When going to church?

[Shadowjak's Dancer]

So... I imagine many churches don't readily accept this lifestyle, no? Right, so, when one has 2 or 3 or more wives plus all the children involved, do you still go to church? I mean showing up with that many women and kids has gotta raise some questions.
Also, let's say you find a 2nd/3rd/whatever number wife from your church community, all whose family members know you very well and so on. You marry her, she gets pregnant, and life follows it's natural course. To her family, church, and so on, who know her as a good 'single' Christian woman: whether from your own church or any future church you should choose to attend, what kind of solutions do people here have for the problems which will arrive as she has children over time?

 

[julieb]

It seems to me that if you choose to marry a single lady from any local church then you are deciding not to return to that church. You could I suppose try and talk with the pastor and deacons but I doubt they will risk breaking up their church even if they agreed with you about plural marriage. I have known families who have "church" at home with just them or sometimes inviting friends to join them if they are okay with plural marriage. You could, depending on how big of a town you live in, go to separate churches with each one of your wives, rotating your time at each.

Losing your ability to go to church and fellowship like "noramal" is certainly a cost of polygyny that must be taken into account before entering into it. You can "hide" the relationship for awhile but like you said, once the babies start coming then it becomes a different situation....needing much prayer and discussion.

 

[Taller on my knees]

This seems to be the one issue that every poly family must face when counting the cost of living this life. A certain amount of ostracism is to be expected. Family members usually get over things after some time, friends either get over it, leave because of it or just don't care about it to begin with. We are always able to make more friends.

A Christian however, must deal with having no place to turn for fellowship in the manner to which we are accustomed. Since the church has swallowed the monogamy-only lie for the past seventeen centuries, they are reluctant to see a brother as living a holy lifestyle with two brides. Even if the pastor and elders know the truth, they know that there will be an outcry from the congregation that he is living in sin. They find themselves in a catch 22.

For this reason, most poly families worship in the ways that Julie described. That being said, this is a growing movement. I can see that, in a few years, there will be new churches planted in various areas of the country who let people know up front that polygyny IS a valid form of union and it IS accepted here. Laying this out before the congregation is built to large numbers allows the church to accept poly families without fracturing an existing congregation.

It will take longer for such churches to grow, but grow they will. Your best bet is to first ask the staff here if they are aware of any churches or home groups in your area. If not, I would look to the nearest area with a high population density and start calling churches. If you are blessed with a congregation you can join, stay there and help it to grow.

 

[Shadowjak's Dancer]

I think that the social ostracizing will probably be the worst bit of this whole thing. Especially if say two of the wives' families are close friends who share mutual friendships with others as well as church relationships... I imagine that could cause much drama in social circles extending far beyond the immediate family.
Oh well... I don't think that polygamous families should 'live in the closet'... it would have to be a pretty big closet after all! :lol:

How does the husband fortify his wives and help them to deal with the social drama? ( Especially since women seem to tend to be more social creatures than men in general )

 

[steve]

It seems to me that if you choose to marry a single lady from any local church then you are deciding not to return to that church.

that statement is simply delicious :!:

yes, the focus of intimacy must first be on the Father and with your immediate family, your intimacy with the rest of the body of Yeshua will be catch-as-catch-can. we are a long way from the time that poly-friendly churches will be widely available, which is why the retreats are such an important part of our lives.

 

[julieb]

How does the husband fortify his wives and help them to deal with the social drama? ( Especially since women seem to tend to be more social creatures than men in general )

I would agree this is a difficult task. For me losing my church "life" was devastating. I think the only thing that got me thru was my DH being strong and understanding all at once. I also know that God was gracious to me and sent me friends just at the right times. But God also had to let me be broken and sad because it was important for me to let go of this idol "life" I had clung to for so many years. I had to learn to trust in my Heavenly Father first, not a church or so called friends (who will always let you down eventually). I am "okay" because of who I am in HIm, not where I go to church or who I have fellowship with. Once I let the idol go...He was faithful to provide me with a new "church" or fellowship with those in the plural marriage community.

 

[Tali]

Good word, Jewel.

That process has been going on with us for a long time, and while we never in a kazillion years would have thought of being part of an online church, we are so glad for Bib Fam.

Love to the Bender Brood,
ali

 

[Paul not the apostle]

Even if the pastor and elders know the truth, they know that there will be an outcry from the congregation that he is living in sin. They find themselves in a catch 22.

Nothing new, to be sure.

Joh 12:42 Nevertheless among the chief rulers also many believed on him; but because of the Pharisees they did not confess him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue:
Joh 12:43 For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.

I find this type of situation to be worse than those that simply deny the truth, can't see it, or actually THINK they are right. To know God, and deny Him shows a complete lack of faith in Him, His Word, and is no different than Peter denying Him three times. They would be saying that they don't think God will sustain them if they lost their job, He won't provide, or He can't do all things.

I would rather suffer in this world by standing spiritually with him, than to suffer in the spiritual world forever because I chose the comfort and security of men in this lifetime. Funny thing is that most of the time when you stand for him, he blesses you past what you could even HOPE or imagine or even dare to ask him for in your boldest hour.

 

[Shadowjak's Dancer]

Although PM may not be for everyone... I think that for those to whom it really is important it is wrong for the Church to ostracize them. It is truly sad that so many in the Christian world will hold so strongly to a generally accepted position, regardless of the Scriptural validity of that position. I think that this illustrates a very unfortunate reality of the state of the Church and Christians on the whole. Should society and prevailing culture dictate our interpretation of Scripture? Or should we rather conform ourselves to the words of the Almighty, regardless of what the popular culture of the month says about it?
Through the various reforms of the Christian/Believing world, many things which were previously held to be unacceptable are now fully accepted and due to the unwavering dedication of those pioneers of faith which led to those reforms, many of those previously rejected things are not only merely accepted, but fiercely defended as an integral part of Christianity.
Perhaps this movement which we all seem to be a part of is the next wave of reform that, though it may seem inconceivable right now, will one day be accepted as an indispensable part of mainstream Christianity.

 

[Doc]

I would recommend that husbands as the the high priests of their homes set up a regular time of worship and study from the Word involving the whole family. This could eventually turn into a weekly home group involving others as you become comfortable with that step.

Blessings

Doc

 

[CecilW]

... This could eventually turn into a weekly home group involving others as you become comfortable with that step.

Oddly enough, yesterday I heard a teaching that observed that throughout the NT, Paul talks about churches as being either a home church ("... the church that is in thy house"), or the churches of a region ("... the churches in asia").

Maybe that is the pattern that we all oughta be following.

 

[Froggie]

I would recommend that husbands as the the high priests of their homes set up a regular time of worship and study from the Word involving the whole family. This could eventually turn into a weekly home group involving others as you become comfortable with that step.

Blessings

Doc

This is also a great solution for families/couples that must work on weekends and holidays, or who work odd shifts, which would prevent them from attending church at "traditional" times/days of the week.

 

[Doc]

I agree that treating those that practice Biblical plural marriage as fodder is wrong, but I don't see that attitude changing anytime soon. That means that we have to deal with the reality of the situation, that we are not welcome. The question then becomes, how do we respond?

We respond by seeking out our own channels of fellowship, such as the one you are using now. You can also use retreats, get-togethers, overnighters, etc with other like minded believers to establish those ESSENTIAL fellowship connections.

You may also want to consider starting a group in your home. It doesn't have to be fancy....just sing some songs, pray, read some scripture, talk about it, pray more, and sing more. That's a pretty good formula. Throw in some food either before or after (or both), and you have church LOL.

Blessings

Doc