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What even would you do with another wife?

Slumberfreeze

Slumberfreeze

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
That's what I'm thinking about right now. I understand and believe that a wife is supposed to help her man with the ministry that he's already doing, or aid him with the vision that he already has.

I've internalized that poly isn't a 'goal' to aspire to, but I have a hard time even seeing that it's an effective means to any other specific end. Adding another human being to the team is madness! A car will run if you keep it maintained, but what will a woman do? You don't really know. SHE doesn't really know.

I suppose a good general goal is 'vaguely advancing the cause of biblical patriarchy by living it'. Which I can do. I'm already doing that. But I'm blessed to have a wife who has a heart for the same type of ministry I do. Is it even worth considering bringing in another woman and potentially jeopardizing my current ministry for the opportunity to have two fingers in the eye of feminism?

I don't know that I need an answer to this. I'm mostly rambling. Maybe I should have put this in off topic.
 
P & S feels like the right forum to me....

When you say your wife has a heart for the same type of ministry you do, what type of ministry is that?
 
Slumberfreeze said:
That's what I'm thinking about right now. I understand and believe that a wife is supposed to help her man with the ministry that he's already doing, or aid him with the vision that he already has.

I've internalized that poly isn't a 'goal' to aspire to, but I have a hard time even seeing that it's an effective means to any other specific end. Adding another human being to the team is madness! A car will run if you keep it maintained, but what will a woman do? You don't really know. SHE doesn't really know.

I suppose a good general goal is 'vaguely advancing the cause of biblical patriarchy by living it'. Which I can do. I'm already doing that. But I'm blessed to have a wife who has a heart for the same type of ministry I do. Is it even worth considering bringing in another woman and potentially jeopardizing my current ministry for the opportunity to have two fingers in the eye of feminism?

I don't know that I need an answer to this. I'm mostly rambling. Maybe I should have put this in off topic.
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You're only asking what most of us have already asked, or should have asked. If someone doesn't ask these questions, they aren't fit to participate. Just my opinion.
 
Well I guess it's kind of generic... but helping poor people, trying to get them out of debt. Stuff like that. And basically I pick up other jobs if there's something I think I can handle like counselling or deliverance or something. Or the odd gospel sharing project if I think there's an opportunity. Which all these things my wife is at least a supporting role and we're on the same page about it, so it isn't unusual for money that we hadn't planned on giving to disappear because my wife ran into someone that was hurting or for me to suddenly schedule an hour every wednesday to confuse some missionaries. So I guess what I'm saying is we're 'in tune' and I'm pondering the effect of adding another human person whose leanings are potentially completely alien to the dynamic I'm used to.
 
Slumberfreeze said:
Well I guess it's kind of generic... but helping poor people, trying to get them out of deby. Stuff like that. And basically I pick up other jobs if there's something I think I can handle like counselling or deliverance or something. Or the odd gospel sharing project if I think there's an opportunity. Which all these things my wife is at least a supporting role and we're on the same page about it, so it isn't unusual for money that we hadn't planned on giving to disappear because my wife ran into someone that was hurting or for me to suddenly schedule an hour every wednesday to confuse some missionaries. So I guess what I'm saying is we're 'in tune' and I'm pondering the effect of adding another human person whose leanings are potentially completely alien to the dynamic I'm used to.
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You're in a good groove and you don't want to break the wheels by jumping out of it. Totally get where you're coming from.
 
My wife and I have very similar conversations.

It’s very difficult sometimes to foresee the Spirits plan beyond what he reveals in the moment. It’s very easy to see that a ministry that we’ve invested much in could decide that it can do without the crazy poly people, and then it would feel like our belief in poly has hindered our involvement in the work of God. That believing in all the forms a Biblical family can take could somehow cripple our testimony and influence for Christ.

However, I’ve come to realize that He may be preparing us to minister in an entirely different format of ministry. An outside the (brick and mortar) box of Christian ministry. The ministry of teaching a skeptical, unbelieving culture (or individuals within it) the benefits of doing family God’s way. The acceptance and teaching of polygyny, I view as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block for those who see that traditional monogamy/matriarchy has failed and are looking for answers to these dilema’s. If ever the fields were white unto harvest, I think that the season is upon us. Whether the season is one of watering and weeding, or perhaps we get in on the harvesting, I’m kind of cautiously excited to be a part of this arena of ministering to homes and families.
 
Thanks @Verifyveritas76. I agree totally. At some point, Christians will have to wake up and see that the system is broke and what we've been fed is a bill of bull.

When they come to their senses, strong, patriarchal, biblical marriages (polygynous and monogamous) will be there to show them a better way.

That's how I dream it up at least.
 
Slumberfreeze said:
I'm pondering the effect of adding another human person whose leanings are potentially completely alien to the dynamic I'm used to.
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Well, don't do that! :p

False dichotomy, basically. There are a lot of ways another woman could fit right in and be a true friend to your wife as well as a helper meet for your needs. When you start considering someone "completely alien" to the culture of your home, that's where you cross the line into "doing polygamy for polygamy's sake" (better grab the 16# sledge so you can smack that round peg into that square hole...).

Cheryl, Ginny, and Ann have a sort of kaleidoscopic set of relationships. Each one-on-one relationship has some strong common ground and some "growth potential" differences. And there are some things all three have in common. And some things none of them agree on. But they all love me and believe that God led them to serve me and my house, so they have that in common. And that's enough.
 
First of all, I think one should be called to this, so if you are not being called to this, you really should not do it.

For me I think of a wife as a great blessing, just like children are a great blessing. More than just they are cute and fun to have around, but a blessing in the sense that the force you to grow and mature in ways that you would not if you did not have them. And if you have done a good job with children as they get older they can really be a direct blessing to your own ministry and then they even start to have a ministry of their own and your family become a light to the community. I always wanted as many children as the good Lord would bless me with.

Likewise, a wife is also a great blessing. She will make you mature and grow as a person and as a Christian. And certainly she can contribute to your ministry, especially if you view your family as your primary ministry. Likewise a second, or more wives can also be a great compliment and blessing from the Lord.

There is a part of me that says, I am 55. My kids will probably only be home another couple of years. Do I really want to mess with it (polygamy)? But I also know that basically that is the selfish part of me speaking. The part of me that wants to spend hours playing video games or watching TV and get fat and then rot and die. There is no honor or glory in playing it safe and doing less. Nor in staying under the radar, laying low, or hoping no one will bother you and interfere with your comfort. I just do not think that is what I am called to do with this precious gift of life that I have been given.

There is more to life than simply avoiding the rocks and the shoals. We are supposed to sail out and do things. Try things. Do hard things. Make a difference if we can. Not in a humanistic way that we are going to personally save the world, but more like doing things, and trying things would be more pleasing to the Lord.

It is not different than how you think of your own kids. Do you want them to sit around and watch TV or play video games all day long in selfish indulgement, or do you want them to get out and do something, anything?

(Cue Lee Ann Womack: I Hope You Dance)

 
cnystrom said:
There is a part of me that says, I am 55. My kids will probably only be home another couple of years. Do I really want to mess with it (polygamy)? But I also know that basically that is the selfish part of me speaking. The part of me that wants to spend hours playing video games or watching TV and get fat and then rot and die. There is no honor or glory in playing it safe and doing less. Nor in staying under the radar, laying low, or hoping no one will bother you and interfear with your comfort. I just do not think that is what I am called to do with this precious gift of life that I have been given.
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Bro..you had me loling reading that! Haha very well put. But honestly i respect the heck out of that, and even though I'm only 28, my general feelings towards all of this are definitely leaning to that dame ultimate conclusion...that to not answer a calling to this (if one were to come) sinply to avoid controversy or play it safe would sinply be the wrong move.

But I do have mixed feelings still at times, admittedly, when considering adding a wife (obviously assuming my own wife eventually comes to embrace that as a possible reality...and we get our finances in order). I am very blessed right now. I love my growing family of four as it is. We are very content and wnjoying what God has graciously given us. My wife and I haven't even been married 3 years yet and we have two kids. It's a nice feeling to come home to peace. To know that home is the safe haven from all the chaos of the world. Where I am one woth my wife and in agreement. Where she respects me.

It is very tempting to submit to the fear of messing that up as the reason for cessing to even consider this as a viable option to aspire to one day. It's hard to discern at times whether that is God saying "don't screw up what I have blessed you with" ot the enemy saying "don't embrace what God has equipped you to be even further blessed with". The thought of ruining my family dynamic or destroying my family by maming an unwise decision is definitely sobering as exciting as this revelation is (and as fun as it is to talk about it).

ultimately i usually end up concluding that such fear is partially from God, partislly from the enemy. It is only rational to fear climbing into what really amounts to a dark hole--the unknown. There could snakes down there, or there could be treausure. Only the light of day will reveal that in due time.

But as long as that God-given rational fear dictates drives your decision to climb into the hole or not, as well as *how* you climb in (cautiously va. Jumping), i think you can avoid being handicapped by the fear of the enemy that tries to creep in and blend.

Essentially, Godly, rational fear inspires prayer, investigation, and caution. UnGodly fear inspires cowardice, indecision, and a lack of trust in the Lord's guidance.
 
cnystrom said:
Likewise, a wife is also a great blessing. She will make you mature and grow as a person and as a Christian. And certainly she can contribute to your ministry, especially if you view your family as your primary ministry.
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I might miss the point here due to the language barrier, but what do you guys exactly define as a ministry? Or even a calling in life?
In my understanding that a ministry would be something a missionary would do, but now I get the feeling that you mean something else... And, well, if I was asked about my calling, then I would answer something like “leading the church in worship” as I used to play in the worship band for years (now I am not able due to health issues). Nothing directly related to my family or whatsoever.

So, sorry to ask dumb questions, but can just someone explain?
 
Man@Home said:
I might miss the point here due to the language barrier, but what do you guys exactly define as a ministry? Or even a calling in life?
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While some may define 'calling' much more narrowly, the word 'vocation' stems from the same Latin root word as 'vocal' : voca.

The point, whatever God leads you to as a passion, whether teaching, welding or driving a dump truck, if He gave it to you, it is your 'calling' or vocation. Maybe that second lady is to help in that job or vision arena?...
 
@Man@Home it may be cultural more than language. Think of it like a Minister of Defence, or Foreign Minister in a government. These Ministers serve as the appointed representative of the Prime Minister to conduct official business of the established government. Jesus is our Prime Minister and he appoints us to conduct specific "ministry" tasks within his kingdom. As husbands, @cnystrom is promoting the idea that our primary ministry is to serve as head of household and raise disciples. I tend to agree with him.

Btw- a missionary might be considered a minister and ambassador? What think Ye?
 
cnystrom said:
First of all, I think one should be called to this, so if you are not being called to this, you really should not do it.

For me I think of a wife as a great blessing, just like children are a great blessing. More than just they are cute and fun to have around, but a blessing in the sense that the force you to grow and mature in ways that you would not if you did not have them. And if you have done a good job with children as they get older they can really be a direct blessing to your own ministry and then they even start to have a ministry of their own and your family become a light to the community. I always wanted as many children as the good Lord would bless me with.

Likewise, a wife is also a great blessing. She will make you mature and grow as a person and as a Christian. And certainly she can contribute to your ministry, especially if you view your family as your primary ministry. Likewise a second, or more wives can also be a great compliment and blessing from the Lord.

There is a part of me that says, I am 55. My kids will probably only be home another couple of years. Do I really want to mess with it (polygamy)? But I also know that basically that is the selfish part of me speaking. The part of me that wants to spend hours playing video games or watching TV and get fat and then rot and die. There is no honor or glory in playing it safe and doing less. Nor in staying under the radar, laying low, or hoping no one will bother you and interfere with your comfort. I just do not think that is what I am called to do with this precious gift of life that I have been given.

There is more to life than simply avoiding the rocks and the shoals. We are supposed to sail out and do things. Try things. Do hard things. Make a difference if we can. Not in a humanistic way that we are going to personally save the world, but more like doing things, and trying things would be more pleasing to the Lord.

It is not different than how you think of your own kids. Do you want them to sit around and watch TV or play video games all day long in selfish indulgement, or do you want them to get out and do something, anything?

(Cue Lee Ann Womack: I Hope You Dance)

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Dang, Brother Chris, you are on a roll!
 
andrew said:
Well, don't do that! :p

False dichotomy, basically. There are a lot of ways another woman could fit right in and be a true friend to your wife as well as a helper meet for your needs. When you start considering someone "completely alien" to the culture of your home, that's where you cross the line into "doing polygamy for polygamy's sake" (better grab the 16# sledge so you can smack that round peg into that square hole...).

Cheryl, Ginny, and Ann have a sort of kaleidoscopic set of relationships. Each one-on-one relationship has some strong common ground and some "growth potential" differences. And there are some things all three have in common. And some things none of them agree on. But they all love me and believe that God led them to serve me and my house, so they have that in common. And that's enough.
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Chapter three, opening paragraph......
 
Calling - What you have been called to do. Where have you heard the voice of the Good Shepherd directing your path and your understanding of your purpose?

Minister = servant. Ministry = service. Minister technically means lesser, while magister means greater; they come from minor and magnus, respectively. The best understanding of minister would probably be 'subordinate'--the emphasis is on the idea that however much power that person has, it is because they are the subordinate or delegate of a greater power.

It gets jumbled. If you have a specific calling, that's almost certainly going to be your primary area of service, or 'ministry'. If you haven't heard a specific calling (and different people have different ways of answering that question), then you serve where you can or where you are needed.

So my 'ministry' might be teaching a children's Sunday school class simply because they needed a teacher and the coordinator asked me to do it. Or I might volunteer to help mow the church lawn, or I might be an ordained pastor. It's all just service to the body, or ministry. And of course leading our families is one of the most important ministries we have.

Most of us 'minister' in several areas, but a 'calling' is generally more focused, even unique.

More confusion: Some denominations' jargon includes the slogan of being 'called' to the 'ministry', as if "the" ministry is preaching (and only preaching), and any young guy (or gal these days) who wants to go to seminary is ipso facto 'called' to it. Not so.
 
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