I see people advocating and supporting patriarchy on here often, i'd appreciate some clarification on what it means exactly both in a marriage and in society. When I see the word I often have a negative connotation to it, similar to how I feel about feminism. I'd like to learn more about what it really means both personally and biblically to others?
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What is your personal definition of patriarchy in a marriage and in society?
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Honestly your question will open the door to a wide range of answers. Some of them you may not like too much. So brace yourself.
Biblical patriarchy is nothing like what you see in the world today. A man of God, will love, protect and provide for his family. It wont be love, protect and provide the way it is in the world. He isn't going to sugar coat things to spare your feelings. He is the head and although he might listen to your views and feelings ultimately he has the final say. He will be held responsible to God for what he allowed. A woman isn't going to sugar him up and talk him into doing her bidding. The wife/s may need to work or contribute to the well being of the family as well. Each husband will have an idea of what that looks like. Each families situation is different. I won't go to much further into explaining patriarchy. Someone else will do a much better at explaining.. However....
I would encourage you to learn to be a Proverbs 31 kind of woman focus on developing yourself and becoming a Godly woman. Adonai will bring the right man into your life. Don't build your life around becoming what a specific person wants. Untill marriage you are either under your father's authority or Adonai authority. Once you are married you are under your husband's. Remember marriage is a huge step and a life long commitment! You do not have to accept a proposal for marriage if what he has to offer doesn't line up with what Adonai is leading you to. If you do accept it then you better be prepared to accept his authority over your life and body! So choose wisely!
That's ok lol I just realized that when I hear the word patriarchy I think negatively of it just as I do when I hear the word feminism however when someone tells me they're a feminist, I ask them "what beliefs do you hold that make you consider yourself a feminist?" Some of their answers are not bad, some have valid points/ideas but I would have missed those if I wasn't open to listening to them and simply dismissed them based on the word feminist. I sort of wanted to do the same for patriarchy since it's mentioned here often. I don't feel i've been fair in my thoughts about it.
Thank you, i'll definitely use this advice in the future when i'm looking more seriously for marriage but as of right now I do not want a male leadership household, it's not for me, i'm not ready for it. I'm focusing more on myself and why I feel that way. I was just hoping to see it from a different perspective and open my mind a little more even if it's not my personal preference at the moment.
It means to me that the family has a single leader, the husband - it is not a democracy.
That has all sorts of implications, but as one application of it, consider major decisionmaking. Each matter will involve considerable discussion, but there will never be an irreconcilable disagreement because there is one individual with the final say. Whether the husband and wife / wives agree or disagree, they will still be able to quickly reach a single clear decision, and then move on. This is a recipe for order and harmony.
For me patriarchy means that a husband and a father represent God in a metaphorical sense in his home. My character should reflect God’s, my priorities should as well.
The most important part of this equation then is that I accurately reflect how acid interacts with us. My wife and children will to a great extent interact with God they way they interact with me.
I can literally blaspheme God through how I interact with my family. And worse, I can lead my family to blaspheme God if I incorrectly represent Him to them.
The most important part of this equation then is that I accurately reflect how acid interacts with us. My wife and children will to a great extent interact with God they way they interact with me.
I can literally blaspheme God through how I interact with my family. And worse, I can lead my family to blaspheme God if I incorrectly represent Him to them.
The world and media really influence people by how they use words.
I remember back when the Oklahoma City bombing happened (about 1995) realizing "they" were creating an idea in the public mind that "militia" men were crazy radical
terrorists that might blow up their loved ones with fertilizer bombs. .....yet in early America militia meant every able bodied man willing to bear arms in defence of his family and country. The men in our family are the early kind of militia.....yet if I used that term, people who have let popular media use color that word in their minds would likely think and feel very inaccurate things about my men folk.
Patriarchy has in like manner been vilified in the minds of the masses.
It works better for the evil and unscrupulous power hungry people behind the polishittans, to have the sheep following their wolves in public office. The power and influence God intended for husbands and fathers to exercise within the bounds He established has been given away by foolish men that created their own false authority....that now enslaves them. This too will pass.
Succinctly stated. How the details of communication get worked out can be interesting, but this intent, coupled with trying to do things right is why we are still together.....including my dear husband (thankfully) exercising his veto powers once about 20 years ago.
God's law and submitting to His authority is really the best way to ever do life. The blessings are found there.
I found this in my fb feed.....and it was encouraging to me.
You said in a different reply that when you hear patriarchy that you immediately feel negatively towards it. It seems as if this causes you to shut down consideration of points that might be made in favor of patriarchy as well as simply distort your ability to view the actions of men who believe in patriarchy through a clear lense. Seemingly an emotional reaction and I would guess that it is based on the constant tautological drum beat against men and manhood generally speaking. I and lots of others simply see it as a cultural manipulation and a power grab/hustle/control mechanism. Not saying you are brainwashed or anything of that nature, we have chatted a fair amount and you seem pretty sane. I am painting with a broad brush as it were.
So, while I will answer your initial question, I would ask for your own image of what patriarchy means to you, even if it is quite negative.
I see patriarchy through a fist full of overlapping lenses. I see it in the most literal sense in that it is to be a father. It is being the teacher and protector of your children. I see it as a husband who works for the success of his family and attempts to provide the best and safest circumstances for his wife and children possible. I see the protector who will place himself between danger and his loved ones using his own life as a shield for theirs if the needs be. I see a leader who is willing to be the one responsible and ready to shoulder the burden of blame if things go poorly as bad decisions are made. I see a good leader spreading all credit where credit is due and seeking the advice, knowledge and wisdom of his wives so as to enable him to come to the best decisions for the family.
There is likely way more but that is my thumbnail sketch.
And now @LovesDogs how do you define patriarchy?
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Many of the answers focus on patriarchy in the marriage. To me that is the correct response even though you asked about society as well.
One of the reasons the Jews rejected the Gospel was because the Messiah did not establish an earthly kingdom as they expected. I don't think we are called to establish a theocratic state where all citizens must obey christian beliefs at the end of a gun. Jesus wants to be chosen, not forced upon people.
With that in mind, I don't think a patriarchal society is necessarily a christian goal. The goal is to conduct our homes and congregations the way God designed. The more Christianity grows, the more the society will look patriarchal simply because more people will be living as God designed. In my blog post on gender roles, I used the example of a wife voting differently from her husband as an example of sinful rebellion. I am not claiming women should not be allowed to vote, I am claiming her vote should double the voting power of her husband. In doing so, she is an asset to her husband's mission, not a hindrance.
Earthly patriarchy usually describes a tyranny where women are subjugated by force in some way. Biblical Patriarchy is the Husband/Father leading the family as a reflection of Christ and a wife/daughter willingly submitting to her husband/father. It also includes following the biblical structure of the local congregation with men as elders.
Read the following guidelines for gender roles and ask yourself if biblical patriarchy is deserving of the negative emotions that are linked to it?
Biblical guidelines for how men should act:
One of the reasons the Jews rejected the Gospel was because the Messiah did not establish an earthly kingdom as they expected. I don't think we are called to establish a theocratic state where all citizens must obey christian beliefs at the end of a gun. Jesus wants to be chosen, not forced upon people.
With that in mind, I don't think a patriarchal society is necessarily a christian goal. The goal is to conduct our homes and congregations the way God designed. The more Christianity grows, the more the society will look patriarchal simply because more people will be living as God designed. In my blog post on gender roles, I used the example of a wife voting differently from her husband as an example of sinful rebellion. I am not claiming women should not be allowed to vote, I am claiming her vote should double the voting power of her husband. In doing so, she is an asset to her husband's mission, not a hindrance.
Earthly patriarchy usually describes a tyranny where women are subjugated by force in some way. Biblical Patriarchy is the Husband/Father leading the family as a reflection of Christ and a wife/daughter willingly submitting to her husband/father. It also includes following the biblical structure of the local congregation with men as elders.
Read the following guidelines for gender roles and ask yourself if biblical patriarchy is deserving of the negative emotions that are linked to it?
Biblical guidelines for how men should act:
- Love your wife as Christ loves the church
- Be sober-minded,
- Be dignified,
- Be self-controlled,
- Be sound in faith,
- Be sound in love,
- Be sound in steadfastness
- Be a model of good works,
- In your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech
- Live with your wife in an understanding way
- Show your wife honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life
- Do not be embittered against your wife
- Do not provoke your children
- Bring children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord
- Embrace your purpose as a helper to your husband
- Have children
- Revere your husband the way the church reveres Christ
- Submit to your husband’s rule. If unmarried, submit to your father’s rule.
- Have a gentle and quiet spirit
- Be silent in church and receive instruction with submissiveness
- Teach younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands
- Don’t gossip
- The home should be your priority. A husband may need you to work outside the home, but the goal should be the wife care for the children and the home.
Exactly. The roles and expectations for the men come before the roles and expectations for the women. They have to be this way for the women to be able to depend upon their men.
And to be clear here I am not saying that women should not submit to their husbands but that if a man falls way short and he expects your submission anyway then don't marry him.