose.
I agree with Steve on this. I believe that a public wedding has many purposes’ , which one One’s wedding represents is up to the people involved. For me how ever it is only to let people know from that point on the bride is off the market she is covered. This isn’t just a man thing beating the chest and dragging her off to the cave. If it isn’t for her to show the public the same thing then pump the brakes. If she is making it all about her then that is her root personality.
Second thought is why would I ( this is personal thoughts) want a woman to join my house that A] didn’t want the “Whole” of the house there, ie “ I’m off the market now I’ve joined this wonderful family”. B] want or insist on an expensive ceremony. Wether the funds are there or not. Money spent is money gone, money saved is money earned.
Let’s face it, at my age I’m not marrying a young babe from moms apron string. It is more likely I would be marrying a grown woman maybe with young children more often grown children and maybe grandkids. So I would suppose she would have all the fair tale ceremony done or out grown. So with that I’m sure I would have a easier time of it than say a younger man dealing with younger women.
If a potential wife had these kind of plans I would firmly but softly inquiry of what and why she is expecting out of and in the relationship, how she sees it starting. If she expresses the same views as I great if not, well then talks must be had. And these talks are where All men must pay close attention. This is red flag territory if she doesn’t submit joyfully here it will be a thorn from then on.
In His service
Jack P.