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Becoming more physically attractive

B

Bartato

Seasoned Member
Real Person*
Male
I wonder if you guys have any thoughts on the importance of men becoming more physically fit, confident and attractive as this may relate to marriage, patriarchy, and polygyny.

I think it matters. I've been working on this for a while, and the results are interesting.

I'm 52, and have never been particularly athletic. I'm tall (6'4") but have tended towards being sedentary skinny fat as a young man, and then moderately fat as middle aged man. I played very little sport as a youngster, little league baseball, and nothing past age 13.

I enjoy hiking, gardening, and bicycling so I haven't been totally sedentary.

At age 39, I decided to start lifting weights. I've lifted very consistently (usually 3 times a week) for the last 13 years.

Yes, I started lifting after I realized that the Bible permits polygyny thinking it might help make me more attractive to a potential second wife. I also wanted to remain healthy in case I ever get a shot at late in life fatherhood. I also wanted to reduce the odds of heart disease and diabetes. 😉

I built quite a bit of muscle, but still ate too much. I built some solid man arms, and broad shoulders, but still had the typical middle age man belly.

My confidence, and posture also improved. My wife respected the discipline needed to improve my strength, and I had other women making occasional positive comments about my build.

To be continued....
 
Bartato said:
I wonder if you guys have any thoughts on the importance of men becoming more physically fit, confident and attractive as this may relate to marriage, patriarchy, and polygyny.

I think it matters. I've been working on this for a while, and the results are interesting.

I'm 52, and have never been particularly athletic. I'm tall (6'4") but have tended towards being sedentary skinny fat as a young man, and then moderately fat as middle aged man. I played very little sport as a youngster, little league baseball, and nothing past age 13.

I enjoy hiking, gardening, and bicycling so I haven't been totally sedentary.

At age 39, I decided to start lifting weights. I've lifted very consistently (usually 3 times a week) for the last 13 years.

Yes, I started lifting after I realized that the Bible permits polygyny thinking it might help make me more attractive to a potential second wife. I also wanted to remain healthy in case I ever get a shot at late in life fatherhood. I also wanted to reduce the odds of heart disease and diabetes. 😉

I built quite a bit of muscle, but still ate too much. I built some solid man arms, and broad shoulders, but still had the typical middle age man belly.

My confidence, and posture also improved. My wife respected the discipline needed to improve my strength, and I had other women making occasional positive comments about my build.

To be continued....
Click to expand...
I think in modern day living in particular Men need to do some hard stuff, ie. Weights or get outside and push your body on the property, in the garden or whatever. This paired with self controlled eating helps maintain your Masculine frame and keep the testosterone levels up in the aging male!

Which overall helps with confidence, especially around women plus anyone that has been overweight and then shed some pounds, its exciting seeing that little extra sparkle in your wife/s eyes when they notice!
 
Two years ago, I noticed that my weight had gradually crept up on me until I was over 260 pounds, was close to 30% body fat, and had a 43 inch waist. I got irritated and decided to lose weight.

I didn't want to lose muscle, so I kept lifting weights, walked a little more, maintained a relatively high protein intake, and a implemented a modest calorie deficit.

I've been a little off and on, up and down, but have gradually lost a little over 50 pounds. I'm at 210 now. The waist has shrunk to 36" and the body fat is down to about 16-17%. I intend to drop another 10-15 pounds, get under 15% and under 34" waist.

I've kept the muscle, and am now looking much more aesthetic. Tons of people have commented on my weight loss. I'm starting to see my abs a bit.
 
I've noticed that I'm getting more respect from men at work, and church, and the ladies at work have become much more friendly and cheerful around me. A number of women have made positive comments to me about my improved appearance..

Recently at the gym, I had a reasonably attractive woman in her early 30s come up and just start chatting with me. I'm not accustomed to things like that. I also notice women at the gym visually checking me out.
 
A few years ago, my wife and I were talking about polygamy (kinda arguing) and she mentioned something to the effect of this.

"Why would a single woman want you so badly that she would want to be willing to be in a polygamous relationship?"

That's a good question. 🤔 Few women would want to be the second wife of the average middle aged man. Likewise few first wives are so enamored with their average middle aged husband that they would rather share him than be without him.

I took that as a challenge to become such a man that the type of woman I want would want me badly enough that she would be willing to share me.

That doesn't mean that I would ever pursue a second wife, but I do want to become the type of man that a woman would want to have.

I want my wife's respect, and her attraction.
 
I would not be as concerned with looks however that is important. I am more concerned with visceral fat: fat surrounding the heart, lungs, liver, pancreas. It makes the organs work harder. Pay attention to the arterial flow- read that blood pressure and stressors.
 
Maddog said:
I would not be as concerned with looks however that is important. I am more concerned with visceral fat: fat surrounding the heart, lungs, liver, pancreas. It makes the organs work harder. Pay attention to the arterial flow- read that blood pressure and stressors.
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The thing is, the two seem to go together. Losing visceral fat dramatically improves your health, and also improves appearance.
 
As far as appearance goes, it seems like a combination of lean with a fair amount of muscle is the sweet spot. That would also hold true for general health and vigor. The lean athletic guy won't be getting type two diabetes.

There are a lot of really obese guys out there.

There are some skinny guys, some skinny fat guys, and some guys that are strong but still eat too much and have big stomachs.

There are very few guys that are lean and fairly muscular. There are even fewer lean and athletic guys over age forty.

The few guys that are both lean and athletic really attract the attention of the ladies.
 
For 6'4" at 210 you're doing good work. Keep in mind that the goal isn't always "lighter" - I have to remind myself this. Muscle weighs more than fat so if you did a 1:1 swap of fat for muscle you'd weigh more. But I think you already totally understand this because of everything you already wrote.

My history was like this. I spent most of my youth being pretty bookish and a cyclist. When it came to sports I did track and field type things, so I was lean. But, I was lazy-minded and did not push myself.

Between 9th grade and 10th grade I put on about 40 pounds of muscle by allowing myself to be bullied around and encouraged through joining the wrestling team and actually kinda applying myself. But, the lazy mind still existed.

Throughout my 20s and 30s I went through many waves of disconnected, self-abuse and self-harm, then long periods of moderate focused self-care. I kept myself reasonably thin but wasn't doing much for my health, and my habits were detrimental overall. And, I had many severe injuries and head injuries from various accidents - which I wasn't taking care of.

When I hit rock-bottom at 35 I went deep into spiritual growth, focusing on my conscious contact with God, and became very aggressive in my fitness. I got into boxing and was riding my bike a lot, and lifting a lot. I got very fit, the best shape of my life so far. I was on fire. Then, another major physical accident and head injury once more.

Being in that fit shape and a strong spiritual condition I think helped me to recover from that accident. If I had been in a negative mindset or flabby health, that might have been a final dropping-off point of no return. But instead I took it VERY seriously and within a year I was in better shape than I had been before it happened. Then - Covid lockdowns, 10-15 hours a week in the gym watching Rocky movies, and I became a lean ripped beast.

Now that was half a decade ago, and since then I've had four years of brutally wearing myself out and fatiguing myself, gaining a lot of excess weight and losing muscle. This was due to buying and establishing a homestead and building up my business to new heights, and starting my family. Now in the last month I have a barn gym with my equipment set back up, floor space for stretching and workouts, and I'm fasting like crazy. I've dropped about 20lbs in the last six weeks and am starting to build my exercise tolerance back up quickly.

I want to be 46 with my six-pack back, and lean muscle. I like that lower abdomen "V" shape above my groin from a lean stomach. I don't want to get too jacked, just maintain a high level of fitness and health without slacking on a routine. I want to fast regularly.

I know this was about your routine and don't want to make the thread about what I'm doing, but I wanted to express that I understand the ups-and-downs of different stages of life. For me, starting to get really serious in my mid-30s after a lifetime of half-assed but present focus led to a not-great outcome. I want to teach my kids basic physical maintenance and the value of keeping it up all the time.

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My primary goal is this: I want to be slim, muscular, and sexy in my 60s and 70s, and beyond. My grandfather drank modestly but was a hard laborer and farmer. He built up his muscles for decades. When he got to be old, he got lazy and fat. His back started to hurt, he started to drink, he generally declined. He did manage to marry a woman in her 70s when he was mid-80s, and continued to work for other people into his very late 80s, so it wasn't all bad. His mind was strong until it wasn't anymore. He died at 95 if I remember correctly. He was a little mean.

His brother - I just talked to him yesterday - is 97. His wife of 77 years is the same age. Now, he lived life differently. They had God in their home, and he was a schoolteacher. He coached and refereed soccer at the high school level well beyond retirement. I think he stopped being a soccer referee in his mid-80s. He won an award from his state for his longevity in refereeing. He is lean, fit, and springy at 97. Sometimes he takes a cane, but not always. He's funny, light-hearted, and charming.

The difference between them is great. I'd rather be like my uncle than my grandfather. I want the longevity and I have a lot of self-harm from my past to make up for.

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Bartato, you are describing an intense desire to be desirable to women. This is spot-on, for sure. I think it takes more time and effort as we age, but women are generally interested in older men - especially high-value men with confidence and strong inner qualities.

I think that being in good shape helps us to gain an extra 60 seconds of first impression with a new woman. I don't think fitness alone is enough to maintain her interest for long in the initial stages of getting to know her.

My own fitness, sobriety, health, and mindset I do FOR ME, and for God. My wife gets the benefits of me being a more whole man, and it will help attract another woman, but I am not doing it for them. Fitness is our own reward and obligation. We literally owe it to ourselves to be the best man we can be. Women will find that attractive.

We live in a culture with huge percentages of men letting themselves go. And many men who do take care of their bodies do not take care of their minds or spirits. Most women are attracted to the top five percent of the same men, and who can blame them? But we can easily put ourselves into that category if we aren't already there.

Like you said, liver and heart issues, diabetic issues, general health issues - these are going to be my primary focuses. I want to be able to still run fast 30 years from now. I want to live to 110 or greater, and I don't mind not living a "normal" life with a dead-end career to live that way. I want to have three or more wives and to have them for 70 years from now, and be able to see dozens of grandkids. I want to change my shitty family tree and create a lasting family legacy. I don't think I can do that by focusing only on income and the workaday week.

Also, theoretically I could make up for all my wasted years in my teens, 20s, and early 30s by investing financially at a younger man's rate now. If I focus on taking care of myself and living longer and simpler then the slow pace of compound interest can make up for my lost years if I just live longer and don't get hit by a bus.

You talked about eating less but I want to suggest to you that you look into fasting as a regular way of life. I think after 40 men need regular fasting. 36 hours once a week at a minimum, 72 hours as able. 100+ several times per year as the schedule allows. Fasting promotes insane healing properties. It turns your body into a healing temple. I suggest watching some Dr. Josh Axe.
 
Bartato said:
I wonder if you guys have any thoughts on the importance of men becoming more physically fit, confident and attractive as this may relate to marriage, patriarchy, and polygyny.
Click to expand...

So there were these nerds back in the early days of the Internet and a bunch of guys got together and started comparing notes on success and failures in dating and being able to pick up women. They quickly learned that what women tell you and what they actually do are very different.

Anyway they learned (surprise) that social skills can be learned!

If you look in the manosphere, and red pill websites, and pickup web sites, there is LOTS of information about this. There are books you can read and seminars you can attend to learn how to pick up on women.

One famous book is "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" by Neil Strauss which details his journey from Nerd to pickup artist.

98% of it is used for worldly hedonistic pursuits, but it does not have to be. You can very easily use the same tools and skills to pick up a high quality wife material woman.

Lastly: Use Skin Bracer:

 
cnystrom said:
So there were these nerds back in the early days of the Internet and a bunch of guys got together and started comparing notes on success and failures in dating and being able to pick up women. They quickly learned that what women tell you and what they actually do are very different.

Anyway they learned (surprise) that social skills can be learned!

If you look in the manosphere, and red pill websites, and pickup web sites, there is LOTS of information about this. There are books you can read and seminars you can attend to learn how to pick up on women.

One famous book is "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" by Neil Strauss which details his journey from Nerd to pickup artist.

98% of it is used for worldly hedonistic pursuits, but it does not have to be. You can very easily use the same tools and skills to pick up a high quality wife material woman.

Lastly: Use Skin Bracer:

Click to expand...
I'm familiar with a lot of the red pill, game, and pick up literature. Like you said, most of it is oriented towards those who wish to seduce women and engage in sexual immorality. We don't want to do that sort of thing.

At the same time, I think I have learned some things about society and human interactions from these people. I value much of what I learned. Some of this knowledge can be used for honorable purposes.

Churchianity has pushed a lot of errors when it comes to relations between the sexes, and has helped form the weak passive men so commonly found in the pews.

A lot of Christian men are in nearly sexless marriages, and being unhealthy sometimes plays a role in that.
 
@Off-Grid Artist
Your workouts sound quite a bit more intense than mine! It sounds like you are doing well.

I don't want to live to 110, but would at least like to make it to an active 90 or so. My Dad started having serious health problems around 60 (and just passed at 81), and Mom got type 2 diabetes around 60 (and passed 2 years ago at 76). I would like to stay healthier and live longer.
 
Bartato said:
I wonder if you guys have any thoughts on the importance of men becoming more physically fit, confident and attractive as this may relate to marriage, patriarchy, and polygyny.

I think it matters. I've been working on this for a while, and the results are interesting.

I'm 52, and have never been particularly athletic. I'm tall (6'4") but have tended towards being sedentary skinny fat as a young man, and then moderately fat as middle aged man. I played very little sport as a youngster, little league baseball, and nothing past age 13.

I enjoy hiking, gardening, and bicycling so I haven't been totally sedentary.

At age 39, I decided to start lifting weights. I've lifted very consistently (usually 3 times a week) for the last 13 years.

Yes, I started lifting after I realized that the Bible permits polygyny thinking it might help make me more attractive to a potential second wife. I also wanted to remain healthy in case I ever get a shot at late in life fatherhood. I also wanted to reduce the odds of heart disease and diabetes. 😉

I built quite a bit of muscle, but still ate too much. I built some solid man arms, and broad shoulders, but still had the typical middle age man belly.

My confidence, and posture also improved. My wife respected the discipline needed to improve my strength, and I had other women making occasional positive comments about my build.

To be continued....
Click to expand...
I've been told "round is a good shape," however that shape has never particularly appealed to me; not for myself or others. ;)

Before God saved me, I was a competitive bodybuilder, fashion and photographic model, and had no trouble finding female company. The gym and modelling environments were hotbeds of immorality - and I imagine they still are. My perspective on relationships changed significantly following salvation and I quit the gym and modelling scene, focusing on my walk as a man of God. The women who became attracted to me following that changed life were the sort of women who would be good wives. I didn't abandon keeping fit and healthy, I bought a bit of gym equipment and continued to workout regularly, which I have continued until this time in life (mid-sixty's). My wives still find me physically attractive however, it's our walk with God, united in His Word, that has held us together.

This world is captivated by appearance; what looks good to the eyes and appeals to the emotions. It began in the Garden with the woman looking, seeing, and responding to what was on offer. We are told, So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate... (Gen. 3:6). It's only gone downhill from there!

Like anything God gives us to use, the bodies we live in should be looked after and not abused, but they will wear out and break down, so keep all that in perspective. Cheers
 
Bartato said:
I've noticed that I'm getting more respect from men at work, and church, and the ladies at work have become much more friendly and cheerful around me. A number of women have made positive comments to me about my improved appearance..
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That's a good start, but build any relationship anchored in the Word of God.
Bartato said:
Recently at the gym, I had a reasonably attractive woman in her early 30s come up and just start chatting with me. I'm not accustomed to things like that. I also notice women at the gym visually checking me out.
Click to expand...
Women are also attracted to the latest high-end fashion items; however, they can easily become bored with them want to upgrade to the new design.
 
Bartato said:
Likewise few first wives are so enamored with their average middle aged husband that they would rather share him than be without him.
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And that's why being average is dangerous. I've asked a lot of Christian men and women how many of the husbands/fathers read the Bible daily to their wives and children??? Answer: almost none. Have a look in the Bible and count the number of times wive and children are commanded to go to the local pastor or priest for their spiritual instruction. Where are the qualifications for the youth-pastor or Sunday-school teacher set out? Churchianity today is like the time of Judges; everyone doing what is right in their own eyes.

Being the right kind of man is more important than being a man who looks good to the wrong kind of women.
 
frederick said:
Being the right kind of man is more important than being a man who looks good to the wrong kind of women.
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Both good and bad women and are going to be drawn towards fit confident men. In the same way, both good and bad men are drawn towards feminine and beautiful women.

We want to be more than just fit and confident, and hope women will be more than just feminine and beautiful, but these characteristics themselves seem acceptable.

I am kinda glad I didn't start working out and improving my appearance as a young single man. If I had, I might have dated much more, engaged in fornication and perhaps married a "hotter" but less virtuous woman than I did.
 
I have come to believe that what women value in a man is the access he gives her to the make hierarchy. To make yourself more attractive to women, you have to become more attractive to men….:eek:

You know wha I mean, don’t make it weird.
 
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