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What is appropriate?

Andres&Christie

Andres&Christie

New Member
Real Person
Didn't really know where the right place to put this would be, so I hope here is okay. I am also unsure if these questions have been asked elsewhere so I apologize for any redundancy.

I have put a considerable amount of thought into this and wanted to see what others think and what would generally be considered as biblically acceptable.
I am an affectionate person by nature both with my words and physically...it is how I best express my love for others. I still kiss my older sister on the lips and even hold her hand in public (some people have thought we were lesbos), and I am physically affectionate from time to time with my closest friends (hugging them frequently, kissing on the cheek on occasion and holding hands/snuggling in times of need), for me this is very normal and not sexual behavior. As I fully hope and expect to love my sisterwife, and will probably be closer to her than anyone in the world other than my husband I would like to express that love the best why I know how. I do not desire a sexual relationship with her, but was wondering if physical affection (hugging, cuddling and hand holding) would be considered appropriate? How does everyone else feel about it? and if you are in a PM is this a normal practice?
 
Have no problem with it.

Some folks do. Their business. Sad for 'em.

Common enough in the successful PMs I have observed.

"Normal"? I think that is nothing more than the setting on a dryer. If is normal for you, then let it be normal proudly.

I am of the opinion that the world gets better in direct proportion to the amount of hugs (especially) and non-sexual physical affection people receive and give on a daily basis. You may have noticed a LOT of it at retreat. :)

So hug on! :D
 
It is only inappropriate if it is unwanted. Don't enter into this with such expectations, you don't know what type of person she may be, she may not be a physically affectionate person at all, doesn't mean she won't be a friend to you but perhaps not the kind you imagine.

I don't tend to be very touchy feely myself and would be very uncomfortable with that myself as I am sure a fair few women are.

B
 
Definitely not an expectation...and of course it would depend on her personality and our relationship. Just more curious about biblically if it is okay =)
 
Biblically speaking...

The disciple John, "The Beloved," had his head on Jesus' breast at the Last Supper... Not really "normal" for men in our current culture, but apparently the Lord didn't have any issue with it.

Humorously speaking... my sister wife and I are pretty affectionate, and even call each other "Sweetie" and "Honey." We hug, kiss on the cheek, stroke each other's hair, hold hands and snuggle on the couch. One evening the two older girls called me into their room for a private chat... they were concerned that their moms were now lesbians because we are so "sweet" to each other. :o :lol: :lol: :lol: We got quite a kick out of that, but we have not stopped being so affectionate to each other. Rather, we just assured the kids we haven't turned into lesbians. ;)
 
Isabella said:
It is only inappropriate if it is unwanted.
Click to expand...

I agree...that should be the only guideline. I have been in a variety of differing culture and families groups, and the differences in approach are wide.

Blessings

Doc
 
I also agree that as long as it is not "sexual" in nature and is not unwanted, then why not? I, too, am very affectionate by nature. My best friend and I cuddle up in bed or on the couch and watch movies all the time and hold hands in public, as well as kiss each other on the cheek when saying bye. I don't see anything wrong with it, and would hope I was that close with my sister wife. Of course, everyone expresses love in different ways. Some people aren't so "touchy-feely" (couldn't think of another term..lol), so it would really depend on how they feel about those things.
 
I agree that it's fine. As long as the other person is cool with it then you're all go :) . Sometimes the way we behave now seems weird to society because society has changed. Now, most women walking down the street holding hands are probably gay. And kids are taught that so they wouldn't hold hands with their friends because it looks like they're gay and so it continues. I'm sure it would have been far more common for friends to hold hands and hug etc 100 years ago and no-one would have looked twice. What's biblically ok hasnt changed, just society's perceptions. So polygyny being ok hasn't changed, just society's perception on if it's ok. Anyway, I'm rambling lol. Just be who you are, I'm sure she'll love you for it :D
 
Glad to here that many of you are physically affectionate in a similar manner, and are or would like to be with your sisterwife. Glad I'm not a weirdo!
 
As we traveled around the United States working with various churches, we noted that every place was different. Even inside the local church many had their own ways of showing affection. Don't be ashamed to be who you are, so long as the person receiving the affection is comfortable with it.

San Diego- Spanish speaking church we worked with all hugged one another, but no kissing of any sort was noted except the men all kissed and escorted the widows to her seat. She was revered as a woman of grace and love and it was not strange to see her being hugged by everyone in the place. One brother did give me a "holy kiss" one time for a joke, but generally it was not their custom.

Miami- Folks of some cultural traditions kissed the men, women, kids, everyone. In the homes it was generally the custom that the hosts would give up their bedroom and sleep on the floor or couch if necessary so that the visitors would be well taken care of. This is humbling to accept, but shows how much the Lord's people understand that it is better to take the low place and to consider others more important than ourselves.

Kentucky- No kissing allowed! Side hugs only!

Maine- A firm handshake from men and ladies, hugs only between the ladies. Anything else would be frowned upon and considered perversion.

This is just a small sample of what we have seen in the specific churches in which we have fellowship. Would be curious to hear from Doc how things are handled in Korea and those of you in other countries too. Of course, this is also just in the context of church fellowship. In the home, I would expect greater affection even though in our home there was no "I love you", hugging, etc. except from my mother. I still hug my mommy when I see her, maybe kiss the top of her head (I am 6'5" after all) and tell her I love her often. My kids and my wife are all huggers, cheek kissers, etc. but that does not make other options wrong, just the way we do things.

Now that I have blabbered on forever, I shall shut me up. :lol:
 
Dunno 'bout now. In Korea in he late 70s, men and women bowed respectfully to each other. Shook hands if one was a westerner.

However, between close friends of the same sex? Not at all unusual to see 2 guys or 2 girls walking down the street holding hands. But a boy and girl? Don't remember ever doing so.

To the contrary, being 18 yrs old and not adequately understanding local customs, I went for a jog without even a tank top on, and in doing so caused vehicular accidents.

Georgia church folks give good hugs IF they know ya and don't suspect you of harboring PM friendly thoughts...
 
As a teen I went to France. Acceptable greeting is 3 kisses - right cheek, left cheek, right cheek. Being English we really did not kiss anyone hello and certianly were not "in" on the rules. Not knowing the rules it took a a few tries before I figured out that the limit is three. Two is rude and going for more than three makes you weird.

I grew up, left the UK and moved to USA. Went back to UK for a visit and they had all turned into "hello kissers" during my absence!

I guess I am a "go-with-the-flow" person - whatever works and makes everyone comfortable.
 
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