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Meat Why a woman cannot be jealous... plus BF Retreat Report
- Thread starter PeteR
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Pete, your insights and clarification on jealousy and it's definition are very helpful. Thanks and much appreciated. Shalom
Great video Pete!
Thanks for sharing this, Pete. Your distinction-drawing about how adulteration and ownership impact this topic is spot on.
Both polluted agenda-driven Bible translations and modern dictionaries do their best to muddle the distinctions between 'envy' and 'jealousy' -- in both cases to neuter patriarchy.
She's a definite secular source, but non-fiction author Nancy Friday does what I believe is the most excellent job of distinguishing envy and jealousy, and I've found ever since reading her books starting back in the 1980s that her definitions are the most useful: in one sense it comes down to being either envious of or jealous about; one is jealous about another's behavior and predominantly about sensual behavior, whereas one can only be envious of another's behavior one isn't capable of replicating:
- Envy requires a profound desire to possess something (material or otherwise) owned by someone else, or anger about not owning something someone else owns -- thus the parallel with covetousness, which additionally requires at least the contemplation of plans to steal that which another possesses.
- Jealousy is related to the intertwining of sexuality and disloyalty -- or fear thereof -- and both morality and biological imperative equips men with a profoundly-stronger motivation for being jealous in regard to sexual disloyalty on the part of their women than is possessed by women in the opposite direction. Sharing a wife with another man risks (a) having to raise another man's legacy, or (b) another man using up one's wife's potential for reproduction. Sharing a man with another wife does present the possibility of lowering the share of resources devoted to an individual woman or her children, but if it's done in the context of one-household polygyny and economy of scale, the resource diminishment would be relatively negligible -- as opposed to a sharing-baby-daddy-with-other-baby-mamas situation.
As you rightly point out, women can't experience jealousy as would YHWH or a man, but women certainly can experience envy: desiring what others have. In the realm of sexuality, a woman can sometimes be envious of a man's side of the equation when it comes to sex and reproduction, but that's distinct from profoundly jealous about her man's sexual involvement with another woman -- partly because of the distinction related to potential outcomes, but also because neither Scripture nor biology creates significant barriers to or condemnation of her also being sexual with the same other woman her man is with.
I know this places a bit of a different spin from yours, but it does lead as well toward the same conclusion that jealousy is a masculine possession.
This also relates to a Winston Borden quote: "When women complain that it’s unfair that men demand virginity when they don’t have to provide it themselves, this doesn’t mean women really care about whether their men are virgins or are jealous about a man’s past sexual involvements – they just whine about these things as opening salvos to prompt negotiation to get other concessions from men."
At the retreat I asked what people would call me if I was upset about Jay Leno repainting MY '69 Chevy Corvette Stingray in candy apple red to a glaring yellow? "You mean Jay Leno came to your house and stole your car?" (No, it's in his garage, but I feel entitled to it so it's mine!)
Or similarly if the King of England wore MY crown and swung around the crown jewels of England without my permission!
I would be labeled "delusional". Those things do not belong to me. It's impossible for me to be jealous of the usage or disposition of such items because they are not mine to command or dispose of.
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My eyes belong to me. They do not belong to my wife. So she is not entitled to "feel jealous" of where I gaze. She is entitled to judge if my gaze is proper when gazing at the chest of a married woman, and rightly so. But if I am looking at a mountainside while we're on vacation, she is not entitled to be angry because I am not giving her the attention and rapture she would rather be directed at her. Because she is not entitled to or the owner of and possessor of my eyes.
She MAY be envious that the mountainside inspires adoration from me more than her hills and valleys. But envy is different from jealousy... You can tell because they're spelled different.
Or similarly if the King of England wore MY crown and swung around the crown jewels of England without my permission!
I would be labeled "delusional". Those things do not belong to me. It's impossible for me to be jealous of the usage or disposition of such items because they are not mine to command or dispose of.
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My eyes belong to me. They do not belong to my wife. So she is not entitled to "feel jealous" of where I gaze. She is entitled to judge if my gaze is proper when gazing at the chest of a married woman, and rightly so. But if I am looking at a mountainside while we're on vacation, she is not entitled to be angry because I am not giving her the attention and rapture she would rather be directed at her. Because she is not entitled to or the owner of and possessor of my eyes.
She MAY be envious that the mountainside inspires adoration from me more than her hills and valleys. But envy is different from jealousy... You can tell because they're spelled different.
lol.
I've been told sometimes I can be a bit sarcastic or snarky.... That whole "spelling" thing is one of my favorites to throw out there.
I will definitely steal that. Made me laugh...
As an alternate: they are pronounced differently.
I like the analogy here.