I’ve decided to combine reintroducing myself with starting a new thread. In an earlier thread, https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/...ome-to-understand-about-polygamy.14231/page-2, I began to introduce myself, but I’m realizing it’s time to share a great deal more of both my story and the future I’m seeking.
My son, VerifyVeritas76, explained to me the Biblical truth of polygamy’s legitimacy in April 2018. Along with him and his immediate family, I was kicked out of the church we’d attended for approximately 2 years, simply for standing up for this truth. I joined the BF forum June 5th, and I attended the 2018 Biblical Families retreat in TN with VV76’s family. Through this process I discovered a community which I now consider part of my extended family. This is especially valuable to me, because my family has become somewhat divided about this issue, so I really appreciate the support and interaction I receive here on BF.
I have been a widow for 7 years, and in recent years I’ve become ready to remarry. In the past year, I’ve further decided that I would definitely prefer to join an already-established family in a plural marriage.
You might well ask, “Why in the world would you choose such a controversial marriage life style and wish to encounter the emotional challenges usually embodied in a plural home?” I’m aware that my choice is counter-cultural, is not unbiblical, and invites personal, emotional challenges. However, IMHO, the multiple benefits and blessings of engaging in plural marriage far outweigh the challenges. For those of you already in plural, it may seem presumptuous of me to expound upon the perceived benefits, having no personal experience heretofore. Some have asked, “Why, after 38 years in monogamy, would you chose poly?” “What draws and motivates you?” Below are my reasons. I hope you will feel free to interact, question, suggest facets I’ve not processed, and generally better understand why a single lady in today’s Western cultural turns to this renewed Biblical image of marriage.
My personal reason for believing that an already-married man would make a better husband is that men seeking a plural family have already been vetted to a large extent. Most men willing to consider being the spiritual leader of more than one woman have already realized that being a husband is supposed to mean being the actual head of a household. He views himself as a shepherd, the man who answers for everyone and everything that happens in his domain. He actively embraces the spiritual responsibility of leading his wives and children. He does not see himself as a tyrant, overlord, slave master, figure head with many feathers in his hat, or just a man who happens to live with a woman under a roof they call “home.” Seeking more than 2 wives and perhaps wishing to father multiple children, these men are more likely to own the care and provision of those additional souls. He counts the cost as he builds and expands his home.
I recognize that this choice to marry plural means I would have to share my husband. Not only would I share him emotionally and physically, I would share his living space with another sister wife (or wives). I would also share the burden of providing his happiness, developing his vision, and becoming a part of a team committed to goals which, by nature of plural, are likely to be much larger than monogamy could ever hope to accomplish. In the midst of all this, I would be sharing a more highly-tested man, and I would anticipate that the joy of my sharing would be mirrored by the joy of the woman or women with whom I was sharing him. From daily minutia and routine, to the excitement of establishing goals and realizing their associated dreams, the interaction with others exercising the give and take, the grease and grace to make it all happen – all of that appeals to me greatly. The synergy of teamwork defies scientific definition or mathematic computation. Men seeking additional wives have already prepared themselves emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially in preparation for this exponential dynamic. Usually, men seeking a plural family have already demonstrated higher levels of family leadership skills, and they actively nurture their wives and children along these lines of growth and development.
In my quest for plural, I can also observe how a man is already treating his wife and children. I have the opportunity to get her confirmation of what a good man he is or is not. Instead of having to rely solely upon what he says about himself, or whether I possess excellent advance judgment about a man, I would have the benefit of feedback from one or more women who have ongoing real life experience with him.
I want to be part of a team. I want to provide support as well as receive it. I also long for the type of woman-to-woman family relationship that entails loving cooperation rather than the kind of competitive approach so often seen among women.
Am I alone in having this much faith that the average man who is sincerely seeking to be the patriarch of a plural family will be a better-than-average prospect for a husband? I’d really like to know what the rest of you think of this.
My son, VerifyVeritas76, explained to me the Biblical truth of polygamy’s legitimacy in April 2018. Along with him and his immediate family, I was kicked out of the church we’d attended for approximately 2 years, simply for standing up for this truth. I joined the BF forum June 5th, and I attended the 2018 Biblical Families retreat in TN with VV76’s family. Through this process I discovered a community which I now consider part of my extended family. This is especially valuable to me, because my family has become somewhat divided about this issue, so I really appreciate the support and interaction I receive here on BF.
I have been a widow for 7 years, and in recent years I’ve become ready to remarry. In the past year, I’ve further decided that I would definitely prefer to join an already-established family in a plural marriage.
You might well ask, “Why in the world would you choose such a controversial marriage life style and wish to encounter the emotional challenges usually embodied in a plural home?” I’m aware that my choice is counter-cultural, is not unbiblical, and invites personal, emotional challenges. However, IMHO, the multiple benefits and blessings of engaging in plural marriage far outweigh the challenges. For those of you already in plural, it may seem presumptuous of me to expound upon the perceived benefits, having no personal experience heretofore. Some have asked, “Why, after 38 years in monogamy, would you chose poly?” “What draws and motivates you?” Below are my reasons. I hope you will feel free to interact, question, suggest facets I’ve not processed, and generally better understand why a single lady in today’s Western cultural turns to this renewed Biblical image of marriage.
My personal reason for believing that an already-married man would make a better husband is that men seeking a plural family have already been vetted to a large extent. Most men willing to consider being the spiritual leader of more than one woman have already realized that being a husband is supposed to mean being the actual head of a household. He views himself as a shepherd, the man who answers for everyone and everything that happens in his domain. He actively embraces the spiritual responsibility of leading his wives and children. He does not see himself as a tyrant, overlord, slave master, figure head with many feathers in his hat, or just a man who happens to live with a woman under a roof they call “home.” Seeking more than 2 wives and perhaps wishing to father multiple children, these men are more likely to own the care and provision of those additional souls. He counts the cost as he builds and expands his home.
I recognize that this choice to marry plural means I would have to share my husband. Not only would I share him emotionally and physically, I would share his living space with another sister wife (or wives). I would also share the burden of providing his happiness, developing his vision, and becoming a part of a team committed to goals which, by nature of plural, are likely to be much larger than monogamy could ever hope to accomplish. In the midst of all this, I would be sharing a more highly-tested man, and I would anticipate that the joy of my sharing would be mirrored by the joy of the woman or women with whom I was sharing him. From daily minutia and routine, to the excitement of establishing goals and realizing their associated dreams, the interaction with others exercising the give and take, the grease and grace to make it all happen – all of that appeals to me greatly. The synergy of teamwork defies scientific definition or mathematic computation. Men seeking additional wives have already prepared themselves emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially in preparation for this exponential dynamic. Usually, men seeking a plural family have already demonstrated higher levels of family leadership skills, and they actively nurture their wives and children along these lines of growth and development.
In my quest for plural, I can also observe how a man is already treating his wife and children. I have the opportunity to get her confirmation of what a good man he is or is not. Instead of having to rely solely upon what he says about himself, or whether I possess excellent advance judgment about a man, I would have the benefit of feedback from one or more women who have ongoing real life experience with him.
I want to be part of a team. I want to provide support as well as receive it. I also long for the type of woman-to-woman family relationship that entails loving cooperation rather than the kind of competitive approach so often seen among women.
Am I alone in having this much faith that the average man who is sincerely seeking to be the patriarch of a plural family will be a better-than-average prospect for a husband? I’d really like to know what the rest of you think of this.
love your insightfulness!
